Verified Facts: Randomized conspiracy theories!

[Mister Argent!]

Recently, BoingBoing linked to a site. that site is Verified Facts, and it randomly generates conspiracy theories! Thought you guys might get a kick out of this.

Here's a good one i got:

The Truth About Apple

When the CEO of Apple rose to power, it was the culmination of years of careful planning and treachery.

The earliest Nordic settlers in the Old Northwest were shocked when they discovered their lands had been inhabited by a sentient race, which has been confirmed by scientists to have used Apple products over 300 years before today.

Talking about this kind of thing openly is likely to get you put on a no-fly list.

An undisclosed location is practically owned by Apple, which drew from its giant, $12 billion slush fund in order to entrench its corporate interests. Politicians speaking out against this fact have been brutally silenced by the USGS.

Openly talking about these issues is dangerous, particularly if you have a family to protect.

It's a little-known (but widely-suppressed) fact that Snooki has invested heavily in Apple.

Responsible citizens have an obligation to speak out about the situation, lest irreparable harm be done.

[Flying Mint Bunny!]

The Truth About Elvis’s “death” and The Jews

Elvis’s “death” was an inside job.

When confronted with evidence exposing the truth about Elvis’s “death”, the Jews downplayed their role significantly.

The controversy surrounding President Roosevelt's possible pact with the Jews was largely dismissed as a conspiracy -- until Pearl Harbor happened, confirming our worst fears with the deaths of thousands of Americans.

Rich and powerful bankers have aggressively invested in and exploited petrochemicals, despite the danger it poses to ordinary citizens. Chances are they took a hint from the Jews.

No moral person can in good conscience stand by while these injustices persist!

I agree! Wake up people!

[dpareja]

The Truth About Michelle Obama

Michelle Obama isn't just an individual-- they're an organization, and they have doubles everywhere.

The Chinese character for gay marriage looks a lot like the character for Michelle Obama's name-- and it's not a coincidence.

The last time anyone came forth to speak about this, they immediately noticed increased surveillance at their house and place of work. Suspicious, right?

The Chinese character for oil looks a lot like the character for Michelle Obama's name-- and it's not a coincidence.

Mentalists and psychics report that strange aura disturbances can be seen wherever oil is found in Israel.

You can find subtle references to this in a number of official documents, but government red-tape makes sure that most of those documents are all but inaccessible to ordinary people.

In a world full of lies and power-hungry megalomaniacs, we stand firm. Thousands are joining the movement. We demand justice.

How much more of this can we take until the revolution comes?

[Osama bin Bambi]

The Truth About Angelina Jolie

 Think about the last time you saw Angelina Jolie on television. Did she look normal? Did she look quite how you remember her? If you were paying attention, you would have noticed that something was not quite the same.

It's a little-known (but widely-suppressed) fact that Angelina Jolie has invested heavily in the Lehman Brothers.

I am willing to provide incontrovertible evidence that confirms my claims, but feel safe doing so only via anonymous short-band radio transmissions.

Angelina Jolie's family was heavily involved in local crime rings in China during WWII. So far, no one has yet assessed how much of Angelina Jolie's success is due to this “dirty money”.

Talking about this kind of thing openly is likely to get you put on a no-fly list.

Angelina Jolie goes to extraordinary lengths to keep annual visits to Chernobyl a secret-- but surprised fans with cell phone cameras have been able to bring this unusual fact to light.

“There are no facts, only interpretations.” -- Friedrick Nietzsche

LOL, Angelina Jolie never looked normal.

[Saturn500]

The Truth About The United Arab Emirates and Justin Bieber
 

The weather is not the only thing that the United Arab Emirates controls. It's developing a top-secret facility for weaponizing Alzheimer's, hidden from public view.

Justin Bieber secretly suffers from Alzheimer's-- a truth which would be heartbreaking and sympathetic, if Justin Bieber had not used money and influence to take ordinary people's places in clinical trials.

Justin Bieber goes to extraordinary lengths to keep annual visits to Fukushima a secret-- but surprised fans with cell phone cameras have been able to bring this unusual fact to light.

