Wishes Will Be Corrupted

[Art Vandelay]

Granted. It has no planes, no crew, no place to keep it docked and no fuel. Though it does come with a big fuckoff loan that you're going to be rather hard pressed to pay back within your life time. In fact, the first of thousands of monthly payments of $567 000 is due in a couple of weeks.

I wish I was less tired.

[Julian]

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That's a bloody cheap aircraft carrier. It'd take you 800 years to pay it off at that rate - assuming your loan was interest free, and banks didn't give a toss about future discounting, which is never the case.

Just as well there's no fuel if there's no crew to make sure the reactor's doing OK.

[Saturn500]

Granted. Say hello to Honey Boo Boo's "special juice"!

I wish R-Type Delta was still on the PSN store.

[Art Vandelay]

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That's a bloody cheap aircraft carrier. It'd take you 800 years to pay it off at that rate - assuming your loan was interest free, and banks didn't give a toss about future discounting, which is never the case.

Just as well there's no fuel if there's no crew to make sure the reactor's doing OK.

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He never said it was a nuclear carrier. It could well be a old school diesel powered carrier. It would certainly explain why it's so cheap, no?

[Art Vandelay]

Anyway, granted, but it's a horribly butchered remake. Think Silent Hill 2 remake levels of butchered.

I wish for something to wish for.

[ThunderWulf]

Granted, but it's a horrible wish.

I wish that I could stop eating these orange Tic Tacs.

[Zygarde]

Granted you start eating the white ones

I wish I could meet Phil Collins.

[ironbite]

Granted.  You meet him and he immediately punches you.  No explanation, no reason is given, he just one punch knows you out and walks off, whistling the main theme from Tarzan

Ironbite-I wish I could knock out Corey Taylor of Stone Sour and get away with it.

[Zygarde]

Granted he then proceeds to punch you right back twenty times harder

I wish Kyu Sakamoto wasn't dead.

[R. U. Sirius]

Granted. He's the zombie currently chewing on your leg.

I wish to be Kate Upton's boyfriend.

[ThunderWulf]

Granted, but you have serial assaulters following around jealous of your relationship who beat you up several times a week.

I wish that I had psychic powers.

[Zygarde]

Granted you can now read the thoughts of the following plants, animals and fruits and vegetables.


I wish I could find a new band that actually needs a rock piano player who also has some skill in morocas and tambourine.

[Julian]

Granted, but you spend the rest of your life playing Carpenter tributes at RSL halls.

I wish I didn't have to go to India tomorrow.

[R. U. Sirius]

Granted, but it's because you were in a car wreck and are now paralyzed from the neck down.

I wish to be as funny and skilled with ventriloquism as Jeh-fah-FAH Dun-HAM.

[Julian]

Granted, but your arm is stuck up Jar-Jar-Bink's butt... He actually exists now, but is mute. The only way he can speak is telepathically communicating with you.  Your audience consists of sadists laughing at you, masochists jerking off, and people who think Jar-Jar's the maaaaaaan. He never shuts up.

I wish Black Jesus comes down to congratulate Obama and the new black pope in waiting. He also gay marries Mugabe and Cheney while he's here. He also tells the Rapture Ready folks to stop salivating.