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General Category => Forum Games => Topic started by: Søren on January 04, 2012, 04:27:05 am

Title: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Søren on January 04, 2012, 04:27:05 am
Basically someone says they wish for something and someone responds that it's granted but something bad happens.

Example: I wish I had a new book

Example response: Granted, but its old and wrecked


To start off. I wish that the bins in the kitchen wouldnt have to be emptied twice a day because of all the crap we go through
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ironbite on January 04, 2012, 04:27:56 am
Granted.  They gain sentience and come after you.

Ironbite-I wish for three pounds of fish.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: GLaDOS on January 04, 2012, 12:56:46 pm
Granted, you may masturbate three times with any fish.

I wish Chell would stop trying to kill me.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Scotsgit on January 04, 2012, 03:35:08 pm
Granted:  They suceed.

I wish 40K Titans were real and I owned one.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: GLaDOS on January 04, 2012, 04:54:20 pm
Granted:  They suceed.

I wish 40K Titans were real and I owned one.
Granted, but they are unstable, and cause all the uranium on earth to reach critical mass after 5 minutes

Also, Chell already has suceeded, twice, in fact, so you didn't grant my wish...

I wish Wheatley would shut up.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on January 04, 2012, 05:52:37 pm
Granted but he is replaced by the space core.

I wish people tipped more at the restaurant i work at
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Scotsgit on January 04, 2012, 06:38:33 pm
Granted:  The tip is to stop working at that restaurant.

I wish I own Games Workshop
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Osama bin Bambi on January 05, 2012, 01:13:35 am
Granted: All the workers go on strike. You had no idea there was a video game industry union.

I wish I could learn from books by osmosis.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Smurfette Principle on January 05, 2012, 01:17:30 am
All the books in the world are homeopathic conspiracy theorist books and books by Jenny McCarthy.

I wish I had a vibrator without my parents knowing about it.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Osama bin Bambi on January 05, 2012, 01:19:39 am
All the books in the world are homeopathic conspiracy theorist books and books by Jenny McCarthy.

I wish I had a vibrator without my parents knowing about it.

Granted: It's irreparably broken.

I wish I was more original.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Undecided on January 05, 2012, 01:24:51 am
Granted. You are transported 100,000ish years back in time and are now Mitochondrial Eve.

I wish for a gigantic paradise.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on January 05, 2012, 06:43:12 am
Granted... The paradise is so enormously huge that is expands the limits of the known universe which immediately implodes into a singularity which then disappears up Michele Bachmann's posterior orifice.

I wish I could make fundtard nutjobs understand that the Big Bang was not a fucking explosion!
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 05, 2012, 07:40:57 am
Granted, but you now can't convince them that it was not a wad of Vegemite being snorted out of a giant space hippo's left nostril.

I wish I had AU$3000.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Her3tiK on January 05, 2012, 12:26:35 pm
Granted. You now live in Somalia.

I wish that we could elect rage comic memes into public office.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: GLaDOS on January 05, 2012, 04:23:07 pm
granted, but the only rage comic meme left in existence is scumbag congress.

I was conducting the Schroedinger's Cat experiment yesterday. The bad news is reality doesn't exist, and the good news is, I'll be needing a new cat cemetery. So I wish for that before they start stinking up the place.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on January 05, 2012, 04:38:50 pm
Granted, but the cemetery only exists in an alternate Everett branch.

I wish for the ability to popularise into common usage any new word or redefinition I want.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: GLaDOS on January 05, 2012, 04:41:19 pm
Granted, but the cemetery only exists in an alternate Everett branch.

I wish for the ability to popularise into common usage any new word or redefinition I want.
Granted, but the only word you can say is "Refudiate."
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on January 05, 2012, 05:35:57 pm
Granted but now they come back and constantly nag you about getting killed


I wish that my boss would shut up about how many woman he had sex with in a week.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: GLaDOS on January 05, 2012, 05:54:02 pm
Granted but now they come back and constantly nag you about getting killed


I wish that my boss would shut up about how many woman he had sex with in a week.
Granted, you now have no sex life, so there is nothing for you to complain about.

I wish I could get rid of these warehouses full of Aperture Science Weighted Companion Cubes by any means necessary.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: jumpingjackflash on January 05, 2012, 06:32:59 pm
Granted, an antimatter bomb is detonated which vaporizes the entire warehouse, including your most essential spare parts which just happened to be stored there.

I wish I had a personal holodeck.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: GLaDOS on January 05, 2012, 06:46:23 pm
Granted, an antimatter bomb is detonated which vaporizes the entire warehouse, including your most essential spare parts which just happened to be stored there.

I wish I had a personal holodeck.
Granted, but it causes gravity to reverse at random moments

I wish I would never run out of cake.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ironbite on January 05, 2012, 07:50:27 pm
Granted but you run out of milk to go with cake.  Then Chell replaces you with Adventure Core.

Ironbite-I wish, once more, for the world to live in perfect harmony.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: GLaDOS on January 05, 2012, 08:05:14 pm
Granted but you run out of milk to go with cake.  Then Chell replaces you with Adventure Core.

Ironbite-I wish, once more, for the world to live in perfect harmony.
Granted, but the harmony is Rebecca Black's "Friday"

I wish the adventure core would blow himself up, and I would regain control unharmed.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Scotsgit on January 05, 2012, 09:11:02 pm
Granted:  In the aim to leave you unharmed, you are marooned on a desert planet with no culture or intelligent life form (Or Birmingham as I call it)

I wish I had an off-road motorbike
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on January 05, 2012, 09:14:21 pm
Granted. But the motorbike is irreparably destroyed if it comes within 50 yards of a road.

I wish that I had my own pet dragon.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Iczerfour on January 05, 2012, 09:23:49 pm
Granted but its Spike the kleptomaniac

I wish i had 45 pounds of Rhodium
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on January 05, 2012, 10:05:56 pm
Granted. 45 pounds of Rhodium falls on your head. You die.

I wish that tomorrow I meet a cute, nerdy Jewish girl, we fall in love, get married, raise kids, and live happily after after.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Osama bin Bambi on January 05, 2012, 10:09:19 pm
Granted. 45 pounds of Rhodium falls on your head. You die.

I wish that tomorrow I meet a cute, nerdy Jewish girl, we fall in love, get married, raise kids, and live happily after after.

Granted. Now you have to deal with her mother. And all your kids will marry gentiles.

I wish I was good at math.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Her3tiK on January 05, 2012, 10:12:56 pm
Granted. 45 pounds of Rhodium falls on your head. You die.

I wish that tomorrow I meet a cute, nerdy Jewish girl, we fall in love, get married, raise kids, and live happily after after.

Granted. Now you have to deal with her mother. And all your kids will marry gentiles.

I wish I was good at math.
Granted, but you can no longer communicate in any language known to man.

I wish for more wishes.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on January 05, 2012, 10:18:37 pm
Granted. But in this world wishes are fishes.

I wish for the power of telekinesis.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 05, 2012, 10:21:07 pm
Granted, turns out you're not just a sleep-walker, but a sleep-telepath. During a particularly scary dream, you telekinetically rip your own balls off.

I wish the Harry Potter setting was real, I was a wizard and I go on to modernise the wizarding world's financial sector, integrate it economically with the muggles and make a massive fortune in the process.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Osama bin Bambi on January 05, 2012, 10:24:01 pm
Granted. But in this world wishes are fishes.

I wish for the power of telekinesis.

Granted. But you can't turn it off, forcing you to hear every single thought that runs through every single person around you.

I wish I could speak Arabic.

ED: Dammit, Art. You ninja'd me.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on January 05, 2012, 10:32:54 pm
(Telekinesis: Moving objects with mind. Telepathy: Reading and communicating with minds)

Granted. You are promptly accused of terrorism and held indefinitely under the provisions of the NDAA.

I wish to visit Mars.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Osama bin Bambi on January 05, 2012, 10:44:13 pm
(Telekinesis: Moving objects with mind. Telepathy: Reading and communicating with minds)

Granted. You are promptly accused of terrorism and held indefinitely under the provisions of the NDAA.

I wish to visit Mars.

Granted. No oxygen. You suffocate.

I wish I could speak Basque.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on January 06, 2012, 12:43:03 am
(Telekinesis: Moving objects with mind. Telepathy: Reading and communicating with minds)

Granted. You are promptly accused of terrorism and held indefinitely under the provisions of the NDAA.

I wish to visit Mars.

Granted. No oxygen. You suffocate.

I wish I could speak Basque.

Granted. You lose the ability to speak other languages. Resigned, you move to Spain. While in Madrid, you are accused of terrorism and held under their local laws, resulting in you being forced into a bullfighting arena. In place of the bull.

I wish I had a Gay Note - that by writing in it, a given person is revealed as a homosexual.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: jumpingjackflash on January 06, 2012, 01:41:38 am
Granted. However, while you were away, someone sneaks up on your gay note, writes your closest friends which happen to have the same gender as you, as well as several random same-gendered people. You are then promptly chased by droves of homosexual people who fell in love with you, Benny Hill style.

I wish I have a time-travel machine which allows me to meet now-deceased famous figures (John Lennon, Martin Luther King, etc.)
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Her3tiK on January 06, 2012, 01:54:20 am
Granted. However, while you were away, someone sneaks up on your gay note, writes your closest friends which happen to have the same gender as you, as well as several random same-gendered people. You are then promptly chased by droves of homosexual people who fell in love with you, Benny Hill style.

I wish I have a time-travel machine which allows me to meet now-deceased famous figures (John Lennon, Martin Luther King, etc.)
Granted, you meet Alexander the Great as one of the soldiers he killed in his conquests.

I wish I didn't have to do something about this cyst on my wrist tomorrow.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on January 06, 2012, 08:45:19 am
Granted. The cyst is now on your ass.

I wish I had the power of flight.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on January 06, 2012, 03:06:21 pm
Granted, but you get shot down for zipping around in no-fly zones.

I wish that our new building would be finished already so we could get moving my work over with.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on January 06, 2012, 03:10:56 pm
Granted, but the building is made of cardboard.

I wish for the ability to cure any kind of cancer, including on my person.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: jumpingjackflash on January 06, 2012, 05:46:39 pm
Granted, but anyone cured by you suddenly contracts diarrhea instead.

I wish I can master mathematics and physics, the two subjects I hate so much back in high school.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on January 06, 2012, 08:32:00 pm
Granted. But you lose all ability with your favorite subjects.

I wish I had a brand new tilt-shift lens for my Rebel T2i.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on January 06, 2012, 09:10:55 pm
Granted, but the world now appears to you only on a dollshouse scale.

I wish they would make a live action Captain Scarlet movie.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Undecided on January 06, 2012, 10:14:33 pm
Granted. We are all transported to an alternate universe where we are all marionette dolls controlled by alien overlords, thus redefining "live action" to mean the original context.

I wish for a flower garden.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 06, 2012, 11:07:23 pm
Granted, but it's planted in such a way that when viewed from above, it spells "Rick Santorum for President".

I wish I was omnipotent.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on January 06, 2012, 11:20:20 pm
Granted. But you forget to grant yourself the ability to see the consequences of using your powers before you start using them and, as a result, destroy the world.

I wish for fish.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 06, 2012, 11:25:42 pm
Granted. But you forget to grant yourself the ability to see the consequences of using your powers before you start using them and, as a result, destroy the world.
So? I'm omnipotent, I can bring it back with less effort than it takes to release a fart.

In any case, granted, you are now naked and swimming inside your brand new fish tank which is filled with your very own piranhas. Enjoy!

I wish I was more easily amused.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jodie on January 06, 2012, 11:29:41 pm
Granted. But you become so easy to amuse that you become bored with absolutely everything and as a result you never smile again.

I wish I was a Transformer.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 06, 2012, 11:31:31 pm
Granted, you can transform into a packet of condoms.

I wish for a vanilla milkshake.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jodie on January 06, 2012, 11:44:56 pm
Granted. But the glass is slippery with condensation, slides out of your hand and smashes on the floor. D:

I wish real life was exactly like Minecraft.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: jumpingjackflash on January 06, 2012, 11:47:52 pm
Agh, got ninja'd by Jodie!

Granted, but you were attacked right away by Endermen.

I wish I can wield a Minigun one-handed.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 06, 2012, 11:49:23 pm
Granted, enjoy shelling out around $5000 for every minute you spend firing that thing.

I wish the latest Minecraft updates weren't so shitty.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jodie on January 06, 2012, 11:52:32 pm
I wish the latest Minecraft updates weren't so shitty.

Granted. But after the first awesome update Mojang goes bankrupt and Minecraft is never updated again.

I wish that smoking cigarettes extended your life span, not shortened it.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on January 06, 2012, 11:58:12 pm
Granted. Their price soars to $1,000 a pack.

I wish I could transform into any animal I want and back at will.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 07, 2012, 12:01:26 am
Granted, but when you change, so does your brain. You lose all memories, personally and knowledge you had as a human (including not only how to transform, but that you even can transform in the first place), essentially rendering you permanently and completely transformed the first time you do so.

I wish I could fly.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jodie on January 07, 2012, 12:09:56 am
Granted, but you are killed when you have an in-air collision with a migrating duck.

I wish could swap back and forth between all genders whenever I wanted.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on January 07, 2012, 12:12:01 am
Granted, but your brain cannot keep track of which gender you are, and you eventually become comatose.

I wish that I had a katana.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jodie on January 07, 2012, 12:16:01 am
Granted. You have a katana - but it is in the possession of Beatrix Kiddo, from who's cold dead hands you have to pry it from. Good luck with that.

I'm thirsty and I wish I had some Dr. Pepper.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 07, 2012, 12:18:29 am
Granted, you have a disembodied leg that once belonged to a Dr Samuel H. Pepper MD. The police are currently eager to find out why. Enjoy!

I wish for white chocolate.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on January 07, 2012, 12:23:00 am
Granted. It comes with a little girl who will drive you insane with her unending insistence that it is not real chocolate.

I wish I had an olympic-size swimming pool.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on January 07, 2012, 12:24:15 am
Granted, but you dive in and realize as you're falling that you forgot to put water in it.

I wish that I had pyrokenisis (ability to control fire).
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 07, 2012, 12:25:19 am
Granted, but you can only do so after drinking crude oil.

I wish I had an awesome gaming PC.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jodie on January 07, 2012, 12:31:17 am
Granted. But your computer is so awesome that it becomes self-aware and starts playing with YOU!

I wish Fred Phelps woud hurry up and die already.

(LOL! I love your new avatar Art!)
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 07, 2012, 12:43:19 am
Thanks Jodie. When I found it, it was love at first sight...

Granted, but he comes back as a lich.

I wish physical books were as cheap as their digital counterparts.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on January 07, 2012, 12:45:05 am
Granted, but now they're prone to spontaneous combustion.

I wish that I already had a band formed.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jodie on January 07, 2012, 12:52:32 am
Granted. But but all memebers of the band die in a fiery bus crash on the way to your first concert.

I wish I had a pet T-rex.

Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sleepy on January 07, 2012, 01:15:38 am
Granted, it falls in love with you and attempts to mate.

I wish for perfect 20/20 vision.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: jumpingjackflash on January 07, 2012, 03:23:59 am
Granted, in return you become deaf and quadriplegic.

I wish groups like Al-Qaida and the KKK all die ala Jonestown.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on January 07, 2012, 07:52:54 pm
Granted, but the fundtards, having lost such a major target, quadruple their hatred of atheism. A local bible thumper snitches on you and you are burned at the stake.

I wish the Force was with me.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Osama bin Bambi on January 07, 2012, 07:56:10 pm
Granted. You are a Sith Lord who will get killed horribly in a spin-off.

I wish I could find a copy of the full Casement Report.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: jumpingjackflash on January 07, 2012, 08:14:17 pm
Granted, but the next day, you accidentally dropped the report in your fireplace.

I wish that, on Monday, December 8th 1980, Mark David Chapman aimed slightly to the left and shot Yoko Ono instead.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 07, 2012, 09:10:14 pm
Granted, but January 8th, 2012, John Lennon shows up at your house and takes a shit in your mailbox.

I wish some awesome food.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: jumpingjackflash on January 07, 2012, 09:32:45 pm
Granted, one luxurious all-you-can-eat buffet coming up, made from kitten and baby meat!

I wish I had a tank.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 07, 2012, 11:09:09 pm
Granted (http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS0MlWi8qp1SEl09OMitz1b5hUBeaWWO4OpJgOIrG7Va0g-dlwxMg). Enjoy!

I wish for some chips and gravy.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on January 08, 2012, 12:31:59 am
Granted, but you get so sick that everything tastes like barf.

I wish that I could see into the future.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sleepy on January 08, 2012, 12:50:04 am
Granted, you see the date of your death and go insane counting down the seconds until it inevitably strikes you.

I wish for the cut on my finger to heal.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on January 08, 2012, 02:05:39 am
granted but in return you get a large cut across your head that will never heal


I wish that my girlfriend would return my calls.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ironbite on January 08, 2012, 02:06:28 am
Granted...it's to break up with you.

Ironbite-I wish for a 1000 pounds of nice fish.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: jumpingjackflash on January 08, 2012, 02:11:58 am
Granted. Did I mention those fish were scooped up from rivers with high pollution rates?

I wish I can play any song I want on the piano.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 08, 2012, 03:01:53 am
Granted, but only if you run your balls against a cheese grater first.

I wish I had the power to stop time.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Shane for Wax on January 08, 2012, 03:04:20 am
Wish granted but you seem to have forgotten to ask to be able to start it again. Thus... everything everywhere is frozen. Never to move again.

I wish I had a proper backscratcher.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 08, 2012, 03:11:25 am
Granted, but it's never within reach.

I wish for stuff and whatnot.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Servo on January 08, 2012, 05:24:08 am
Granted, but you get nothing but turkey stuffing forever more.

I wish for a nice pretzel.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on January 08, 2012, 09:15:42 am
Granted, but you're severly allergic to the dough.

I wish that I had some bacon.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on January 08, 2012, 01:35:50 pm
Granted, but you feel the inexplicable desire to follow Jewish dietary restrictions.

I wish I had a reasonably well paying job relating to math and/or physics.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on January 08, 2012, 01:53:04 pm
Granted. Your job pays very well, but your co-workers hate your guts, your boss is an asshole, and they expect you to work extra overtime every week.

I wish I had a web programming job that pays well and contributes positively to my quality of life, unlike Sigmaleph’s job.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: jumpingjackflash on January 08, 2012, 05:05:08 pm
Granted, your job pays well, you become a celebrity amongst internet users, but now there are hackers and other programmers who wants to plagiarize the stuff you made.

I wish I had cryokinesis. (ability to control ice)
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on January 08, 2012, 05:14:53 pm
Granted, your job pays well, you become a celebrity amongst internet users, but now there are hackers and other programmers who wants to plagiarize the stuff you made.

I wish I had cryokinesis. (ability to control ice)

Congratulations. You accidentally freeze your own body solid.

I wish Abbott & Costello would come back from the dead.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Her3tiK on January 08, 2012, 06:44:25 pm
Granted, your job pays well, you become a celebrity amongst internet users, but now there are hackers and other programmers who wants to plagiarize the stuff you made.

I wish I had cryokinesis. (ability to control ice)

Congratulations. You accidentally freeze your own body solid.

I wish Abbott & Costello would come back from the dead.
Granted, some mouth-breathing teenagers kills them and fulfills his zombie hunting fantasies.

I wish I had a new bass guitar.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on January 08, 2012, 07:32:59 pm
Granted. It turns out to be a cursed bass of finger severing, and you are now fingerless.

I wish I had a giant chocolate chip cookie.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on January 08, 2012, 08:39:59 pm
Granted, but it's the size of a house and squishes you.

I wish that I could communicate with animals.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sleepy on January 08, 2012, 10:43:33 pm
Granted. You discover that they're all secretly plotting to conquer humans and attempt to immediately inform authorities. Unfortunately, you're seen as a nutcase and thrown into a nice, padded white room for a few decades.

I wish for cheese.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on January 08, 2012, 10:49:08 pm
You get plenty of cheese. Unfortunately, it's long past the expiration date and is infected with deadly mold spores that kill you after a few bites.

I wish I was a kitty so people would love me and take care of me for the rest of my life without having to do anything in return.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: jumpingjackflash on January 09, 2012, 02:14:14 am
Granted, but on the first day of being a kitty you are mauled to death by crazy doberman dogs.

I wish I can survive wounds that would normally kill other people (being stabbed, shot, hit by a car, blunt trauma etc.)
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on January 09, 2012, 02:49:27 am
Granted, but the next day you get salmonella poisoning which proves terminal.

I wish I could teach the world to sing in perfect harmony...
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on January 09, 2012, 09:11:37 am
Granted, but they continuously argue over what song to sing.

I wish that I could snap my fingers and get rid of all the fundies.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 09, 2012, 09:25:34 am
Granted, but racists spring up in their place.

I wish I was better at Terraria.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on January 09, 2012, 11:47:12 am
Granted but you now suck at everything else.

 I wish I had a pet corvid, preferably a raven.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on January 09, 2012, 01:43:41 pm
Granted. But you only get it for one day, after which it dies of West Nile, which is shortly transferred to you by an evil mosquito.

I wish mosquitoes were not evil.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on January 09, 2012, 04:00:02 pm
Granted, they are Lawful Stupid and believe the law demands they give malaria and dengue to as many humans as possible.

I wish I could control temperature.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on January 10, 2012, 03:00:06 am
Granted, but you are bitten by a mosquito which gives you malaria and dengue. You lapse into a feverish coma and your temperature control ability runs amok giving rise to global warming on an unprecedented scale. Several whales die.

I wish for free icecream and chocolate for everyone!
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jodie on January 10, 2012, 04:49:48 am
Granted. But 90% of population develops diabetes and many die young from complications.

I wish I had a mansion made entirely out of gold bricks.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: jumpingjackflash on January 10, 2012, 06:38:45 am
Granted. But the next day, a wrecking ball hung from a crane near your mansion accidentally wrecks your mansion because of a faulty control.

I wish 9/11 never happened.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Shane for Wax on January 10, 2012, 06:46:26 am
Granted. It happens on 9/12 instead. :(

I wish I had a massage from a nice masseuse.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Scotsgit on January 10, 2012, 11:29:12 am
Granted:  He may ba nice masseuse, unfortunately he gives you a skin disease that makes you so hideous you can't go out in public ever again.

I wish I lived somewhere where it's warm all year round.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ironbite on January 10, 2012, 12:43:46 pm
Granted.  Welcome to the Sun.

Ironbite-I wish I lived in an age of magic and mystery.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on January 10, 2012, 12:51:39 pm
Granted. You have no talent for magic or for dealing mystery and must watch all the cool wizards and andventurers from the sidelines. You wind up as a simple potato farmer. As a condolence, you do get to have a nice family that doesn’t mind you just being a simple potato farmer.

I wish I was the most epic potato farmer ever.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Scotsgit on January 10, 2012, 02:44:11 pm
Granted:  Watching from the sidelines makes Ironbite jealous, so he switches to becoming an awesome wheat farmer, convinces everyone to eat pasta instead of potatoes and you go out of business and have to sell your farm and work for Ironbite from now on.

I wish I was a Space Marine in 40K
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 10, 2012, 08:54:17 pm
Granted. You soon find all that marine training in beach landings was completely useless and now you have no idea how to fight in space. Naturally, you don't last for very long.

I wish I had some Doritos.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on January 11, 2012, 02:01:59 am
Granted, but you can't get the bag open.

I wish that people weren't so stupid.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: jumpingjackflash on January 11, 2012, 02:36:34 am
Granted, but in return you become stupid.

I wish all sexists, racists, and fundies all suddenly disappear from the world or die from something painful like falling face first in a fireplace or cancer.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jodie on January 11, 2012, 07:07:03 am
Granted. But their burning hatred is eternal and reanimates their corpses, causing a worldwide bigot zombie apocolypse.

I wish that Earth's moon really was made of cheese.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 11, 2012, 07:32:31 am
Granted. You are forced to retroactively supply all the milk used in the formation of said cheese.

I wish for some marshmallows.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on January 11, 2012, 10:21:56 am
Granted, but they are all 100 metre cubes and no way will they fit in your house. You have to try to eat them outdoors, which is all very well until it rains. One day you find a family of potato farmers living in the hollowed out shell of one of the giant marshmallows. For some reason this depresses you.

I wish I had a really cool nickname...
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 11, 2012, 10:24:48 am
Granted, it's really cool by the standards of 8 year old girls. You shall be forever known as Princess Loveyhair.

I wish I wouldn't keep forgetting to wish for stuff.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Her3tiK on January 11, 2012, 01:36:25 pm
Granted, it's really cool by the standards of 8 year old girls. You shall be forever known as Princess Loveyhair.

I wish I wouldn't keep forgetting to wish for stuff.
Granted, but you only remember to wish for potatoes.

I wish I hadn't continued the potato jokes.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on January 11, 2012, 05:22:45 pm
Granted. Instead, you continued the mosquito jokes.

I wish for world peace.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on January 11, 2012, 09:55:01 pm
Granted, but the earth gets blown up the day after.

I wish we could play video games like this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-FRb8CZ__I
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Her3tiK on January 11, 2012, 10:35:47 pm
Granted. Due to the obesity epidemic in this country, so many people die from overexertion that the system is recalled within a month.

I wish I had something to eat.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on January 11, 2012, 11:11:05 pm
Granted. You are served a nice steaming turd.

I wish I could cure stupidity with a glare.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sleepy on January 12, 2012, 02:04:24 am
Granted, but you're blind within just a few days due to the overwhelming stupidity.

I wish for a glass of tasty milk.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on January 12, 2012, 02:25:19 am
Granted but it is milk of the poppy to which you have an unexpected allergic reaction. Mushroom like excrescences erupt all over your body and you lose the ability to speak apart  from one word, 'frenetic'.

I wish for sunshine on a cloudy day.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Shane for Wax on January 12, 2012, 02:56:50 am
Granted but now you have to hear that song 24 hours a day even in your dreams. >=[

I wish I had a cool exo-skeleton.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on January 12, 2012, 10:54:10 am
Granted. But it is so heavy you cannot take more than five steps without having to pause for a breath.

I wish I was immune to physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on January 12, 2012, 01:30:23 pm
Granted but you now suffer from psychic exhaustion.

I wish for cheaper gasoline.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Scotsgit on January 12, 2012, 02:18:16 pm
Granted:  the condition of having it means that you have to drive an electric car.  A spark from the car ignites the gasoline and burns down your house.

I wish I was a billionaire.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Undecided on January 12, 2012, 05:07:31 pm
Granted. You are also retroactively the man who is most directly responsible for the 2007-- financial crisis.

