Author Topic: A new bit of hilarity from an old source.  (Read 2547 times)

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Offline georgemilson

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A new bit of hilarity from an old source.
« on: September 14, 2015, 07:35:37 pm »
So, I decided to go out on a limb and check the AoA website. I managed to accidentally find their actual school website (as in, the one that *isn't* their homeschool, but is largely run by the same people and has the same mottoes/views.)

And then I found their parent/student handbook.

http://alphaomegaacademy.org/files/student.handbook.pdf

There's a few gems in there, but my personal favourite is this:
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A. Though not required to be Christians, the parents of students in AOA should have a
clear understanding of the biblical philosophy and purpose of Alpha Omega Academy.
This understanding includes a willingness to have their child exposed to the clear teaching (not forced indoctrination) of the school's Statement of Faith in various and frequent ways within the school's program

"Not forced indoctrination"

Then compare:

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The kind and amount of discipline (correction) will be determined by the teachers, and if necessary, the headmaster. The discipline will be administered in light of the student's problem and attitude. All discipline will be based on biblical principles, e.g. restitution, apologies,(public and private), swift/painful punishment, restoration of fellowship, no lingering attitudes, etc. 

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5. Obscene, vulgar or profane language, as well as taking the name of the Lord in vain.

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The headmaster may require restitution, spanking, janitorial work, in-school isolation, parental attendance during the school day with their student, or other measures consistent with biblical guidelines which may be appropriate.

Note: this is a school which takes in everyone from Kindergarten to 12th grade, but it doesn't change punishments by grade. Which means that students in 12th grade can be physically assaulted under 'spanking', or can arbitrarily be isolated from the rest of the school for being 'disrespectful' or 'taking the lord's name in vain'.

Oh, and for a fun note:

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STATEMENT OF FAITH
We believe: [...] 10. In the Biblical definition of marriage between one man and one woman.

I'm surprised I found that in the student handbook. Parents and students have to sign this before being allowed to go to the school, meaning you don't have to be Christian, but your child better not be gay.

There's almost definitely more, especially since this is only the physical school's website. I'll put more in here as I find it.

Offline Barbarella

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Re: A new bit of hilarity from an old source.
« Reply #1 on: September 15, 2015, 08:57:38 am »
*HOOGH* I do NOT want to be the poor kid who's sent to THAT place!

It's like a religious version of that school in The Wall or the school in Matilda under Ms. Trunchbull.

"If you don't read your Bible, you can't have any pudding.....and we'll twirl you around by your pigtail-braids and hurl you into the air like a human shot-put, you piss-worm!"

Offline Ultimate Paragon

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Re: A new bit of hilarity from an old source.
« Reply #2 on: September 16, 2015, 03:37:08 pm »
*HOOGH* I do NOT want to be the poor kid who's sent to THAT place!

It's like a religious version of that school in The Wall or the school in Matilda under Ms. Trunchbull.

"If you don't read your Bible, you can't have any pudding.....and we'll twirl you around by your pigtail-braids and hurl you into the air like a human shot-put, you piss-worm!"

I was thinking more along the lines of school run by Margaret White clones.

pyro

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Re: A new bit of hilarity from an old source.
« Reply #3 on: September 16, 2015, 03:48:13 pm »
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ViNnSBKoWNeXUpd4nfXeRisUlXaeITQzj_o8DynXJjk/edit

Sounds like something I got in Sunday S...


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This was in a class called 'High School Health'.

...shit. Maybe you should consider a GED, since your high school diploma probably isn't worth the paper it's printed on.

pyro

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Re: A new bit of hilarity from an old source.
« Reply #4 on: September 16, 2015, 11:29:23 pm »