Author Topic: Remember this Easter, Jesus is not a Zombie  (Read 4884 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline CaseAgainstFaith

  • Pope
  • ****
  • Posts: 418
  • Gender: Male
  • Smartass with a Dunce Hat
Remember this Easter, Jesus is not a Zombie
« on: April 05, 2012, 09:26:51 am »



I thought this was interesting and with Easter right around the corner it would fit.  What do you think? Zombie or Lich?
Quote
Reasoning with a fundie is like playing chess with a pigeon; no matter how good I am at chess, the pigeon is just going to knock over the pieces, crap on the board and strut around like it is victorious - Anonymous
Quote
Let us drink like dwarves; Smoke like wizards and party like hobbits!

Offline Qlockworkcanary

  • Bishop
  • ***
  • Posts: 178
  • Gender: Male
Re: Remember this Easter, Jesus is not a Zombie
« Reply #1 on: April 05, 2012, 09:32:51 am »
That is incredibly awesome!
"Out of the ash I rise with my red hair and eat men like air." - Sylvia Plath

Offline Vypernight

  • The Beast
  • *****
  • Posts: 1778
  • Gender: Male
  • Stubborn, pig-headed skeptic
Re: Remember this Easter, Jesus is not a Zombie
« Reply #2 on: April 05, 2012, 10:27:15 am »
Well his followers would be either ghouls (eating his body) or vampires (drinking his blood).  They could only be zombies if you count the modern type (mindless, barely alive beings who pass it on like a virus).  Undead zombies, on the other hand, actually want brains.

Don't know about Jesus himself.
Whenever I hear a politician speaking strongly for or against abortion, all I hear is, "I have no idea how to fix the economy!"

Offline Askold

  • Definitely not hiding a dark secret.
  • Global Moderator
  • The Beast
  • *****
  • Posts: 8358
  • Gender: Male
Re: Remember this Easter, Jesus is not a Zombie
« Reply #3 on: April 05, 2012, 11:33:27 am »
Well his followers would be either ghouls (eating his body) or vampires (drinking his blood).  They could only be zombies if you count the modern type (mindless, barely alive beings who pass it on like a virus).  Undead zombies, on the other hand, actually want brains.

The disciples were alive at the time so at most they are cannibals. (If Jesus is considered to be a human and "eating the body of christ" is taken literally.)

Vypernight mentioned zombies eating brains, so I guess that rules out the voodoo zombies. (You hardly ever see voodoo zombies these days, I think the lates Pirates of caribbean was the last time I saw them.) Are we using rpg definition of the types of undead? (If so, which game?)
No matter what happens, no matter what my last words may end up being, I want everyone to claim that they were:
"If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine."
Aww, you guys rock. :)  I feel the love... and the pitchforks and torches.  Tingly!

Offline RavynousHunter

  • Master Thief
  • The Beast
  • *****
  • Posts: 8108
  • Gender: Male
  • A man of no consequence.
    • My Twitter
Re: Remember this Easter, Jesus is not a Zombie
« Reply #4 on: April 05, 2012, 08:57:05 pm »
Hmm...my guess would be D&D.  And, just like he would with a liche, Geralt could whoop Jesus' ass, and then destroy his minions for good measure...and extra cash.
Quote from: Bra'tac
Life for the sake of life means nothing.

Offline N. De Plume

  • Mysterious Writing Implement
  • The Beast
  • *****
  • Posts: 1936
  • Gender: Male
  • Nom, nom, nom…
Re: Remember this Easter, Jesus is not a Zombie
« Reply #5 on: April 05, 2012, 08:57:29 pm »
I’ve seen liches depictd as rotting corpses or even simply skeletal figures. So that would contradict the bit about wights and ghouls.

In fact, the typical D&D wight is generally illustrated more how this poster describes the lich.
-A Pen Name

Offline MadCatTLX

  • The Beast
  • *****
  • Posts: 2095
  • Gender: Male
Re: Remember this Easter, Jesus is not a Zombie
« Reply #6 on: April 06, 2012, 11:45:19 pm »
I don't hear of liches mentioned that often. The two examples I remember (Oblivion and Adventure Time) portrayed liches as zombies with magical powers.
History is full of maniacs, my friend, men and women of intelect, highly perceptive individuals, who's brilliant minds know neither restraint nor taboo. Such notions are the devils we must slay for the edification of pony-kind. Even if said edification means violating the rules of decency, society, and rightousness itself.
                                                                                                                                                             -Twilight Sparkle, MAGIC.mov

Offline Yaezakura

  • The Pokemon Mistress
  • God
  • *****
  • Posts: 561
  • Gender: Female
  • Little Lesbian Gaming Goddess
    • A Mayor's Tale - The daily trials of an Animal Crossing Mayor
Re: Remember this Easter, Jesus is not a Zombie
« Reply #7 on: April 07, 2012, 12:58:59 am »
I don't hear of liches mentioned that often. The two examples I remember (Oblivion and Adventure Time) portrayed liches as zombies with magical powers.