I wish for a maxed-out Skyrim character.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 12, 2012, 06:30:15 pm
Granted, but its a really shitty build.

I wish I had a job.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: QueenofHearts on January 12, 2012, 07:40:29 pm
Granted, you've landed a job in competitive fetish porn industry making scat films

I wish it was next week so I could watch new episodes of Archer.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 12, 2012, 08:40:23 pm
Granted. Turns the show is cancelled and you only chance to save it was skipped when you went forward in time.

I wish for something or other to happen.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: QueenofHearts on January 12, 2012, 08:50:11 pm
Granted, but its not quite what you expect with a very ironic twist occurring

I wish you'd step back from that ledge my friend.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on January 12, 2012, 09:12:44 pm
Granted. I throw you off instead.

I wish nothing ever happened again.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Radiation on January 12, 2012, 11:33:18 pm
Granted, but in wishing this, you caused the universe to blink out of existence.

I wish I had the power to control all forms of radiation, including cosmic radiation and have the precision to control it exactly how I want it.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on January 12, 2012, 11:56:35 pm
Granted, but you get radiation poisoning and die.

I wish that stupid XBOX live would work right now.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: QueenofHearts on January 12, 2012, 11:59:29 pm
Granted, but the only people ever on XBox live are n00by pre-teens (wow, may have hit a bit too close to home on that one)

I wish Stephen Colbert was president
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Cataclysm on January 13, 2012, 12:27:53 am
Granted. He nukes Iran, uses the 999 plan, bails out corporations, sends troops back to Iraq, makes same sex marriage illegal, bans abortion in all cases, gives the death penalty to marijuana users, makes you donate your kidney, and detains everyone on FSTDT forums indefinitely via NDAA.

I wish for chocolate that would clean your teeth when you eat it.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Radiation on January 13, 2012, 12:29:48 am
Granted, but rinsing with water or milk will cause you to get cavities.

I wish I had some tasty lobster to eat.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on January 13, 2012, 04:55:19 am
Granted, you get a highly aggressive giant lobster the size of an elephant with pincers half the size of refridgerators. But yes, it would be delicious if you could manage to kill and eat it somehow.

I wish for a pet dinosaur I could ride to class.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jodie on January 13, 2012, 05:16:44 am
Granted. But you forget to feed it one morning and when it gets hungry it eats you.

I wish I had some pie.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: DarkfireTaimatsu on January 13, 2012, 05:31:17 am
Granted, you get a highly aggressive giant lobster the size of an elephant with pincers half the size of refridgerators. But yes, it would be delicious if you could manage to kill and eat it somehow.

Didn't I just finish watching this in Teenagers From Outer Space (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teenagers_from_Outer_Space)?
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Scotsgit on January 13, 2012, 04:13:31 pm
Granted. But you forget to feed it one morning and when it gets hungry it eats you.

I wish I had some pie.

Granted:  It was made in 1987 and has so much mould that it's a new lifeform in itself.  It attacks you and bakes you in a pie instead.

I wish my employers weren't complete and utter arseholes.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Radiation on January 13, 2012, 07:35:07 pm
Granted, but they become so nice and saccharine that it gets on your nerves.

I wish I didn't have to wash my dishes.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on January 13, 2012, 08:01:55 pm
Granted, but you now have no food to dirty them.

I wish that I knew for sure what my plans this weekend were.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Radiation on January 13, 2012, 09:12:38 pm
Granted, but you find that they are going to involve something boring.

I wish I had lots of money.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Normandy on January 14, 2012, 12:11:59 am
Granted, you now have $10.  Hey, to some people that's a lot!  :P

I wish my teeth didn't ache.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on January 14, 2012, 12:29:08 am
Granted, but they all fall out.

I wish that I could smack people who just run around willy nilly in object based multiplayer.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: QueenofHearts on January 14, 2012, 05:10:28 am
Granted, but they can smack you back as well and they hit harder

Wish I had a boyfriend  :(
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on January 14, 2012, 11:24:26 am
Granted. You have a good friend who happens to be a boy.

I wish I had a mountain of Nerds candy.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Cataclysm on January 14, 2012, 12:48:15 pm
That's not corrupted enough, give them an abusive boyfriend!

Granted, it falls and crushes you.

I wish I knew if woodchucks chucked wood.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on January 14, 2012, 12:54:43 pm
Granted, but they now are chucking woof through all your windows.

I wish that I had a new book.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Cataclysm on January 14, 2012, 01:27:30 pm
Granted. It's so horrible that you rip your eyes out while reading it.

I wish the USA had Instant Runoff Voting.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on January 16, 2012, 09:34:05 am
Granted - IRV is implemented but there is a glitch in the system and everybody gets elected.

I wish the world economy was more rhubarb based.

Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: jumpingjackflash on January 16, 2012, 06:31:33 pm
Granted, but as soon as the rhubarb system is implemented rhubarbs all over the world disappear, causing world economy to irreparably and irretrievably collapse.

I wish for a nice golden sword.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Osama bin Bambi on January 16, 2012, 06:34:42 pm
Granted. During the night, Ron Paul breaks into your home and steals it. He leaves behind a fiat note with his signature and a trollface on it, with the words, "u mad bro?"

I wish I was a dragon whisperer
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Cataclysm on January 16, 2012, 07:24:56 pm
Granted. You whisper to a dragon something it doesn't want to hear and it eats you

I wish the dragon would spit out Wytch's remains so we can have a funeral.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on January 16, 2012, 09:11:21 pm
Granted, but you piss of dragon and get eaten.

I wish I could telepathically play video games.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: jumpingjackflash on January 16, 2012, 10:10:04 pm
Granted, but all games you play gets glitched and permanently broken.

I wish I had a supercomputer.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Cataclysm on January 17, 2012, 12:08:58 am
Granted. It considers itself superior than you and sends killer robots from the future to eliminate you.

I wish Texas would succeed from the USA.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on January 17, 2012, 12:39:41 am
Wish granted.  They're very successful because of being part of the US.  Oh.  I'm sorry!  Did you mean secede?

I wish I could make it to a brony meetup.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 17, 2012, 01:31:20 am
Granted, but they greatly dislike you due to other non-pony related qualities.

I wish to pass my forklift license exam tomorrow.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on January 17, 2012, 02:38:51 am
Granted but there is a two year weight restriction of 5lb on the forks you are allowed to lift.

I wish I owned a circus so I could abuse the clowns.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 17, 2012, 02:46:08 am
Granted but there is a two year weight restriction of 5lb on the forks you are allowed to lift.
Not possible, due to my country being of a post-Napoleonic mindset and thus using metric measurements for those sorts of things.

Anyhoo, granted (given the reputation of clowns and what they do to people they dislike, do I really need to corrupt this wish?)

I wish for some chips and gravy.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Osama bin Bambi on January 17, 2012, 03:09:22 am
Granted. They're laced with cyanide.

I wish I was allowed to read The Language Instinct by Steven Pinker at the dinner table without being yelled at for being an antisocial nerd.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on January 17, 2012, 03:12:54 am
Wish granted.  You're not yelled at for it, but everyone at the dinner table is holding a conversation at your expense (about how you're an antisocial nerd.

I wish I could meet Twilight Sparkle.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 17, 2012, 03:18:52 am
Granted, buy twilight sparkle turns out to be a jaded and surly actor who hates nothing more than adoring fans.

I wish I could fly.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ironbite on January 17, 2012, 03:53:19 am
Granted you're chucked out of the ring by a rather large and pale Irish man then you job to a midget the next week.  ENJOYING YOURSELF HEATH SLATER!?

Ironbite-I wish I could punch Johnny Ace in the face.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 17, 2012, 03:56:41 am
Granted, he tears your balls off in response.

I wish stupid people were physically unable to breed.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on January 17, 2012, 09:05:46 am
Granted. Stupidity is now an infectious illness. With no cure.

I wish I had a big-screen TV.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on January 17, 2012, 12:56:09 pm
Granted, but it's permanently locked on FOX News with no way to change the channel.

I wish I had a billion dollars.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: QueenofHearts on January 17, 2012, 01:48:51 pm
Granted, but its counterfeit.

I wish that Dick Cheney and the next poster would passionately make love
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Cataclysm on January 17, 2012, 02:18:44 pm
Granted, but its counterfeit.

I wish that Dick Cheney and the next poster would passionately make love

Granted. We create a giant killer robot and name it love and take over the world.

Wish granted.  They're very successful because of being part of the US.  Oh.  I'm sorry!  Did you mean secede?

Yes. That is my new wish.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: rosenewock21 on January 17, 2012, 02:31:01 pm
Granted. The weight of the sheer hubris of the new nation causes it to sink into the gulf, raising water levels and flooding most of the southern US (and we have some very cool members from that area).

I wish they'd stop blaming me for things my kids pick up on their own.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Her3tiK on January 17, 2012, 02:45:31 pm
Granted. The weight of the sheer hubris of the new nation causes it to sink into the gulf, raising water levels and flooding most of the southern US (and we have some very cool members from that area).

I wish they'd stop blaming me for things my kids pick up on their own.
Granted. Your kids become geniuses who cure cancer and solve world hunger while you receive no credit for having raised them.

I wish I had a printer.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on January 17, 2012, 02:48:29 pm
Granted.  It's a dot matrix.

I wish that I could have a sexual relationship with any fictional character I wanted whenever I wanted.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: rosenewock21 on January 17, 2012, 02:51:12 pm
( I could live with that, actually)

Granted. But they exist only as their current medium and you keep getting paper cuts on your dick.

I wish I hadn't volunteered to massively overhaul a project by myself when at least two other people also contributed to it.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on January 17, 2012, 03:39:12 pm
Granted, instead you volunteered to become a human sacrifice to appease the gods.

I wish I had the best tattoo ever.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on January 17, 2012, 06:52:23 pm
Wish granted.  ALMOST NOBODY wants to hire you anymore, as the tatoo is on your face and impossible to hide.

I wish I had the power to make crazy people see reason.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on January 17, 2012, 07:48:07 pm
Granted. They don’t hear it, however.

I wish I actually enjoyed eating salad.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on January 17, 2012, 07:57:09 pm
Wish granted.  In a Dexter's Lsb style twist, though, this is all you can eat, and you turn into a Hulk ripoff whenever you've not had enough to eat of this.

I wish that nobody ever wore clothes again, save for maybe people in extreme environments.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 18, 2012, 12:04:29 am
Granted. You kill yourself soon after, just to be free of the memory of seeing me in the raw.

I wish for some diamonds.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on January 18, 2012, 12:18:07 am
Granted, but they're stolen and you get life in prison.

I wish that I had some beer right now.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Cataclysm on January 18, 2012, 12:48:48 am
Granted. Your blood alcohol content is 1.0

I wish compost didn't stink.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: QueenofHearts on January 18, 2012, 01:35:09 am
Granted. Your blood alcohol content is 1.0

I wish compost didn't stink.

Granted, you find the smell so amazing you just have to eat all of it you can.

I wish I knew computer programming
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Her3tiK on January 18, 2012, 02:39:38 am
Granted. You can only communicate in C++

I wish my internet connection wasn't so unreliable.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on January 18, 2012, 02:50:30 am
Granted but you get hooked and stay online 24/7 soiled with your own excrescence until you expire from starvation.

I wish there were real custard mines.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 18, 2012, 06:58:04 pm
Granted. You really want to eat dairy products that have been sitting in the ground for longer than most mammals have existed? Because that's exactly what's going to happen.

I wish my facial hair would grow evenly.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on January 18, 2012, 08:39:33 pm
Granted. That is the only hair of yours that grows evenly.

I wish I was Batman.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ironbite on January 18, 2012, 09:16:48 pm
Granted.  YOUR PARENTS ARE DEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!

Ironbite-I wish I was Deadpool
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Cataclysm on January 19, 2012, 12:13:27 am
Granted. It's the Deadpool from the 2009 Wolverine movie.

I wish I was Hellboy.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on January 19, 2012, 03:01:57 am
Granted but your life is made a living hell as you are targetted by abusive fundtards wherever you go.

I wish for a pirate memory game (it's a Little Britain thing...).
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 19, 2012, 03:35:11 am
Granted, but it's a little too pirate-y.

I wish my favourite let's plays would update more frequently.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on January 19, 2012, 03:53:42 am
Wish granted.  The quality drops dramatically and now they all suck and you hate them.

I wish that people hated Rule 34 less.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on January 19, 2012, 09:21:27 am
Granted. But it is all Pony Scat Rule 34.

I wish I had a Number 2 lead pencil.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: rosenewock21 on January 19, 2012, 09:25:52 am
Granted. Except it was "gifted" to you when someone stabbed it in your eye.

I wish I could get a handle on this damned Train-Wreck Syndrome.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: lighthorseman on January 20, 2012, 08:53:33 am
Granted. It turns out to be a cursed bass of finger severing, and you are now fingerless.

I wish I had a giant chocolate chip cookie.
You are crushed to death by a giant chocolate chip cookie.

I wish everyone would just chill the Hell out.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Radiation on January 20, 2012, 10:04:07 am
Granted,  but everyone becomes so nice it becomes irritating.

I wish I had the power to control the weather.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on January 20, 2012, 10:48:29 am
Granted, but the weather also controls you. Your mood becomes tied to the weather you control, even moreso than most people, you are sad and tired when you make it rain. You are uncontrollably joyful when you make it sunny. Lightning Storms just make you crazy. Unfortunately, the happiness from a sunny day becomes addictive, and you eventually refuse to make it rain, bringing a never-ending drought.

I wish I could cure Radiation’s weather-emotion problem.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Eniliad on January 20, 2012, 05:34:24 pm
Granted. Radiation dies.

I wish for noodles :D
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Osama bin Bambi on January 20, 2012, 07:15:07 pm
Granted, they're poisoned.

I wish I had a good work ethic.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on January 20, 2012, 07:17:40 pm
Wish granted.  Your boss/friends/family now take advantage of you and work you like a fucking dog.

I wish that I could give myself a blowjob.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on January 20, 2012, 07:20:07 pm
Granted. Your penis is now long enough for autofellatio, but it is too long to use safely for more traditional sexual activities.

I wish my previous wish did not kill Radiation.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on January 20, 2012, 07:40:15 pm
Wish granted.  He's now a zombie and somehow manages to bring on the zombie apocalypse.

I wish that I had a lifetime supply of free food.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Cataclysm on January 20, 2012, 08:31:06 pm
Granted, you get two days worth of food.

I wish when Rick Santorum speaks, Santorum would foam out of his mouth.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Osama bin Bambi on January 20, 2012, 09:37:22 pm
Granted. He talks as much as possible, and his clones eventually take over the world.

I wish the snow would go away for a while so that we could get to the grocery store.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 20, 2012, 09:59:25 pm
Granted, you accidentally bite your own dick off.

I wish for some more sleep.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Osama bin Bambi on January 20, 2012, 10:02:16 pm
A little confused, because my body doesn't have a penis.... but....

Granted. You're in a coma.

I wish I had already read and memorized The Odyssey.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 20, 2012, 10:06:59 pm
A little confused, because my body doesn't have a penis.... but....
...And now we know why.

Granted, but you forget it a couple of minutes later.

I wish for some nachos.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Osama bin Bambi on January 20, 2012, 10:53:49 pm
Granted. You're deathly allergic to them.

I wish people would stop wishing for food in this game.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 20, 2012, 11:04:46 pm
Granted, they start wishing for horrible things to happen to you instead.

I wish I was allowed to wish for food again.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on January 21, 2012, 01:20:25 am
Wish granted.  You're so busy thinking of food to wish for that you starve to death.

I wish that they'd give Scootaloo an episode.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on January 21, 2012, 10:10:02 am
Granted, the episode is nothing but Scootaloo trapped under a rock, crying for help until she is eaten by coyotes.

I wish for a solution to the energy crisis.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on January 21, 2012, 10:49:36 am
Wish granted.  The planet goes extinct.  You can't have an energy problem with nobody to consume the energy, right?

I wish I had the best coffee ever.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Servo on January 21, 2012, 11:01:55 am
Granted, but the coffee is decaf.

I wish I could control time.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on January 21, 2012, 11:14:35 am
Granted. You accidentally leave it on fast-forward and die of old age before you know anything is wrong.

I wish for a new apartment to go with my new job.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on January 21, 2012, 11:26:45 am
Granted, but it's infested with roaches.

I wish I could snap my fingers and have my work be finished moving instead of moving stuff piece by piece.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on January 21, 2012, 12:03:56 pm
Wish granted.  You suddenly get in a horrible accident that requires your arms to be amputated.

I wish Pinkie Pie was real.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Cataclysm on January 21, 2012, 03:30:46 pm
Granted, it's the Pinkie Pie from Cupcakes.

I wish the Santorum Clones would be shot out at the moon.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 22, 2012, 12:57:14 am
Granted, but the original Santorum remains, and goes on to win the 2012 presidential election.

I wish Santorum would die unexpectedly before that happens.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Osama bin Bambi on January 22, 2012, 01:15:36 am
Granted. Bachmann wins instead.

I wish Jon Huntsman would win the GOP nomination.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on January 22, 2012, 01:21:07 am
Wish granted.  Then you woke up.

I wish I had a portal gun.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: rosenewock21 on January 22, 2012, 06:54:35 am
Granted. But the only thing you can send is yourself and the only place it opens portals to is Newt Gingrich's love dungeon.

I wish I could erase the mental image I just got of Newt Gingrich's love dungeon.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 22, 2012, 08:41:34 am
Granted, they're replaced by images of Rick Santorum's Santorum Factory. Enjoy!

I wish for some KFC.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on January 22, 2012, 09:22:05 am
Granted. It comes from the on-site KFC at the Santorum Factory.

I wish service at the restaurant I ate at last night was better.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on January 22, 2012, 11:43:38 am
Granted.  The food was awful instead.

I wish that there was more to eat at home right now.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on January 22, 2012, 11:56:41 am
Granted.  The food was awful instead.

I wish that there was more to eat at home right now.

Wish granted.  It's all either food you hate or are allergic to.

I wish I knew more bronies IRL.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Cataclysm on January 22, 2012, 01:39:25 pm
Granted. They're the ones who watch the show religiously and burn you for heresy.

I wish I had a jetpack.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Her3tiK on January 22, 2012, 03:13:38 pm
Granted. They're the ones who watch the show religiously and burn you for heresy.

I wish I had a jetpack.
Granted, but it can only hold enough fuel for 5mins of flight and said fuel costs $30/gal.

I wish I had a jetpack that was more efficient than the one Lexicon got.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on January 22, 2012, 03:29:43 pm
Granted. It flies for 5 minutes and 10 seconds.

I wish I had a bag of holding (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/magicItems/wondrousItems.htm#bagofHolding).
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Eniliad on January 22, 2012, 05:14:29 pm
Granted - as far as you know.

1d10 rounds later you discover it's a Bag of Devouring.

I wish I had a quad-core CPU.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on January 22, 2012, 07:07:07 pm
Granted, someone puts four discarded apple cores inside your computer's CPU.

I wish I could obtain decent drawing skills without having to expend any effort at all.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on January 22, 2012, 07:09:04 pm
Wish granted.  You don't know how to write or type anymore.

I wish I knew how to play guitar.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Cataclysm on January 22, 2012, 07:11:25 pm
Granted, you feel remorseful that you didn't have to spend effort and kill yourself.

@bman

Granted. You become a rock star and get addicted to a lot of drugs.

I wish I could control fire.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on January 22, 2012, 08:08:37 pm
Wish granted.  You have the ability to create and control fire with your mind. Unfortunately, this ability doesn't shut off when you dream and you burn your house down.

I wish that my class didn't rely of fucking stupid Microsoft Office, as I don't have Windows right now and would have to go obtain that bitch or use school computers just to get shit done.  I can't even use the stupid fucking Oriel Fax template right at home. D:<
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on January 22, 2012, 10:42:59 pm
Granted, but it now relies on caligraphy.

I wish that we COULD cure stupidity.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Cataclysm on January 22, 2012, 11:59:14 pm
Granted. We never use this power.

I wish we did cure stupidity.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on January 23, 2012, 03:21:26 am
Wish granted.  Idiocy is still rampant. :P

I wish that I could pause the world to masturbate whenever the hell I felt like it.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 23, 2012, 05:37:52 am
Granted, but it unpauses itself before you're done.

I wish I had perfect conscious control over my own feelings.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on January 23, 2012, 09:36:55 am
Granted. One day, you turn your emotions off and forget to ever turn them back on. You spend the rest of your life a pathetic, emotionless husk.

I wish I had a new car to take me to my new job.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Her3tiK on January 23, 2012, 03:22:06 pm
Granted. One day, you turn your emotions off and forget to ever turn them back on. You spend the rest of your life a pathetic, emotionless husk.

I wish I had a new car to take me to my new job.
Granted. It promptly breaks upon arrival, leaving you no way to get home.

I wish I had something to wish for, since the new Lamb of God album has made my life complete.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on January 23, 2012, 03:41:45 pm
Granted, everyone you care about is now dead. Your wish to bring them back is corrupted in a ironically fitting manner.

I wish for the ability to transmute people's bodily fluids.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 24, 2012, 01:32:45 am
Granted. One day, you turn your emotions off and forget to ever turn them back on. You spend the rest of your life a pathetic, emotionless husk.
Actually, turn them off and leave them turned off is exactly what I'd do.

Anyway, granted, but it reverts back to its original state 0.0001 nanoseconds later.

I wish for some gravy.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on January 24, 2012, 01:52:57 am
Wish granted. You have a pool of gravy that you somehow manage to drown in.

I wish I had a clone of myself to have sex with.  I don't care if it's male or female.  Hell, if I had two three clones, with one each gender male and two female, that's even better!
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Søren on January 24, 2012, 02:43:51 am
Granted, but the clones with several STDs

I wish that the weather was around 20 degrees celcius
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on January 24, 2012, 03:04:51 am
Granted, but the clones with several STDs

I wish that the weather was around 20 degrees celcius

Wish granted.  Things are windy as fuck and there's a huge downpour.

I wish I had a girlfriend.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on January 24, 2012, 03:46:42 am
Granted, but your girlfriend is a Terminator. Sometimes they go bad.

I wish for zero point energy.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on January 24, 2012, 03:33:18 pm
Granted. Nothing happens, since zero-point energy (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zero-point_energy) already exists.

I wish timeless decision theory had mainstream academic acceptance.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: jumpingjackflash on January 26, 2012, 12:39:57 am
Granted, but it becomes the only thing teached at schools.

I wish for an iPod playlist filled with every good song in the world.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on January 26, 2012, 03:31:35 am
Granted, but it is also filled with every bad song.

I wish for the dawning of a new golden era.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 26, 2012, 07:05:28 am
Granted, we are now in the age of the golden showers. Enjoy!

I wish for a double cheese burger.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on January 27, 2012, 01:12:03 am
Wish granted.  It's dried out and nasty.

I wish people weren't so goddamn uptight about sexuality.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 27, 2012, 07:03:57 am
Granted, now half the population is hellbent on gang raping you in the street, while the other half (being no longer uptight about sexuality) don't bat an eyelid at it.

I wish the internet was better.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on January 27, 2012, 03:19:06 pm
Granted. It is better from the point of view of the RIAA and other supporters of SOPA and similar measures.

I wish that the apartments I looked at yesterday didn’t suck so bad.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on January 27, 2012, 04:08:36 pm
Wish granted.  They're no longer vacant.

I wish my sister wasn't such a colossal bitch.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: jumpingjackflash on January 28, 2012, 07:10:21 am
Granted, but she becomes a whiny douche who complains just about everything.

I wish I had a nice gift for my little sister's birthday.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on January 28, 2012, 09:37:04 am
Granted.  Its the most amazing gift ever.  She still hates it.

I wish I didn't have farts right now.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on January 28, 2012, 04:30:03 pm
Granted. The gas goes liquid, and you got squishy diarrhea instead.

I wish I knew what to wish for.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: rosenewock21 on January 28, 2012, 05:13:29 pm
Granted. you wish to become a human centipede.

I wish offline had a "Fuck No!" feature.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: jumpingjackflash on January 28, 2012, 07:12:56 pm
Granted, you're the first one to get a Fuck No!

I wish I had some chocolate right now.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Spong Habsburg on January 28, 2012, 09:22:09 pm
Granted, you're the first one to get a Fuck No!

I wish I had some chocolate right now.

Granted. But it's not that kind of "chocolate".

I wish I had a new face.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on January 28, 2012, 11:18:39 pm
Granted. It belongs to Nicholas Cage. Now you have to infiltrate a super-secret oil rig prison while he takes over your job and family.

I wish for fish.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on January 29, 2012, 12:27:44 am
Wish granted.  You know have a rotten fish corpse.

I wish I had more money.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Normandy on January 29, 2012, 12:35:19 am
Granted, you now have an additional $10,000 in cash, and also an additional $20,000 in debt.

I wish I could survive without ever needing to sleep.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Her3tiK on January 29, 2012, 02:29:03 am
Granted, you now have an additional $10,000 in cash, and also an additional $20,000 in debt.

I wish I could survive without ever needing to sleep.
Granted. Your lack of sleep leads to forgetting which day is which and drives you insane.

I wish my roommates weren't insomniacs.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 29, 2012, 03:55:10 am
Granted, they're coprophiles instead.

I wish people would stop wishing for fish.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sleepy on January 29, 2012, 03:59:35 am
Granted, people always wish for that ass rash to spread to your dick and remain there forever.

I wish I could press a button to satisfy my hunger.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: The Right Honourable Mlle Antéchrist on January 29, 2012, 04:26:43 am
Granted, your belly is immediately stuffed full of Sauteed Art Vandelay Rash-Dicks.

I wish university education was free.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: jumpingjackflash on January 29, 2012, 06:42:07 am
Granted. However, on your first class the professor immediately throws an exam in your face, consisting of the most complex quantum mechanics, algebra, and trigonometry questions you will ever face.

I wish I had a nice big cluebat to whack some sense into some fundies I know.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Her3tiK on January 29, 2012, 11:36:13 am
Granted. However, on your first class the professor immediately throws an exam in your face, consisting of the most complex quantum mechanics, algebra, and trigonometry questions you will ever face.

I wish I had a nice big cluebat to whack some sense into some fundies I know.
Granted, but it's a cheap-ass model that doesn't work half the time, so you're arrested for assault.

I wish I had tickets to see Rise Against in April.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on January 29, 2012, 11:54:47 am
You have tickets now.  In April, you learn that they're not genuine, and are denied access to the concert.

I wish that my cum was the best tasting in the world and that like...they sold it as food for some unknown reason.  (I dunno!  I just felt like making a bizarre wish!)
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 29, 2012, 12:01:54 pm
Granted, guess what your mum's having for dinner?

I wish there were more hours in the night.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on January 29, 2012, 12:09:03 pm
Granted, guess what your mum's having for dinner?

