Author Topic: Please don’t cum on the library books  (Read 9247 times)

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Offline The Illusive Man

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Please don’t cum on the library books
« on: December 09, 2012, 02:56:18 pm »
OH NOES people fucking in a library, everybody panic the news article. Meanwhile at Berkeley College…

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In response to the spring 2012 “Sex on campus: actually doable?” column, yes — having sex on campus is actually very doable, and it’s lots of fun. It’s also surprisingly easy.

That particular column brought up concerns about not getting to “finish” when doing it in a public place. Maybe I’m just not ambitious enough to have goal-oriented sex, but sex isn’t always about cumming and having orgasms. Sometimes it’s for shits and giggles. Having expectations and goals can ruin the fun of it. Besides, it’s probably not a good idea to ejaculate in public places — just saying. Keep this in mind should you ever attempt sex on campus.


Sex without orgasms, why?


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We decided that, out of the millions of books in the library, the shelves full of books on religion seemed like the best place to fuck. We moved the adjacent shelves to block our location so that we couldn’t be seen from the rows on either side. I liked having our shelves of choice close to each other so that the setting was nice and cozy.

I lolled.


The only good comment, everyone else is butthurt.
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Please don’t fuck in the library. I work here. My staff works here. I told my staff I’d do what I can to make sure theirs is a safe and happy workplace. Now, in addition to pedophiles, thieves, and people with poor bowel function, I’ve got kids using shitty liberal arts justifications to fuck in the library.

I don’t want to rain on your liberating parade or interfere with your bucket list, but you don’t have to deal with the complaints. I know you would like your sex life to be more exciting, but do you know what is also exciting? Getting to work and thinking, “there won’t be people fucking in the library today” Now that is liberating.

Incidentally, thank you for advising people not to ejaculate in the library. After cleaning up garbage, graffiti, shit that is apparently dropped from 10 feet above the toilet, and a variety of bodily fluids, I hesitate to ask cleaning staff to add ejaculate to that list.



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Offline Rabbit of Caerbannog

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Re: Please don’t cum on the library books
« Reply #1 on: December 09, 2012, 03:06:32 pm »
wat

Offline Dakota Bob

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Re: Please don’t cum on the library books
« Reply #2 on: December 09, 2012, 03:43:01 pm »
You're not allowed to cum on library books? somebody should have told me earlier.

Offline Normandy

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Re: Please don’t cum on the library books
« Reply #3 on: December 09, 2012, 03:56:46 pm »
Well that's a disappointment.  What am I supposed to do now when I'm turned on by an awesome book?  :P

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Re: Please don’t cum on the library books
« Reply #5 on: December 09, 2012, 04:18:59 pm »
The real reason you shouldn't fuck in the library is that someone may very well yell "No Fucking in the Library" at you while you're in mid hump. Funny as shit to watch happen, probably less so to the accused.

Offline Auggziliary

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Re: Please don’t cum on the library books
« Reply #6 on: December 09, 2012, 05:41:00 pm »
Also if you like to moan, the librarians will shush you so much that it's not worth it.
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Offline Captain Jack Harkness

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Re: Please don’t cum on the library books
« Reply #9 on: December 09, 2012, 09:48:47 pm »
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Now, in addition to pedophiles, thieves, and people with poor bowel function, I’ve got kids using shitty liberal arts justifications to fuck in the library.

I beg your pardon?  Since when are there people being openly pedophilic in libraries?  I mean, what the fuck are they doing to be seen as pedophiles?  That's a pretty goddamn heavy accusation.

If I were to take a guess, I would assume that the person working thinks that anyone who like cartoons like Phineas and Ferb or MLP or what the fuck ever is a pedophile.  I kinda hope I'm wrong, but that would make sense, seeing as how that kind of sentiment seems to be way too common.  Of course, if I were wrong, that would raise the original questions again.

Maybe gay people in the library?  That's another thing that people like to slap the "pedophile" label on, regardless of whether a gay person is pedophilic or not.
« Last Edit: December 09, 2012, 09:55:32 pm by B-Man »
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Offline syaoranvee

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Re: Please don’t cum on the library books
« Reply #10 on: December 09, 2012, 10:45:09 pm »
Every library still around in my area is right next to an elementary school including that I went to.  It became a hotspot for kids who's parents didn't feel like paying for afterschool care(Although I decided myself to go there because I could play Runescape.) 

I remember there being times of kids being asked to get in cars of supposed "relatives" they have never met before although fairly rare.

Offline largeham

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Re: Please don’t cum on the library books
« Reply #11 on: December 09, 2012, 10:52:26 pm »
Huh, creep and weird. I'll probably end up being paranoid from now on, hoping that any book I pick up won't have cum in it.

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Re: Please don’t cum on the library books
« Reply #12 on: December 10, 2012, 07:57:01 am »
Well that's a disappointment.  What am I supposed to do now when I'm turned on by an awesome book?  :P
Believe me, it's not worth the paper cuts.

Offline DrFishcake

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Re: Please don’t cum on the library books
« Reply #13 on: December 10, 2012, 10:22:04 am »
Well that's a disappointment.  What am I supposed to do now when I'm turned on by an awesome book?  :P
Believe me, it's not worth the paper cuts.

And with that, I am leaving this thread never to return.  :o

Offline niam2023

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Re: Please don’t cum on the library books
« Reply #14 on: December 10, 2012, 09:29:59 pm »
I read the OP's last comment posted in a very funny British accent.

As for my opinion, libraries are very nice fuck locations, namely, because the quiet, reserved atmosphere forms a nice contrast with the sweaty, pleasurable activity commencing in some far off corner.

Lets see...no, I have not fucked someone in a library yet. I will have to rectify that. (heh, rectify)

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