Author Topic: Wishes Will Be Corrupted  (Read 364206 times)

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Offline Julian

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #1485 on: February 03, 2013, 07:24:32 am »
Granted, you now have super strength B.O. which you can turn on and off at will and control it at different increments.

(Hey, I could've made it urine, or turned you into a self-harm emo basket case, or a compulsive zoophile with a thing for mountain lions.)

I wish there was an amnesty on offshore tax evasion, with the proviso that 10% of all funds gets turned over to a world climate change initiative, and all future profits on investments are similarly taxed at 10% for world benefits, with 10% going to the tax haven of choice and 25% going home to the country of origin of the funds where it is invested in infrastructure, education, the arts, health care and other egalitarian projects. The other 55% annual gains can stay with the super-rich assholes who are acting like modern day pharoahs and sucking the economy dry.



Offline Julian

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #1486 on: February 03, 2013, 07:29:35 am »
Quote
I wish to be paid $1,000 a day to masturbate once a day.
Granted, you get paid one lump some of 1000 dollars, but you have to masturbate once a day EVERY day without fail or else you owe the whole sum of the money back PLUS interest.
Not bad, but you should've given him the clap too. (And calloused hands from his labouring job.)

Worse would've been, OK, but the money comes from your mom and she wants to be in the room when you do it.

Art Vandelay

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #1487 on: February 03, 2013, 09:32:58 am »
I wish there was an amnesty on offshore tax evasion, with the proviso that 10% of all funds gets turned over to a world climate change initiative, and all future profits on investments are similarly taxed at 10% for world benefits, with 10% going to the tax haven of choice and 25% going home to the country of origin of the funds where it is invested in infrastructure, education, the arts, health care and other egalitarian projects. The other 55% annual gains can stay with the super-rich assholes who are acting like modern day pharoahs and sucking the economy dry.
Granted, but nobody makes use of it, since they can keep a lot more than 55% of their money by keeping their money in the tax haven of their choice.

I wish for something that'll amuse me.

Offline ThunderWulf

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #1488 on: February 03, 2013, 06:24:38 pm »
Granted, but it amuses you so much that everything else is just boring in comparison and said thing never happens again leaving you bored out of your skull for all eternity.

I wish that I was already getting my next ink.
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Saturn500

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #1489 on: February 03, 2013, 09:25:55 pm »
Granted, an ink bottle arrives at your doorstep as soon as this is posted.

I wish for a Chainsword.

Offline R. U. Sirius

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #1490 on: February 03, 2013, 09:31:46 pm »
Granted. You immediately castrate yourself in an accident with it.

I wish to find a job with better pay and hours that I actually enjoy.
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If you look at it logically, cannibalism has great potential to simultaneously solve our overpopulation and food shortage problems.

Offline ThunderWulf

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #1491 on: February 03, 2013, 09:54:39 pm »
Granted, you find one, but you don't get hired.

I wish that I could shoot lightning from my guitar when I play a solo.
a.k.a. TGRwulf
"hehehehe. you said member." ~ Shepard/Booker
"it's kind of like my right left hand on a sunday every night. How so? It beats the fuck out of me!" ~ Saturn500
"Drinking, fighting, fucking...they basically outlawed 99% of the lifestyle of your typical Irishman.  Much less your typical Viking." ~ RavynousHunter

Art Vandelay

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #1492 on: February 04, 2013, 12:11:43 am »
Granted. You find out how bad a idea this is in reality when you're charged as responsible for burning down an entire city block and the deaths of hundreds of people.

I wish for some ice cream.

Offline Julian

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #1493 on: February 04, 2013, 02:55:42 am »
Granted, but it was made from frozen sick.

I wish people could understand that an 10% amnesty preceded having 75% of their bank accounts confiscated if there was non-compliance.

Offline Scotsgit

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #1494 on: February 04, 2013, 11:50:57 am »
Granted:  However, the blame you for all their other worries and your inbox is jammed with hate mail. 

I wish I could shag Eliza Dushku.
I am serious, and stop calling me Shirley!

Offline Julian

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #1495 on: February 04, 2013, 01:32:39 pm »
I can totally live with that!

Granted, but you're on the end of a 85 yr waiting list.

I wish I had time to personally reply "suck shit", "LOL", or "Har Har" to each and every one of my hate mail fans...


Offline R. U. Sirius

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #1496 on: February 04, 2013, 05:25:01 pm »
Granted. You're quadrapalegic and can only communicate via a computer you control with your tongue, so you have plenty of time to personally answer each and every hate mail.

I wish to be able to shapeshift perfectly, at will, with no nasty side effects and no getting involuntarily stuck in any one shape.
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If you look at it logically, cannibalism has great potential to simultaneously solve our overpopulation and food shortage problems.

Offline ThunderWulf

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #1497 on: February 04, 2013, 06:30:44 pm »
Granted, but fundies think you're a demon and come after you every night like angry villagers with torches and pitchforks.

I wish that I had a fountain with an infinite supply of cold orange juice.
a.k.a. TGRwulf
"hehehehe. you said member." ~ Shepard/Booker
"it's kind of like my right left hand on a sunday every night. How so? It beats the fuck out of me!" ~ Saturn500
"Drinking, fighting, fucking...they basically outlawed 99% of the lifestyle of your typical Irishman.  Much less your typical Viking." ~ RavynousHunter

Offline Julian

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #1498 on: February 05, 2013, 04:11:47 am »
Granted, but the only vodka you have to go with it is Smirnoff.

I wish X-factor had a spin-off called American Douchebag... (It might sound like a FOX panel though)

Offline Scotsgit

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #1499 on: February 05, 2013, 08:35:52 am »
Granted:  it's so bad that it's screened everywhere 24 hours a day.  You go mad and sit gibbering in the corner.

I wish I was the bassist for Nightwish.
I am serious, and stop calling me Shirley!