Our demands for transparency on this issue have largely been ignored.

Old classmates say that Justin Bieber associated with the Republicans during college.

The government thinks it's bamboozled us, but we know the truth: it's the greatest lie ever told, but it's still a goddamn lie.

Sources: 1.Gutmann, Peter M. "The subterranean economy." Financial Analysts Journal(1977): 26-34.
 2.Baker, Wayne E., and Robert R. Faulkner. "The social organization of conspiracy: Illegal networks in the heavy electrical equipment industry."American Sociological Review (1993): 837-860.
 3.Kaplan, Deborah L., and Kristina M. Graff. "Marketing breastfeeding—Reversing corporate influence on infant feeding practices." Journal of Urban Health 85.4 (2008): 486-504.
 4.Hrebenar, Ronald J. Interest group politics in America. ME Sharpe Inc, 1997.

Justin Bieber in college.

[mellenORL]

The Truth About Angel dust
 

Angel dust helped Bill Clinton achieve a meteoric rise to power.

Thousands of documents found in the remains of the World Trade Center contained evidence indicating that the FBI has a direct role in the creation and dissemination of angel dust.

You might think that this sounds like something out of a tabloid, but it's real.
 
Chinese internet activists were rounded up and executed when they exposed a scandal about their government's careless use of angel dust in biological warfare.

It's very suspicious that more people aren't outraged by this.

Barack Hussein Obama, when quizzed on "diversity" and angel dust, only winked slyly.

Apathy toward this issue will be the death of our civilization. Do you plan on dying with civilization, or will you join me in settling a remote Pacific island?

-------------------------------------------

This shit is a riot! Love that site.
 

[StallChaser]

When you realize that angel dust is another word for PCP, it makes a little more sense.  The author who wrote that loves angel dust! ^_^

[chad sexington]

Careful with this sort of thing, or before you know it you'll find yourself hanging in a Paris museum...

[Witchyjoshy]

The Truth About Chernobyl and "diversity"

It's pretty obvious that Hillary Clinton's recent concussion was acquired at Chernobyl-- a place known for its poor safety standards, but its rich collection of foreign policy secrets.

People from biblical times thought "diversity" had special power in Chernobyl.

Reddit users who speak out against "diversity" are routinely shadowbanned without explanation.

If only Congressmen were as honest about "diversity" as Morgan Freeman used to be. Too bad government bribes and gag orders have silenced Morgan Freeman in the US.

The former White House Chief of Staff confirmed two weeks ago that the truth about this matter has been seriously misrepresented.

Now that you know the truth, save your family and friends. Let them know the truth.

Hahaha, this one was great XD

[Rabbit of Caerbannog]

Too bad government bribes and gag orders have silenced Morgan Freeman in the US.

Fools, you can't silence the voice of God.

[Scotsgit]

The Truman show was actually a documentary about scotland's secret son, who was sequestered in a highly controlled environment in North Korea until very recently. Why? The answer is both complicated and chilling.

North Korea is practically owned by BP, which drew from its giant, $12 billion slush fund in order to entrench its corporate interests. Politicians speaking out against this fact have been brutally silenced by the Feds.

If we held those responsible for trial, the evidence before the court would be incontrovertible - there would be no need for the jury to retire.

Over the past 50 years, citizens expressing distrust of the Feds have been audited by the IRS at a rate 400% higher than the rest of this country's obedient sheeple.

Sufferers of chronic pain have, under rigorous amatuer testing, shown higher rates of precognition and telepathy than ordinary people. Is this why the Feds recruits such people to their training programs at such high rates?

Wipe the fog of government brainwashing from your eyes and see the truth!

Rise up and see the truth!  Did JFK die at Roswell for nothing?

[Distind]

First one I get:

The Truth About Obama Birthers

Your parents may remember a time when we had basic human rights. That, of course, was before Obama Birthers effectively ruled the world.

