Author Topic: Demotivationals  (Read 30351 times)

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Offline Kristine

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Re: Demotivationals
« Reply #15 on: March 09, 2012, 01:54:40 am »

Tips From the Redneck Book of Manners

GENERAL TIPS
1.  Never  take a beer to a job interview.
2.  Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3.  It’s  considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
4.  If  you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5.  Even if you’re certain that you are included in the  will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.

DINING OUT
1.  If  drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
2.  Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1.  A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2.  Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.

PERSONAL HYGIENE
1.  While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one’s OWN  truck keys
2.  Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good  money.
3.  Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman’s jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.

DATING  (OUTSIDE THE  FAMILY)
1.  Always offer to bait your date’s hook, especially on the first date.
2.  Be aggressive. Let her know you’re interested:  ‘I’ve been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago.’
3.  Establish with her parents what time she is expected back.  Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say  ‘Monday.’ If the latter is the answer, it is the man’s responsibility to get her to school on time.
4.  Always have a positive comment about your date’s appearance, such as, ‘Ya’ll sure don’t sweat much for a fat gal.’

WEDDINGS
1.  Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2.  Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3.  For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cumberbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance.
4.  Though uncomfortable, say ‘yes’ to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
5.  It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack.

DRIVING ETIQUETTE
1.  Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2.  When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
3.  Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4.  When sending your wife/girlfriend down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back  beer.
5.  Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
6.  Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

TWO REASONS WHY IT IS HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK MURDER
1.  All  the DNA is the same.
2.  There are no dental records

Offline Thejebusfire

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Re: Demotivationals
« Reply #16 on: March 09, 2012, 04:28:32 pm »

Offline Damen

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Re: Demotivationals
« Reply #17 on: March 12, 2012, 07:39:10 pm »












"Fear my .45"

"If the liberties of the American people are ever destroyed, they will fall by the hands of the clergy" ~ Marquis De Lafayette

'Till Next Time,
~John Damen

Offline Thejebusfire

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Re: Demotivationals
« Reply #18 on: March 12, 2012, 09:41:07 pm »
Maybe I should stand next to her in a shirt that says, "Do I make you look flat chested?"

Offline Kristine

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Re: Demotivationals
« Reply #19 on: March 14, 2012, 03:23:54 am »
Lol...you just can't beat Cakewrecks sometimes...Gives a whole new meaning to "Let them eat cake"

Offline Damen

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Re: Demotivationals
« Reply #20 on: March 14, 2012, 04:15:09 am »
The cake is a lie.

...because someone was gonna say it, may as well be me.
"Fear my .45"

"If the liberties of the American people are ever destroyed, they will fall by the hands of the clergy" ~ Marquis De Lafayette

'Till Next Time,
~John Damen

Offline Thejebusfire

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Re: Demotivationals
« Reply #21 on: March 14, 2012, 09:43:01 pm »



Offline Kristine

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Re: Demotivationals
« Reply #22 on: March 15, 2012, 02:50:07 am »
bear...


bear with no hair...

...very scary no-hair bear...

Online DarkfireTaimatsu

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Re: Demotivationals
« Reply #23 on: March 15, 2012, 02:54:30 am »
bear...


bear with no hair...

...very scary no-hair bear...

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear
Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair
Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fuzzy, was he?
A limerick:

There once was a unicorn who would shove
His rainbows around like a dove
"Always I'll be with you
And then make-believe with you
Harmony, Harmony, oh love"

Offline largeham

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Re: Demotivationals
« Reply #24 on: March 16, 2012, 02:13:38 am »


The funny thing is that there already is a mech called Awesome, though I think this is from MW2, the Awesome was introduced in 3 or 4.

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My Little Comrade
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(My Little Comrade)
I used to wonder what socialism could be!
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Until you all shared its materialist dialectic with me!

Offline Meshakhad

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Re: Demotivationals
« Reply #25 on: March 17, 2012, 12:19:14 am »
*snip*

The funny thing is that there already is a mech called Awesome, though I think this is from MW2, the Awesome was introduced in 3 or 4.

They had mechs in Modern Warfare 2?
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Offline Yla

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Re: Demotivationals
« Reply #26 on: March 17, 2012, 02:28:22 pm »
Mech Warrior 2

Are you always jumping and sticking to the first idea you have about what an acronym means, or does the idea of acronyms having more than one meaning not even enter your head? [sarcasm]He said MW2, so of course he means Modern Warfare 2. Especially since he mentioned a fourth one[/sarcasm]
If (what I actually assume, since I'm generous like that) your post was supposed to be funny in its stupidity, it succeeded in stupidity and failed in funny.
That said, I've stopped trying to anticipate what people around here want a while ago, I've found it makes things smoother.
For I was an hungred, and ye told me to pull myself up by my bootstraps: I was thirsty, and ye demanded payment for the privilege of thine urine: I was a stranger, and ye deported me: naked, and ye arrested me for indecency.

Online Art Vandelay

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Re: Demotivationals
« Reply #27 on: March 17, 2012, 10:17:18 pm »
Mech Warrior 2

Are you always jumping and sticking to the first idea you have about what an acronym means, or does the idea of acronyms having more than one meaning not even enter your head?
I'd personally say this is a demonstration of why initialising anything and everything purely out of being a lazy cunt is not only fucking annoying but also means that UYCRM, nobody can UWTFYS.

Offline largeham

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Re: Demotivationals
« Reply #28 on: March 18, 2012, 02:23:47 am »
I'd personally say this is a demonstration of why initialising anything and everything purely out of being a lazy cunt is not only fucking annoying but also means that UYCRM, nobody can UWTFYS.

ATT.

My Little Comrade
My Little Comrade
Ah ah ah aaaaah!
(My Little Comrade)
I used to wonder what socialism could be!
(My Little Comrade)
Until you all shared its materialist dialectic with me!

Offline Thejebusfire

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Re: Demotivationals
« Reply #29 on: March 18, 2012, 03:44:09 am »