FSTDT Forums

Rubbish => Preaching and Worship => Topic started by: Caitshidhe on May 07, 2014, 09:28:24 pm

Title: religious chain letter thingamie!
Post by: Caitshidhe on May 07, 2014, 09:28:24 pm

Boything and i got this weird, stupid, hilarious religious chain letter thingy in the mail. We've lived here for a year and it was addressed to 'Resident', so I have no idea why we got it. Maybe the previous tenant signed up for it. Anyway, it's so full of silliness and stupid that I decided to take pictures of it and share the crazy! Enjoy!

(click to show/hide)

(http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f243/punchbug/IMG_20140507_183406_zpsluodhn9h.jpg)

An awful lot of stuff came in it! We thought it was going to be some pamphlets, but it was oh-so-much better!


(http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f243/punchbug/IMG_20140507_183322_zpsmfzyn2of.jpg)

Long CAPSLOCK, BOLDED, and random red underlined letter saying that if you ask your imaginary friend hard enough you can totes get what you want! Apparently they prayed over 'our address', which probably explains the rash I developed.


(http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f243/punchbug/IMG_20140507_183231_zpsvoidkv7w.jpg)

(http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f243/punchbug/IMG_20140507_183116_zpspzu5s90s.jpg)

Write down your needs so we can pretend to help! Church address blanked out. What's this 'prayer rug' they're talking about anyway? Must be majorly special to be so important for the church to want it back...


(http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f243/punchbug/IMG_20140507_182919_zpskwi94wrn.jpg)

(http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f243/punchbug/IMG_20140507_182840_zpslr23ogsq.jpg)

A big ol' sheet of paper with ALL CAPS and some really dumb claims. I PRAYED AND THEY SENT ME THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL! Or some shit.


(http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f243/punchbug/IMG_20140507_182748_zpsz0mx6sgq.jpg)

I was healed! PRAAAAIISE! And stuff. Pointy finger. Bible verses.


(http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f243/punchbug/IMG_20140507_182239_zpsfw629e5l.jpg)

 Prayer rug! But it's a poster. And you can't even keep it! What the shit, this is such a letdown! I wanted it to cry blood or some shit, instead it's a cheap poster printed on newspaper!

(http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f243/punchbug/IMG_20140507_182156_zps1ek8bmig.jpg)

Closeup of the bottom of the 'prayer rug'.


(http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f243/punchbug/IMG_20140507_181950_zpskb7gf6uj.jpg)

Back of the prayer rug poster with even more silly claims to pray your troubles away and send the thing on because all you apparently need is to pray once. Do the starving and terminally I'll know this...?


(http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f243/punchbug/IMG_20140507_182118_zpsgciu3nj3.jpg)

Most baffling part of all, a **Sealed Prophecy** that you CAN'T OPEN unless you participate! No seriously, DO NOT OPEN! It's sealed in RED!


(http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f243/punchbug/IMG_20140507_182029_zpscgd98qpo.jpg)

OoooOoOOOoo! Should I open it?! Or do as this venerable, ancient 63-year-old ministry who randomly sent us shit out of nowhere says and DESTROY IT so we can, I dunno, save Middle Earth or some shit.

Hope you got a laugh out of the silliness! I thought you guys may get a kick out if how ridiculous and snake-oil-esque it was. I still haven't opened the 'Prophecy' yet but Boything and Tay (our awesome roommate) think it'll be pretty stupid. I'm inclined to agree...

Title: Re: religious chain letter thingamie!
Post by: Ultimate Paragon on May 07, 2014, 09:31:18 pm

(http://www.lolwut.com/layout/lolwut.jpg)

Title: Re: religious chain letter thingamie!
Post by: Igor on May 07, 2014, 09:31:48 pm

Reminds me of this..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYwLGYVrUn4

Title: Re: religious chain letter thingamie!
Post by: ironbite on May 07, 2014, 09:37:08 pm

I love this!  I really do!

Ironbite-should totally send them back something...LIKE MILK!

Title: Re: religious chain letter thingamie!
Post by: davedan on May 07, 2014, 09:59:11 pm

Please open the prophecy and show us. Also I agree with Ironbite send them back milk in a plastic bag or better yet very old cream. Or just plain old talcum powder.

Title: Re: religious chain letter thingamie!
Post by: Sigmaleph on May 07, 2014, 10:02:33 pm

Y'know, for some reason or another the thing I find weird is how the bishop keeps referring to himself solely as "an old church bishop". Almost like whoever wrote this didn't want to give a name (because there's no bishop).

Also, that the rug is supposed to be used by two people, of which you are supposedly the first, but obviously the second person will receive the same rug with the same message that also says they are the first and have to send it to a second person. Like, why even bother lying about that.

No idea why I'm focusing on that with all the other weird going on, but I am.

EDIT: Also, echoing davedan, please open the prophecy and tell us what's inside!

Title: Re: religious chain letter thingamie!
Post by: Caitshidhe on May 07, 2014, 10:18:50 pm

They're lying about everything, I'm sure. I bet you send your 'prayer list' to them and they writ back saying, 'INSERT COIN TO CONTINUE' or sommat. Tay suggested sending the prepaid envelope back taped to the box the table came in, then fill the box with rocks, rotten eggs, and a copy of the Koran. I'm evil.

Title: Re: religious chain letter thingamie!
Post by: Witchyjoshy on May 07, 2014, 10:37:05 pm

Find the wooiest Wiccan/Satanist curse you can locate and send it to them.

If they're half as gullible as they expect you to be, they'll freak out.

Title: Re: religious chain letter thingamie!
Post by: Caitshidhe on May 07, 2014, 10:42:54 pm

OOOHHHH! so many good ideas, so little time. I should hold a raffle to decide what to do with the prepaid postage. Winner chooses.

Title: Re: religious chain letter thingamie!
Post by: Old Viking on May 08, 2014, 07:19:15 pm

I tried running a version of this scam once, but it wasn't worth the effort.  Sacred, holy spot used underwear held little appeal.

Title: Re: religious chain letter thingamie!
Post by: Caitshidhe on May 08, 2014, 11:13:58 pm

Disappointing update: the 'prophecy' has gone missing before I could open it. This is clearly a sign from Newspaper Jesus that I must repent and atone for my wicked, sinful ways, and totally not a sign that we need to clear off the table since we keep losing stuff on it. I'll keep my eyes peeled for it but I'm legitimately disappointed it isn't here.

Title: Re: religious chain letter thingamie!
Post by: Witchyjoshy on May 09, 2014, 01:13:54 am

Quote from: Caitshidhe on May 08, 2014, 11:13:58 pm

Disappointing update: the 'prophecy' has gone missing before I could open it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWaLxFIVX1s

Title: Re: religious chain letter thingamie!
Post by: Sigmaleph on May 09, 2014, 08:48:25 pm

Clearly God himself saw what you were trying to do and got rid of the prophecy to prevent you from making a mistake that would damn your soul.

On the upside, that means that if you can find it you're officially more powerful than God.

Title: Re: religious chain letter thingamie!
Post by: Kat S. on May 29, 2014, 09:48:52 pm

One time my first older sister was having a bout of insomnia and saw a "prosperity gospel" infomercial to receive a "prayer handkerchief".  Out of boredom and curiosity, she went ahead on their website to request for one since she really wanted to see what she would actually get.  What she received for a "handkerchief" was a piece of green construction paper with the image of Jesus Christ on it.  Along with this handkerchief was papers requesting for a donation.