Author Topic: Santorum: "Abstinence not working? Try Dry Humping"  (Read 5850 times)

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Offline Witchyjoshy

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Santorum: "Abstinence not working? Try Dry Humping"
« on: March 27, 2012, 06:48:38 pm »
http://www.freewoodpost.com/2012/03/27/santorum-if-total-abstinence-seems-unreasonable-try-dry-humping/

Quote
“I know how hard it is to wait. Trust me, I know. However, it is worth the wait in the end when you meet that special someone you are meant to be with for the rest of your life. Abstinence only is the best way to prevent unwanted pregnancy and diseases from spreading. However I’m hip, I know a thing or two about hormones. That’s why you should know that if total abstinence seems unreasonable, you could and should try dry humping. That way no penetration is occurring, sexual urges are being satisfied, and no one has to lose their virginity or become pregnant at an age they aren’t prepared for. I’ve always been an advocate for abstinence only, but in all honesty this is the next best thing.”

After his speech during a Q&A session with his young supporters Santorum quipped, “Now don’t call me a liberal for thinking this way.”

LOLWHAT.

What is this bullcrap? XD
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Offline gyeonghwa

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Re: Santorum: "Abstinence not working? Try Dry Humping"
« Reply #1 on: March 27, 2012, 06:55:31 pm »
Freewoodpost is like the onion, from what I hear. XD Don't worry. I got fooled the first time too.
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Offline SimSim

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Re: Santorum: "Abstinence not working? Try Dry Humping"
« Reply #2 on: March 27, 2012, 06:58:48 pm »
Other than the wankery about waiting for marriage, that's a very sensible statement.

ETA:I didn't read the source, but was more curious about what's wrong with dry humping.

Offline Hades

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Re: Santorum: "Abstinence not working? Try Dry Humping"
« Reply #3 on: March 27, 2012, 07:18:45 pm »
Seems like satire. I don't think Santorum would ever say "hip".
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Offline DiscoBerry

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Re: Santorum: "Abstinence not working? Try Dry Humping"
« Reply #4 on: March 27, 2012, 07:31:40 pm »
Seems like satire. I don't think Santorum would ever say "hip".

Yeah, it's too close to the Christian nether-regions

Offline The Right Honourable Mlle Antéchrist

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Re: Santorum: "Abstinence not working? Try Dry Humping"
« Reply #5 on: March 27, 2012, 07:34:34 pm »
It's a sad day when statements dreamt up for a satirical news article are more sensible than anything the politician actually says.
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Offline Smurfette Principle

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Re: Santorum: "Abstinence not working? Try Dry Humping"
« Reply #6 on: March 27, 2012, 07:38:03 pm »
See, I knew it was satire because Santorum is Catholic, and even looking at porn, let alone fapping to it, is a sin, so he'd never suggest any sort of non-procreative sex.

Offline Damen

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Re: Santorum: "Abstinence not working? Try Dry Humping"
« Reply #7 on: March 27, 2012, 08:48:46 pm »
Seems like satire. I don't think Santorum would ever say "hip".

Yeah, it's too close to the Christian nether-regions

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Offline Nightangel8212

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Re: Santorum: "Abstinence not working? Try Dry Humping"
« Reply #8 on: March 27, 2012, 09:32:57 pm »
See, I knew it was satire because Santorum is Catholic, and even looking at porn, let alone fapping to it, is a sin, so he'd never suggest any sort of non-procreative sex.

Really? My dad's RC and I know for a fact that he's watched porn... I'm surprised to learn this because my father went to college to become a pastor. Then again, my father does write off a lot of what's in the bible (for instance he's a supporter of equal rights for homosexuals) so maybe this is just something else he decided was bullshit.

.......And now I can't believe that I admitted my 77 yr old father has watched pornography... (and it was a threesome video, too)

Offline Smurfette Principle

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Re: Santorum: "Abstinence not working? Try Dry Humping"
« Reply #9 on: March 27, 2012, 09:41:41 pm »
See, I knew it was satire because Santorum is Catholic, and even looking at porn, let alone fapping to it, is a sin, so he'd never suggest any sort of non-procreative sex.

Really? My dad's RC and I know for a fact that he's watched porn... I'm surprised to learn this because my father went to college to become a pastor. Then again, my father does write off a lot of what's in the bible (for instance he's a supporter of equal rights for homosexuals) so maybe this is just something else he decided was bullshit.

.......And now I can't believe that I admitted my 77 yr old father has watched pornography... (and it was a threesome video, too)

Just because it's a sin doesn't mean most Catholics actually follow it. It just means they don't talk about it in public, publicly decry it, and feel guilty about everything pertaining to it. Exhibit A: birth control.

Offline N. De Plume

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Re: Santorum: "Abstinence not working? Try Dry Humping"
« Reply #10 on: March 27, 2012, 09:52:36 pm »
See, I knew it was satire because Santorum is Catholic, and even looking at porn, let alone fapping to it, is a sin, so he'd never suggest any sort of non-procreative sex.

It’s not that he’s Catholic. It’s that he is a Catholic that buys into that particular bit of dogma.

Just because it's a sin doesn't mean most Catholics actually follow it. It just means they don't talk about it in public, publicly decry it, and feel guilty about everything pertaining to it. Exhibit A: birth control.

Not every Catholic that disagrees with church dogma publicly agrees with it. More often than not, they just stay publicly silent, particularly if they think they could get into trouble for publicly disagreeing. Taking your exhibit A: none of the Catholics that I know use birth control decry it to anyone, nor do they feel guilty about it.
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Offline Smurfette Principle

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Re: Santorum: "Abstinence not working? Try Dry Humping"
« Reply #11 on: March 27, 2012, 10:19:01 pm »
See, I knew it was satire because Santorum is Catholic, and even looking at porn, let alone fapping to it, is a sin, so he'd never suggest any sort of non-procreative sex.

It’s not that he’s Catholic. It’s that he is a Catholic that buys into that particular bit of dogma.

Just because it's a sin doesn't mean most Catholics actually follow it. It just means they don't talk about it in public, publicly decry it, and feel guilty about everything pertaining to it. Exhibit A: birth control.

Not every Catholic that disagrees with church dogma publicly agrees with it. More often than not, they just stay publicly silent, particularly if they think they could get into trouble for publicly disagreeing. Taking your exhibit A: none of the Catholics that I know use birth control decry it to anyone, nor do they feel guilty about it.

I know. I'm Catholic. I know how some Catholics (like my parents) act regarding things they don't agree with. I'm just saying it makes no sense for Santorum to say anything like "you know what's awesome? NON-PROCREATIVE SEX FOR PLEASURE!" when he's Rick "contraception gives consenting adults the right to do whatever they want sexually and that's bad" Santorum.

Offline Witchyjoshy

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Re: Santorum: "Abstinence not working? Try Dry Humping"
« Reply #12 on: March 27, 2012, 10:42:56 pm »
It's a satire site?

Alrighty.  Now things make much more sense :-/
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Offline Iczerfour

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Re: Santorum: "Abstinence not working? Try Dry Humping"
« Reply #13 on: March 28, 2012, 05:42:02 pm »
dry humping dose not help the urge.....

Offline DrFishcake

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Re: Santorum: "Abstinence not working? Try Dry Humping"
« Reply #14 on: March 28, 2012, 05:59:12 pm »
I put my hand up and admit, I'd have thought that was genuine too. Poe's Law further vindicated.