A father disowns his son via letter

[Witchyjoshy]

All because he's gay.

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2012/08/07/1117710/-Heartbreaking-letter-from-dad-disowning-his-gay-son

...

A week later, right before [RegBarc's] birthday, he received a handwritten note from his father. In it, he was summarily disowned, completely cut out from his dad's life. It was seemingly done without much heartache, and years of being raised by this man were effortlessly put in the proverbial toilet and flushed. Pure, unadulterated hate: that's the only way to describe something so heartless, soulless, and cruel.

...

James: This is a difficult but necessary letter to write.
I hope your telephone call was not to receive my blessing for the degrading of your lifestyle. I have fond memories of our times together, but that is all in the past.

Don’t expect any further conversations With me. No communications at all. I will not come to visit, nor do I want you in my house.

You’ve made your choice though Wrong it may be. God did not intend for this unnatural lifestyle.

If you choose not to attend my funeral, my friends and family will understand.

Have a good birthday and good life.

No present exchanges will be accepted.

Goodbye,
Dad

...

RegBarc writes:

I've never done drugs, was an excellent student, an obedient child (far less trouble than many of my classmates), didn't drink until I was 22 because it terrified me, and have had just 1 speeding ticket in my life. Yet I am still seemingly deserving of this terrible act of hate and cowardice that one person can place on another. 5 years on and I am still doing fine, though this letter saunters into my mind every once in a while. When it does, I say without hesitation: F**k you, Dad.

Ugh...

Not saying this surprises me, but it does disappoint me.

[Fpqxz]

Yeah, I saw this earlier...it's really fucked up.

[RavynousHunter]

"And they will know us by our love."

Yeaaaaaaaaah...I can feel it, can't you?

[ironbite]

FEEL THAT LOVE THE JESUS GAVE ON THE CROSS!

Ironbite-cept for the homos.

[Caitshidhe]

I saw this as well. It's sad, disappointing, infuriating, and medieval--but, worst of all, completely unremarkable and unsurprising. When things like this DON'T happen, I'm a bit more surprised. Part of me hopes that the late teens and twentysomethings of the world might be the last generation in the US for whom this sort of response from their parents or loved ones with regard to sexuality/transgenderism/whatever is considered anything but the act of hate and cruelty it is. There will always be bigots, and there will always be assholes, but I hope that by the time I'm into middle age, this kind of letter will be seen the same way as a letter telling a child they are disowned for marrying outside their religion, race, or social class. I really wish it would be sooner, but I don't think that's realistic.

Of course, I don't know how realistic it is for this attitude to change measurably in the next thirty years. There are still an awful fucking lot of people my age who are starting to have kids who are mouth-frothingly, fire-breathingly anti-gay.. Maybe THEIR kids will stop carrying the torch of hate and bigotry...

[SpaceProg]

The worst enemy of Hate is Knowledge.  Maybe someday. 

[clockworkgirl21]

The guy's dad is a piece of shit, and if the OP's description of himself is true, he doesn't deserve to have such a good kid.

[Xander Zzyzx]

Reading that makes me feel sad for him, I couldn't imagine what it must be like to not only be kicked out of the home, but out of the family for good. THIS is the one reason why I am afraid of ever coming out to anybody in my family, because this isn't the first story like this that I've heard, and it certainly won't be the last.

[Thejebusfire]

Have fun in the nursing home.

[Caitshidhe]

I used to use that as a comic threat to my parents--'Careful how to treat me! I get to pick your nursing home!' (To which my dad's response was generally something along the lines of, 'Actually, I have plans to die in a skydiving accident the day before I get to that point.' Well done, dad.) Part of me wants to sadistically wish an abusive, roach-ridden nursing hovel on him in his declining years, but I'm not quite the bitch I used to be. As much of a hateful weevil this guy sounds like, I don't think he deserves to be abused in a nursing home when he's too old and too helpless to take care of himself.

I DO, however, hope he grows to regret his decision and that it eats him up inside.

And that, should he ever REQUIRE a nursing home, that his son presents him with this letter and says something along the lines of, 'Please kindly sit on a cactus and fornicate yourself.'

But that might just be me.

[MadCatTLX]

I saw this as well. It's sad, disappointing, infuriating, and medieval--but, worst of all, completely unremarkable and unsurprising. When things like this DON'T happen, I'm a bit more surprised. Part of me hopes that the late teens and twentysomethings of the world might be the last generation in the US for whom this sort of response from their parents or loved ones with regard to sexuality/transgenderism/whatever is considered anything but the act of hate and cruelty it is. There will always be bigots, and there will always be assholes, but I hope that by the time I'm into middle age, this kind of letter will be seen the same way as a letter telling a child they are disowned for marrying outside their religion, race, or social class. I really wish it would be sooner, but I don't think that's realistic.

Of course, I don't know how realistic it is for this attitude to change measurably in the next thirty years. There are still an awful fucking lot of people my age who are starting to have kids who are mouth-frothingly, fire-breathingly anti-gay.. Maybe THEIR kids will stop carrying the torch of hate and bigotry...

I know a kid at my school that said something along the line of, "I don't hate gay people or anything, but if my son ever came out that he was gay I'd kick him out on the streets." I responded asking what if his daughter was a lesbian. I don't remember what exactly he said but It had the effect of being ok with that. I told him he wasn't just an asshole, but a hypocritical asshole. He's also one one of the jackasses that would say things like, "I'll swerve for a dog, but I'll aim for a cat."

[Caitshidhe]

I know a kid at my school that said something along the line of, "I don't hate gay people or anything, but if my son ever came out that he was gay I'd kick him out on the streets." I responded asking what if his daughter was a lesbian. I don't remember what exactly he said but It had the effect of being ok with that. I told him he wasn't just an asshole, but a hypocritical asshole. He's also one one of the jackasses that would say things like, "I'll swerve for a dog, but I'll aim for a cat."

