Caution For Any New Agey Parents Considering Telling Their BS to Their Kids

[TheReasonator]

Growing up my mother would often talk about things like enlightenment, about positive thinking, and the power of the Universe.

There was a discussion where she said if you believe positively the Universe would give you positive things but also that you can't fool the Universe.

Increasingly I'd say positive things in my head, nothing came of it, so I assumed it was something subconscious, so I started obsessively trying to figure out what was wrong in my subconscious. I blamed myself for not thinking positively enough but then tried to force myself not to blame myself because that's not a positive thought, and so my thoughts ran in circles. I had many obsessions over the years related to this that did me no good. For a while I tried eliminating desires and attachments(which of course was doomed to failure). I wound up obsessing over confidence seeing that as part of positive thinking, and was almost friendless throughout middle school and most of high school.

I became increasingly depressed, and for a long time felt like I was trying to "get to"(through thought) a new happy, positive state of mind but feared never getting it and being miserable my entire life. Yet over time I've come to realize I was trying to think myself "nowhere". It's hard to explain but I had a mental goal I wanted to achieve that never really was anything.

In retrospect I was depressed because I was thinking all the time just as my mother suggested. Rumination is a hallmark of depression.

My mother also said that "perception" was "reality". This I shrugged off right away saying "no, reality is reality. I can't just decide that for example I'm on the moon and be on the moon." She said it was the "collective consciousness" that kept people from just changing things. I still generally didn't believe this up until things got really bad(later on in the post...)

In college I was trying to catch up in my classes, which I had overscheduled because I had told myself for the 1000th time that this time I was going to just do it and think positively and all my problems would be solved and that the only reason when I had scheduled too much before that I had problems was because I lacked confidence and wasn't thinking positively.

I had already been thinking deeper and deeper about various 'spiritual' things like astrology, thinking that maybe I had to look at signs in the Universe to figure out what it was trying to tell me in order to get to the perfect positive thoughts. Then swamped with papers for classes during finals I took a lot of adderall. But then I thought about how my entire life seemed to be terrible(looking back my life over the past few years at least hasn't been that bad but being caught up in trying to think positively had lead me to notice my negative thoughts so much that's what had stood out when I thought about the past), and at this point I seriously considered what my mom had said about the collective consciousness and perception making reality. I closed the door to my room and convinced myself I was now in a new reality, same sort of room but connected to a world that's completely different. As I walked outside I still saw the same things but 'rationalized' out a completely different reality. Then I thought that I was transitioning between different realities and would forget having ever been in the one I was in given time...

Without going into details I wound up in a psych ward. Although as I realized what I had attempted with my thoughts didn't work I came out with a new perspective that completely rejects this sort of BS. I'm no longer trying to think positively and I feel positive now.

Why do people think these beliefs are so great? So much of what is taught as 'enlightened' is pure crap.

Yet the way these ideas were presented I came to feel like they were needed to be happy which is ridiculous.

And yet my mom continues to say nonsense. She suggested I think of negative thoughts as ghosts recently. Does she want me going back to the psych ward? It seems like the quickest way to go insane would be to categorize one's thoughts as belonging to otherworldly entities. I told her "no" I wasn't going to do that.

How do New Agers get away with claiming they are any different than Christians? At least Christians set aside time for prayer and otherwise don't bother while New Agers think it all comes down to positive thinking so you essentially wind up praying all the time. In both cases the person is asking God/the Universe for what they want in their imagination while in reality completely wasting their time.

I feel like my mom is a big hypocrite. She talks about how she left Christianity because she disagreed with the shame taught, but then her own belief system when I adopted it lead me to a great deal of shame over not being able to fully make my thoughts positive. Why couldn't she have just accepted reality as it is instead of switching from one piece of woo to another? Why couldn't my mother just be an atheist like my father and why couldn't be father have pulled me aside to explain away my mother's woo?

[The Right Honourable Mlle Antéchrist]

My friend's mother buys into this same crap. Having a conversation with her is next to impossible.

Glad to hear that you're in a much better state of mind now. Obsessing over positive thinking isn't any healthier than an obsession with the negative.

[rageaholic]

Sounds like that "secret" bullshit that Oprah promoted years back.  I feel the same way about that as I do with any other belief system which takes over someones life, claiming to the be "only way".  It may work for some people, but when it doesn't work for you, it's time to give it up.  Sadly, fundies of any belief cannot accept that and assume that if it doesn't work, it's the fault of the person.  And that's when the beliefs become poison. 

[Witchyjoshy]

Any kind of fundamentalism, especially the new age tripe, is harmful.

Positive thinking does damn near nothing.  And as you said, it severely depressed you.