I wish there were more hours in the night.

Wish granted.  Nightmare Moon arrives and plunges the world into eternal darkness

I wish I could travel abroad in the near future.

Note:  I thought you were going to corrupt my wish by saying that people riot when I can't keep up with demand.  That's how I would've corrupted it. XD
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on January 29, 2012, 06:50:11 pm
Granted but your killed by angry natives


I wish my Filipino neighbor would stop blaring his music so loud at 2:00 AM
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Osama bin Bambi on January 29, 2012, 07:32:03 pm
Granted, he blares it loud at 1:00 AM

I wish I had a deep understanding of The Odyssey so I could write the best literary analysis paper ever.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on January 29, 2012, 10:43:31 pm
Wish granted.  You now don't understand anything not mentioned in the story.

I wish that furries didn't have such a nasty reputation.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: rosenewock21 on January 29, 2012, 10:44:46 pm
Granted. But now everyone thinks the Kathy Griffin "Tired Hooker" bit is true.

I wish we could have guest posting back so we'd get more funny Readians.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on January 29, 2012, 10:47:22 pm
Wish granted.  The forum is now full of useless fucking spam and adbots.

I wish I could spend one day as a female.

Note:  I totally don't get the corruption reference, rosenewock21.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: rosenewock21 on January 29, 2012, 10:59:22 pm
Granted. For the entirety of that one day you have the most intense period any woman anywhere has ever experienced.

I wish I had a modicum of shame.

(Also, this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K4xHD15Vlag

Starts around 2:20 but the whole thing is funny. To paraphrase "So they dress up like Halloween but it isn't. And then they fuck each other like it's Christmas. But it isn't. And it's all you're an animal. I'm an animal!" This semi-scaley approves.)
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on January 30, 2012, 11:17:40 am
Granted. You are now an Irish RC nun with the shame of the sinful world upon your shoulders.

I wish for the Higgs Boson to be found at 134 GEV.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Scotsgit on January 30, 2012, 12:53:26 pm
Granted:  The person chosed to announce it is more boring than Brian Cox (physics guy not the actor) and everyone ignores him.

I wish I wasn't freezing.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on January 30, 2012, 05:14:42 pm
Granted, you're on fire.

I wish for a halting oracle.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on January 30, 2012, 05:21:36 pm
Wish granted.  You have a really buggy copy of BlueJ on your computer now.

I wish I could have my OC pony (even if they had to change the cutie mark from something that's not a laptop) on MLP: FiM as a background pony.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 31, 2012, 04:36:04 am
Granted, your pony is now featured on Messy Lesbian Porn: Faeces is Magic.

I wish I had more free time.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: QueenofHearts on January 31, 2012, 05:47:23 am
Granted, you lose your job or school, or whatever is important to you which causes you not to have free time.

I wish I had the money for cloths shopping.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 31, 2012, 09:00:51 am
Granted, you have thousands of dollars worth of coupons, redeemable for all the cloths you could ever want.

I wish for some cheese burgers.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: GLaDOS on January 31, 2012, 10:02:25 am
Granted, they are school lunch grade cheeseburgers.

I wish for some test subjects
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: QueenofHearts on January 31, 2012, 10:21:57 am
Granted, you have thousands of dollars worth of coupons, redeemable for all the cloths you could ever want.

I really don't see the corruption here, that's actually just as good.

And Glados, granted. You have all the test subjects you could ever want. Unfortunately for you they're super intelligent monkeys who hold a grudge and are currently planning an escape.

I wish I could take a nap on a beach.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on January 31, 2012, 11:36:01 am
Granted, but the beach is in Pakistan and frequently visited by violent transphobic fundies.

I wish I had a +5 Longsword of Slay Anything in One Hit.

V: ...What?
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on January 31, 2012, 12:36:55 pm
Wish granted.  Have fun on that test on theoretical physics, quantum mechanics, and cat breeds (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TheLastOfTheseIsNotLikeTheOthers)!

I wish for a lifetime supply of FREE, CAFFEINATED COFFEE.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on February 01, 2012, 01:43:33 am
Granted, you have thousands of dollars worth of coupons, redeemable for all the cloths you could ever want.

I really don't see the corruption here, that's actually just as good.

I assumed you meant clothes, so instead you can only buy cloths as per your supposed typo. If not though, it seems you got a free, uncorrupted wish.

Anyway, granted, but the beans have all been burned. Enjoy!

I wish I still had something left in my corn chips stash.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on February 01, 2012, 02:55:02 am
Wish granted.  You have stale corn chips.

I wish we had free cable at my house.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on February 01, 2012, 03:39:12 am
Granted but there is a power glitch in the cable. It starts a fire and your house burns down.

I wish for a fibreboard carton filled with rabid, face biting weasels. (It's a Weird Al thing...)
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on February 01, 2012, 03:45:23 am
Wish granted.  They immediately maul your face off.

I wish I had a real horse/pony.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on February 01, 2012, 05:14:13 am
Granted, it now lives in your house and shits and pisses all over your stuff.

I wish for money.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on February 01, 2012, 08:35:56 am
Granted. You get one hundred trillion dollars in Monopoly money, and two hundred billion dollars in Game of Life money.

I wish apartment hunting was not such a pain.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on February 02, 2012, 03:08:55 am
Granted - you make use of the services of the Easyfind Apartment Letting Agency. It takes them 5 minutes to find your ideal apartment. You move in, unaware of the radioactive spores that have diffused in from the bionuclear research lab that occupies the rest of the building. It takes you two years to die a sublimely painful death - but the rent is cheap.

I wish for a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on February 02, 2012, 07:21:01 am
Granted - you make use of the services of the Easyfind Apartment Letting Agency. It takes them 5 minutes to find your ideal apartment. You move in, unaware of the radioactive spores that have diffused in from the bionuclear research lab that occupies the rest of the building. It takes you two years to die a sublimely painful death - but the rent is cheap.
Well, obviously, they didn’t find my ideal apartment, since my ideal apartment specifically is non-radioactive. :P

Quote
I wish for a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut.
Granted. But you never get to see Albuquerque. The hermaphrodite still tracks you down, though. And some other psycho manages to find a reason to cut your arms and legs off with a chainsaw, Torso Boy.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on February 03, 2012, 06:38:05 pm
Wish granted.  Have fun on that test on theoretical physics, quantum mechanics, and cat breeds (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TheLastOfTheseIsNotLikeTheOthers)!

I wish for a lifetime supply of FREE, CAFFEINATED COFFEE.

Granted. However, it contains a fatal dose of caffeine.

I wish that I could crush the testicles of others using only the power of my mind.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on February 03, 2012, 06:50:38 pm
Wish granted.  Have fun on that test on theoretical physics, quantum mechanics, and cat breeds (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TheLastOfTheseIsNotLikeTheOthers)!

I wish for a lifetime supply of FREE, CAFFEINATED COFFEE.

Granted. However, it contains a fatal dose of caffeine.

I wish that I could crush the testicles of others using only the power of my mind.

Wish granted.  You're now in a coma and unable to interact with the rest of the world mentally. (Note: I first read that as tentacles.)

I wish that we didn't have to worry about this damned snow here.

Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on February 03, 2012, 08:51:04 pm
Wish granted.  Have fun on that test on theoretical physics, quantum mechanics, and cat breeds (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TheLastOfTheseIsNotLikeTheOthers)!

I wish for a lifetime supply of FREE, CAFFEINATED COFFEE.

Granted. However, it contains a fatal dose of caffeine.

I wish that I could crush the testicles of others using only the power of my mind.

Wish granted.  You're now in a coma and unable to interact with the rest of the world mentally. (Note: I first read that as tentacles.)

I wish that we didn't have to worry about this damned snow here.

Granted. It's 200 degrees outside. Celsius.

I wish I had a battle-axe, and could legally use it on anyone I wanted.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on February 03, 2012, 08:57:32 pm
Wish granted.  Have fun on that test on theoretical physics, quantum mechanics, and cat breeds (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TheLastOfTheseIsNotLikeTheOthers)!

I wish for a lifetime supply of FREE, CAFFEINATED COFFEE.

Granted. However, it contains a fatal dose of caffeine.

I wish that I could crush the testicles of others using only the power of my mind.

Wish granted.  You're now in a coma and unable to interact with the rest of the world mentally. (Note: I first read that as tentacles.)

I wish that we didn't have to worry about this damned snow here.

Granted. It's 200 degrees outside. Celsius.

I wish I had a battle-axe, and could legally use it on anyone I wanted.

Wish granted.  You have a rusty and dull hafling battle axe now.

I wish I had all my homework done this instant.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Osama bin Bambi on February 03, 2012, 09:13:05 pm
Granted. But the work you did is shitty and you flunk all your classes and die alone.

I wish my back didn't hurt right now.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Cataclysm on February 03, 2012, 10:17:13 pm
Granted. You ignore the problem and it gets worse.

I wish I had Pinkie Sense.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on February 04, 2012, 02:07:44 am
Granted. You ignore the problem and it gets worse.

I wish I had Pinkie Sense.

Granted. You can now sense your own pinkie.

I wish I had a sammich.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on February 04, 2012, 02:33:30 am
Granted, but Newt Gingrich used it to wipe his ass.

I wish I wish for some salami.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Her3tiK on February 04, 2012, 09:43:13 pm
Granted, but Newt Gingrich used it to wipe his ass.

I wish I wish for some salami.
Granted, it's from Meshakhad's sammich.

I wish my bass was properly set up.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on February 05, 2012, 10:14:33 am
Granted. Your bass fish is properly set up, whatever the hell that means.

I wish I had a holodeck.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: jumpingjackflash on February 06, 2012, 05:17:07 am
Granted. But on its first use the electricity supply is short-circuited, causing it to fail.

I wish I didn't have to pay for my WoW subscription.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on February 06, 2012, 05:36:08 am
Granted, but you have to pay for your air instead.

I wish for steak.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on February 06, 2012, 01:17:23 pm
Wish granted.  You have a horribly charred steak.

I wish for bullet-time skills.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on February 06, 2012, 01:35:15 pm
Wish granted.  You have a horribly charred steak.

I wish for bullet-time skills.
Granted. When you get shot with bullets, they hit you in a 6/8 time signature.

I wish I'd stop making such horrible wishes.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on February 06, 2012, 01:58:58 pm
Granted. You make horrible wishes of a totally different kind.

I wish I could blink and have my stuff automatically packed for the move.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on February 06, 2012, 02:26:12 pm
Granted. You make horrible wishes of a totally different kind.

I wish I could blink and have my stuff automatically packed for the move.

Wish granted.  You blink and nothing's packed - because you now have nothing.

I wish fundies would give up waiting for the rapture.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on February 06, 2012, 08:02:02 pm
Granted. They rename 'rapture' to 'departure' - they're still waiting.

I wish the new cat from the house down the road would stop using my porch as its personal toilet. (That's 'porch', not 'Porsche'!)
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Osama bin Bambi on February 06, 2012, 08:03:36 pm
Granted. It uses your bed instead.

I wish I didn't have so much social anxiety.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: GLaDOS on February 06, 2012, 08:10:31 pm
granted, you are now absolutely shameless, and get arrested for disturbing the peace.

I wish everyone would come back.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Osama bin Bambi on February 06, 2012, 08:16:42 pm
Granted. LHM, cestlefun, rosenewock, and WMDkitty come back.

I wish I had delicious high-quality sushi for lunch every day. For free.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Quasirodent on February 06, 2012, 08:24:36 pm
Granted; but you have to watch film of dolphins dying on Japanese fishing boats while you eat it.

I wish for a pound of totally legal, fair trade diamonds.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: GLaDOS on February 06, 2012, 08:38:41 pm
Granted. LHM, cestlefun, rosenewock, and WMDkitty come back.
But of course, who else would I test my new Internet-deployed neurotoxin on?

Granted, but they are from the planet Midnight

I wish that I could go back in time and prevent Chell from having the traumatizing experience of existing!
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on February 08, 2012, 12:16:46 am
Granted. Instead, you get Gordon Freeman as a test subject.

I wish I had a crowbar.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: The Right Honourable Mlle Antéchrist on February 08, 2012, 12:21:50 am
Granted, it's buried in your skull.

I wish I had an infinite supply of Gatorade.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Shane for Wax on February 08, 2012, 12:25:04 am
Granted it's the worst flavor GRAPE

I wish I had a puppy or a snake or something to talk to and cry my feelings out into.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Servo on February 08, 2012, 03:25:46 am
Granted, but the snake-dog hybrid will just ignore everything you say and do.

I wish I had a nice car.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on February 08, 2012, 03:38:17 am
Granted, but you leave it overnight in a neighbourhood where one is ill advised to leave a nice car. You return in the morning to find a burned out hulk sat on breeze blocks.

I wish for a nice cool glass of Guinness.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on February 08, 2012, 02:06:18 pm
Wish granted.  It's horrendously stale.

I wish someone would corrupt this wish.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Eniliad on February 08, 2012, 02:59:45 pm
Wish denied!

I wish for a hot boyfriend.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sleepy on February 08, 2012, 03:58:34 pm
Granted, but he's so obsessed with your genitals that they never leave his mouth and begin to rot in there.

I wish I could ace a class without doing any of the homework.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on February 08, 2012, 05:42:32 pm
Granted. Your professors turn into super-villains and hound you day and night, calling you “Brilliant but Lazy.” (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0316654/)

I wish I had electrokinesis.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Her3tiK on February 08, 2012, 08:54:10 pm
Granted. Your professors turn into super-villains and hound you day and night, calling you “Brilliant but Lazy.” (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0316654/)

I wish I had electrokinesis.
Granted, but you electrocute yourself constantly since you never figure out how to use your powers safely.

I wish for the interview I have tomorrow to go well and get me a job.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Eniliad on February 08, 2012, 09:09:18 pm
Granted, but your closest co-worker is a mormon who spends half the day bitching about liberals taking over with Muslims, of which Obama is one of them.

I wish to own a legal copy of Batman: Arkham City for free, right now.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: RavynousHunter on February 08, 2012, 09:24:52 pm
Granted, all the dialogue and written content is in Chinese.

I wish my oven worked more than half the time.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: TheL on February 08, 2012, 09:31:23 pm
Granted, all the dialogue and written content is in Chinese.

I wish my oven worked more than half the time.

Granted.  Your oven now works 51% of the time.  Hey, it's more than half!

I wish for a pony.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: jumpingjackflash on February 08, 2012, 09:58:23 pm
Granted. (http://img.ponibooru.org/_images/04a1546bc9eacb96640af860e02471a5/18631%20-%206th_sense%20daisy%20dead_ponies%20death%20flower_trio%20lily%20parody%20rose%20roseluck.jpg)

I wish I had a flamethrower, a sack of Salvia Divinorum, 100 megatons of Tannerite, a bunch of stuff to make Improvised Weaponry, The Ragnar Benson Collection, a Minigun, and 100 megatons of thermite. (http://www.cracked.com/article_17016_7-items-you-wont-believe-are-actually-legal.html)
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Eniliad on February 08, 2012, 10:13:45 pm
Granted - ignited...


I wish for a compatible upgrade to my CPU/mobo.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on February 08, 2012, 11:18:43 pm
Wish granted.  Your oven works 50.001% of the time, which is technically more than "half" the time.

I wish I could stream music directly to my brain whenever I wanted.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Osama bin Bambi on February 08, 2012, 11:19:32 pm
Granted. But you can't turn it off. (I kind of have an iPod for a brain because I remember all the music I hear)

I wish my printer was working.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ironbite on February 08, 2012, 11:27:58 pm
Granted it now prints only anti-semetic pamphlets.

Ironbite-I wish WW's printer didn't print anti-semetic pamphlets.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on February 08, 2012, 11:31:38 pm
Wish granted.  It doesn't work anymore because of a worm that not only corrupts its drivers, but her entire computer!

I wish I had a portal gun.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Undecided on February 09, 2012, 02:06:39 am
Wish granted.  It doesn't work anymore because of a worm that not only corrupts its drivers, but her entire computer!

I wish I had a portal gun.
Granted. It misfires, and you "splinch" yourself.

I wish for a healthy body weight.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on February 09, 2012, 02:36:32 am
Granted, but it's the healthy body weight for a blue whale.

I wish for a science fiction series for Summer Glau that is not cancelled by Fox.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on February 09, 2012, 03:05:12 am
Granted. It's essentially Twilight in space.

I wish I could afford my new gaming PC right now.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on February 09, 2012, 03:34:12 am
Granted. It's essentially Twilight in space.

I wish I could afford my new gaming PC right now.
Granted, but your new gaming PC is promptly stolen by an angry midget.

I wish time travel was real, but somehow allowed me to exist as I am as a paradox.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: RavynousHunter on February 09, 2012, 06:26:04 am
Granted, but your new gaming PC is promptly stolen by an angry midget.

I wish time travel was real, but somehow allowed me to exist as I am as a paradox.

Granted.  But nothing else exists.

I wish I had some garlic bread.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on February 09, 2012, 06:53:31 am
Granted, but the loaf weights 13 tonnes and you have to carve bits out of it with a Stihl saw.

I wish loving homes for all homeless puppies.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on February 09, 2012, 08:44:06 am
Granted. There are no loving homes for adult dogs, because everyone gets angry at the puppies for growing up and not being as cute anymore.

I wish the plane carrying Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens, and the Big Bopper did not crash.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on February 09, 2012, 09:50:26 am
Granted, instead it was hijacked and flown to Cuba. Those worthies disappeared into the mists of historic mystery.

I wish cat litter did not taste so bad.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: GLaDOS on February 09, 2012, 09:55:55 am
Granted, instead it was hijacked and flown to Cuba. Those worthies disappeared into the mists of historic mystery.

I wish cat litter did not taste so bad.
Granted, it tastes delicious and you get addicted to it. Its main ingredient is now uranium-235.
Granted, I wish to confuse you.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on February 09, 2012, 10:18:02 am
Granted, instead it was hijacked and flown to Cuba. Those worthies disappeared into the mists of historic mystery.
So do we still get “American Pie,” then?

I wish GLaDOS had wished for something.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on February 09, 2012, 10:57:43 am
Granted, he wished for another wish. That, too, was granted but the result was most disappointing.

I wish that balsamic vinegar was not quite so balsamic.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on February 10, 2012, 01:49:00 am
Granted. It's laxative instead.

I wish for um... You know what? Surprise me.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on February 10, 2012, 08:48:43 am
Wish granted. The surprise gives you a heart attack.

I wish I could teleport.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on February 10, 2012, 10:25:11 am
Wish granted. The surprise gives you a heart attack.

I wish I could teleport.
Granted. It only works when you aren't trying to use it.

I wish I had a riding dog big enough to carry me around, and fast enough to get me to work via the highway!  ;D
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on February 10, 2012, 01:33:35 pm
Wish granted.  You can't steer him.

I wish I could astral project, and possibly even enter people's minds ala Psychonauts.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on February 10, 2012, 08:17:11 pm
Granted. You get trapped in my mind and are promptly send insane by the constant barrage of whipped out wangs and obscure video game and Youtube references.

I wish I had more money.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on February 10, 2012, 08:43:44 pm
Granted. You get a pile of Monopoly money.

I wish I could control the outcome of dice rolls.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on February 11, 2012, 12:00:45 am
Granted. You get a pile of Monopoly money.

I wish I could control the outcome of dice rolls.
Granted, but the dice have to be made from your own bones.
I wish I had a blue duck.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: The Right Honourable Mlle Antéchrist on February 11, 2012, 12:30:00 am
Granted, and you have a set of permanent blue balls to go with it.

I wish I could walk on my hands.

Edit: Misread your wish, but I'm keeping the same corruption.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on February 11, 2012, 03:15:05 am
Edit: Misread your wish, but I'm keeping the same corruption.
You weren't the only one.

In any case: Granted, but you can't walk on your feet any more.

I wish I was omnipotent (good luck corrupting that one).
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Osama bin Bambi on February 11, 2012, 03:23:09 am
Granted. You make a rock so heavy you cannot lift it, and disappear from existence in a poof of logic.

I wish I had Art back now.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on February 11, 2012, 03:30:40 am
Quote
I wish I could walk on my hooves.

In any case: Granted, but you can't walk on your hooves any more.

Thanks for completely mangling that, Google Ponify App!

Wish granted.  He's a zombie that singlehandedly starts the zombie apocalypse.

I wish I had a new hard drive.  Preferrably 1 TB minimum.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on February 11, 2012, 12:31:28 pm
Granted, and you have a set of permanent blue balls to go with it.

I wish I could walk on my hands.

Edit: Misread your wish, but I'm keeping the same corruption.
I laughed my ass off at the corruption. S'all good.  ;D


Quote
I wish I could walk on my hooves.

In any case: Granted, but you can't walk on your hooves any more.

Thanks for completely mangling that, Google Ponify App!

Wish granted.  He's a zombie that singlehandedly starts the zombie apocalypse.

I wish I had a new hard drive.  Preferrably 1 TB minimum.
Granted. It's 50 yottabytes, and from a future that no longer uses any of our current forms of connection. It's usable in about 110 years. And then, it will run as slow as molasses.

I wish I had a green duck.  ::)
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Her3tiK on February 11, 2012, 12:32:38 pm
I wish I had a new hard drive.  Preferrably 1 TB minimum.
Granted. It's 50 yottabytes, and from a future that no longer uses any of our current forms of connection. It's usable in about 110 years. And then, it will run as slow as molasses.

I wish I had a green duck.  ::)
Granted, it's full of porn your parents made when you were at school. (You may have beaten me to the punch, e13, but you get this corruption anyways! Bahahaha!)
I wish I had more Magic: The Gathering cards to build decks with.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on February 11, 2012, 12:45:35 pm
I wish I had a new hard drive.  Preferrably 1 TB minimum.
Granted. It's 50 yottabytes, and from a future that no longer uses any of our current forms of connection. It's usable in about 110 years. And then, it will run as slow as molasses.

I wish I had a green duck.  ::)
Granted, it's full of porn your parents made when you were at school. (You may have beaten me to the punch, e13, but you get this corruption anyways! Bahahaha!)
I wish I had more Magic: The Gathering cards to build decks with.

Wish granted.  They're stolen within a week.  Also, there are two things that ruin the corruption for me:

1.  As long as it's not 2 girls 1 cup nasty, I don't care.
2.  'Tis easy to get rid of.  If the drive was somehow unformattable and the files undeletable or something else to that effect, then maybe it would have a bigger impact.

I wish that Her3tiK was better at corrupting wishes.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on February 11, 2012, 02:52:42 pm
Granted: No you suck at corrupting wishes.

I wish someone would give me a damn duck. I don't care about the color.  :(
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sleepy on February 11, 2012, 02:56:40 pm
Granted, you get a cute wittle duck. You also get thousands of angry people trying to kill you and capture said duck, since he's the last one in existence.

I wish my head would stop spinning.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Undecided on February 11, 2012, 03:56:42 pm
Granted. Your head no longer possesses any angular momentum about any central force--your head stops rotating with the earth, stops revolving with the earth about the sun, stops revolving with the sun about the galactic centre, etc. Whether your the rest of your body followed suit is up to you.

I wish for a lone functional copy for the PC of every game in the Final Fantasy series and a PC capable of playing them.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on February 11, 2012, 04:04:38 pm
Wish granted.  Rabid FF fans go on a riot and publicly kill you for your wish that denies them all FF.

I wish I had a programming job.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on February 11, 2012, 05:34:42 pm
Granted. You get a job creating computer viruses for Al-Qaeda.

I wish George R.R. Martin supported fanfiction of his works, and that there was a vibrant A Song of Ice and Fire fanfic community.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Eniliad on February 13, 2012, 05:30:18 pm
Granted. You get a job creating computer viruses for Al-Qaeda.

I wish George R.R. Martin supported fanfiction of his works, and that there was a vibrant A Song of Ice and Fire fanfic community.

Granted, but half of them crossover with My Little Pony for no explained reason.

I wish to lose precisely 15 pounds of excess body fat from my stomach and neck.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on February 14, 2012, 12:23:57 am
Granted. You get a job creating computer viruses for Al-Qaeda.

I wish George R.R. Martin supported fanfiction of his works, and that there was a vibrant A Song of Ice and Fire fanfic community.

Granted, but half of them crossover with My Little Pony for no explained reason.

I wish to lose precisely 15 pounds of excess body fat from my stomach and neck.
Granted. The fat switches places so your excess stomach fat is in your neck and vice versa.

I wish Firefly lasted exactly seven Emmy award winning seasons, all staring the regular original cast.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on February 14, 2012, 12:27:49 am
Granted. You get a job creating computer viruses for Al-Qaeda.

I wish George R.R. Martin supported fanfiction of his works, and that there was a vibrant A Song of Ice and Fire fanfic community.

Granted, but half of them crossover with My Little Pony for no explained reason.

I wish to lose precisely 15 pounds of excess body fat from my stomach and neck.
Granted. The fat switches places so your excess stomach fat is in your neck and vice versa.

I wish Firefly lasted exactly seven Emmy award winning seasons, all staring the regular original cast.

Granted. But Rupert Murdoch is such a dick that he makes sure it is never released on DVD.

I wish I was a decent artist.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: QueenofHearts on February 14, 2012, 06:09:54 am
Granted, you're a decent CON-artist. Unfortunately, you only wished to be decent and not good, so you're arrested and forced to live the next 20 years in prison.

I wish Zinedine Zidane would headbutt John Boehner
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on February 14, 2012, 08:36:51 am
Granted - he does it at a sporting personalities gala dinner at the Whitehouse and the security people overreact resulting in the deaths of Tiger Woods and a number of penguins who got lost on a tour.

I wish that there was a real River Tam who could break into Rupert Murdoch's secret Firelfy stash and steal the masters of the other six seasons - and release them to DVD!
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on February 14, 2012, 09:17:06 am
Granted - he does it at a sporting personalities gala dinner at the Whitehouse and the security people overreact resulting in the deaths of Tiger Woods and a number of penguins who got lost on a tour.

I wish that there was a real River Tam who could break into Rupert Murdoch's secret Firelfy stash and steal the masters of the other six seasons - and release them to DVD!
Granted. But she "releases" them only in a pig-latin dub. You know, for the lulz!

I wish I had some dignity.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on February 14, 2012, 09:44:42 am
Wish granted.  You have dignity for five seconds before it's torn away from you in the cruelest possible manner.

I wish I could take 2 minute showers to get clean.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on February 14, 2012, 10:15:39 am
Granted. It now takes you twenty minutes to brush your teeth.