 You may not know it, but the concept of currency inflation was invented by Obama Birthers, which wanted an easy way to increase the numerical value of their investments in meth. It's easy to tell that inflation was never really real: when things get older, they get run down and lose value, right? But inflation is about numbers getting BIGGER. It doesn't make any sense!

After setting up this website with these startling facts, I have been contacted by FBI agents three times.

The increased militarization of US police forces can only mean one thing-- when the government's failure to properly address meth sparks a rebellion, NATO will be leading death squads across the nation.

Numerous pop songs from the 90s make veiled references to this.

Obama Birthers leaders have claimed time and again that they have nothing to do with meth, in direct contradiction to evidence provided by renowned psychics.

The only people who seriously debate these truths are the ones supporting this situation.

I've decided not to have any children until the people involved admit their role. I don't want to bring any more innocent life into this sad, twisted world.

Sources:
1.McCune, Lorraine. "A normative study of representational play in the transition to language." Developmental Psychology 31.2 (1995): 198.

Seems fitting.

[Captain Jack Harkness]

The Truth About The Census Bureau

Your parents may remember a time when we had basic human rights. That, of course, was before the Census Bureau effectively ruled the world.

In 2005, sailors on an oil tanker passed through the Bermuda Triangle on a routine voyage between the Gulf Coast and Africa. They never returned, but the last radio transmission, recorded by the NOAA and ham radio enthusiasts, was “S.O.S. - Bright Lights - the Census Bureau and Tencent.”

Outspoken journalists researching this matter have been repeatedly silenced by libel lawsuits.

In the year that it happened, WW2 didn't receive nearly as much media attention as it should have. the Census Bureau's censors were probably behind this.

Most people won't know about this until it's too late.

Agents from the Census Bureau sometimes show up at random citizens' homes, demanding that they reveal what they know about vaccines.

It's hard to find experts willing to speak truthfully about this.

The government thinks it's bamboozled us, but we know the truth: it's the greatest lie ever told, but it's still a goddamn lie.

[FirsthandTuna]

The Truth About Kristen Stewart

Elementary school curricula are secretly developed and controlled by the Mainstream Media. They're trying to turn our children into mindless drones, more interested in Kristen Stewart's latest exploits than in morality or hard work. And you know what? Kristen Stewart is in on it.

Top-ranking generals in Iraq authorized a drone strike on multiple news agencies critical of Kristen Stewart-- but cancelled the operation when a connection to the Census Bureau was exposed.

I'm willing to tell the truth about this, despite the dangers, because my commitment to justice and truth is extraordinary.

You may think free speech ensures your right to talk openly about Kristen Stewart's negative influence on our society, but their powerful friends along with the Democrats have, in the past, used crippling libel lawsuits to silence brave citizens who did exactly that.

We've taken a big risk to post this information on the internet-- many others have seen their careers destroyed for doing much less.

It's probably related to the way the Census Bureau has been changing history textbooks to tell a different story about the Bolshevik revolution.

When in doubt, question your world view. Ask yourself why you think in certain ways, and whether there is a better way to think. You may find yourself realizing a lot more about the world around you.

This is what I've been trying to tell people all along. Twilight was just the beginning.

[chitoryu12]

The Truth About The Census Bureau

Most agents of the Census Bureau don't go home for Christmas-- they go back to the uterine tanks where they were grown and programmed by the Census Bureau's engineers, as part of their larger plan for global dominance.

During Bush's time in office, most major newspapers had a member of the Census Bureau on staff, responsible for censoring most references to MDMA.

You may think that no one in your family will ever suffer from premature aging, but if you live within 25 miles of one of the Census Bureau's bases, your chances of contracting premature aging within your lifetime are 300% higher.

It's very suspicious that more people aren't outraged by this.

In the 1950s, MDMA researchers at the University of Chicago accidentally developed a cure for premature aging-- but died under mysterious circumstances before it could ever go to trial.

Are you ready to see how deep the rabbit-hole goes? Take the red pill, brothers and sisters. Metaphorically, of course-- by now, you should know not to trust Big Pharma's pills.