Jacob can I put it to you that this is probably the worst place to convert people on the web outside PZ Myers or Richard Dawkins blog. Unlike those spaces we aren't exclusively atheist but most of us have been exposed to almost every variety of bad religious arguments, FSTDT being a clearinghouse for such. We're all well acquainted with the bible, many of us were raised Christian and some, like myself, were raised Catholic.
Your problem isn't that we've never got the message, it's that we've all been guffawing at messages like yours for years now. Maybe you need an audience that's more gullible, also you'd be in more like minded company.