Sadly, this bullshit is damn near prevalent, even if it's on a softer level.  "ALWAYS SMILE"

[Nightangel8212]

Meh, your mother and I have a different philosophy. Positive thinking is fine, don't get me wrong, but in my own view Paganism is about creating a balance in your life. If all you're thinking is positive, that kinda kills the idea of balance. To try to be 100 % one or the other is not healthy, and I despise those that preach it. To deny the negativity is to deny your own humanity, because no human is entirely good or bad. All positive thinking goes against our nature.

I'm sorry that your experience was so horrible. *HUGS*

[Auri-El]

I agree with Nightangel. *hugs* I'm sorry you went through that.

[Osama bin Bambi]

My dad is an ex-Catholic turned New Ager, but he's not really the lovey-dovey type so I don't think he's that similar to your mom.

My uncle's girlfriend, on the other hand... DAMN. The thing is, I have anxiety issues and I quickly get overwhelmed in loud or crowded places. So when I was at a family reunion party (I'm the black sheep of the family, the only quiet person there), I stuck it out for a few minutes before going to a quieter area of the house to recuperate. Without asking, the girlfriend follows me and sits in the chair next to mine, despite all my body language displays being set to "Fuck off, can't you see I'm minding my own business here" mode.

She asked why I left so suddenly and I just told her that I needed a break, an alone break, because I'm from a different time zone and that I get excessively anxious around people. She proceeded to tell me, without being asked, that my anxiety could be cured by just tapping myself on the back a certain way, and changing my body language. She insinuated, not too subtly either, that I was responsible for my own distress. She told me to "lean into life", and I had no idea what the fuck she was saying so I told her to explain that in conventional speech.

Then she went on about some bullshit about animal body language and that my body language was "predatory" or some shit like that. I think she was citing the look on my face as evidence, but she failed to relate this to my frustration at having an unqualified person telling me that my involuntary problems are a result of my attitude.

Eventually she went away. Later I learned from my grandmother that just after that incident, she went to my grandmother and started telling her that I was not just rude to her, but to my grandfather. My grandmother knew this was bullshit, said so, and one of her friends jumped into defend me.

But... yeah. Christian fundies are blatantly aggressive, but New Age fundies have a tendency towards narcissism (i.e, "I'm way more enlightened than you!") and passive-aggressive behavior. I remember reading once that conspiracy theories are more likely to appeal to those who have low self-esteem and few friends, because the idea that they have become "enlightened" and "learned the truth" bolsters their self-confidence. The New Age movement and conspiracy theories are so closely linked that I wouldn't be surprised if there was a clear link.

I know it doesn't compare to the horrible shit you went though from your mom. People are so willing to believe that they are in control of their lives that they'll embrace any bullshit they want without thinking of its implications.

[RavynousHunter]

Well...there are some things you can exercise some form of control over (total control is pretty much impossible, of course), and some that you just can't.  For example, you can reasonably control when you wake up by setting up or buying an alarm.  Will it always work?  Of course not, it'll fail once or twice, at least.  Law of Large Numbers, it applies to lots of shit.  The more often you do something, the more likely you are to experience failure at at least one or two points.

Or, as was said on Fight Club, "On a long enough timeline, the survival rate of everyone drops to 0."

[Yla]

Sounds very familiar to me.

[Smurfette Principle]

Regarding "The Secret," positive thinking, and the Law of Attraction: you know who else says you should think really hard about what you want and the universe will deliver it to you?

Every single religious person ever.

Seriously, what do you think praying is?

[The Right Honourable Mlle Antéchrist]

Regarding "The Secret," positive thinking, and the Law of Attraction: you know who else says you should think really hard about what you want and the universe will deliver it to you?

Every single religious person ever.

Seriously, what do you think praying is?

Pretty much. It's the same old bullshit, with a new paint job.

[Witchyjoshy]

^ At least with Witchcraft, magic/k requires you to actually get up and put forth the effort into resolving the spell itself - you can't just say "Oh, I'll cast a spell that'll help me earn a fortune" and then sit on your ass without even looking for a job.

In short, magic actually makes more sense than prayer and positive thinking.

When I put it like that, that's actually really scary.

[shykid]

Then she went on about some bullshit about animal body language and that my body language was "predatory" or some shit like that.

If someone has "predatory" body language, they probably need to work on that and on, what, not being axe crazy. However, since in all likelihood you did not look like this...



...I find it exceedingly hard to believe you had "predatory" body language, so this dumbfuck needs to learn to mind her own business. She's not exactly one who ought to "offer" others "advice" on their social skills when she lacks basic manners and decency to such an extent that she doesn't even realize if someone looks like they want to be left alone, then that means they want to be left alone, and purposely ignoring that is rude and inconsiderate as fuck.

[Witchyjoshy]

There's a difference between "predatory" body language and "I just want to be left the fuck alone stop invading my personal space I feel cornered I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE" body language.

[Morgenleoht]

...Even I can tell the difference and I'm Aspie!