Author Topic: Wishes Will Be Corrupted  (Read 364700 times)

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Offline Julian

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #1380 on: January 10, 2013, 10:59:30 am »
Granted, you lose your fight or flight capability because your brain has become infected by chronic toxoplasmosis... Don't worry, it wont last long - you'll get hit by a bus or something, or decide to take a holiday trip to Syria.

I wish there was a sunny day instead of this endless grey.



Offline Random Gal

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #1381 on: January 12, 2013, 12:04:42 am »
Granted. It's so sunny you get skin cancer within minutes of going outside.

I wish the Bull Moose Party still existed.

Offline R. U. Sirius

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #1382 on: January 12, 2013, 08:08:32 am »
Granted. It's made up of actual bull moose.

I wish I didn't have to go to work today, but made more money than I would if I did go to work.
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If you look at it logically, cannibalism has great potential to simultaneously solve our overpopulation and food shortage problems.

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #1383 on: January 12, 2013, 08:38:37 am »
Granted, you'll make 20 cents more than you would, had you gone to work, but only if you spend a full ten consecutive hours standing in the toilet completely motionless, with a bottle of ranch sauce in your rectum and a mouthful of baking soda.

I wish I could do whatever the fuck I want, with no negative consequences whatsoever.

Offline Julian

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #1384 on: January 13, 2013, 06:13:19 am »
Granted, you'll make 20 cents more than you would, had you gone to work, but only if you spend a full ten consecutive hours standing in the toilet completely motionless, with a bottle of ranch sauce in your rectum and a mouthful of baking soda.

I wish I could do whatever the fuck I want, with no negative consequences whatsoever.
Granted. Given that everything has consequences, and at least some of them can be perceived as negative, your only option is to do nothing. Given that doing nothing - inaction - in fact also has negative consequences, this means that either you become the world's most patholigical do-gooder ever, which in itself will still have some negative consequences, or you quite simply cannot want, cannot wish, cannot think. If you were alive, but vegetated, there is the Schiavo problem. This means you therefore must be non-sapient. I am thinking perhaps the best course of action is for your molecules to exist as a perpetually recycled roll of toilet paper, and you're never allowed to be used for arson, or to block drains. You're also very soft and luxuriant.

I wish for a blizzard in Paris.

Offline R. U. Sirius

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #1385 on: January 13, 2013, 07:37:58 pm »
Granted, but the one that hits your hometown is twice as bad.

I wish for a talking dog.
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If you look at it logically, cannibalism has great potential to simultaneously solve our overpopulation and food shortage problems.

Offline Tolpuddle Martyr

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #1386 on: January 13, 2013, 07:46:23 pm »
Granted, it's first words are "I am uncontrollably incontinent and have just shat all over your rug!"

I wish for a plum.

Offline ThunderWulf

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #1387 on: January 13, 2013, 07:54:25 pm »
Granted.  You take a bite and find half of a worm.

I wish that both of my best friends were still in the area tonight.
« Last Edit: January 13, 2013, 08:02:24 pm by TGRwulf »
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Offline R. U. Sirius

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #1388 on: January 13, 2013, 08:00:26 pm »
Granted. They're having sex and send you pictures just to mock you.

I wish to find a better job than my current one.
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If you look at it logically, cannibalism has great potential to simultaneously solve our overpopulation and food shortage problems.

Offline Julian

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #1389 on: January 15, 2013, 03:42:13 am »
Granted, you get to run out on national TV naked and covered in oil, do a chicken dance and shove a huge potato up your butt every time a pundit on FOX news says something stupid, as a political statement to emphasize the inanity of what was just said. Personally it's probably not great for you, but as a public service for the good of the nation - well, they're quite indebted. (It may even be a better job without this consideration - I am not sure on that though.) You also need a chip making attachment installed. Nothing says American patriotism like being able to poop freedom fries at will....

I really wish to read Carl Sagan's Demon Haunted World.
« Last Edit: January 15, 2013, 03:43:52 am by Julian »

Offline Tolpuddle Martyr

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #1390 on: January 15, 2013, 06:28:08 am »
Granted, but it's haunted by an actual demon. The last words you here are "BET YOU WEREN'T EXPECTING THAT "SKEPTIC", nom nom nom".

I wish for Mass Effect 4.

Offline ThunderWulf

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #1391 on: January 15, 2013, 08:31:08 am »
Granted, but the main character is Conrad Verner.
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Offline R. U. Sirius

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #1392 on: January 15, 2013, 10:21:13 am »
Granted. You get absolutely nothing. Ever again.

I wish to be able to play the guitar.
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If you look at it logically, cannibalism has great potential to simultaneously solve our overpopulation and food shortage problems.

Offline Julian

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #1393 on: January 15, 2013, 01:05:26 pm »
Granted, but the only song you can play is Achy Breaky Heart, and you play it compulsively. The odds on you surviving the week without your head being used in a game of tee-ball are increasingly thin...

I wish for Lance Armstrong's remaining testicle to sue him for divorce on grounds of irreconcilable differences.

Offline ThunderWulf

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #1394 on: January 16, 2013, 08:27:03 am »
Granted, but his testicle is now the world's most famous and loved celebrity.

I wish that people wouldn't tell me we're not doing something than go ahead and do it anyways.
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"hehehehe. you said member." ~ Shepard/Booker
"it's kind of like my right left hand on a sunday every night. How so? It beats the fuck out of me!" ~ Saturn500
"Drinking, fighting, fucking...they basically outlawed 99% of the lifestyle of your typical Irishman.  Much less your typical Viking." ~ RavynousHunter