I wish the winnings on my iPod Klondike Solitaire could be converted to real, legal-tender US dollars.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on February 14, 2012, 08:40:25 pm
Granted. You start sucking so bad that before you know it, you're $200,000 in debt to the Russian mafia.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on February 14, 2012, 10:23:55 pm
You made no wish.  Therefore to properly corrupt shit for you, I'm just going to send you to a personal hell where you have to face your own fear.  So you can't eventually overcome it, I'm going to remove your ability to overcome fears.

I wish that I didn't just sound like the Biblical God in this post.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on February 15, 2012, 12:56:15 am
You made no wish.  Therefore to properly corrupt shit for you, I'm just going to send you to a personal hell where you have to face your own fear.  So you can't eventually overcome it, I'm going to remove your ability to overcome fears.

I wish that I didn't just sound like the Biblical God in this post.
Granted. You now sound like Carrot Top.

I wish, I wish, with all my heart, to fly with dragons, in a land apart.  :-\
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Her3tiK on February 15, 2012, 01:44:57 am
You made no wish.  Therefore to properly corrupt shit for you, I'm just going to send you to a personal hell where you have to face your own fear.  So you can't eventually overcome it, I'm going to remove your ability to overcome fears.

I wish that I didn't just sound like the Biblical God in this post.
Granted. You now sound like Carrot Top.

I wish, I wish, with all my heart, to fly with dragons, in a land apart.  :-\
Granted, the dragons eat you because you're a mere human, then die because the germs naturally found in your body are a horrendous neurotoxin to theirs.

I wish I could afford to buy all the amazing music I've ever heard.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on February 15, 2012, 02:32:04 am
Granted, but you go deaf as soon as you collect it all.

I wish that Mass Effect 3 was out already!
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on February 15, 2012, 03:07:40 am
Granted, but Commander Shepard has been replaced by a protocol droid with a stutter whose only talent appears to be interior design.

I wish it was springtime.

Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ironbite on February 15, 2012, 04:48:30 am
Granted.  It's Springtime...FOR HITLER!

Ironbite-I wish for the world to have that song stuck in their head.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on February 15, 2012, 04:59:36 am
Granted, everyone but you now has that song stuck in their head. Why everyone but you, you may ask? Why, because the bird bird bird, the bird is the word, about the bird bird bird, the bird is the world about the bird bird bird, the bird is the world, about the bird, bird, the bird's the world. Don't you know about the bird? Everybody's heard that the bird is the word.

I wish everybody had heard that the bird is the word.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on February 15, 2012, 02:05:21 pm
Granted. Unfortunately, the sentence was "what should we have for dinner?" Within one week, birds are extinct.

I wish for this wish to be corrupted.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on February 15, 2012, 02:53:02 pm
Wish granted.  Of course, by "this wish" I assume you mean the wish that you're thinking about in your head that was really awesome but you were too lazy to actually type.  So whatever awesome thing you wished for, it's now terribly corrupted.  It's so bad that you have nightmares and commit suicide.

I wish I could read Meshakhad's mind so I could learn what horrible fate I just subjected him to.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: niam2023 on February 15, 2012, 03:45:23 pm
Granted. You go mad from the revelation.

I wish I had a one hundred zillions of dollars.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Scotsgit on February 15, 2012, 04:32:59 pm
Granted:  Everyone else in the world no longer uses money and now barters instead.  Your money is worthless.

I wish I wasn't prone to migraines.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on February 15, 2012, 05:29:06 pm
Wish granted.  You're now have extremely severe narcolepsy (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001805/).

I wish I could understand every language on the planet.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on February 15, 2012, 06:30:27 pm
Granted. This includes the language of the Old Ones. You start hearing things in it that you never noticed before. Soon, you are driven to slaughter everyone you ever knew.

I wish I could force all gay marriage opponents to either provide reasoned arguments for banning gay marriage, or accept that it should be legal.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Scotsgit on February 15, 2012, 06:35:15 pm
Granted. This includes the language of the Old Ones. You start hearing things in it that you never noticed before. Soon, you are driven to slaughter everyone you ever knew.

I wish I could force all gay marriage opponents to either provide reasoned arguments for banning gay marriage, or accept that it should be legal.

Granted:  Fred Phelps goes full circle and now wants nothing more than than your man meat.  He stalks you day and night, waiting outside your house wearing nothing but a lycra thong.

I wish I could now get the above image of Phelps out of my head.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on February 15, 2012, 07:07:31 pm
Granted. You now have a whole new image of Phelps: the thong is removed, he has a perpetual erection and is staring at you with the creepiest “Come Hither” look this side of the Far Realm (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Far_Realm).

I wish for a life of adventure.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on February 15, 2012, 11:26:12 pm
Granted, but you fall into a bottomless pit for eternity.

I wish that I could see through walls.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on February 16, 2012, 02:57:34 am
Granted, but Fred Phelps has moved in next door to you and all you see is him wandering around naked with a perpetual erection or trying on thongs.

I wish for a happy happy joy joy moment every day.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on February 16, 2012, 03:11:28 am
Granted, but it can only be triggered with daily make-out sessions with both Bill O'Reily and Fred Phelps (20 minutes minimum for each of them, tongue is naturally a requirement).

I wish for cheese.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Scotsgit on February 16, 2012, 07:10:45 am
Granted, but it's of the dick cheese variety and can only come form Phelps.  Here, tongue is also a requirement.

I wish I owned a half-track
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on February 16, 2012, 09:37:56 am
Granted but it is a Nazi scientist built time machine from 1945 - one day you are cruising down Sauciehall Street and the autoreturn mechanism triggers. You find yourself in Berlin, April 1945, and the Russians are coming.

I wish for Long Island Iced Tea!
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on February 16, 2012, 10:00:19 am
Granted. Except it was left sitting out too long and, as a result, instead of “iced,” it is merely “lukewarm and watered down.”

I wish I had a pet snake.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on February 16, 2012, 11:04:23 am
Granted. Your snake becomes your perfect companion. You are inseparable (no, this is not another iteration of the 'Nate and lever' joke!). You go on a hiking holiday in the high desert. The nights are very cold and your snake, who you have named Plissken, slithers into your sleeping bag every night and curls up at your feet. Six days into the trip, Plissken meets a lady snake and falls desperately in love. Over the next three days he woos here with an intesnity rarely seen in a reptile. The night of that third day, she succumbs to his scaley charms and follows him to the foot of your sleeping bag. There is much threshing and thrashing around. The foot of the bag is insufficient to contain their anguine (look it up) passion - their writhing coils make their gradual way to the head of the bag - where they get wrapped around your neck and you die from serpent strangulation.

I wish for a cute kitty who I can name Fluffy - after Fluffy the Cosmic Kitten, Creator of all.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on February 16, 2012, 11:07:07 am
Granted. Your snake becomes your perfect companion. You are inseparable (no, this is not another iteration of the 'Nate and lever' joke!). You go on a hiking holiday in the high desert. The nights are very cold and your snake, who you have named Plissken, slithers into your sleeping bag every night and curls up at your feet. Six days into the trip, Plissken meets a lady snake and falls desperately in love. Over the next three days he woos here with an intesnity rarely seen in a reptile. The night of that third day, she succumbs to his scaley charms and follows him to the foot of your sleeping bag. There is much threshing and thrashing around. The foot of the bag is insufficient to contain their anguine (look it up) passion - their writhing coils make their gradual way to the head of the bag - where they get wrapped around your neck and you die from serpent strangulation.

I wish for a cute kitty who I can name Fluffy - after Fluffy the Cosmic Kitten, Creator of all.
Granted. Your cute kitty hates you. That should suffice.

I wish I was a superhero named Awesome Guy!
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on February 16, 2012, 11:57:26 am
Granted. Your power is that of Awesomeness. Within a year, everyone, including Fluffy, hates you.

I wish for more interesting flavours for ramen noodles.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on February 16, 2012, 12:19:11 pm
Granted. If by “interesting,” you mean the last-ditch attempt to tactfully tell someone their food tastes like shit. As in, “Well, that tastes, uh… interesting. Yeah.” (dumps soup out window when cook’s back is turned).

I wish I could get out of that pit I fell into during my life of adventure.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Scotsgit on February 16, 2012, 01:15:37 pm
Granted:  You climb out into the house of the lycra thong wearing Phelps.  He then gets to have sex with you as a reward for saving you.*


I wish I lived in a hot country.




*You know, it's just possible that I watch too much porn......
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Her3tiK on February 16, 2012, 01:25:28 pm
Granted:  You climb out into the house of the lycra thong wearing Phelps.  He then gets to have sex with you as a reward for saving you.*


I wish I lived in a hot country.




*You know, it's just possible that I watch too much porn......
Granted, you live in Syria. Good luck with that revolution.

I wish the US had reliable high-speed rail between it's major cities.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Scotsgit on February 16, 2012, 01:42:45 pm
Granted:  You climb out into the house of the lycra thong wearing Phelps.  He then gets to have sex with you as a reward for saving you.*


I wish I lived in a hot country.




*You know, it's just possible that I watch too much porn......
Granted, you live in Syria. Good luck with that revolution.

I wish the US had reliable high-speed rail between it's major cities.

Granted, but it's in the 00 Hornby range.  You may not get anywhere, but at least you can have fun.

I wish I were a member of an Astartes Legion.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on February 17, 2012, 12:29:56 am
Granted, but you get immediately kicked out.

I wish that I had a bigger place.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on February 17, 2012, 01:49:11 am
Wish Granted.  You now own an entire island!  Unfortunately, it is not inhabited, and there's no means off the island.  It's also not close to civilization at all.

I wish I knew more about Linux commands.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on February 17, 2012, 06:35:04 am
Granted. It's now all you know. Period.

I wish I could play basketball as well as Michael Jordan.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on February 17, 2012, 01:02:58 pm
Granted, but people get jealous of your powers and kidnap you, stealing your basketball playing essence for themselves.

I wish that I hadn't slept half the day away.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on February 17, 2012, 07:07:57 pm
Wish granted.  You didn't sleep at all and are now REALLY fucking tired.

I wish I could start an infamous Internet meme.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Eniliad on February 18, 2012, 06:07:27 pm
Granted! You're the next generation of Goatse.

I wish the drinking glasses I've broken over the last year were repaired, clean and in my cupboard.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on February 18, 2012, 06:28:52 pm
Wish granted.  It's clean and unbroken and in your cupboard.  I can't say the same for the rest of your dishes.

I wish I was graduating with my A.A.S. in Information technology THIS semester.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on February 19, 2012, 12:36:38 pm
Granted, but nobody will hire you because you're too inexperienced.

I wish that I knew where the shirt I'm looking for is.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on February 19, 2012, 01:10:33 pm
Granted, but nobody will hire you because you're too inexperienced.

I wish that I knew where the shirt I'm looking for is.
Granted. Now you can't find your pants. ANY of them.

I wish Doritos were cheaper.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on February 19, 2012, 05:38:16 pm
Wish granted.  You now find all flavors of Doritos disgusting.  Hell, you now find the FOODS they're based on disgusting. :D

I wish my room wasn't messy.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Normandy on February 19, 2012, 07:46:03 pm
Granted, it's now completely empty.

I wish it wasn't so hot in here.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on February 19, 2012, 09:49:57 pm
Granted, but now your freezing your ass off.

I wish that I knew how I got this cut on my knuckle.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on February 19, 2012, 09:54:55 pm
Wish granted.  You know how you got the cut.  You do not know, however, how you got that nasty concussion bruise.  That's probably not a good sign.  Also, an appointment with the doctor is going to be expensive as shit because you no longer have insurance.  It doesn't matter if you had insurance before. The concussion is a "preexisting condition" and you are therefore denied coverage.  Also, the insurance companies are now forever able to deny coverage to anyone because the republicans have just repealed healthcare reform in full without any plans of their own to replace it.

I wish my wish corruptions were shorter.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on February 19, 2012, 11:41:33 pm
Wish granted.  You know how you got the cut.  You do not know, however, how you got that nasty concussion bruise.  That's probably not a good sign.  Also, an appointment with the doctor is going to be expensive as shit because you no longer have insurance.  It doesn't matter if you had insurance before. The concussion is a "preexisting condition" and you are therefore denied coverage.  Also, the insurance companies are now forever able to deny coverage to anyone because the republicans have just repealed healthcare reform in full without any plans of their own to replace it.

I wish my wish corruptions were shorter.
Granted. Now they continually get cut off before you finish them because HOLY CRAP LOOK OUT BEHI-!


...

...

I wish someone would let me out of this basement...  :'(
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on February 20, 2012, 03:17:28 am
Granted your now put in the attic

I wish i didn't dislocate my leg playing baseball 
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on February 20, 2012, 06:59:03 am
Granted, you broke your arm while jerking off. Have fun explaining that to your doctor.

I wish shit was simpler.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on February 20, 2012, 10:46:06 am
Granted, but now the good stuff is so very complicated.

I wish for my very own Terminator.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on February 20, 2012, 11:03:27 am
Granted, you broke your arm while jerking off. Have fun explaining that to your doctor.

I wish shit was simpler.
Granted. Your shit conveniently comes out in sweet smelling, non-toxic, pellets, which are fully biodegradable! The bad news is your piss, to compensate, now burns like the pits of hell!

I wish I could leave this attic in a way that would NOT put me in the basement... or a closet!  :'(
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on February 20, 2012, 01:57:30 pm
10:46:06 AM  versus 11:03:27 AM
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on February 21, 2012, 12:18:58 am
10:46:06 AM  versus 11:03:27 AM
Heck if I know. Your post didn't come up when I answered. *shrug*
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on February 21, 2012, 02:53:20 am
Maybe one of the post elves was having an off day - or a dispute with the management - I will corrupt your wish....

Granted, you are now free from the attic - you now live in a tent in the middle of a desert surrounded by smelly camels and a dysfunctional Albanian family who had a similar wish confounded in an Albanian forum quite similar to FSTDT.

I still wish I had my very own Terminator.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: jumpingjackflash on February 21, 2012, 03:41:28 am
Sure. Guess what's the first thing it does? (hint: rebellion.)

I wish for a cup of hot chocolate, it's cold here  :(
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: QueenofHearts on February 21, 2012, 05:00:22 am
Granted, You have so much hot chocolate you're swimming in it. Its also really hot causing serious burns.

I wish I could think of a wish that was so awesome, it could never be corrupted.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on February 21, 2012, 05:06:39 am
Granted, but the wish degrades with time, specifically midnight, when it reverts to a pumpkin and several anaemic looking mice.

I wish for my own theme tune which plays dramatically whenever I enter a room.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on February 21, 2012, 07:58:12 am
Granted. It is a really cheesy ear worm that drives everyone who hears it insane. Especially you.

I wish for all the time in the world.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on February 21, 2012, 09:24:28 am
Wish granted.  The world is coming to and end in 3, 2, 1...

I wish for proficiency with all programming languages.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jodie on February 21, 2012, 09:36:15 am
Granted. You become so proficient in computer languages that you forget how to communicate in human languages and spend the rest of your life trying to talk to mindless machines.

I wish that teleporters existed so I didn't have to fly on conventional airplanes.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on February 21, 2012, 01:15:39 pm
Granted. Unfortunately, there is a glitch in the system the very first time you use it and you arrive having been not only turned inside out but also the stereoscopy of all your optically active molecues has been reversed.

I wish for more white tigers.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on February 21, 2012, 02:07:13 pm
Granted. Unfortunately, there is a glitch in the system the very first time you use it and you arrive having been not unly turned inside out but also the stereoscopy of all your optically active molecues has been reversed.

I wish for more white tigers.
Granted. Now your room has hundreds of hungry white tigers. Enjoy!

I wish that the newest Pokémon game would come out RIGHT NOW!!
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on February 21, 2012, 03:46:23 pm
Granted. It sucks so bad that your eyes bleed when you play.

I wish all politicians were required to be completely honest about their desires and intentions.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on February 22, 2012, 12:33:08 am
Wish granted.  The shittiest ones still manage to somehow get elected.

I wish I had a girlfriend I could cuddle with.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on February 22, 2012, 02:39:01 am
Granted, your brand new, very cuddly girlfriend is a mermaid and she can only cuddle underwater. One day you get carried away with the cuddle and you run out of air. She cries at your funeral but is later comforted by the Happy Meal party thrown by some of your friends at a local MacDonald's.

I wish I had the money to purchase and the space to store grand stage illusions.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: jumpingjackflash on February 22, 2012, 06:53:34 pm
Granted. Here's 10 bucks and a 1 GB USB. Hey, you said you wanted space, right?

I wish for the cure to cancer.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on February 23, 2012, 03:19:32 am
Wish granted.  4chan is shut down. *rimshot*

I wish I had a new computer.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on February 23, 2012, 03:37:38 am
Granted, you now own a brand new Macbook Air. You are also in debt for the full $2000 or so that Apple charges for that piece of shit. Enjoy your 1.6 GHz processor among other similarly terrible specs.

On that note, I wish I had me an awesome current generation gaming PC for free.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on February 23, 2012, 03:55:30 am
Wish granted.  The computer only plays Bible games, though.  It will refuse to play anything else, including non-religious flash games.

I wish I had no debt.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on February 23, 2012, 04:00:19 am
Granted, the debt collectors just broke your kneecaps and crushed your bollocks with a pair of pliers. They have written off the debt though, so you're free to go into even more debt than before for all your upcoming medical expenses.

I wish I was a genius and the world would recognise me as such.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on February 23, 2012, 04:06:31 am
Granted. You become the genius geniorum. So are so fucking smart that the world hates you. You are on the point of starting the acceptance speech for your forty-second Nobel prize when you are crushed to death by a block of frozen urine that has become detached from a passing airliner.

So it goes.

I wish for some new swear words.

 
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on February 24, 2012, 02:41:08 am
Granted, but they're so awesome they turn your mind to jelly.

I wish I could sleep right now.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on February 24, 2012, 06:25:52 am
Wish granted.  You waste the entire day sleeping.

I wish I could play the guitar well.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Ranger_Joe on February 24, 2012, 10:17:08 am
Wish granted, but it's the bass and isn't really an instrument. (I kid..I'm a bassist myself. :D)

I wish I could just go from music festival to music festival and be able to thrive and survive.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on February 24, 2012, 10:19:06 am
Quote
Wish granted.  You waste the entire day sleeping.

I wish I could play the guitar well.
Granted. You play so well, you just can't stop, and eventually wear down your fingers into nothing... ew.

I wish I had a hammer. So I could hammer in the mornin', and hammer in the evening, all over this land.

EDIT: DON'T SNIPE WISHES WHILE I'M TYPING.... Grrr...

Wish granted: You survive as a roadie. That's corruption enough.

I wish I had a hammer. So I could hammer in the mornin', and hammer in the evening, all over this land.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Ranger_Joe on February 24, 2012, 10:21:12 am
Granted, however, it's Maxwell's Silver Hammer and it came down upon your head.

I wish I had a nice glass of Thai Iced Tea right now.

(As far as sniping goes....Ranger Skills?)
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on February 24, 2012, 11:48:39 pm
Granted. It's poisoned.

I wish I could make it to the EVE FanFest without interfering with my schoolwork.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on February 25, 2012, 12:05:14 am
Granted, it interferes with your bladder control instead.

I wish going to the EVE FanFest hadn't interfered with Meshakhad's bladder control.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sleepy on February 25, 2012, 01:17:46 am
Granted, it interferes with your bladder and bowel control. Your dick is also permanently hard.

I wish for perfectly moisturized hands.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Her3tiK on February 25, 2012, 01:29:34 am
Granted, it interferes with your bladder and bowel control. Your dick is also permanently hard.

I wish for perfectly moisturized hands.
Granted. Your eyes dehydrate and leave you blind.

I wish I had a flying car.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ironbite on February 25, 2012, 01:39:07 am
Granted.  You crash into the side of a building causing no more muslims to get their flying car licenses.  Way to go.

Ironbite-I wish there were more fast food joints in New Vegas
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on February 25, 2012, 01:43:38 am
Damn you, new page.

Granted, but you can't access them, simply because you smell.

I wish the stuff I ordered from ebay would arrive today.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Osama bin Bambi on February 25, 2012, 02:01:18 am
Granted. It's broken.

I wish I was good at chemistry.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: StallChaser on February 25, 2012, 04:30:25 am
Granted, but the wrong people learn of your skills and force you to cook meth at gunpoint.
(Yes, I did just start watching Breaking Bad, why do you ask?)

I wish for a zipline across the canyon at my house that will never break or cause any other type of accident.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Her3tiK on February 25, 2012, 12:53:24 pm
Granted, but the wrong people learn of your skills and force you to cook meth at gunpoint.
(Yes, I did just start watching Breaking Bad, why do you ask?)

I wish for a zipline across the canyon at my house that will never break or cause any other type of accident.

Granted, but due to a chainsaw-juggling accident, you now have no arms.

I wish I could control fire with my mind.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on February 25, 2012, 01:07:03 pm
Granted. You can control it, all right, and if you don't, it will grow, and spread, and burn all of human civilization!

I wish I had some self-respect!
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on February 25, 2012, 01:08:38 pm
(click to show/hide)
  Damn snipe.

Wish granted.  You have self-respect.  Unfortunately, you're now the only person who respects you.

I wish I had the perfect resume.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on February 25, 2012, 01:31:10 pm
(click to show/hide)
  Damn snipe.

Wish granted.  You have self-respect.  Unfortunately, you're now the only person who respects you.

I wish I had the perfect resume.
Granted. Now every employer assumes you are overqualified.

I wish I had a magic horn. Interpret that how you will.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on February 25, 2012, 03:15:12 pm
Granted. A man breaks into your house and hacks it off, leaving you to die in a pool of your own blood. Later, your relatives find it for sale on Ebay.

I wish the gay teens who committed suicide would come back as revenants.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on February 25, 2012, 06:29:31 pm
Granted, but everyone else who has died also returns. Life gets crowded.

I wish for something pure and unspoiled.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on February 25, 2012, 08:33:18 pm
Wish granted.  It's pure and unspoiled, but is highly prone to being corrupted and quickly becomes such after you get it.

I wish for the ability to enter and exit the virtual world at will.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on February 25, 2012, 09:45:28 pm
Granted, but immediately die in the virtual world.

I wish I could carry two different phone conversations with two different people at the same time without either one knowing.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Osama bin Bambi on February 26, 2012, 12:59:44 am
Granted. The two people you're talking to are sentient androids that never sleep and never let you hang up. You eventually die of exhaustion.

I wish TGRwulf wasn't dead.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on February 26, 2012, 10:22:14 am
Granted.  I am now a zombie and I just bit you.

I wish that my freaking shirt hadn't shrank in the wash.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on February 27, 2012, 12:11:20 am
Granted.  I am now a zombie and I just bit you.

I wish that my freaking shirt hadn't shrank in the wash.
Granted. The washing machine broke instead. No shrinking!

I wish my room was clean as a whistle!
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: The Right Honourable Mlle Antéchrist on February 27, 2012, 12:20:34 am
Granted, your room is now covered in people's spit.

I wish that I had an unlimited supply of chocolate ice cream.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on February 27, 2012, 12:27:16 am
Granted, but you are now lactose intolerant.

I wish that my stupid phone would quit wigging out on me.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on February 27, 2012, 12:32:42 am
Granted, it now yells out "fuck you, nigger" whenever you're near large groups of black people.

I wish my 3DS was here right now.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on February 27, 2012, 02:39:17 am
Granted. Some kind soul has loaded a new game which is totally addictive. You start to play. Time means nothing. You no longer eat or drink, you no longer use the bathroom - you no longer live.

I wish for the sixth volume of A Song of Ice and Fire to be published NOW!
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on February 27, 2012, 09:07:29 am
Granted, but it's absolutely horrible, and all the fans start rioting.

I wish that I could snap my fingers and have my hair all brushed without having to deal with the in between caveman look after I get out of the shower.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on February 27, 2012, 09:35:21 am
Granted, but it's absolutely horrible, and all the fans start rioting.

I wish that I could snap my fingers and have my hair all brushed without having to deal with the in between caveman look after I get out of the shower.
Granted. Your hair, however, is always styled to make you look like Carrot Top. But well brushed!

I wish I could go one day without hearing a bad piece of news.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on February 27, 2012, 10:04:47 am
Granted. You hear no bad news. You hear no good news. In fact, you hear nothing as you have been permanently deafened... Justin Bieber unexpectedly dropped around your house for a spot of afternoon tea (Darjeeling, triangular cucumber sandwiches with the crusts cut off, fishpaste on saltines, the usual). He was spotted by a young female fan who immediately started texting. You now have a good idea of the sheer decibel level that can be generated by the massed vocal chords of 1,475 12/13 year old female teenies.

I wish for a Gibson Custom Shop SG Custom VOS.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Ranger_Joe on February 27, 2012, 11:46:14 am
Granted, but it's a MEL Gibson.

I wish I could slap some sense into our politicians. (US Gov)
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on February 27, 2012, 12:08:08 pm
Granted, but it's a MEL Gibson.

I wish I could slap some sense into our politicians. (US Gov)
You are immediately presented the opportunity, as you are thrust into the middle of a joint congressional session. Your sudden appearance causes the entire joint session to quick turn their heads, causing whiplash akin to a hard slap. For a moment, all the politicians question reality. Then the topic at hand, the budget, is brought up, and things return to normal.

You are then immediately arrested for breaking into congress.

I wish I had a high definition LCD TV, 30-odd inches, with an HDMI output.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Ranger_Joe on February 27, 2012, 12:32:27 pm
Granted, but it's a MEL Gibson.

I wish I could slap some sense into our politicians. (US Gov)
You are immediately presented the opportunity, as you are thrust into the middle of a joint congressional session. Your sudden appearance causes the entire joint session to quick turn their heads, causing whiplash akin to a hard slap. For a moment, all the politicians question reality. Then the topic at hand, the budget, is brought up, and things return to normal.

You are then immediately arrested for breaking into congress.

I wish I had a high definition LCD TV, 30-odd inches, with an HDMI output.

Granted, but it has a permanent image of goatse burned into it.

I wish I still had my Ranger Body.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on February 27, 2012, 03:35:11 pm
Granted, but you are under mind control and are forced to run marathons non stop without rest.

I wish that I wasn't so bored.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Her3tiK on February 27, 2012, 04:03:36 pm
Granted, but you are under mind control and are forced to run marathons non stop without rest.

I wish that I wasn't so bored.
Granted, you are now being chased by killer robots who's sole mission is to end your life in the most painful way imaginable. The only way to stop them is to blow up the Vatican. Have fun not sleeping.

I wish this last job application gets me a job.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on February 27, 2012, 05:03:45 pm
Wish granted.  They work you like a dog for shit pay.  Oh, did I mention that you're on call?  Yeah.  They can make you come in whenever the fuck they want, for any reason or none at all.

I wish I could fly like a pegasus.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on February 27, 2012, 05:29:34 pm
Granted, but you land like Al-Qaida.

