An awful lot of stuff came in it! We thought it was going to be some pamphlets, but it was oh-so-much better!
Long CAPSLOCK, BOLDED
, and random red underlined letter saying that if you ask your imaginary friend hard enough you can totes get what you want! Apparently they prayed over 'our address', which probably explains the rash I developed.
Write down your needs so we can pretend to help! Church address blanked out. What's this 'prayer rug' they're talking about anyway? Must be majorly special to be so important for the church to want it back...
A big ol' sheet of paper with ALL CAPS and some really dumb claims. I PRAYED AND THEY SENT ME THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL! Or some shit.
I was healed! PRAAAAIISE! And stuff. Pointy finger. Bible verses.
Prayer rug! But it's a poster. And you can't even keep it! What the shit, this is such a letdown! I wanted it to cry blood or some shit, instead it's a cheap poster printed on newspaper!
Closeup of the bottom of the 'prayer rug'.
Back of the prayer
poster with even more silly claims to pray your troubles away and send the thing on because all you apparently need is to pray once. Do the starving and terminally I'll know this...?
Most baffling part of all, a **Sealed Prophecy** that you CAN'T OPEN unless you participate! No seriously, DO NOT OPEN! It's sealed in RED!
OoooOoOOOoo! Should I open it?! Or do as this venerable, ancient 63-year-old ministry who randomly sent us shit out of nowhere says and DESTROY IT so we can, I dunno, save Middle Earth or some shit.