That's not entirely inaccurate. In general, a lich is a powerful spellcaster that uses arcane means to live beyond death. They store their essence/soul in a magical phylactery, trapping it in the mortal world. So long as the phylactery remains intact, they cannot be truly destroyed, as their body will be restored in time. As such, given the tremendous magical power needed to become one at all, a lich's phylactery tends to be exceedingly well protected.

What tends to separate them from zombies (aside from the rather obvious aspect of retaining their minds) is that while zombies tend to rot, liches are generally just more... dried out. Their flesh preserved rather like a mummy's.

Offline Kain

  • God
  • *****
  • Posts: 542
  • Gender: Male
  • The Alkaline one
Re: Remember this Easter, Jesus is not a Zombie
« Reply #8 on: April 07, 2012, 01:17:20 am »
I'll just leave this here...

In paranoia I find genius / But the ice-dreams have come
with spiritless consequence / A hatchet has been hidden
between my eyes / A hatchet gift-wrapped in paranoia / A
wooden heart never bleeds / A wooden heart never bleeds,
yet inextricable thoughts still weave / Introspection
fabricated for battle / No time has been wasted
/ Neuroleptic seconds marry electroconvulsive hours / In
the cranial freezer, paranoia is the bastard and I
find genius Petrify / Paralyze

Offline ironbite

  • Overlord of all that is good in Iacon City
  • Kakarot
  • ******
  • Posts: 10686
  • Gender: Male
  • Stuck in the middle with you.
Re: Remember this Easter, Jesus is not a Zombie
« Reply #9 on: April 07, 2012, 01:42:44 am »
Still easy to kill 'em if you have the right party make up.

Offline Tolpuddle Martyr

  • The Beast
  • *****
  • Posts: 3716
  • Have you got thumbs? SHOW ME YOUR FUCKING THUMBS!
Re: Remember this Easter, Jesus is not a Zombie
« Reply #10 on: April 07, 2012, 03:00:15 am »
Very awesome.

Feel a bit pedantic in bringing this up but I'm pretty sure that "Lich" originally meant "dead person"!

Offline Yaezakura

  • The Pokemon Mistress
  • God
  • *****
  • Posts: 561
  • Gender: Female
  • Little Lesbian Gaming Goddess
    • A Mayor's Tale - The daily trials of an Animal Crossing Mayor
Re: Remember this Easter, Jesus is not a Zombie
« Reply #11 on: April 07, 2012, 03:05:01 am »
Very awesome.

Feel a bit pedantic in bringing this up but I'm pretty sure that "Lich" originally meant "dead person"!

Specifically, it referred to a dead body. In other words, a corpse.

Offline Smurfette Principle

  • Will Blind You With Library Science!
  • The Beast
  • *****
  • Posts: 1639
  • Gender: Female
  • Pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo.
Re: Remember this Easter, Jesus is not a Zombie
« Reply #12 on: April 08, 2012, 01:23:35 pm »
No lich reference is complete without Xykon.


Offline N. De Plume

  • Mysterious Writing Implement
  • The Beast
  • *****
  • Posts: 1936
  • Gender: Male
  • Nom, nom, nom…
Re: Remember this Easter, Jesus is not a Zombie
« Reply #13 on: April 08, 2012, 03:51:56 pm »
The D&D lich certainly does break down. To the point that after many years a lich becomes something called a demilich, which, in appearance is just a floating skull with gems replacing its teeth, as the rest of its body has either rotted or crumbled to dust.
-A Pen Name

Offline Mechtaur

  • The Beast
  • *****
  • Posts: 800
  • Gender: Male
  • Ladies, contain your orgasms.
Re: Remember this Easter, Jesus is not a Zombie
« Reply #14 on: April 08, 2012, 05:45:59 pm »
Wait a minute... Necromantic powers, undead, ascended to godhood after being betrayed by his closest follower... Holy shit! Jesus is Vecna!