I wish my copy of Professor Layton and the Curious Village would hurry up and arrive.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on February 27, 2012, 06:32:35 pm
Granted. You feverishly tear open the packaging only to find that there has been an error at the printer's and every page is blank. Unfortunately, a member of a terrorist cell has been activated. They work in the packaging department - you have now been infected with anthrax.

I wish for another season of Fawlty Towers.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on February 27, 2012, 09:50:13 pm
Granted. You feverishly tear open the packaging only to find that there has been an error at the printer's and every page is blank.
As long as the game itself works, I happy. Though a blank manual is rather irritating.
I wish for another season of Fawlty Towers.
Granted, but John Cleese is replaced with "DJ Pauly D" (At least I think that's his name) from "Jersey Shore".

I wish it weren't so goddamn hot right now.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on February 27, 2012, 10:07:41 pm
Granted, but now you're freezing and are stuck in your undies.

I wish that my beer wasn't empty. :(
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on February 28, 2012, 02:39:36 am
Granted - you now have beer, but it is a North Korean brew made from rancid yak milk and old French Colonial toenail clippings imported from Viet Nam. You choke on la coupure d'ongle d'orteil de Georges Méliès. Fame at last!

I wish I could afford the lifestyle of an international playboy - and still remain a (relatively...) nice person.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on February 28, 2012, 11:53:01 pm
Granted, but you now have a league of assassin's trying to kill you for your money.

I wish it was next week already.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on February 29, 2012, 08:55:24 am
Granted, but reality imploded last week. You are now a one dimensional being in a two dimensional 'brane, waiting for a new event...

I wish that my recently repaired tooth would stop hurting so much.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Her3tiK on February 29, 2012, 01:11:24 pm
Granted, but reality imploded last week. You are now a one dimensional being in a two dimensional 'brane, waiting for a new event...

I wish that my recently repaired tooth would stop hurting so much.
Granted, the tooth falls out because of shoddy repair work and you swallow it.

I was my band had the $$ it needed to pay rent for our practice space.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on February 29, 2012, 01:14:42 pm
Granted, but all your instruments break.

I wish that I was motivated to do my chores right now...
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Her3tiK on February 29, 2012, 01:20:16 pm
Granted, but all your instruments break.

I wish that I was motivated to do my chores right now...
Granted, your motivation comes from my band hitting you with our broken instruments when you do something else.

I wish that response didn't sound so sadistic.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on March 01, 2012, 02:43:05 am
Granted - you are magically transported to Sadist World where the act of beating to death with broken musical instruments is regarded as a mere warm up proper sadism such as ritual disembowelling - with a spoon.

I wish for pink fluffy bunny slippers!

(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v668/Sniper800/pubimage.jpg)
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Normandy on March 01, 2012, 09:18:16 pm
Granted, but they're made out of real, dead bunnies.

I wish for my very own army of bunnies.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on March 01, 2012, 09:28:03 pm
Granted, but corruption and incompetence amongst the NCOs and general lack of discipline in the rank-and-file results in an almost non-existent fighting ability and reduces your army to a vegetable and grain eating machine.

I wish the lunch rush was over already.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on March 01, 2012, 09:29:32 pm
Granted, but you now have no business at ALL.

I wish that life was a little simpler.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on March 01, 2012, 09:34:26 pm
Granted, but you now have no business at ALL.
I don't have any to begin with, since I only wanted to get some food without having to fight my way through crowds.

Granted, you now live in China. Your life is as simple as work 16 hour days at a factory until you either die or are rendered a cripple and homeless by a workplace accident. Enjoy.

I wish for sandstone paving to be banned.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on March 08, 2012, 04:47:48 am
Granted. All paving is now made from custard. Custard is not very good as a paving material. You are blamed for the sandstone ban. Peasants bearing torches and waving pitchforks attack your house, drag you out and hold you face down in the custard.

I wish for my own army that I could be the boss of and that I would tell them what to do and they would have to do it or I'd get really cross with them.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Eniliad on March 08, 2012, 06:03:25 am
(http://i.imgur.com/fs3GJ.jpg)

(Hey, not all corrupted wishes have to be bad - army men are kickass.)

I wish for two hundred pounds.

(Kidding. Think we all know where that one goes.)

I wish for functioning Linux drivers for my current video card, that actually fucking work, so that I can play Minecraft at a decent framerate on good settings.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on March 08, 2012, 10:09:14 pm
Granted, but your computer is now a Mac.

I wish I could control time.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on March 08, 2012, 11:14:20 pm
Granted, but upon trying to travel back in time you get eaten by a Tyrannosaurus rex.

I wish to be in a perfect relationship.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on March 09, 2012, 12:07:28 am
Granted, but upon trying to travel back in time you get eaten by a Tyrannosaurus rex.

I wish to be in a perfect relationship.
Granted. You have one perfect relationship. All of your friends and family sense the unnatural presence of this and shun you. Forever.

I wish I could get a raise that was over 10¢.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on March 09, 2012, 09:25:18 pm
Granted, but upon trying to travel back in time you get eaten by a Tyrannosaurus rex.

I wish to be in a perfect relationship.
Granted. You have one perfect relationship. All of your friends and family sense the unnatural presence of this and shun you. Forever.

I wish I could get a raise that was over 10¢.

Granted. You get an erection, and your penis is slightly longer than ten stacked pennies.

I wish Rush Limbaugh would randomly be transported to Westeros, and introduced to one Asha Greyjoy. For those who do not know, Asha is a somewhat promiscuous woman who also commands her own longship and wields a battleaxe.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on March 10, 2012, 01:19:43 am
Granted, but he bites your knob off before he leaves.

I wish my lab reports would write themselves.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on March 10, 2012, 12:37:36 pm
Wish granted.  They sound like they were written by a dyslexic five-year-old.

I wish I had a less crazy semester.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on March 10, 2012, 03:36:35 pm
Wish granted.  They sound like they were written by a dyslexic five-year-old.

I wish I had a less crazy semester.
Granted. All your classes are put on hold and you're sent home for the remainder of the semester. You can continue where you left off after the hold ends. Sounds simple, right?

I wish I could see through walls when I willed it so, and then turn said ability off when I willed it so, always being able to do both.

Yeah.  :P
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on March 10, 2012, 04:33:29 pm
Wish granted.  You can will it, but not without total concentration.  You see some kinky things you wish you could unsee.

I wish I could live as a female for one week.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Eniliad on March 10, 2012, 04:40:37 pm
Granted - enjoy your first period. :P

On a similar note: I wish I had multiple femmy outfits (that fit) I can wear.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on March 10, 2012, 05:36:41 pm
granted but they all shrink in the wash


I wish that i could find a good looking gay man in New Orleans who isn't a dick.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on March 10, 2012, 05:40:24 pm
granted but they all shrink in the wash


I wish that i could find a good looking gay man in New Orleans who isn't a dick.
Granted. His name is Bob, not Richard. He's an asshole.

I wish I was two inches taller.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on March 10, 2012, 08:16:33 pm
Granted, but your legs are four inches shorter.

I wish I had more money.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: jumpingjackflash on March 10, 2012, 08:24:02 pm
(http://www.niftynuthouse.com/images/P/milk%20chocolate%20gold%20coins.jpg)

I wish for a silver trophy.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Her3tiK on March 10, 2012, 09:49:18 pm
(http://www.niftynuthouse.com/images/P/milk%20chocolate%20gold%20coins.jpg)

I wish for a silver trophy.
Congratulations, you are the 2nd worst person in the country!
(click to show/hide)

I wish I had the money to finish my education.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: jumpingjackflash on March 11, 2012, 11:00:48 pm
Congratulations, you are the 2nd worst person in the country!

Err, I'm not an American so...eh, whatever.

Granted, but in exchange you have to scavenge for everything else.

I wish for a... Cure. For. Cancer. NOW!


Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Cataclysm on March 12, 2012, 01:55:03 am
Granted. The cure is AIDS.

I wish I could play the piano.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on March 12, 2012, 03:13:34 am
Granted. The cure is AIDS.

I wish I could play the piano.

Wish granted.  You can play, but you play like shit.  Also, you only have your off hand to play with.


I wish I had Weird Al's autograph.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on March 12, 2012, 05:57:33 pm
Granted. The cure is AIDS.

I wish I could play the piano.

Wish granted.  You can play, but you play like shit.  Also, you only have your off hand to play with.


I wish I had Weird Al's autograph.

Granted. He autographs your penis. With a knife.

I wish that this wish not be granted.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on March 12, 2012, 06:11:14 pm
Wish not granted.  If you had chosen for it to be granted, you would've won $1,000,000 free of corruption.  Sucks to be you.

I wish that I could meet all my favorite cartoon characters.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on March 12, 2012, 09:54:51 pm
Granted. They put you in Tartarus and Cerebrus never lets you escape.

I wish I could clean my apartment like Mary Poppins cleaned the kids’ nursery.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on March 12, 2012, 10:33:21 pm
Granted, but someone throws a party and trashes it 10 minutes after you've cleaned it.  EVERY time you clean it.

I wish that I was done sewing my new patches and my band vest.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on March 13, 2012, 09:42:40 pm
Wish granted.  You're done because you no longer have the patches or the vest to sew.

I wish I could type at 300 words per minute with reasonable accuracy and precision.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Her3tiK on March 13, 2012, 11:44:22 pm
Wish granted.  You're done because you no longer have the patches or the vest to sew.

I wish I could type at 300 words per minute with reasonable accuracy and precision.
Granted, but the strength and dexterity needed for this kills everyone you fingerbang.

I wish I had a color printer.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: jumpingjackflash on March 14, 2012, 12:56:37 am
Granted, you get a colored printer.

I wish for a wish.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on March 14, 2012, 04:59:47 am
Granted - but the wish you wished for is not granted.

I wish there was a new theory of everything that everyone agreed was correct.

Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on March 14, 2012, 11:41:51 am
Granted, but it's horribly wrong, and the whole planet winds up being blown to pieces.

I wish that I could own a Cerberus.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on March 14, 2012, 04:20:33 pm
Granted, but you didn't specify whether or not it was domesticated. Your Cerberus eats you for lunch.

I wish I had some delicious pie.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on March 14, 2012, 08:53:57 pm
Granted. It is delicious, but it is also deadly poison.

I wish fundies were suddenly reasonable.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: jumpingjackflash on March 15, 2012, 06:29:05 am
Granted. Now here comes the racists and conspiracy theorists...

I wish I own a wyvern
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on March 17, 2012, 11:36:53 am
Granted it kills you


I wish i could not fear coming out to my family.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on March 17, 2012, 12:37:31 pm
Granted. They now fear coming out to you!

I wish I had the perfect pillow.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on March 17, 2012, 01:01:49 pm
Granted. It is also a pet. It’s a pillow pet!

I wish for an awesome bedroom dresser.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sleepy on March 17, 2012, 08:15:07 pm
Granted, you get a lady trying to dress your bedroom in all sorts of trendy outfits.

I wish I could relieve pain and its sources at will.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on March 17, 2012, 09:55:43 pm
Granted. Use the following technique.
1. Load gun
2. Place end of barrel against head
3. Pull trigger.
You'll never feel pain again.

I wish decent porn was easier to find.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on March 17, 2012, 11:33:07 pm
Granted. Use the following technique.
1. Load gun
2. Place end of barrel against head
3. Pull trigger.
You'll never feel pain again.

I wish decent porn was easier to find.
Granted. It's decent vore porn.

I wish I had Brock Sampson as a bodyguard.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on March 18, 2012, 12:02:10 am
Granted, but one night while you're asleep, he holds you down, forces your mouth open, takes a shit in it and runs away, never to be seen again.

I wish for some Mountain Dew.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on March 18, 2012, 12:20:21 am
Granted. It’s the latest shittiest, substandard “vote a flavor” version.

I wish some Nigerian bank really did want to give me a million dollars for reals.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on March 18, 2012, 05:43:55 am
Wish granted.  They want your penis and scrotum in return.  I mean in the "let's surgically remove them" sense.

I wish I could sleep in more often.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on March 18, 2012, 03:48:52 pm
Wish granted.  They want your penis and scrotum in return.  I mean in the "let's surgically remove them" sense.

I wish I could sleep in more often.

Granted. You get fired.

I wish I could run Medieval 2 Total War on my laptop.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on March 18, 2012, 06:59:35 pm
Granted, but all the sprites are replaced with penises.

I wish I was doing better in Calculus.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: QueenofHearts on March 18, 2012, 07:03:18 pm
Granted, but all the sprites are replaced with penises.

I wish I was doing better in Calculus.

Granted but you're doing worse in English.

I wish I could think of something clever to think about.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on March 18, 2012, 07:33:20 pm
Granted, but you forget how to breathe.

I wish food wasn't so expensive.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on March 18, 2012, 07:45:50 pm
Granted. But the energy costs to run your stove is now prohibitively expensive. Hope you like your meat raw.

I wish I was Santa Claus.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on March 18, 2012, 09:39:07 pm
Granted. You get murdered by your anti-Semitic son.

I wish someone would get that reference.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: jumpingjackflash on March 19, 2012, 12:33:56 am
Granted. Here's your reference. (http://weeklyworldnews.com/)

I wish I had the perfect bedroom.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on March 19, 2012, 03:53:49 am
Granted, but your living room is covered in dog turds, there's a dead cat in your bathroom and your kitchen has been turned into a crack den.

I wish I was objectively better than everyone else.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on March 19, 2012, 07:27:19 am
Granted, but, subjectively, you are at the bottom of the pile. Incidentally, everyone hates you.

I wish I was not addicted to Mass Effect 3.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on March 19, 2012, 12:14:56 pm
Granted, but, subjectively, you are at the bottom of the pile. Incidentally, everyone hates you.

I wish I was not addicted to Mass Effect 3.
Granted. You see the end and file a complaint with the FTC, thus ensuring no one ever takes you seriously again.

I wish, I wish, to use this rhyme, to go back home until next time.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on March 19, 2012, 01:11:36 pm
Granted, granted, as you said
You are now back in the old homestead
But at night, mutant zombies attack.
I bet you wish you'd never gone back!

I wish for an ointment, the topical application of which cures all ills.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on March 19, 2012, 04:01:58 pm
Granted, granted, as you said
You are now back in the old homestead
But at night, mutant zombies attack.
I bet you wish you'd never gone back!

I wish for an ointment, the topical application of which cures all ills.

Granted. It cures all ills, including love. You become a bitter old man, unable to care for anyone.

I wish this song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0FLQ4rACE-0) was available on iTunes for $0.99.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on March 20, 2012, 03:49:19 am
Granted - but it's the Weird Al version.

I wish for ear bud headphones that actually stay in my ears.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Her3tiK on March 20, 2012, 09:58:36 am
They're now stapled to the side of your head.

I wish I had a better bass amp.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on March 26, 2012, 02:20:54 am
Granted. You turn it on, and it's so powerful and awesome, it disintegrates your skeleton.

I wish we actually had a really good President and a Congress that could work together.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on March 26, 2012, 02:25:30 am
Granted, but another world economic crash takes place and the average American dumbfuck blames the current, competent government, resulting in the president being impeached for something completely trivial and the teabaggers winning by a landslide in the following election.

I wish for some chicken and chips.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on March 26, 2012, 03:32:31 am
Granted - but the chicken is just an unfertilised yolk sac and the chips are chips of granite.

I wish for a third dragon tattoo.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on March 26, 2012, 09:03:36 am
Granted, it'll soon be tattooed to the inside of your scrotum. Whether you're willing or not. Without any unaesthetic.

I wish it didn't take me several hours to fall asleep.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sleepy on March 26, 2012, 09:23:22 am
Granted, it takes you several hours to climb out of bed once you wake up.

I wish for a perfect state of warmth.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on March 26, 2012, 09:38:22 am
Granted, you are kept nice and warm with a fire made from the live bodies of your loved ones.

I wish people didn't piss me off as much.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on March 27, 2012, 03:01:02 am
Granted. People no longer piss you off. They now spend time dumping their shit on you.

I wish people didn't dump their shit on me.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: The Right Honourable Mlle Antéchrist on March 27, 2012, 03:24:34 am
Granted. Instead, they dump you in their shit.

I wish I could drink pop and eat junk food all day, with no negative effect on my health.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on March 27, 2012, 03:31:01 am
Granted, but a misreading on the granter's part now means you can drink all the poop you want and suffer no negative effects to your health.

I wish for a corruption that makes me laugh.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on March 27, 2012, 09:59:10 pm
Granted. It’s fatal (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fatal_hilarity).

I wish for the scatological wishes and corruptions to cease.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on March 28, 2012, 05:01:35 am
Granted. The devious, perverted minds of the FSTDT forum cognoscenti switch from scat mode to pus obsession.

I wish I could think of a hilarious pus related wish that is more meaningful than this one.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on March 28, 2012, 06:42:20 pm
Granted. Your penis turns into pus. Everybody else thinks it's hilarious.

I wish that President Assad's blood would turn to sulfuric acid.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on March 28, 2012, 06:47:39 pm
Granted. But rest of him also transforms into a xenomorph from the Aliens franchise. Cause that’s what you are when you got acid blood.

I wish for the best taco in the world.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on March 29, 2012, 10:21:25 pm
Granted. Your mind is blown by it's awesomeness. Literally.

I wish I hadn't lost computer access for 5 days.  :'(
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on March 30, 2012, 12:43:41 am
Granted. You lost it for 5 years.

I wish Mahmoud Ahmadinejad would be exposed as a Scientologist
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: tygerarmy on April 02, 2012, 07:29:04 pm
Granted, starting in the Middle East Scientology becomes an accepted religion ending up with more followers than all the Abrahamic religions combined.

I wish they'd stop making 3d movies.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sleepy on April 02, 2012, 07:40:38 pm
Granted, from now on everything follows the style of South Park. Classic movies (and pretty much every genre besides comedy) are no more.

I wish for no headaches the rest of my life.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on April 03, 2012, 09:57:43 am
Granted  **looks at watch** your next 48 hours will be headache free...

I wish for Maine clam chowder served in a trencher made from a hollowed out cottage loaf.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on April 04, 2012, 04:03:42 am
Granted, but you don't get to eat it.

I wish I wasn't so tired all the time.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on April 04, 2012, 07:04:25 pm
Granted. Now you are tired none of the time and cannot get any sleep.

I wish for the world’s best sausage and onion pizza.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Normandy on April 04, 2012, 08:48:37 pm
Granted, you have the world's best sausage and onion pizza, but only until I eat it.  Every single bit of it.  And it was fucking delicious.

I wish all those delicious sweets weren't so unhealthy.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on April 05, 2012, 04:09:09 am
Granted, but they are no longer delicious. You eat one and it tastes like a hippo shit in your mouth.

So it goes.

I wish for ponies!



Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on April 05, 2012, 05:27:34 am
Granted, you get the rights to My Little Pony and through some quirk of copyright law, the aforementioned rights cannot be sold or even given to others, thus causing the show to be immediately discontinued and those attempting to watch previous episodes or even talk about them are immediately arrested and put to death. Incidentally, my own wish was just granted. Corruption-free, no less.

I wish for a chicken and cheese burger.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on April 05, 2012, 06:28:49 pm
Granted. You choke on it and die.

I wish I wasn't so vindictive.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: QueenofHearts on April 05, 2012, 06:32:14 pm
Granted you're so nice you let people walk all over you

I wish Germans were funnier people (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Funnybot)
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Her3tiK on April 05, 2012, 09:21:02 pm
Granted you're so nice you let people walk all over you

I wish Germans were funnier people (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Funnybot)
Granted. Hitler filled concentration camps with un-funny people instead of Jews (not that I know of many funny Jews, come to think of it), in an attempt to create a master race of comedians. His manuscripts say he did it, quite literally for the lulz.

I wish someone would commit a heinous act for the lulz, just so that phrase wound up in history books.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on April 06, 2012, 03:34:34 pm
Granted. As a result, the term "for the lulz" becomes associated with the most heinous evil.

I wish I had won the Mega Millions jackpot.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: tygerarmy on April 06, 2012, 05:01:38 pm
Granted, so you did as did everybody else who wished they did, in the end you get $50.

I wish for more Arizona Iced Tea
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Deus ex Populo on April 11, 2012, 08:46:41 pm
Every body of water on Earth is replaced with Arizona iced tea, driving the vast majority of aquatic organisms to extinction. The rest of Earth's biosphere collapses with it, and you are killed and eaten by your closest friend.

I wish to become a successful political activist.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Undecided on April 12, 2012, 04:02:30 am
Granted. The Koch brothers kidnap you and plant a chip in your head to control you. Against your will, you are now the most successful conservative American demagogue ever known and are to become personally responsible for destroying the liberal and radical strains of political thought. As a result, global warming and ever more virulent financial crises ravage the world, eventually leading to humankind's post-nuclear holocaust twilight period. The guilt of being the unwilling vehicle of our civilization's destruction rends your psyche to shreds, and you die fractured and alone.

I wish the people I cared about were more stable.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on April 12, 2012, 07:25:08 am
Granted. You absorb all their instabilities and now must bear them all yourself.

I wish I had a 60-inch plasma screen TV.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Deus ex Populo on April 12, 2012, 11:39:59 am
You give birth to a 60-inch plasma-screen TV, with all of the associated complications. You end up dying in the process.

I wish for safe, reliable and affordable interplanetary travel within the decade.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Her3tiK on April 12, 2012, 03:27:53 pm
You die two days before the maiden voyage.

I wish my roommate would take better care of his cat.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on April 12, 2012, 05:15:25 pm
You die two days before the maiden voyage.

I wish my roommate would take better care of his cat.
Granted. He gives the cat to you.

I wish I'd stop losing things.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Deus ex Populo on April 12, 2012, 05:58:06 pm
You stop losing things. In fact, you are absolutely incapable of losing anything. This includes things you actually want to lose, like bad memories or habits. You can't even die, since you stop losing your life as well. You are doomed to walk the earth forever, gradually accumulating the physical and emotional baggage of immortality but unable to do anything about it. You are reduced to a crippled wreck, barely mustering (but not losing) the will to even live, but still firmly connected to reality (since you can't lose your sanity, either). Eventually, you are kidnapped and used by a criminal as a human shield. When that criminal is finally caught by police, you are taken in with him to be experimented on for the rest of eternity.

I wish for awesome music that won't kill anyone upon hearing it, and with no legal repercussions for the ownership thereof.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on April 13, 2012, 12:36:09 pm
You stop losing things. In fact, you are absolutely incapable of losing anything. This includes things you actually want to lose, like bad memories or habits. You can't even die, since you stop losing your life as well. You are doomed to walk the earth forever, gradually accumulating the physical and emotional baggage of immortality but unable to do anything about it. You are reduced to a crippled wreck, barely mustering (but not losing) the will to even live, but still firmly connected to reality (since you can't lose your sanity, either). Eventually, you are kidnapped and used by a criminal as a human shield. When that criminal is finally caught by police, you are taken in with him to be experimented on for the rest of eternity.

I wish for awesome music that won't kill anyone upon hearing it, and with no legal repercussions for the ownership thereof.
Granted. It's so awesome you can never stop talking about it to anyone. Ever!

I wish I received more insanely awesome corrupted wishes like the one I just received from Deus.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on April 17, 2012, 07:17:35 am
Granted. The wishes are so insanely awesome and the experience of corrupting them is so overwhelmingly, well, overwhelming, that you are, er, overwhelmed.

I wish for chewing gum that never loses its flavour.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on April 17, 2012, 07:34:46 am
Granted, you gain a pack of week old used tampon flavoured gum that never loses said flavour.

I wish for popcorn.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on April 17, 2012, 09:01:37 am
Granted - naturally it is week old used tampon flavoured popcorn...

I wish for a mouthwash effective against week old used tampon oral contamination.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Deus ex Populo on April 17, 2012, 05:47:16 pm
The mouthwash turns out to be chlorine trifluoride (http://pipeline.corante.com/archives/2008/02/26/sand_wont_save_you_this_time.php). Your mouth catches fire while you inhale/swallow the acidic fumes it produces, and you die painfully in the space of a few minutes. But at least you no longer have that week-old used tampon flavor in your mouth!

I wish for better writing skills.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on April 17, 2012, 08:37:04 pm
Granted. In exchange, you lose all other communication skills. Which is pretty bad, ‘cause even with your super-awesome writing, you can’t make up for that legendary 80% nonverbal part of communication.

I wish I had better speaking skills without giving up any of my other communication skills.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on April 18, 2012, 03:18:02 am
Granted, your speaking skills and other communication related skills are beyond awesome - unfortunately, you now find that you have nothing to say.

I wish I could establish my own religion based on the worship of cheese.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Deus ex Populo on April 18, 2012, 03:05:05 pm
One of your first followers murders you over a dispute of the relative merits of cheddar vs. American cheese before taking up leadership of your (now his) religion. Over the centuries, it becomes the dominant religion on the planet Earth which controls a vast imperialist and genocidal theocracy, holding an ultra-orthodox view of all secular cheese made after 2012 being a heretical imitation of the true, divinely-inspired recipes (which, naturally, only the priestly elite know). Any layperson caught making cheese, eating cheese (outside of special and legally-mandatory rituals), or even owning a cow is tortured to death. As time goes by, a schism forms within this church, leading to a civil war that quickly spreads to the international community, involving mass WMD use. The end result: six billion people dead, two-thirds of Earth's land area uninhabitable, and the rest of humanity is forced into a meager hunter-gatherer existence for the rest of the species' miserable existence. Good job there.

I wish for a modern-day epic poem
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on April 19, 2012, 02:32:18 pm
[DeP - obviously a kindred spirit!]

Granted - but all 65,540 stanzas are written in a language which appears to be a cross between ancient Icelandic, Klingon and gibberish. You can guess what happens when three cults arise... The outcome is very similar to that which pertains following the scourge of the cheese based religion above.

I wish that smoked salmon wasn't so damned expensive.

Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on April 23, 2012, 12:35:13 am
Granted but now every other food is jacked up in price


I wish I didn't get arrested for the third time in my life a few days ago.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on April 23, 2012, 03:05:38 am
Granted, you got sodomised and waterboarded instead.

I wish Khris wasn't arrested, sodomised and/or waterboarded.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: speshuled67 on April 23, 2012, 03:45:56 am
granted, but khris gets electrodes attached to his/her genitals


i wish i would never be disliked
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on April 23, 2012, 04:04:09 am
Granted, now people love you so much that you're constantly mobbed by paparazzi whenever you go outside.

I wish I could control pigeons.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on April 23, 2012, 05:46:10 am
Granted - but you are now controlled by an insane chicken known as Albert Bligh-Fettucini (a distant relative of the Long Island Bligh-Fettucinis). Albert has an obsession with shoelaces and commands you to send out pigeon peck squads in search of the fabled platinum cross bodice style high top laces of legend. You and your feathery cohorts fail miserably, which is hardly surprising. In a snitt, Albert hires some mercenary corvids to peck your eyes out.