You hear this a lot. Obviously, the people inclined to REALLY violently disapprove of every sexuality but the Jesus-approved, old-fashioned, red-blooded, vanilla-white-bread heterosexual kind will place lesbianism slightly below male homosexuality on the Hate Scale. But only in the sense that you place, say, syphilis below herpes on the Scale of Things That Are Really Shitty to Have. They still don't like it, they just hate it slightly less aggressively. Probably because it's considered 'unmanly' and 'weak' and 'girly' to desire a sexual relationship with a man--and I'm sure the distraught bigot-parents are all automatically assuming that their son is going to be a flouncing, prancing sexual 'bottom' who takes it up the butt. Which is still seen as incredibly unmasculine and therefore BAD for, well, men. The same stigma doesn't exist the same way for women, at least that I know of. Possibly because these same people often don't view women as people who have sex drives and therefore don't often dedicate much time to thinking of women having sex. Notice that? (Sometimes they consider lesbians unwomanly and unfeminine because obviously you can't have a baby with another woman, but that has to do with the antiquated 'wome's role' in their beliefs and not with them as sexual beings so it's not quite the same.)

The disproportionate bulk of anti-gay shit that focuses on sex (which is in and of itself a disturbingly high proportion, it must be said) focuses on MALE homosexual sex stereotypes. Men in women's clothing, men pretending to be women, men taking it up the butt instead of drilling like a proper Manly Man. I doubt any bigot parents like that will consider their son is a switch or, the madness of it, a TOP. And it all seems to come back to the same message: being gay is wrong for a lot of reasons, but it makes MEN so UNMANLY. Which is just inherently wrong.

Also, MadCat, I have to ask--how old are you? You say you're in high school which makes you at most eighteen or POSSIBLY as old as nineteen, which is still a bit younger than me. Dunno where you live or anything but I'm curious to see how you interpret the presence of this kind of attitude amongst your peers. I saw it a lot amongst mine but that was a few years ago.

[davedan]

I know a kid at my school that said something along the line of, "I don't hate gay people or anything, but if my son ever came out that he was gay I'd kick him out on the streets." I responded asking what if his daughter was a lesbian. I don't remember what exactly he said but It had the effect of being ok with that. I told him he wasn't just an asshole, but a hypocritical asshole. He's also one one of the jackasses that would say things like, "I'll swerve for a dog, but I'll aim for a cat."

You hear this a lot. Obviously, the people inclined to REALLY violently disapprove of every sexuality but the Jesus-approved, old-fashioned, red-blooded, vanilla-white-bread heterosexual kind will place lesbianism slightly below male homosexuality on the Hate Scale. But only in the sense that you place, say, syphilis below herpes on the Scale of Things That Are Really Shitty to Have. They still don't like it, they just hate it slightly less aggressively. Probably because it's considered 'unmanly' and 'weak' and 'girly' to desire a sexual relationship with a man--and I'm sure the distraught bigot-parents are all automatically assuming that their son is going to be a flouncing, prancing sexual 'bottom' who takes it up the butt. Which is still seen as incredibly unmasculine and therefore BAD for, well, men. The same stigma doesn't exist the same way for women, at least that I know of. Possibly because these same people often don't view women as people who have sex drives and therefore don't often dedicate much time to thinking of women having sex. Notice that? (Sometimes they consider lesbians unwomanly and unfeminine because obviously you can't have a baby with another woman, but that has to do with the antiquated 'wome's role' in their beliefs and not with them as sexual beings so it's not quite the same.)

The disproportionate bulk of anti-gay shit that focuses on sex (which is in and of itself a disturbingly high proportion, it must be said) focuses on MALE homosexual sex stereotypes. Men in women's clothing, men pretending to be women, men taking it up the butt instead of drilling like a proper Manly Man. I doubt any bigot parents like that will consider their son is a switch or, the madness of it, a TOP. And it all seems to come back to the same message: being gay is wrong for a lot of reasons, but it makes MEN so UNMANLY. Which is just inherently wrong.

Also, MadCat, I have to ask--how old are you? You say you're in high school which makes you at most eighteen or POSSIBLY as old as nineteen, which is still a bit younger than me. Dunno where you live or anything but I'm curious to see how you interpret the presence of this kind of attitude amongst your peers. I saw it a lot amongst mine but that was a few years ago.

There is also the fact that lesbians are hot and that's the kind of porn they watch, besides which we all know that lesbians are only one good dicking from being back on the cock train.

[SpaceProg]

Women "acting like men" is considered odd, but a "step up".
Men "acting like women" is considered a huge "Step down".

As if masculinity was THE standard all should aspire to.

The only homosexual women I've seen men consider hot are the femmes or "lipstick lesbians". 
They view the Butch type with anything from indifference to fumboozledness, but not good stiffy material. Psycho types think they'll be 'cured' with a good rapin'.

Humans are weird.

[Caitshidhe]

There is also the fact that lesbians are hot and that's the kind of porn they watch, besides which we all know that lesbians are only one good dicking from being back on the cock train.

Actually, it sort of makes me wonder whether lesbians are less bad than gay men BECAUSE lesbian porn is more popular and girls kissing is considered hotter--after all, girls kiss all the time for attention at bars and parties and shit so people do sort of get accustomed to seeing it, in a way--or if lesbian porn is 'okay' BECAUSE gay men are generally, however subconsciously, considered the greater of two evils.

Genuinely response to what was obviously intended as a silly joke. Sorry! I have my second wind right now and I don't even know why. Haven't been up this late since before rehab.