Author Topic: No long goodbyes.  (Read 16763 times)

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Offline sandman

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No long goodbyes.
« on: September 15, 2012, 06:18:50 pm »
As many of you know, I have been struggling with cancer for some time now. What began as simple prostate cancer progressed into my liver and kidneys and is now in my spine. I have, after long thought an prayer, decided to end aggressive treatment. I have lead a life that, while not as long as I would have liked, has certainly been full, and I have no wish to end it in pain and misery. I have been blessed with a wonderful wife and loving friends, and while we had no children, I have many former students who are in essence just that.

I will be entering hospice care this week. I do not expect to be there long. I have asked that the priority be in ensuring that my last few weeks are calm, peaceful, and without trauma. The hospice care facility I have chosen is adjacent to and associated with the nursing facility my wife is at, and although she does not remember me now (I do not know if I have ever mentioned she has Alhzeimer's and has been in residential care for several years now. It is not something I speak of much.) I have been very lonely these last months, despite the best efforts of friends and loved ones, and I look forward to being with her at the end. I regret very much that I will not be here to see to her care anymore, but I have made arrangements so she will not lack for comforts. 

I will not have access to the internet. I have chosen to spend my time reading, drawing, writing, and speaking with friends rather than perusing message boards and idly surfing the internet. I will not have cable, as I have decided that I do not wish to see and hear the miserable divisiveness in politics anymore. Friends have arranged for me to have DVDs of all of my favorite films, and I look forward to revisiting with some of them instead of broadcast television.

I will still be able to receive messages over the next few weeks, though, as I have given a list of my accounts and passwords to my dear friend and former student David, who has been so loving to me, even to the point of allowing me to live with him and his wife for the past few years. The checks I wrote to help cover the mortgage and utilities will never go even a tenth of the way to repaying him and his lovely wife for their kindness and loyalty, as the old Sandman has needed help with the most basic and embarrassing of things for a while now.

David has promised to check the site periodically and print out any messages directed to me. If you wish to send me a message, please do so in this thread or by PM, since I doubt he will have the time to peruse all of the threads. I hope he becomes active on the site, as he is a fine thinker and a good man, but I have my doubts that he will. He is simply too busy. Make him welcome if you will, and try to get him to make an account. I would find it pleasant if a ghost of me lingered on at FSTDT.

(Because access to my account is now in the hands of someone other than me, I hereby request that Mod powers be removed from me as soon as possible.)

I know I said no long goodbyes, but FSTDT has been one of my favorite sites for quite some time. I thought about individual goodbyes, but I just can't bring myself to write them. I don't know what I would say. All of you mean so much to me, and I don't want to reduce you to sound bites and memes. Just know that the Sandman is watching over you, and you are in my thoughts.

Goodbye, and Godspeed.
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Offline SpaceProg

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Re: No long goodbyes.
« Reply #1 on: September 15, 2012, 06:52:52 pm »
Godspeed to you too, Sandman.

I don't say goodbye. 

I'll see you later.

Offline Cerim Treascair

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Re: No long goodbyes.
« Reply #2 on: September 15, 2012, 06:58:36 pm »
Oh, Sandy...

No long goodbyes, right? You may have been one of the 'old men' of the forums, but you were one of the men I respected and admired greatly.  I hope these last few weeks are as painless as possible for you, and that you go with no regrets.

You are loved, now and forever.  You will be missed greatly.

Like Prog said, this isn't good bye... I'll see you later, you amazing, wonderful badass.  Go down swinging, my dear friend.
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Offline Veras

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Re: No long goodbyes.
« Reply #3 on: September 15, 2012, 06:59:48 pm »
Goodbye Sandman,

The world (and fstdt) won't be the same without your wit and wisdom.
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Online ironbite

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Re: No long goodbyes.
« Reply #4 on: September 15, 2012, 07:35:10 pm »
This place ain't going to be the same without ya man.  I mean that from the bottom of my cold, metallic heart.

Ironbite-wind to thy wings my friend....safe journey.

Offline RavynousHunter

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Re: No long goodbyes.
« Reply #5 on: September 15, 2012, 07:37:26 pm »
Farewell, brother.  You've been more like a grandfather to me than my real grandfather.  Your wit, wisdom, intelligence, and kindness shall be missed, but so long as you know peace, I think we shall, as well.

Peace be with you and your loved ones, my friend.  Godspeed.
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Offline Shane for Wax

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Re: No long goodbyes.
« Reply #6 on: September 15, 2012, 07:40:30 pm »
I will miss you always, Sandman. I wish I could've met you in real life.

Godspeed and may Cernunnos watch over you and take you home safely.

I will have some whisky in your honor.


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Offline Witchyjoshy

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Re: No long goodbyes.
« Reply #7 on: September 15, 2012, 07:46:41 pm »
Part of me, the selfish part of me, wants you to stay, to keep on fighting, to keep on living.

...But what's the point of living if it's nothing but suffering?

Sandman, I've struggled with what to say, but I think that what I need to say most is...

I'll miss you.  In some ways, you were like the father I should've had.  Wise, harsh, good-hearted... you were a font of wisdom for all of us.  And I'll miss you.

I looked up to you, as both a friend and a fellow.  And now, I'll continue to look up at you, even as you pass from this life.

May your next life, if there is one, be as happy as this.  You may have reached the end of your journey... but that isn't such a bad thing, is it?

I hate cancer.  I really do.  But I also know, having seen my own mother go through treatments, that the treatments can be worse than cancer in a way.

I wish you a painless and peaceful passing.  You, your wife, and your students will all be in my prayers.
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Offline Mira

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Re: No long goodbyes.
« Reply #8 on: September 15, 2012, 07:49:37 pm »
Goodbye, Sandman. It was a pleasure knowing you.
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Offline Osama bin Bambi

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Re: No long goodbyes.
« Reply #9 on: September 15, 2012, 08:08:47 pm »
Sandman, I feel blessed every day that I have known you and that you have been a part of this community. While you will be dearly missed, I still wish you a gentle passing. After everything you've done for your friends, family, and students, you deserve to leave the world peacefully. Thank you for everything you've done. You won't be forgotten, I can tell you that. *hugs*
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Offline Morgenleoht

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Re: No long goodbyes.
« Reply #10 on: September 15, 2012, 08:10:02 pm »
It was a pleasure to know you even if only through a forum.

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Offline syaoranvee

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Re: No long goodbyes.
« Reply #11 on: September 15, 2012, 08:11:42 pm »
You will live on through the legacy you have past on through others.  The only true death is of one that is completely forgotten.  You lived touching the lives of many, you will never truely disappear.

Offline gyeonghwa

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Re: No long goodbyes.
« Reply #12 on: September 15, 2012, 08:13:40 pm »
Goodbye Sandman. I am honored to have known you.
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Offline Alehksunos

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Re: No long goodbyes.
« Reply #13 on: September 15, 2012, 08:18:07 pm »
Goodbye, man. It's a shame that I didn't know you much until I've visited these forums, but even so it's still nice that I have got to know you. It makes me sad to know that one person in our community will be gone forever. If there is an afterlife, I wish you a safe journey away from the known universe.

Offline Hades

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Re: No long goodbyes.
« Reply #14 on: September 15, 2012, 08:19:17 pm »
It's been great to know you, Sandman. You've always been able to cut through the bullshit and offer up some real wisdom. I'm going to miss you. We all will.

Farewell, friend.
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