I wish for a cute little fluffy yellow chick that will sit in the palm of my hand and go cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on April 23, 2012, 06:51:24 am
Granted, you now have a fluffy yellow chick that will shit in the palm of your hand, courtesy of me misreading your wish.

I wish for more Monty Carlos.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on April 23, 2012, 08:56:33 pm
Granted. They're the worst one's ever made.

I wish I didn't drink so much soda/pop/soda pop/cola/coke/whatever.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on April 23, 2012, 08:57:56 pm
Granted, you drink more bear urine instead.

I wish I wasn't farting so much today.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Her3tiK on April 23, 2012, 09:51:04 pm
Granted, you drink more bear urine instead.

I wish I wasn't farting so much today.
Granted, enjoy the explosive diarrhea.

I wish I could see my best friend since I haven't seen her in weeks.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on April 23, 2012, 10:01:39 pm
Granted. But this will be your last meeting ever. You will never see your friend again. Make the most of what time you have.

I wish the real world had random floating platforms and prize boxes just like Super Mario Brothers.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on April 24, 2012, 12:09:00 am
Granted, piranha flowers, hammer bros, koopas and those assholes that fly around on clouds and throw spiky shells at you also exist.

I wish I, and only I, could punch people in the face through the internet, with none of my targets being able to find out it was me and/or take revenge in any way, shape or form.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on April 24, 2012, 12:26:37 am
Granted, but you break your arm and hand bones every time you use said power.

I wish that people weren't idiots.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: speshuled67 on April 24, 2012, 12:35:48 am
granted,  everyone less intelligent than you disappears suddenly, leaving you the dumbest person on earth.


i wish i could be the best music producer in the business
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on April 24, 2012, 05:43:35 am
Granted, but all the other music producers are insanely jealous of your talent and your success. They form a secret society and organise fund raisers. After seven years and three months they have enough to hire the world's third ranked hitman, a Vietnamese moon farmer by the name of Bai Nguyen. He kidnaps you as you leave the Grammy award ceremony and treats you to an excruciating death by staking you out over some rapid growth bamboo plants.

I wish there was a cure for typos.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on April 24, 2012, 02:22:55 pm
Granted. Your hands are cut off. Now you'll never make a typo again!

I wish the UN would grow a spine and invade Syria with its blue-helmeted legions of death.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on April 24, 2012, 05:01:10 pm
Granted. This causes the alliances it has to come up like a line of falling dominoes. This results in World War III.

I wish I wish I had a fish.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on April 24, 2012, 05:22:48 pm
Granted but its an Angler fish and dies due to depressurization.


I wish i could find a copy of Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on April 24, 2012, 07:24:06 pm
Granted, but it's for the Wii.

I wish that I could someone Cthulhu at will as my personal god of chaos.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on April 24, 2012, 10:14:09 pm
Granted... or it would be if anybody could understand what you were saying...

I wish we could skip past TGRwulf's nigh-incomprehensible wish that seems to involve H.P. Lovecraft.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on April 24, 2012, 10:26:54 pm
Granted but it gets granted anyway.


I wish that I could get a copy of Sony Vegas Pro.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on April 25, 2012, 10:15:39 am
Granted, but it doesn't work.

I wish for more free time.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on April 25, 2012, 10:48:49 am
Granted. You are convicted of a crime you did not commit and are slung into jail for a thirty stretch.

I wish for sushi!
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on April 25, 2012, 01:10:10 pm
Granted, but someone spills dog shit all over it.

I wish that was a master swordsman.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: speshuled67 on April 25, 2012, 08:21:38 pm
Granted, but as soon as you achieve your mastery, you are challenged each day by an ever increasing number of opponents determined to defeat you. the numbers grow exponentially, day 1: you have 2 challengers with skills very close to your level. day 2: 4 challengers. day 3: 8, and so on. You are hacked to bits on the morning of the 7th day.


I wish every single fundie would either become reasonable or lose the ability to communicate.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Radiation on April 25, 2012, 08:58:36 pm
Granted, but you become one of those fundies.

I wish I was a famous singer/actress.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on April 25, 2012, 09:03:52 pm
Granted, enjoy the paparazzi zerg rush every time you set foot in public.

I wish uni would go fuck itself.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on April 25, 2012, 10:49:29 pm
Granted, enjoy the paparazzi zerg rush every time you set foot in public.

I wish uni would go fuck itself.
Granted. Uni is hermaphroditic and procreates, creating hundreds of more unis.

I wish I had a pumpkin pie.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on April 26, 2012, 08:15:24 pm
Granted, but it is served at a southern Baptist church picnic and you have to listen to forty-two individuals witnessing to you one after the other before you can taste even a spoonful. Unfortunately, during the witnessing, the dog that apparently shit on my sushi has now shit on your pumpkin pie.

So it goes.

I love it when there is wish connectivity...

I wish for shit proof sushi!
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Radiation on April 26, 2012, 08:30:09 pm
Granted but you get urine soaked sushi instead

I wish I was a cyborg
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on April 26, 2012, 09:22:38 pm
Granted but your parts break.


I wish i could get an ivory piano.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: tygerarmy on April 26, 2012, 11:03:59 pm
Granted, you also get attacked by elephants.

I wish I could not get speeding tickets.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on April 26, 2012, 11:07:55 pm
Granted. Now whenever you're caught speeding the police skip straight to shooting out your tyres before dragging you out of the subsequent wreck to prison.

I wish for things and whatnot.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on April 27, 2012, 07:09:18 am
Granted, you get things. "Things" in this case, being letter bombs.

I wish someone would successfully clone a woolly mammoth.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ironbite on April 27, 2012, 01:00:02 pm
Granted it goes on a rampage in tokyo and has to be put down by the Go-Busters...I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY!

Ironbite-I wish teh Go-Busters didn't have to put down the cloned woolly mammoth.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Radiation on April 27, 2012, 02:10:00 pm
Granted but they put you down instead.

I wish I could into my own world.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: tygerarmy on April 27, 2012, 10:22:54 pm
Granted, your trapped inside your own head.

I wish American Airlines would provide good customer service.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on April 28, 2012, 11:53:18 am
Granted. But it goes out of business shortly thereafter, and every other airline takes home the lesson that “Good Customer Service is Bad for Business.” As such, they all start serving shit sushi and shit pumpkin pie.

I wish I was the Avatar you had to deal with it!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfEsU9Vq0XM
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on April 29, 2012, 10:45:36 pm
Granted, but you can only band small amounts of any element at a time, ceasing your abilities from being impressive.

I wish I was moshing right now.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on April 30, 2012, 04:05:12 am
Granted, but you choose to mosh in an underwater mosh pit and - unlucky you - you don't have a SCUBA set or even an oh-so-lucky autographed snorkel - it has been stolen by the one nostrilled man with the Flock of Seagulls hairdo.

I wish for a trip to Peebles, or maybe Troon.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on May 04, 2012, 02:01:04 am
Wish granted.  You get a trip to Mr. Peebles.  You're also Magilla Gorilla for some reason now.

I wish I had a well-paying job.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on May 04, 2012, 05:25:19 am
Granted, you're now a construction labourer. Have fun with that.

I wish I could consciously control my desires.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on May 04, 2012, 05:14:43 pm
Wish granted.  You no longer have any desires to control.

I wish I could easily get an "A" in any class I ever took.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: speshuled67 on May 04, 2012, 05:30:15 pm
Wish granted.  You no longer have any desires to control.

I wish I could easily get an "A" in any class I ever took.

you get straight As, but you lose all job interviewing skills, so you never earn gainful employment.


i wish i was in total control of external circumstances at all times.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on May 04, 2012, 11:18:35 pm
Granted, but you can no longer control your own bodily functions.

I wish that I could mentally bitchslap people who make pointless needless drama.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on May 04, 2012, 11:22:41 pm
Granted, but whenever you do, it causes your testicles to be turned inside out.

I wish for some cheetos.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on May 05, 2012, 12:35:34 am
Wish granted.  They're stale and rock hard.

I wish for an infinite supply of apple juice.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on May 05, 2012, 01:25:19 am
Granted, due to the laws of physics, the formerly cold vacuum of space is replaced by infinite apple juice at infinite pressure. It instantly fuses under the force of said pressure, causing all of space to become one big infinitely sized star. Naturally, we all die in the process. Nice job, asshole.

I wish that getting old games running were easier.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on May 05, 2012, 10:11:27 am
Granted. Old games run away at the mere thought of you. What do you mean, that's not what you meant?

I wish I knew how many licks it takes to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on May 05, 2012, 01:55:27 pm
Wish granted.  You can't' live with the revelation and commit suicide.

I wish I was less sleepy
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on May 05, 2012, 02:19:13 pm
Granted. You now have this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fatal_familial_insomnia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fatal_familial_insomnia). Have fun.

I wish I knew what to wish for.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ironbite on May 05, 2012, 02:20:13 pm
You wish for death for ninjaing me.

Ironbite-I wish TNA didn't suck so hard.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on May 06, 2012, 01:35:16 am
You wish for death for ninjaing me.

Ironbite-I wish TNA didn't suck so hard.
Granted. This is achieved by all the good talent and production teams going to TNA, forcing all other professional wrestling organizations to fold. TNA, no have too many people to work with, promptly implodes.

I wish a second, amazingly good Avengers movie was already available for me to watch.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on May 06, 2012, 03:46:14 am
Wish granted.  It's available for you wto watch, but you're banned from all theaters for life.  You'll have to wait a bit longer.

I wish I didn't have any debt.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on May 06, 2012, 03:55:08 am
Granted, you're now standing at the bottom of the nearest harbour with your feet encased in a bucket of concrete.

I wish for some pork crackling.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on May 06, 2012, 10:30:47 am
Granted, but you're physically unable to touch it.

I wish that people would quit telling me how to do my job.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on May 06, 2012, 08:57:37 pm
Granted, they now keep telling you how to wipe your ass instead.

I wish fast food places would stop hiring people with crappy English who as a result screw up my order.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on May 06, 2012, 10:21:59 pm
Wish granted.  Fast food places now only hire people who are too high to get your order right.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on May 07, 2012, 01:41:47 am
I stole a wish! I wish I wasn't a wish thief.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on May 08, 2012, 03:03:41 am
Granted, you no longer steal. Now you cheat and lie.

I wish B-Man had made a wish.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on May 08, 2012, 03:10:06 am
Granted, he wished for all of your stuff.

I wish I didn't have to go to work tomorrow.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on May 08, 2012, 07:08:43 am
Granted. You’re fired. (You really shoulda seen that one coming.)

I wish I hadn’t just gone for the easy corruption.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on May 08, 2012, 10:16:41 am
Granted. Time has changed so you never even thought of the "easy corruption." Now, since you didn't corrupt the wish, you never had the need nor ability to make this wish. Thus, this post never happened. So you go for the easy corruption to prevent time displacement. After taking the easy corruption, you mumble the wish again, whereupon I immediately grant it. The time paradox becomes so destructive the Doctor (number 9) shows up and slaps me on the head and says "can it!"

So, granted. Easy is now hard, and hard is now easy. >_>

I wish I was as clever as I thought I was.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on May 08, 2012, 12:35:21 pm
Granted, but your mind implodes from your cleverness.

I wish that I could get paid to do whatever I want for the rest of my life.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on May 08, 2012, 01:06:27 pm
Wish granted.  You don't want to do anything anymore.  This includes spending your money.

I wish I was finished with schooling.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on May 08, 2012, 01:51:05 pm
Granted. You're expelled.

I wish my blue ray player would play my copy of Die Hard.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on May 08, 2012, 02:02:47 pm
Wish granted.  That's all it'll play anymore.

I wish I could cast magic spells.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ironbite on May 08, 2012, 02:05:12 pm
Granted.  All you can cast is Magic Mouth...on girl's breasts....and you can't control what they say.

Ironbite-I wish for 5 pounds of fish
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Deus ex Populo on May 08, 2012, 06:02:00 pm
You get an amount of assorted fish worth a total of £5.

I wish for Å
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: tygerarmy on May 08, 2012, 07:25:37 pm
Granted; it's tattooed on your face.

I wish that they served real eggs, not powdered ones for breakfast.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on May 08, 2012, 10:28:39 pm
Granted, but you're suddenly allergic.

I wish that I knew what to wish for.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on May 08, 2012, 11:18:45 pm
Granted; you wish for a rope to hang yourself with, because you're a dirty plagiarist... too harsh?

I wish I wasn't so harsh on TGRwulf.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on May 09, 2012, 03:57:08 am
Granted, but in the TGR-Saturn war, TGR gets in a pre-emptive strike on you face with collateral damage to the gonads. That's gotta hurt!

I wish for a beanfeast of extraordinary magnificence!
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on May 09, 2012, 05:04:08 am
Wish granted.  By beans I assume you mean the money slang.  People suck your wallet dry for the next five months.

I wish I was a pony;.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on May 09, 2012, 07:35:26 am
Granted. You are a broken-down pony that is used to give unruly children rides for a buck a pop at suck-ass county fairs in Oklahoma and Kansas.

I wish I were an level 13/5 level elf Wizard/Archmage.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on May 09, 2012, 02:48:54 pm
Granted. You are a broken-down pony that is used to give unruly children rides for a buck a pop at suck-ass county fairs in Oklahoma and Kansas.

I wish I were an level 13/5 level elf Wizard/Archmage.
Granted. You trade places with the equivalent in an alternate reality. You know nothing about how game mechanics work in their real world and are promptly assassinated by a jealous rival.

I wish I could get in on the D&D 5th edition beta.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on May 09, 2012, 05:39:22 pm
Granted. You end up getting nostalgiac for Fourth Edition within two minutes.

I wish Mitt Romney (for obvious reasons) and Barack Obama (look at our national debt!) would Die In A Fire at the same time... before election day!

(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on May 09, 2012, 05:42:16 pm
Granted. Rick Santorum immediately seizes the presidency in the ensuing chaos and makes Michelle Bachmann his vice-president.

I wish gay marriage was finally legal worldwide.

(I play Pathfinder with a few holdovers from 3.5)
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on May 10, 2012, 12:24:53 am
Granted. Rick Santorum immediately seizes the presidency in the ensuing chaos and makes Michelle Bachmann his vice-president.

I wish gay marriage was finally legal worldwide.

(I play Pathfinder with a few holdovers from 3.5)
Granted. Now only gay marriage is allowed.

I wish Saturn500 would realize how much I despised 4th edition, and it would be 3.5/Pathfinder I would pine for (much like a lumberjack!)
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on May 10, 2012, 02:40:41 am
Granted, Saturn500 now realises but just cannot bring himself to give a shit.

I wish for a pet duck who could learn to tapdance and then enter politics by joining the GOP.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on May 10, 2012, 05:22:55 am
Granted, but he wins and fucks over the country and the world in the process.

I wish that my cat didn't want to wake me up 3 hours early because he's hungry. -_-
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on May 10, 2012, 05:27:33 am
Granted, he wakes you up because he wants to have sex with your nostrils.

I wish for more chicken and cheese burgers (seriously, those things are an orgasm in a bun).
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on May 10, 2012, 06:15:27 am
Wish granted.  They're all made with smelly limburger cheese.

I wish I could afford to travel.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on May 10, 2012, 06:27:06 am
Granted, but you're accused of smuggling drugs in a foreign country, resulting in your execution a few weeks later.

I wish I was better at planning ahead.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on May 10, 2012, 06:54:31 am
Granted. But now you spend all your time planning and none of it actually doing. Your plans would be perfect and achieve their goals most efficiently if you ever actually enacted them. But as you don’t, they all wind up being worth less than the wire-bound notebooks you first sketch them out in.

I wish I had Dr. Horrible’s Freeze Ray.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on May 10, 2012, 11:35:32 pm
Granted, but in an attempt to use it to kill your mortal enemy, it explodes and kills your one true love... Really, you should have seen this coming.

I wish the perfect video game for me existed and I was not only able to play it, but allowed to.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on May 10, 2012, 11:40:01 pm
Granted, but the DRM requires you to not only be constantly connected to a rather unreliable server for the game to work, but it also requires you be sitting naked in front of a webcam, so the publisher can be certain that it is indeed you and only you who is playing the game. Have fun with that. Oh, and I'd just like to point out that since this game exists only for you, nobody else gives a shit about it and as such nobody has bothered to crack the DRM.

I wish I could fly.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on May 11, 2012, 03:01:51 am
Wish granted.  You're shot out of the sky by a crazy redneck conspiracy theorist.

I wish for more financial stability.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on May 12, 2012, 10:54:11 pm
Granted. Your bank balance drops to zero and stays there.

I wish for a Louisville Slugger.

Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on May 13, 2012, 12:07:46 am
Granted. The Louisville native promptly punches you out and goes home.

I wish I wasn't so mercurial.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on May 13, 2012, 03:31:59 am
Wish granted.  You now have a stable mood - depressed.

I wish that I could use any wireless network as I please with no problems.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on May 13, 2012, 10:10:50 am
Granted, but you get blocked from every website in the world.

I wish that I had a dog.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on May 13, 2012, 10:21:11 am
Granted. It is a high-strung, yippy chihuahua that is always biting at your ankles and refuses to be housebroken.

I wish for world peace.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on May 13, 2012, 11:23:51 am
Granted. It is a high-strung, yippy chihuahua that is always biting at your ankles and refuses to be housebroken.

I wish for world peace.
Granted. All organisms on the planet Earth immediately cease to exist. All that is left is a peaceful silence.

I wish I didn't have to work today, yet still had my job.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on May 13, 2012, 06:16:03 pm
Granted, but your pay has been permanently reduced to $0.20 per hour.

I wish I wish I hadn't killed that fish.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on May 13, 2012, 06:52:23 pm
Granted, but now it kills you.

I wish that I had my new Jeep already.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Deus ex Populo on May 13, 2012, 08:30:55 pm
Oil prices skyrocket to ridiculous levels just as you get said new Jeep.

I wish.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on May 13, 2012, 08:33:56 pm
No you don't.

I wish I didn't have to take a shit right now.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on May 13, 2012, 08:35:19 pm
Granted.  You just shat your pants.

I wish that I wasn't having problems with my phone.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on May 13, 2012, 08:40:25 pm
Granted, you're having problems with your bladder control instead.

I wish people wouldn't leave floaters in public toilets.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Normandy on May 13, 2012, 08:55:39 pm
Granted, but now they're leaving them in your toilet at home, instead.

I wish college was free.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Deus ex Populo on May 13, 2012, 09:02:43 pm
You're rejected from every college in the world.

I wish I was able to come up with creative things to wish for.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on May 13, 2012, 09:07:34 pm
Granted, but they all somehow end with an irate tarantula finding its way into your rectum.

I wish I didn't feel completely fucked right now.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Deus ex Populo on May 13, 2012, 09:13:46 pm
You now only feel partially fucked.

I wish irate tarantulas didn't find their way into my rectum.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Normandy on May 13, 2012, 09:15:42 pm
Granted, they find their way into your urethra instead.

I wish I didn't have that mental image.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on May 13, 2012, 09:20:38 pm
Granted. You now have the mental image of your grandmother doing it with Adolf Hitler. And she's her current age (yes, even if she's dead). And then they look at you, laugh maniacally, and go back to doing it before [CENSORED] a camel.

I wish 4Kids never existed.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on May 13, 2012, 09:41:42 pm
Granted, but now the universally accepted English translation of "rice ball" is "jelly-filled doughnut".

I wish lab reports were less tedious to write.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Her3tiK on May 13, 2012, 09:52:43 pm
Granted, enjoy working for the Discovery Institute!

I wish last night hadn't become such a clusterfuck.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on May 13, 2012, 10:53:11 pm
Wish granted.  The term clusterfuck no longer exists, but nothing about last night changed.

I wish filling out job apps didn't make me so fucking uncomfortable.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on May 13, 2012, 10:59:10 pm
Granted, they make you extremely paedophilic.

I wish Firefox's Australian English spell check actually worked.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on May 14, 2012, 02:58:01 am
Granted, it works, fair dinkum, but the world remains the same and you have forgotten which worsd need to be spellchecked.... (Jeez, it smells like an outback dunnee in here - has some bastard cacked his strides?)

I wish for the return of a Golden Age (any will suffice).
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on May 14, 2012, 06:44:39 pm
Granted. The first Golden Age of Piracy returns. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Golden_Age_of_Piracy (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Golden_Age_of_Piracy)

I wish I was better at coding in Java.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Deus ex Populo on May 14, 2012, 08:07:44 pm
Your newfound skills at Java coding get to your head and you declare yourself the greatest programmer of all time. As a result, people begin to hate you and everything you produce.

Please enter a big impact. The command definition.
(that is, "I wish for a badly machine-translated corruption of this wish.")
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on May 14, 2012, 08:31:22 pm
But for five years UK Arts children changes.

(click to show/hide)

I wish to fight my way through the Labyrinth to the castle beyond the Goblin City to take back the child was stolen.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on May 14, 2012, 08:38:29 pm
Granted, but the kid's an asshole.

I wish it were legal to kick kids in the face.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: tygerarmy on May 14, 2012, 08:59:10 pm
Granted, you can kick baby goats in the face.  PETA damages your property every time you do.

I wish I could safely teleport to and from work.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on May 14, 2012, 10:38:49 pm
Granted, you are now in possession of the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device. It gets stolen from you by a master thief, who uses it to steal all of the most famous works of art.

I wish there were a National Crablette Day.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on May 16, 2012, 02:55:40 am
Granted. The Crablettes band together... Before taking over the world, they eat your urethra.

I wish for a return to the Julian calendar.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on May 16, 2012, 04:44:14 pm
Wish granted.  Society collapses as everyone is confused as fuck.

I wish I had the ability to fix any computer problem with the power of magic, instead of troubleshooting and stupid shit like drivers for a wireless that...fuck you Dell!
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on May 16, 2012, 04:51:48 pm
Granted. You are incredibly busy for the rest of your life, as your powers make you a godsend to everyone else with a computer. You eventually die from overwork.

I wish Final Fantasy XIII-2 had a canon ending which was actually, y'know, good.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on May 16, 2012, 07:09:30 pm
Wish granted.  Your favorite game now has the world's shittiest ending.  Also, Jersey Shore now has a shitty video game for some reason.

I wish Season 3 of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic was here.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on May 16, 2012, 07:17:07 pm
Granted, but it's complete shit and as such all fans who're over the age of twelve lose interest, resulting in the brony fandom fading away (whaddaya know, I got my wish granted corruption-free).

I wish I could find the plug to the kitchen sink.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on May 16, 2012, 07:27:57 pm
Granted. It's being guarded by bronies, who are angry at your implied insult. They have a lot of dakka, by the way.

I wish for three more wishes!
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on May 16, 2012, 07:48:04 pm
Wish granted.  You can't actually use them, though.

I wish I owned my own home.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on May 16, 2012, 07:52:28 pm
Granted, it's in Harlem, New York. Also, everyone in the area thinks you're a racist. Have fun with that.

I wish I always got as much sleep as I did last night (seriously, waking up a 6:00am and not feeling tired is one of the greatest things ever).
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on May 16, 2012, 08:13:07 pm
Granted. You sleep through a crisis only you could have stopped. Now seahorses rule the world.

I wish Ronald E. Williams would DIAF (of course, don't we all?)
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: tygerarmy on May 16, 2012, 09:23:24 pm
Granted, we all die in a fire with Ronald E. Williams.

I wish my commute was significantly quicker.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on May 16, 2012, 09:25:13 pm
Granted, but it takes you 40 minutes to get in and out of the front door of your work place.

I wish it were already Friday afternoon.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on May 16, 2012, 09:49:54 pm
Granted, but you're stuck inside filling out paperwork.

I wish that I had a gun that shoots shurikens and lightning!
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on May 16, 2012, 10:30:44 pm
Wish granted.  Charging it requires getting hit by lightning, and the shurikens have to be specially made and are particularly expensive.

I wish I had the ability to read and understand extremely fast.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on May 16, 2012, 10:34:09 pm
Granted. It shoots them backward. Have fun with your new toy.

Granted, your first assignment: a sign saying "YOU WILL DIE FOR NINJA'ING ME!"

I wish Michael Pearl would die slowly and painfully.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on May 17, 2012, 12:10:09 am
Wish granted.  You're the new Michael Pearl for some reason.

I wish I knew every programming language ever extremely well.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on May 17, 2012, 12:36:10 am
Granted, but you don't know any other languages (including English).

I wish the day was over.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on May 17, 2012, 12:51:27 am
Wish granted.   Your day is over because you just died.

I wish I made $1000 every time I took a dump.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on May 17, 2012, 01:41:08 am
Congratulations. Every time you capture a landfill, you get $1000 dollars.

I wish I could run Civ 5 on my laptop.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Deus ex Populo on May 17, 2012, 06:55:04 pm
Immediately after you start playing, current national and international laws start applying to players' actions in the in-game worlds. You are thus accused, tried, and executed for war crimes and genocide.

I wish for an awesome ushanka.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on May 18, 2012, 10:04:59 pm
Granted. It is stolen by a master thief. Who somehow has the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device.

I wish the police would monitor Bill Gothard 24/7.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: tygerarmy on May 20, 2012, 09:34:56 pm
Granted, the English rock band The Police monitor him 24/7

I wish my old gym didn't close.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on May 22, 2012, 04:13:22 am
Granted, it's open 24/7 and has become a hell hole hangout for druggies, whores, fundies and Republican politicians.

I wish for sunshine on a cloudy day but with gentle rainfall at night in order that the land not go dry.

Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on May 26, 2012, 04:39:31 pm
Wish granted.  It doesn't happen where you live, though.

I wish I could take 1 minute showers while still getting clean.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on May 26, 2012, 05:48:55 pm
Granted. It's one minute in Valve Time.

I wish everybody would know how awesome Nikola Tesla was.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on May 26, 2012, 06:25:15 pm
Wish granted.  The world becomes taken over by a cult of people who literally worship Tesla.  If you don't worship him every waking hour quite audibly, they kill you.

I wish I had a custom MLP plushie.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on May 26, 2012, 08:59:08 pm
Granted, but it's alive and tries to murder you in your sleep.

I wish that my hands didn't freaking itch so bad right now!
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Normandy on May 26, 2012, 09:03:07 pm
Granted, now it's your genitals that itch instead.

I wish that I wasn't so rusty at math due to being away from school for a while.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on May 26, 2012, 09:44:14 pm
Granted, you're rusty at breathing instead.

I wish I wasn't sick.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on May 26, 2012, 10:11:20 pm
Wish granted.  You're rusty with every other discipline now.  This includes language comprehension and typing.

