Weirdest/Most Esoteric Conspiracy Theories

[Sixth Monarchist]

XKCD

CSTDT often seems to cycle round the same old topics - false flags, 9/11, NWO etc.; I was wondering, what's the craziest conspiracy out there? I'm setting the bar with New Chronology.

[Sigmaleph]

I propose the following candidates:

• For elaborate justifications of the unjustifiable: the Flat Earth Society. They have long been one of my favourite flavours of crazy.
  
  
• For sheer "why does everything have to be a conspiracy with you people": That youtube video of someone freaking out about seeing a rainbow in the water of their sprinklers, claiming "they" were putting something in the water

[niam2023]

One of my friends believes in the Illuminati, Masons, Reptillians, Grays, Nords and Demonic Hordes all ruling the world.

According to him, they have some sort of time share agreement going, though he doesn't call it that.

And apparently all fictional plots of all anime / manga (he's an Otaku, you see), they happened. Their creators simply "channel" the experiences out.

[Tolpuddle Martyr]

The Babalon Working has to be my favorite, L.Ron Hubbard, Jack Parsons, Aleister Crowley, UFO's and sex magic.

Perfect potpurri of silly weirdness! 

[Barbarella]

* Flat Earth
* Heliocentrism
* Hollow Earth
* "Man Will Never Fly"
* Reptilians
* 9/11 theories involving holograms
* Time Cube

Removed "human made earthquakes" from the list because it really is plausible. I had a brain-fart, sorry.

[The Right Honourable Mlle Antéchrist]

* Flat Earth

I once saw a long thesis written by a flat-earther with contained a section that attempted to explain away all of the evidence for the planet being a sphere. One of the points insisted that there is no gravity, and that the earth is merely accelerating upwards at a rate equivalent to one g, which is why objects fall back to the planet. This is already hilarious for so many reasons, but then it went on to contradict itself by claiming that images taken from orbit only show a spherical earth because of gravitational lensing. So, basically, gravity only exists when it's convenient for reality-denial.

[wrightway]

* Human-made earthquakes

Actually, fracking has been linked to a rise in minor earthquakes in areas where it's practiced.

[Art Vandelay]

* Human-made earthquakes

Anyone else remember Boobquake? That was quite a thing.

[Katsuro]

I propose the following candidates:

• For raw, unadulterated crazyness: Timecube. It's certainly the craziest of whatever category it belongs to, though I'm not sure it counts as conspiracy.
  
  

I've mentioned this before on this forum, but  I genuinley think the Timecube guy suffers from schizophrenia.  The interwebs loves taking the piss out of this guy but I think we need to go easy on him, because otherwise we're making fun of and laughing at a man with a real and severe mental illness who needs professional help, and I'm not comfortable with that.  To me that's no different to mocking someone for having cancer.  I don't think that's something we should be participating in, I'd like to think we're all better than that.

[Sixth Monarchist]

* "Man Will Never Fly"

Not that I'm the sole adjudicator or anything, but I've looked this up...

Members of the Man Will Never Fly Society are not opposed to flight.  Birds do it, Bees do it, even educated fleas do it, as Cole Porter once said.  But when you stop to think about it, do you actually believe that a machine made of tons of metal will fly?  Small wonder that the editor of a Dayton newspaper said, when informed of the mythical first flight in 1903.  "Man will never fly.  And if he does, he will never come from Dayton." 
          The Society's members believe that balloons fly, but we do not believe in flying machines.  Indeed, members of the Society have proposed a variety of apparati for movement through the ozone.  One of our members is even cultivating an enormous jumping bean which, when saddled and heated by a laser, will propel a human for great distances.
          But let us hear no more of plane moving through the air, unless they are hurled by carpenters.  Airports and airplanes are for the gullible.  Little do "plane" passengers realize that they are merely boarding Greyhound buses with wings, and that while aboard these winged buses, given the illusion of flight when cloud like scenery is moved past their windows by stagehands in a very expensive theatrical performance. 
           We ask you to gather under our banner and combat the myth that man can, did, or will ever fly, except in his or her imagination.

...and I'll say that the bar has raised.

[Witchyjoshy]

Please tell me that's a poe...

[Sixth Monarchist]

Well, if it is, they've gone to the effort of putting up an entire cheap-looking website with plenty of pictures of society meetings and an entire backstory, so it's a good one if so.

That said, they don't make much effort to explain why the airlines go to all that trouble, especially now that budget airlines probably work out cheaper than buses mile-for-mile even with the odd surcharge. Nor do they explain why Greyhound Lines refuses to get in on the act and insist on dull, boring but profitable runs to Atlantic City.

The whole theory falls apart unless you assume that the bus companies are honest capitalists and the airlines have been hemorrhaging money for years, possibly decades in a bigger-than-Enron scam, BECAUSE REASONS.*

(click to show/hide)

*SOCIALISM.

[Sigmaleph]

I propose the following candidates:

• For raw, unadulterated crazyness: Timecube. It's certainly the craziest of whatever category it belongs to, though I'm not sure it counts as conspiracy.
  
  

I've mentioned this before on this forum, but  I genuinley think the Timecube guy suffers from schizophrenia.  The interwebs loves taking the piss out of this guy but I think we need to go easy on him, because otherwise we're making fun of and laughing at a man with a real and severe mental illness who needs professional help, and I'm not comfortable with that.  To me that's no different to mocking someone for having cancer.  I don't think that's something we should be participating in, I'd like to think we're all better than that.

A fair point. After looking into it for a bit, I found a few sources that say he has admitted to being diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. I can't confirm it, however. In any case, removed.

[Barbarella]

* Human-made earthquakes

Actually, fracking has been linked to a rise in minor earthquakes in areas where it's practiced.

Well, yeah, that is the case. I should have cleared it up with "Massive Killer Death Quakes Of Doom Caused Deliberately By Human-Made Technology".

Then again, who knows? Perhaps I should remove that from the list. It's really weird but it MIGHT be REMOTELY possible.

[tempus]

My mother's former mother-in-law believed that the Beatles were part of a communist plot to compromise or destroy the West by corrupting western youth.  She believed that John Lennon had been kidnapped as a child, tortured and brainwashed by the Soviets and eventually sent back to the West with Yoko Ono as his minder and controller.  He was eventually killed because he had outlived his usefulness or because the plot was about to be discovered, she believed.  A majority of other rock and pop acts were also part of the plot, too. 

Of course, she also believed that there were mass graves of the Clintons around Mena, Arkansas, and spent two separate vacations with her husband there looking for them.  They didn't ever actually find a grave, but they did get arrested for trespassing, and they successfully rammed a farmer's stray cow with their RV.  Have I mentioned yet that they were major Alex Jones fans?  Okay.