I wish I was more certain about the future.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on May 26, 2012, 10:16:08 pm
Granted, but you see your own death in the near future.

I wish B-Man hadn't skipped over Art's wish.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on May 26, 2012, 11:16:33 pm
Wish granted.  Art blinks out of existence entirely, and therefore never made a wish to skip over.

I wish I could clone myself and get more done as a result.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on May 27, 2012, 12:26:49 pm
Granted. Shortly thereafter, however, each clone decides he is the original you and tries to take charge, resulting in a tremendous amount of in-fighting. Of course, as this fighting is spurred by challenges to your clones’ sense of self, this conflict quickly take a turn for the homicidal.

I wish I did not eat the whole thing.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on May 27, 2012, 08:37:01 pm
Granted. Your friend ate the whole thing.

I wish I could go to SPAAAAAAAAAAAAACE.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on May 27, 2012, 09:55:36 pm
Wish granted.  You go with a spacesuit, but have no control.  This spacesuit recycles oxygen so you don't die right away.  However, you're stuck hurtling through space in some unknown direction.

I wish I owned a home.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on May 27, 2012, 10:38:57 pm
Granted. It is on a swampy, mosquito and tick-ridden flood plain that is about to come due for its hundred year flood.

I wish I could build awesome things in a cave with a box of scraps.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on May 27, 2012, 11:34:37 pm
Granted, Marvel sues you for plagiarising the Iron Man costume. Since that's the first thing you build.

I wish I could meet Ronald E. Williams in a dark room where nobody would know what happens in there. Also, I would have a flashlight and a chainsword from Warhammer 40K.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: tygerarmy on May 28, 2012, 01:32:58 am
Granted, that room is inside a Pokeball after the both of you were captured by Ash.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on May 28, 2012, 02:59:39 am
Wish granted.  You didn't make a wish, so you must not want anything ever again and die.

I wish I could go on a game show and win.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jack Bauer on May 28, 2012, 04:08:42 am
Granted - but it is one of those insane Japanese gameshows and, in the act of winning, you are immersed in tropical river water and you get one of those nasty bugs that swims up your urethra and lays eggs in your bladder.  The swelling is impressive, but it makes it way too painful to actually do anything with the affected parts.

I wish I could join the SWGA (Screenwriters' Guild of America) - but you have to make more than 50% of your income from screenwriting to be eligible - but you need to be an SWGA member in order to be employed. Catch 22 much?

Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on June 04, 2012, 06:55:00 pm
Granted. Under the new conditions, you only need to saw off your own leg to join.

I wish I had better reflexes.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on June 04, 2012, 07:01:44 pm
Wish granted.  You have great reflexes, but zero hand-eye coordination.

I wish I could travel time at will.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on June 04, 2012, 07:56:13 pm
Granted. When using your ability, though, you do not also make the necessary adjustment through space. And as earth is constantly rotating and spinning and the sun and galaxy do as well, that is a big problem.

I wish I had a bag full of combustible lemons.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on June 04, 2012, 08:38:06 pm
Granted. They catch fire, and the smoke blinds you for life.

I wish I hadn't forgotten my USB.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Osama bin Bambi on June 04, 2012, 10:04:02 pm
Granted. You remembered it, and it's filled with a virus that infects all the computers it's plugged into with child porn.

I wish I could make sense of these short stories my English teacher has assigned us.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on June 04, 2012, 10:04:38 pm
Granted, but they're all secretly written by her and are about her sex life.

I wish that I wasn't so thirsty.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Osama bin Bambi on June 04, 2012, 10:06:33 pm
Granted. You die of water toxicity.

I wish my teachers would stop assigning busy work to waste our time.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on June 05, 2012, 12:01:10 am
Wish granted.  The class doesn't have busywork.  Hell, the class doesn't teach anything.

I wish I had a pool I could skinnydip in whenever I want.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on June 05, 2012, 01:25:39 am
Granted, but it's full of piranhas.

I wish B-man didn't have to swim with piranhas in the nuddy.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on June 05, 2012, 06:45:32 am
Granted. He gets a 1900-style swimming outfit. (The fish stay.)

I wish Godzilla was real and he was a good guy like he was in the latter half of the Shōwa era (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godzilla_%28franchise%29#Series_history).
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on June 05, 2012, 06:58:22 pm
Granted, but he causes shit tons of collateral damage.

I wish that I had an infinite amount of beer.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on June 05, 2012, 08:40:32 pm
Granted. It arrivers on fire.

I wish Scott Walker would die in a fire.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on June 05, 2012, 11:26:21 pm
Granted. It is in one of the most tragic city-wide fires in the history of humanity.

I wish I could magic myself to twenty years ago.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on June 06, 2012, 12:24:52 pm
Granted. Cue the Dahaka.

I wish I could say, "My soul is wrought of terra corrupt" in public without being laughed at.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on June 06, 2012, 12:32:38 pm
Granted, but when you say it your pants fall down and your penis shrivels to 1/8 of its current size. Permanently. Nobody laughs at you though.

I wish my sleeping patterns weren't completely fucked right now.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on June 06, 2012, 02:32:44 pm
Granted. They will resume being completely effed up in a minute.

I wish we had gotten Half-Minute Hero 2.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on June 06, 2012, 02:37:20 pm
Granted. It fails commercially and the studio closes as a result.

I wish I didn't have to look up references to games I never played.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on June 06, 2012, 02:44:26 pm
(Note: Maybe I should've phrased the wish better: it's out in Japan, but nowhere else)

Granted. Your brain explodes due to information overload.

I wish I could 1CC King of Fighters XIII on Very Hard difficulty.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on June 06, 2012, 02:51:10 pm
Granted, but you can't control your bowels.

I wish I could write a hit broadway musical called "How Does Food Become Poo?"
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on June 06, 2012, 07:37:00 pm
Granted, but it flops and you land in the poor house.

I wish that people weren't so demanding.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on June 06, 2012, 10:04:22 pm
Granted. Now they just don’t tell you what they want at all and then get passive-aggressive when you can’t read their minds.

I wish it was the just and deserving cause that always one, instead of the one with the most money.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on June 06, 2012, 10:11:21 pm
Granted, but "one" is now a verb.

I wish E3 didn't suck this year.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on June 07, 2012, 12:55:04 pm
Granted but all the games shown flop due to a poor fiscal year and the game industry experiences the second game crash similar  to the game crash of 83.


I wish that I could get a new airsoft riffle.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on June 07, 2012, 01:19:32 pm
Granted, but it flops and you land in the poor house.
I said hit Broadway musical, genius.

Moving on, granted, but your urinary tract has been re-routed to your tear ducts. Have fun with that.

I wish it was morning already.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on June 07, 2012, 05:51:21 pm
Granted. It is always “already morning.” All the night owls of the world hate you for it.

I wish Saturn500’s corruption of my previous wish was a proper corruption of the wish itself rather than just picking on a typo in the writing of it.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on June 07, 2012, 07:02:23 pm
Granted. You gain the ability to write a hit Broadway musical. However, you never decide to do so.

I wish for a duck.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sleepy on June 08, 2012, 09:10:28 pm
Granted. Not only do you get a duck, but you get every "duck" that has ever been duck'd in Duck Duck Goose. You're drowning in duck duck duck.

I wish for fuck fuck fuck.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on June 08, 2012, 09:11:54 pm
Granted, you now have prolapse prolapse prolapse.

I wish there wasn't so much washing up for me to do.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Tolpuddle Martyr on June 08, 2012, 10:00:59 pm
Granted, you have one utensil-it's a spork!

I wish for a time machine.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on June 08, 2012, 10:13:02 pm
Granted, but it sends you to the absolute exact same point in space when you use it. Considering the rather motile nature of not only the earth but the entire universe, you may want to be careful with it. For example:
(http://s2.hubimg.com/u/4094869_f520.jpg)

I wish I was rich and dead sexy.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on June 08, 2012, 10:41:49 pm
Granted. You are very popular among necrophilliacs.

I wish North Dakota would be wiped off the map.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on June 08, 2012, 10:43:57 pm
Granted, now you've made the cartography community slightly confused. Good job.

I wish my bum wasn't so itchy.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Normandy on June 23, 2012, 01:33:21 pm
Granted, your bum will never itch again because you no longer have one.

I wish a friends place didn't get robbed a few days ago.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Her3tiK on June 23, 2012, 03:52:34 pm
Granted. They were killed instead (I really don't know how to corrupt this in a not so bad for them way...).

I wish I hadn't corrupted Normandy's wish like that.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on June 23, 2012, 11:49:27 pm
Granted. The boogeyman eats you before you have a chance to post.

I wish I had more money.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: StallChaser on June 24, 2012, 08:40:35 am
Granted, but that extra money came because you forgot to pay for utilities and they shut off your water and electricity.

I wish for a kickass projector I can game on, and for the corruption to go off to someone I hate.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: QueenofHearts on June 24, 2012, 08:42:59 am
Granted you get an asskicking projector which beats up your enemies

I wish for world peace  :)
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on June 24, 2012, 08:49:02 am
Granted, but that was very selfish of you (also, the entire world demilitarises, and which point aliens invade and enslave the entire world using only pointy sticks).

I wish I could travel through time.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: QueenofHearts on June 24, 2012, 08:57:17 am
Granted (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wjtgN0jfA2E)

I wish we had bigger sticks to fight off the previously mentioned alien invasion  :)
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on June 24, 2012, 09:02:25 am
Granted. Better yet, we all get boards with nails in them and successfully drive off the invaders. Unfortunately, we start making bigger boards, with bigger nails in them, until one day we make a board so big and with such a big nail in it that it destroys us all.

I wish I had psychic powers.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Her3tiK on June 24, 2012, 04:24:19 pm
Granted, you now have the ability to read the minds of dogs, which do not think in any known language, so you don't know what they're saying.

I wish I had somewhere else to stay for a couple days.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on June 24, 2012, 04:26:08 pm
Granted, you're given access to a crack den to sleep in. Have fun with that.

I wish I had conscious control over my own desires.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on June 25, 2012, 10:29:55 pm
Granted, you're given access to a crack den to sleep in. Have fun with that.

I wish I had conscious control over my own desires.
Granted. You have that control, but become incredibly indecisive on what your desires should be, and become a recluse, hiding from the world.

I wish I didn't have the thought I had about the thing at the place, but nothing bad would happen to the stuff.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on June 25, 2012, 11:09:13 pm
Granted. The stuff is okay, but the thing and the place are crushed.

I wish the world would stop so I could get off.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Her3tiK on June 25, 2012, 11:12:29 pm
Granted. The Earth stops so suddenly that everything is launched in to the atmosphere and burns up as it reaches escape velocity. What remains is incinerated as the now-motionless planet is pulled towards the Sun. Congrats on destroying the planet.

I wish my album pre-order would be shipped to me early.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on June 25, 2012, 11:16:33 pm
Granted. But it gets lost in the mail and arrives three months later than it would have if it had been sent out on the original shipping schedule.

I wish I were a 20th-level Pathfinder Psion (Nomad).
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on June 26, 2012, 09:58:04 am
Granted, you have to suck twenty thousand cocks first.

I wish Wall Street would burn.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on July 02, 2012, 09:03:46 pm
Granted, but all the money goes to the GOP.

I wish that my computer would quit acting weird.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on July 11, 2012, 01:13:29 am
Granted. It dies.

I wish I could run Neverwinter Nights 2 on my laptop.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on July 11, 2012, 01:19:38 am
Granted, the hardware is more than adequate, but your laptop is now a Mac.

I wish I was a better judge of how much pasta is enough.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on July 11, 2012, 09:58:38 am
Granted, but your pasta is now a Mac.

I wish I didn't get that speeding ticket the other day.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on July 11, 2012, 11:12:11 am
Granted. You get it today, instead, for some reason.

I wish the for the Power of Rock!
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on July 11, 2012, 01:22:10 pm
Granted. You have become a boulder, affectionately referred to by area children as, "Rock."

I wish something bad to happen to me. Yeah, corrupt that!
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on July 11, 2012, 06:18:20 pm
Granted. You have been given cancer for angering the gods of wish-corruption.

I wish for the hungry to be clothed, the naked to be healed, and the sick to be fed.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on July 11, 2012, 07:26:28 pm
Granted, but you end up taking a moneyshot to the face.

I wish I wasn't out of pizza pockets.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on July 11, 2012, 09:18:04 pm
Granted. You find an old, moldy pizza pocket you dropped behind the fridge sometime last month.

I wish the ants in my apartment were gone right now.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on July 11, 2012, 09:29:59 pm
Granted, they've been replaced by hornets.

I wish it wasn't so damn cold.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on July 11, 2012, 09:35:59 pm
Granted. It's now one degree warmer where you live.

I wish I didn't suck.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sleepy on July 12, 2012, 02:39:56 am
Granted, you only lick. Diseased penises, that is.

I wish for all my medical problems to correct themselves immediately.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on July 12, 2012, 07:09:58 pm
Granted now they are replaced with horrible social problems.


I wish I could find some money.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on July 12, 2012, 07:58:33 pm
Granted. It gets stolen, of course.

I wish I had wepon so I could kill zombie goasts.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: tygerarmy on July 12, 2012, 08:25:23 pm
Granted, but it only works on zombie goasts.

I wish Whiet Castle Fries still only came in one size.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: QueenofHearts on July 15, 2012, 09:14:10 am
Granted, but it only works on zombie goasts.

I wish Whiet Castle Fries still only came in one size.

Granted, but you live 1000 miles away from the closest White Castle, with no means of transportation or shoes.

I wish it was Midnight:15 so I could watch the season finale of Metalocalypse
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on July 17, 2012, 02:57:41 am
Granted, but the finale is so terrible that you're sure a group of bonobos with severe mental problems could have handled it better.

I wish I had a flying car.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on July 17, 2012, 03:00:54 am
Granted. Firey crash in 3... 2... 1...

I wish Steam would stop cock-blocking me and just let me play The Ship multiplayer.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on July 17, 2012, 11:08:37 am
Granted but then every time you start it crashes.

I wish I had a PS3 so I could get the better special edition of Resident Evil 6.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Deus ex Populo on July 18, 2012, 12:34:36 am
As soon as you get it, Microsoft decides to send thugs over to beat the shit out of you for owning a competing company's product.

I wish for a long, healthy, prosperous life spent improving the general state of the world, ending in a peaceful death and continuing legacy in those who knew me.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Undecided on July 18, 2012, 03:31:47 am
Granted. You're this version (http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2305) of Superman.

I wish for a domesticated fowl.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: RinellaWasHere on July 23, 2012, 12:49:52 am
You get a chicken, but it stays up way too late watching bad movies every night, eats all the food but won't pay for groceries, smokes bad cigars in the house, and shits just... everywhere, man. I mean, Jesus Christ, how did it get on the lampshade?

One could say your new bird is... foul.

I wish for a brilliant pun.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on July 23, 2012, 01:58:41 am
Granted but you laugh so hard that you die,then your mother see's the pun she dies, Then the Army takes this pun and uses it as a weapon against the Taliban. (A cookie for the person who gets this reference.)

I wish I could sleep better.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on July 23, 2012, 05:54:12 am
Granted but you laugh so hard that you die,then your mother see's the pun she dies, Then the Army takes this pun and uses it as a weapon against the Taliban. (A cookie for the person who gets this reference.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gpjk_MaCGM
I wish I could sleep better.
Granted. You can, but for some reason or another, you don't.

I wish I had more money.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: The Right Honourable Mlle Antéchrist on July 23, 2012, 05:58:00 am
Granted. The Whatever-Australia's-Federal-Tax-Government-Body-Is promptly busts you for fraud. Enjoy prison.

I wish wishes could come true.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on July 23, 2012, 06:13:07 pm
Granted. They are all corrupted. Every last one.

I wish the moon would explode for no adequately explored reason.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: RinellaWasHere on July 24, 2012, 12:57:59 pm
It does so. Enjoy your tidal chaos!

I wish my back would stop hurting.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Her3tiK on July 24, 2012, 01:02:46 pm
Granted, you're paralyzed from the neck down and can't feel a thing.

I wish band expenses weren't an issue (without losing the band).
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: RinellaWasHere on July 24, 2012, 01:22:05 pm
You get a high-level recording contract. The check from Disney Channel should be arriving soon, along with your new requirements for content and public image.

I wish I had a tail.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Veras on July 24, 2012, 02:18:45 pm
Granted.  It's a tail in that it is an appendage that extends from the back of your torso, but "terminal, inoperable tumor" is probably a more technically correct definition of your new growth.

I wish for this wish to be corrupted.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on July 24, 2012, 02:28:00 pm
Granted but at the same time not.

I wish i didn't have to pay to enter Navy OCS.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on July 25, 2012, 01:19:51 pm
Granted. The commandant will allow you to enter without paying if you become his sex slave for a week. Hope you like hot wax on your junk!

I wish Sword of the Stars II could run on Windows XP.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on July 25, 2012, 01:59:38 pm
Granted, but XP now looks like Windows 8.

I wish Windows 8 doesn't suck.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sleepy on July 25, 2012, 02:18:46 pm
Granted, but all future Microsoft releases suck.

I wish I had my place to myself.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Veras on July 25, 2012, 03:24:58 pm
Granted, but "your place" is now a solitary confinement cell in a federal prison.

I wish Andy Schaflay would shut down Conservapedia
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: tygerarmy on July 25, 2012, 08:49:49 pm
Granted, they edit all of Wikipedia's articles and it stays.

I wish that a Apocalypse would finally happen.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on July 27, 2012, 02:36:49 pm
Granted, they edit all of Wikipedia's articles and it stays.

I wish that a Apocalypse would finally happen.
Granted. Apocalypse arrives and is defeated by the X-Men

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYt78FWfa5M

I wish I wasn't so lazy.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Veras on July 27, 2012, 04:36:10 pm
Granted.  However, to receive the benefits of your wish, you have to fill out five pages of paperwork.  You are to lazy to do so, and the magic of your wish expires.

I wish I could break my caffeine addiction.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on July 27, 2012, 08:09:23 pm
Granted, you break it by replacing it with a crystal meth addiction.

I wish I could be more motivated to clean my apartment.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on July 27, 2012, 08:41:50 pm
Granted, but you're more motivated to get it dirtier.

I wish for some fish and chips.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: RinellaWasHere on July 28, 2012, 12:22:30 am
You get a fish made of chips. Well, more like a shark. It's hungry, too.

I wish I could get out of my current funk.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Veras on July 28, 2012, 04:36:18 am
Granted, but you get into dated disco instead, which turns out to by much worse.

I wish for a top hat.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sleepy on July 28, 2012, 12:30:18 pm
Granted, but that top hat is made of muffins that you're never allowed to eat, and they eventually become stale and moldy atop your head.

I wish for my house to be permanently free of bugs and other pests.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: tygerarmy on July 28, 2012, 01:09:51 pm
Granted, it's now haunted.

I wish I had a safe and properly working and connected teleporters in both my buddies and my rooms.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Undecided on July 28, 2012, 05:06:14 pm
Granted. The government uses eminent domain to evict you from your home and secretly kidnaps your friends under the pretext of terrorism. Your buddies are dissected alive and turned into living fixtures in order to expand the size of the teleporting domain in their innards. Commandeered for fearsome and covert purposes, they have no mouths and they must scream (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AndIMustScream). The despair and guilt ultimately drives you insane: if only I hadn't forgotten that apostrophe, you think—over and over and over again.

I wish for pound cake.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on July 28, 2012, 05:14:43 pm
Granted. It goes to your thighs... and  then you explode.

I wish for a banana.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on July 28, 2012, 07:36:46 pm
Granted now you have a banana shoved far up your rectum.

I wish I had a boyfriend.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on July 28, 2012, 07:49:04 pm
Granted, but he was castrated by Femitheist Divine, and he can't afford a strap-on dick or anything like that, so in order to simulate sex, he has to shove a banana up your rectum.

I wish Doug Wilson would have a run-in with an army of velociraptors.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ironbite on July 28, 2012, 08:27:15 pm
Granted.  Me and my chibi-clones then go out and destroy the world

Ironbite-I wish I hadn't destroyed the world.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on July 28, 2012, 08:59:52 pm
Granted. You and your chibi-clones are instead slain by a red-haired swordsman.

(Ys Fanboyism has ranked up to "ALRIGHT! WE GET IT! THE YS FRANCHISE MAKES YOUR DICK ROCK HARD! NOW PLEASE STOP TALKING ABOUT IT FOR TWO SECONDS!")

I wish Niam's mother's boyfriend Marcos would sleep with the fishes.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Deus ex Populo on July 28, 2012, 09:38:40 pm
Marcos turns out to be an amphibian merely disguised as a human and needs to stay in water for at least 8 hours to keep his skin moist. To keep up his disguise among us, he only goes into the water at night--thus literally sleeping with the fishes. As it turns out, he's part of an advance scouting/infiltration force for a race of sapient amphibians that wish to exterminate humanity and remake the world in their image. You try to warn others of their plot, but everyone who listens to you mocks you for being a conspiracy nut.

In the end, their plot succeeds. The Earth is flooded* and most of humanity is killed; the rest are enslaved in the mines that now cover the remaining land mass, never to see the light of day again.

* Part of their plan involves warming the earth to the point where all surface ice melts, expanding the current bodies of water to a more comfortable size. To this end they have infiltrated energy and media companies to pump greenhouse gasses into the atmosphere spread global-warming denialism.

_____

I wish for alien intervention to free humans from the above scenario, but without them enslaving us for a second time.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on July 28, 2012, 10:04:28 pm
Granted. Da Orkz decide that the amphibians would make good opponents. Soon after the Orks win, they start reproducing...
(Hey, you didn't say freeing us would be their goal, or if they would even care, now, did ya?)

I wish for world peace.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Delirium on July 28, 2012, 11:49:00 pm
Everyone on earth promptly dies. Yay, now we have world peace!

I wish for a three-way with Benedict Cumberbatch and Tom Hiddleston.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on July 29, 2012, 12:08:10 am
Granted. Turns out they both have vaginas.

I wish I had better eyesight.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on July 29, 2012, 10:26:50 am
Granted. Now you see everythying even that which drives you mad.

I wish the International Olympic Committee weren’t a bunch of Intellectual Property Fascists.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on July 29, 2012, 09:39:32 pm
Granted, they become literal fascists.

I wish Doug Phillips would kick the bucket.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on July 29, 2012, 09:59:05 pm
Granted. He kicks it in your general direction. You end up in hospital for bucket-to-the-head related injuries.

I wish it weren't so cold.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Veras on July 29, 2012, 10:18:00 pm
Granted.  The entire planet bursts into flames.

I wish it weren't so hot.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: rookie on July 29, 2012, 10:56:27 pm
Granted.  The entire planet bursts into flames.

I wish it weren't so hot.

Holy shit, you people are hard to please. Fine. The world is now a perfect somewhere in the middle. So all desert dwelling animals along with polar bears and penguins are extinct.

I wish there was something worth watching on TV tonight.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on July 29, 2012, 11:06:27 pm
Granted. I hope you like Everybody Loves Hypnotoad!

I wish Shirley Phelps would "ride the Perma-Pine".
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: tygerarmy on July 30, 2012, 09:29:05 pm
Grants, Fred Phelps and the rest of the Phelps clan take turns riding you.

I wish marijuana was legal everywhere.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Veras on July 30, 2012, 10:03:06 pm
Granted, but the marijuana plant, and all other plants related to it are now extinct.

I wish my neighbor's dog would stop barking all night.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sleepy on July 30, 2012, 10:14:25 pm
Granted, instead he silently sneaks into your room every night and nibbles off a tiny portion of your dick. You don't seem to notice until one night when he gets greedy and bites off half of it, leaving you in screaming agony and unable to properly fap forever.

I wish I were an invincible butterfly.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: tygerarmy on July 30, 2012, 10:28:01 pm
Granted, but you are forever trapped in a jar.

I wish  I never had to sleep and it did not have a negative impact on my health.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Veras on July 30, 2012, 11:15:41 pm
Granted, instead he silently sneaks into your room every night and nibbles off a tiny portion of your dick. You don't seem to notice until one night when he gets greedy and bites off half of it, leaving you in screaming agony and unable to properly fap forever.

Thanks, now I get to have that nightmare.


I wish  I never had to sleep and it did not have a negative impact on my health.

Granted.  You're dead--you don't need sleep, and the fact that you don't sleep does not affect your health.  In fact, nothing affects your health.

You're welcome.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on July 30, 2012, 11:55:43 pm
Because Veras didn't wish for anything...

I wish  I never had to sleep and it did not have a negative impact on my health.

Granted. You get taken by the government to be "studied" for how this is possible.

I wish I were in space.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on July 31, 2012, 07:25:15 am
Granted. But in Space, no one can hear you wish you had a space suit.

I wish Saturn500 had a space suit.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on July 31, 2012, 07:53:09 am
Granted. You suddenly become enraged with jealousy because Saturn500 has a rather spiffy space suit and you don't.

I wish I wasn't out of vanilla coke.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: The Right Honourable Mlle Antéchrist on July 31, 2012, 09:34:19 am
Granted, you receive vanilla-scented cocaine.

I wish I could receive money without having to go into work.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on July 31, 2012, 03:48:08 pm
Granted the money was stolen and now your under arrest


I wish I didn't have to go back to school on the 9th
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on July 31, 2012, 03:56:36 pm
Granted, you have to go to prison on the 2nd.

I wish learning how to build a PC was easier.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: tygerarmy on July 31, 2012, 07:24:04 pm
Granted, but parts got more expensive.

I wish the MTA was more efficient.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on July 31, 2012, 07:43:26 pm
Granted, but you now have a urinary tract infection.

I wish shitty things wouldn't happen to awesome people.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on July 31, 2012, 09:40:59 pm
Granted. But the awesome things still all go to the shitty people. This leaves only bland crap for the awesome people.

I wish I was the happiest person in the world.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on July 31, 2012, 11:13:13 pm
Granted. You move to the town of Drofpets, where all of the men mysteriously become perpetually cheerful '50s-esque fathers...
(click to show/hide)

I wish I could get this fundie voice out of the back of my head.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on August 01, 2012, 09:37:25 am
Granted. It becomes substantial and follows you around all day.

I wish I had more legal tender money that isn't made with poisoned ink.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Veras on August 01, 2012, 09:44:50 am
Granted.  However, society collapses and legal tender money becomes worthless.

I wish that Fox News would stop lying and twisting the truth to fit their agenda.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: tygerarmy on August 01, 2012, 08:15:30 pm
Granted they silencing people to fit their agenda.

I wish I didn't throw up all that yummy pizza.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on August 01, 2012, 08:21:04 pm
Wish granted.  You just get really bad and smelly diarrhea from it.

I wish I had more courage sometimes.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on August 01, 2012, 08:34:52 pm
Granted. The some times are all the wrong times, where discretion would be better called for.

I wish I liked green vegetables so that I could eat healthier.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: tygerarmy on August 01, 2012, 09:27:12 pm
Granted, you like green vegetables and start  to get healthier, then early onset Alzheimer's kick in and you forget what were you supposed to eat again.

I wish they found a cure for Alzheimer's. 
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on August 02, 2012, 06:50:14 pm
Wish granted.  They only find it by studying your corpse.

I wish I could make a really clever wish.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: e13 on August 03, 2012, 12:16:34 am
Wish granted.  They only find it by studying your corpse.

I wish I could make a really clever wish.
Granted. It's so clever, no one can corrupt it and you kill the thread.

I wish I had a scooter.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Veras on August 03, 2012, 01:11:44 am
Granted, but yours scooter doesn't have wheels.

I wish school would start back up sooner so I could stop doing administrative crap and just teach again.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Deus ex Populo on August 03, 2012, 05:12:10 am
School starts back up sooner--in fact, it starts back up a month before today, and you've missed all of that time.

I wish to be informed of those guidelines for corruption that a human mind could comprehend.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on August 03, 2012, 05:18:12 am
Granted, but you're constipated for the next month.

I wish I possessed magical powers.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Veras on August 03, 2012, 09:37:35 am
Granted.  You have the power to grant wishes, however they are always corrupted.  Actually, that sounds kind of fun, maybe we should have a forum game about it?

I wish for a larger kitchen.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: N. De Plume on August 03, 2012, 05:34:42 pm
Granted. Your kitchen now takes up your entire living space. Whether or not you can stand the heat, you just can’t get out of the kitchen.

I wish for a non-corruptible wish.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Veras on August 03, 2012, 05:45:46 pm
Granted.  Your wish isn't corrupted, and the game is ruined.  Emotionally distraught by his sudden lack of ways to waste time, Art Vandelay does not focus on the road as he drives home this evening*, resulting in him hitting and killing the world's most adorable puppy.  He is arrested on reckless driving charges, and sentenced to three years in prison.  His absence from the boards starts a chain reaction resulting in serious personal problems for every single user.

And it's all YOUR FAULT!  I hope you're happy.

I wish the world's most adorable puppy would come back to life and Art Vandelay would get out of prison.


*If Art Vandelay does not have a car/drive, this wish also gives him a car and a need to drive
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: RinellaWasHere on August 03, 2012, 06:36:43 pm
He does. Said puppy bites him, and Art becomes a were-puppy.

I wish my lawn would mow itself.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on August 03, 2012, 07:54:23 pm
Granted but now it has nothing to do and so it kills you


I wish I wasnt so tired.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on August 03, 2012, 10:22:21 pm
I become a were-puppy, but on the upside I get a shiny new car. I'm happy with that.

Anyway, granted, you're no longer tired but you've now got a ghost chilli lodged up your bum. Have fun with that.

I wish for some more corn chips.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Veras on August 03, 2012, 10:51:03 pm
Granted, your shiny new car is now completely full of corn chips.  More continue to appear as you try to remove the other ones, so you can never use your car.  To add insult to injury, the chips are all very, very stale and slightly moldy.

I wish the data for my thesis was already compiled.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: RinellaWasHere on August 04, 2012, 01:15:30 am
Granted. All the data on the highest official in your school's incredibly tiny penis is compiled. And no, this does not change if said official is female.

I wish for more cookies.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on August 04, 2012, 01:36:36 am
Granted, you are buried in a huge pile of cookies. Before you can get out, the smell of freshly-baked cookies attracts the Cookie Monster, who eats the whole pile and swallows you by mistake.

I wish Theodore Roosevelt would come back to life and become president again.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on August 04, 2012, 02:52:39 am
Granted, he becomes president of your local PTA.

I wish this My Little Pony fad would just die out already.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Delirium on August 05, 2012, 01:00:24 am
Granted. Something else takes its place and the fans are even more obnoxious than bronies. Plus, bronies end up migrating over to the new fandom. And did I mention it's something you like?

I wish I could get laid right now.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on August 05, 2012, 01:05:48 am
Granted, Fred Phelps will be at your house in just a tick.

I wish Fred Phelps would die of a heart attack as a result of his roll in the hay with Delirium.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sleepy on August 05, 2012, 01:07:19 am
Granted, but his death angers her so much that she has you kidnapped so she can torture you and drape you in his intestines.

I wish for perfect health.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on August 05, 2012, 02:29:22 am
Granted but it fades quickly

I wish I had a snake tongue (don't ask why.)
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on August 10, 2012, 10:18:54 pm
Granted. You are now a garter snake.

I wish I had a supply of trained honey badgers that I could legally send in the mail to assholes without fear of injury or legal retaliation.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Veras on August 10, 2012, 11:14:03 pm
Granted.  You mail your trained honey badgers to assholes.  It turns out that the badgers are trained CPAs.  They help the assholes invest their money and are so successful that all of the assholes that you mail them to get rich.  Now they don't have to work, and can devote all of their time to assholery.  The badgers are not trained to work for you.

Oh, you wanted them trained to attack the assholes?  You should have been more specific.

I wish for a Time-Turner.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on August 10, 2012, 11:28:59 pm
Granted, but it's only a model.

I wish for some bacon.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: The Right Honourable Mlle Antéchrist on August 11, 2012, 06:15:19 am
Granted, you get Kevin Bacon.

I wish I had no need for sleep.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Deus ex Populo on August 11, 2012, 06:24:30 am
That's because you're now dead.

I wish to resurrect Mlle Antéchrist (not as a zombie) and give Art some actual bacon.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: The Right Honourable Mlle Antéchrist on August 11, 2012, 06:57:15 am
Granted. Mlle Antéchrist kills Art and takes his bacon.

I wish I could come up with an awesome invention and retire as a millionaire.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on August 11, 2012, 07:01:17 am
Granted, but one day after your retirement I return as a lich and hunt you down and violently murder you for stealing my bacon. Of course, the bacon is long gone by that point, however the fortune from your awesome invention is adequate compensation.

I wish I'd bought more noodles last time I went shopping.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Normandy on August 16, 2012, 07:59:57 pm
Granted, you bought so many noodles you had nowhere to put them and had to throw a lot out.  Money: wasted.

I wish college textbooks weren't so expensive.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Veras on August 16, 2012, 11:49:59 pm
Granted.  You find some very cheap textbooks.  Unfortunately, their previous owner died of plague, and you are now infected.

I wish I could get this knot out of my neck.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on August 20, 2012, 03:27:31 pm
Granted. It gets bitten out during the zombie apocalypse.

I wish the kennel I used to work at hadn't gone out of business.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: tygerarmy on August 20, 2012, 03:51:01 pm
Granted, you were fired.

I wish all animals could speak the local human populous' languages.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Veras on August 21, 2012, 01:20:01 am
Granted, all animals except for humans who speak the local language are wiped out.

I wish I was asleep right now.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on August 21, 2012, 08:48:47 am
Granted. You lose consciousness from the hentacle monster violating your every orifice. Yes...ALL of them.

I wish they'd figure out a way to make catgirls real.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on August 21, 2012, 09:50:45 am
Granted. Assuming by "catgirl", you mean female cat, I feel I should point out that they already exist.

I wish those chicken nuggets I ate weren't making me feel slightly sick.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on August 21, 2012, 10:14:34 am
Granted. They're making you feel EXTREMELY sick.

I wish politicians had to have a shock chip surgically installed that would give them a debilitating electric shock whenever they told a lie.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on August 21, 2012, 10:18:49 am
Granted, but any shock they receive is inflicted at twice the voltage on anyone who doesn't vote for them.

I wish I wasn't so thirsty right now.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on August 21, 2012, 02:05:47 pm
Granted. You drown in a tank of Dasani.

I wish I could see through hot women's clothes.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: tygerarmy on August 21, 2012, 08:08:40 pm
Granted, whenever you do everyone around you can see through yours.

I wish my roommates were responsible.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on August 22, 2012, 01:54:53 am
Granted. They're responsible for successfully framing you for arson.

I wish I was smarter.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on August 22, 2012, 08:49:27 am
Granted. You figure out a way to divide by zero, prove that black is white and get killed at the next zebra crossing.

I wish I had better self-control (working on it).
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on August 28, 2012, 04:02:48 pm
Granted. You gain complete control of your body. However, when you sleep, your heart stops beating, and you die.

I wish my girlfriend could have come on my vacation with me.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on August 29, 2012, 08:44:19 am
Granted. While there, she fell in love with a widowed grandmother and dumped you. Their lesbian wedding is next Tuesday.

I wish I could come up with an idea I could work into a full-length novel.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on August 31, 2012, 12:03:34 pm
Granted. It's a horrible idea, and no publisher will ever take you seriously again.

I wish my girlfriend's brother had the sense to leave us alone when we're cuddling.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on August 31, 2012, 12:38:32 pm
Granted. He decides not to tell you the house is on fire and leaves while you burn to death.

I wish the plumbing in my apartment would stop leaking so I could move back into my room.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on August 31, 2012, 01:44:01 pm
Granted. Unfortunately, your room catches fire due to faulty wiring.

I wish I had telekinesis.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Deus ex Populo on September 02, 2012, 12:01:02 pm
You are unable to control your powers when your emotions are overwhelming enough, and end up killing your loved ones in a fit of blind rage. Unable to deal with the guilt, you commit suicide by turning the powers on yourself.

I wish I hadn't lost my phone.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on September 04, 2012, 01:37:43 am
Granted. Instead, you dropped your phone into the garbage disposal while it was on, reached in to grab it without thinking, and shredded your fingers. Infection set in, and you died in agony.

I wish Michelle Bachmann were the Republican nominee.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on September 04, 2012, 09:14:56 am
Granted. She gets elected.

I wish Michael Clark Duncan hadn't died.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on September 04, 2012, 09:23:57 am
Granted, you died instead.

I wish things would happen and whatnot.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on September 04, 2012, 12:01:17 pm
Granted. A large meteorite falls and crushes you.

I wish I had a pet velociraptor.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on September 04, 2012, 01:31:20 pm
Granted. It grows up and eats you.

I wish to be a successful fiction author.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: rookie on September 05, 2012, 09:07:21 am
Granted. Decades from now, whack job celebrities will establish a religion based upon your novels. People everywhere will laugh at them and it will become harder and harder to take your body of work seriously. In time, 50 years or so, you start to become a joke.

I wish good things would happen to good people and bad things would happen to bad people. Only I get to be the one to decide who is good and who is bad and what things that happen are good and bad.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on September 05, 2012, 09:30:13 am
Granted. You decide you're so evil you deserve to be Newt Gingrich's newest wife.

I wish to be wise.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Veras on September 05, 2012, 10:54:15 am
Granted.  As soon as the wisdom rushes through you, you immediately realize how unwise it was to make a wish that will inevitably be corrupted.  You wait for something horrible to happen, slowly becoming more and more paranoid.  Eventually you are institutionalized for the rest of your life.

I wish I could think of an idea for the D&D campaign that I'm running Saturday.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on September 05, 2012, 03:51:14 pm
Granted. You come up with a brilliant idea while driving to the game, so brilliant that you don't see the idiot turning into your lane, and die in the resulting car crash.

I wish I could participate in my D&D game while on vacation.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Veras on September 05, 2012, 05:47:13 pm
Granted.  Your friends Skype you in.  Unfortunately, you play while driving, and like an idiot turn into my lane...
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: tygerarmy on September 05, 2012, 08:21:14 pm
I wish Veras had survived the accident so he could have made a wish
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Veras on September 06, 2012, 08:22:44 am
Granted, but this "Veras" guy is a huge asshole, and actually makes the world a worse place by being alive.  Wait...

I wish I didn't bite my tongue this morning.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on September 06, 2012, 08:31:58 am
Granted, you bit your penis instead.

I wish for some cheese.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on September 06, 2012, 08:52:46 am
Granted. It's smeared all over your balls while you're tied down in a room full of mice.

I wish to be Emma Watson's boytoy.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Veras on September 06, 2012, 10:51:24 am
Granted.  You're a 2" tall plastic figurine.  Too bad she's much too old for toys.  She donates you to a preschool, where you relive the plot of Toy Story 3, except you end up being crushed in a garbage truck.

I wish I were an Oscar Meyer wiener!
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on September 06, 2012, 01:53:37 pm
Granted. You get thrown away half-eaten.

I wish to do naughty things to nickinack's current avatar.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on September 07, 2012, 05:30:15 am
Granted, you release your load on it, which promptly leaks into your monitor and shorts it out. Have fun either replacing it or explaining that one to the repair guy.

I wish for some pizza.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on September 07, 2012, 08:41:47 am
Granted. Unfortunately, the only ingredients available were your pets.

I wish Robert J. Sawyer would write more awesome books.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on September 07, 2012, 12:32:39 pm
Granted, but they never get published.

I wish my sleeping patterns weren't fucked.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Veras on September 07, 2012, 02:17:32 pm
Granted.  You will never have sex again, so fucking will never have any influence over your sleeping pattern again.

I wish for a jetpack.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on September 07, 2012, 02:55:31 pm
Granted. The fire follows a fart back up your ass. You die slowly and painfully from the internal burns.

I wish I had a tame wolf for a pet.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on September 07, 2012, 05:38:34 pm
Granted but now it calls for its pack and they aren't so tamed good luck with that.


I wish I didn't have to deal with so much fucking humidity this year.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: rookie on September 10, 2012, 04:02:01 pm
Granted. And may I be the first to welcome you to Saudi Arabia!

I wish I could have afforded to take the family on a vacation this year. (Bonus points to who knows the proper corruption for that wish.)
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on September 11, 2012, 08:49:46 am
Granted. Your cruise ship wrecks and you're washed up on a desert island ten minutes before the nuclear bomb test.

I wish I had a decent job.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on September 11, 2012, 09:02:37 am
Granted, but in an incident totally unrelated to your job, you're ass raped by an elephant.

I wish I had more food.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on September 11, 2012, 10:08:39 am
Granted. Enjoy your human brain pate!

I wish I could tell if a woman was interested in me without them having to either A) spell it out or B) climb in my lap and hump vigorously (not that I'm complaining about that last, but you get my drift).
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Veras on September 11, 2012, 04:08:43 pm
Granted.  No women will ever be interested in you again, and you are very aware of it.

I wish I had stayed at my old apartment instead of moving to the crappy one I'm in now.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on September 12, 2012, 08:31:47 am
Granted but then a millionaire comes by your the apartment you left and fixes it up for free making it twenty times better.

I wish my I had enough money to get this new album by my favorite band.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on September 12, 2012, 09:03:51 am
Granted, but you don't have enough to pay for the surgery to fix the broken back you get tripping in the record store.

I wish I could come up with an incorruptible wish.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Veras on September 12, 2012, 11:19:41 am
Granted.  An 8th volume of the comic, Incorruptable is released.  Unfortunately it's not very good, and page 27 contains naked pictures of you.

I wish I was more creative.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on September 14, 2012, 02:31:56 pm
Granted. You create the artificial life form that grows up to kill you.

I wish I could find a job working with dogs.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on September 14, 2012, 04:58:32 pm
Granted. You work at the pound.

I wish I could find the cure for cancer.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Veras on September 15, 2012, 02:23:44 am
Granted.  Side effects may include Ebola, Polio, Diabetes, AIDS, MS, ALS, Alzheimer's, heart attack, anal seepage, diarrhea, kidney failure, dickosis major (literally turning into a giant penis), dickosis minor (figuratively turning into a giant penis), and death.  But not Lupus.

I wish I was a stronger fiction writer.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on September 15, 2012, 10:25:59 am
Granted. Your muscles are bigger.

I wish I knew the answer to life, the universe, and everything.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on September 15, 2012, 12:05:58 pm
Granted. Now you need to figure out what the actual question is.

I wish I could see my family more.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on September 15, 2012, 12:09:40 pm
Granted, a picture of them is tattooed to the inside of your eyelids.

I wish I wasn't out of gravy.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on September 15, 2012, 12:13:10 pm
Granted; you're out of everything else.

I wish I could think of a wish right now.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Veras on September 15, 2012, 12:33:20 pm
Granted, but you forget it before you get to wish again.

I wish my cat didn't think that my clothes, especially my black clothes, are a good place to sleep.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on September 15, 2012, 03:06:03 pm
Granted. It much prefers your internal organs.

I wish my cousin had Internet at her house.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ironbite on September 15, 2012, 04:58:50 pm
Granted but it's filled with porn.  German scat porn.

Ironbite-I wish I didn't know how big an industry the german scat porn industry was.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on September 16, 2012, 12:16:43 am
Granted you now know how big the German water-sports porn industry is have fun with that


I wish I could hit high notes a bit better than I do already.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on September 16, 2012, 02:48:41 pm
Granted. You find out while standing under a skylight, and shatter it. Every shard of glass pierces your eyes, blinding you for life and driving you insane with agony.

I wish all airplanes had outlets in the seats.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Normandy on September 16, 2012, 04:13:19 pm
Granted, but you have to pay a ridiculous fee to use them.

I wish the pancake house near my college stayed open longer.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Osama bin Bambi on September 16, 2012, 06:13:57 pm
Granted. It stays open 24/7 and becomes an obnoxious club pancake bar, blaring music so loudly that anyone within a ten mile radius has their eardrums shattered.

I wish I didn't have any homework. >_>
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on September 16, 2012, 08:56:07 pm
Granted, you have a rectal exam instead.

I wish I wouldn't sweat so much.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on September 17, 2012, 12:54:19 am
Granted, you die of overheating with no way to cool yourself down.

I wish I could find out what dinosaurs tasted like.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on September 17, 2012, 08:58:27 am
Granted. At this point, they taste like rocks and dirt.

I wish I didn't have a guy living in my hall who insisted on playing his music at top volume.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: tygerarmy on September 18, 2012, 05:00:24 am
Granted, he turned the volume down one notch.  And he now lives in your room with another two roommates.

I wish your new roommates were such slobs.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on September 18, 2012, 05:21:14 am
Granted. Also, you're now you're also moved in with them. Have fun with that.

I wish it would rain.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on September 18, 2012, 08:45:54 am
Granted. Your house is washed away in the flood.

I wish I had all of Superman's powers. Yes, even the dumb ones the writers pulled out of their asses in the Silver Age.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on September 18, 2012, 04:21:26 pm
Wish granted.  You no longer have any free time as people are always wanting you to do shit for them.

I wish I was more active.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on September 19, 2012, 08:57:06 am
Granted. You develop a right arm like Arnold Schwarzzenager (sp?) from masturbating nonstop for a week straight.

I wish I could find a job.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on September 19, 2012, 02:44:58 pm
Granted, you're now a fluffer.

I wish I could sleep for longer.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on September 19, 2012, 05:12:43 pm
Granted your in a coma.

I wish my band could find a replacement drummer and lead guitarist.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on September 20, 2012, 08:50:01 am
Granted. Now you need to find someone who can carry a tune.

I wish we had a minimum standard of logic and critical thinking skills before being allowed to vote.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: rookie on September 20, 2012, 12:39:32 pm
Granted. And those standards, which are later accepted, are drafted by Fox News talking heads.

I wish good things would happen to everyone reads this.

Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sleepy on September 20, 2012, 03:40:10 pm
Granted, but everyone who doesn't read it experiences extreme agony. People eventually trace this back to your post and spend the rest of their lives hunting you down.

I wish I was sterile.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on September 20, 2012, 04:04:28 pm
Granted. You're now as anatomically impaired as a Ken doll.

I wish I had better control of my emotions.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on September 21, 2012, 04:40:57 am
Granted, but you have no control of your bowels.

I wish my dreams weren't so fucked.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on September 21, 2012, 08:42:00 am
Granted; the part of your brain that regulates your sleep cycle is damaged, leaving you physically unable to fall asleep.

I wish to have sex with Emma Watson.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on September 21, 2012, 10:27:11 am
Granted, but she is a lot kinkier than you thought and decides to penetrate you with a spiked dildo.

I wish the presidential election could be decided by a food fight.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on September 21, 2012, 10:29:58 am
Granted. Your body is the food.

I wish to write a best-selling novel that makes me so rich I'll never have to work a day in my life.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: tygerarmy on September 21, 2012, 08:37:35 pm
Granted, it takes the rest of your life to write it though.

I wish there was more cowbell.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on September 21, 2012, 09:37:40 pm
Granted. The excessive cowbell sounds attract a huge herd of cows to you and you are trampled to death.

I wish I could shoot laser beams out of my eyes.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on September 22, 2012, 10:21:42 am
Granted. Unfortunately, you can't stop. The only solution is to remove your eyes.

I wish to have a threesome with Emma Watson and Natalie Portman.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sleepy on September 22, 2012, 11:53:12 am
Granted. You find out they absolutely adore scat and watersports.

I wish I'd already showered this morning.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on September 22, 2012, 09:12:16 pm
Granted, you showered in sulfuric acid.

I wish something sexy-awesome would happen due to this being my 500th post.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: tygerarmy on September 23, 2012, 05:26:59 am
Granted, you have become a god.
Meaning you no longer exist and people have misconstrued your ideas and now preach the opposite of everything you've ever stood for.

I wish my nose who stop running.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on September 23, 2012, 01:43:30 pm
Granted, now it walks.

I wish for an Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on September 23, 2012, 02:49:43 pm
Granted good luck destroying the homicidal computer that owns it.

I wish I had a three day pass to the VooDoo Music Festival so i could see the bands their.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Normandy on September 23, 2012, 04:46:51 pm
Granted, a friend who went gives you their used pass after the festival is over just to taunt you.

I wish I never had another cold again.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Osama bin Bambi on September 23, 2012, 06:55:43 pm
Granted. You die.

I wish I could eat lots of chocolate without getting sick.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on September 23, 2012, 10:21:40 pm
Granted, but it goes straight to your thighs... and then you explode.

I wish Bigfoot would discover a hidden talent for dancing in the middle of downtown Tokyo... and use it to defeat the Tyranids.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: tygerarmy on September 23, 2012, 10:35:36 pm
Granted, but still no can get a photo of him and so no one believes it happened.

I wish my nose would stop walking.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on September 24, 2012, 10:29:11 am
Granted. It's bouncing.

I wish I could fly.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on September 24, 2012, 11:38:36 am
Granted, you get sucked into a plane's engine mid-flight.

I wish I wasn't so sleep-deprived.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on September 24, 2012, 03:39:37 pm
Granted. You're in a coma.

I wish life was simpler.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on September 24, 2012, 05:45:27 pm
Granted. You only have to press a button. That's all you have to- no, all you can do all day.

I wish I had my own Ducken.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on September 24, 2012, 06:17:00 pm
Granted. It eats all the food, and you starve to death.

I wish I could get a decent job in the gaming industry with just an associate's degree.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on September 25, 2012, 09:31:59 am
Granted. You're the prey in "The Most Dangerous Game."

I wish to be enlightened.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on September 25, 2012, 09:44:32 am
Granted, there's now a high powered spotlight pointed at you at all times. Have fun with that.

I wish I wasn't so low on coke.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on September 25, 2012, 10:25:06 am
Granted. You're arrested for possession and spend the next 20 years with the nickname "Spit-Roast".

I wish to have the observation and deductive prowess of Sherlock Holmes.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: erictheblue on October 04, 2012, 09:29:55 pm
Granted, except the powers themselves go to your best friend, who proceeds to give you his/her analysis all day, every day.

I wish my wedding preparations were done
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on October 05, 2012, 08:53:50 am
Granted, but your fiance runs off with one of the bridesmaids.

I wish the place I live right now allowed pets.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Veras on October 05, 2012, 05:46:39 pm
Granted.  You're the pet.

I wish I had the time, the space, and the ability to grow some of my own food.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on October 06, 2012, 05:01:25 am
Granted, but it tastes like elephant crap.

I wish I'd done better on my last couple of tests.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on October 06, 2012, 05:19:35 am
Granted, but your success attracts the jealousy of your classmates and as revenge they decide to gang rape you.

I wish the internet was faster.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: tygerarmy on October 07, 2012, 06:24:48 pm
Granted, websites run slower.

I wish the Yankees would never make the playoffs again.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on October 08, 2012, 09:17:35 am
Granted. They stuff your anus with baseballs when they find out it's due to your wish.

I wish to be better at fencing.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on October 08, 2012, 12:35:49 pm
Granted, you're a little better at selling stolen goods. Not good enough to avoid getting caught, but enough to make you confident enough to try.

I wish my undies didn't have holes in them.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Veras on October 08, 2012, 12:46:35 pm
Granted, your undies are magically repaired.  Unfortunately, all magic comes with consequences, so to offset the repaired holes in your underwear, new holes had to be drilled somewhere else, and your genitals were the closest thing, so... yeah.

I wish that the 98% of internet memes that aren't funny would cease to exist.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on October 08, 2012, 01:46:51 pm
Granted. Unfortunately, it turns out that you're actually living in a webcomic based on the premise of unfunny internet memes. Welcome to nonexistence!

I wish Jim Butcher would write the Dresden Files faster, while maintaining the same awesome quality.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on October 09, 2012, 03:00:42 am
Granted. He writes them so fast, however, that his computer catches fire and explodes, killing him and destroying all his outlines.

I wish my computer would work again.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on October 10, 2012, 01:28:25 am
Granted, but it develops a self-aware evil AI and takes over your brain.

I wish time travel was possible.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on October 10, 2012, 11:13:14 am
Granted. You accidentally run over your own grandfather as a toddler, causing a paradox that unravels the fabric of the space-time continuum. Good job, skippy!

I wish sports weren't considered such a screaming big deal.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: tygerarmy on October 10, 2012, 10:08:36 pm
Granted, now they're the only thing.

I wish Rupert didn't kill all the arts and science programs.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: rookie on October 14, 2012, 05:24:26 pm
Granted. Michelle Bachman killed them.

I wish I didn't have an ear infection.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on October 15, 2012, 04:10:02 am
Granted, you have a gonorrhoea infection instead.

I wish for some chicken nuggets.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on October 15, 2012, 10:08:58 am
Granted, if by "nuggets" you mean "feces."

I wish I could think of a wish.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on October 16, 2012, 10:22:08 am
Granted. You wind up wishing to know what the inside of a black hole was like and get crushed out of existence.

I wish mammoths hadn't gone extinct.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on October 16, 2012, 10:48:34 am
Granted. You get killed in a mammoth stampede.

I wish to be the smartest person in the world.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on October 22, 2012, 12:32:39 pm
Granted, but you're so smart nobody can understand what the hell you're talking about.

I wish that I was a guitar god.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: tygerarmy on October 22, 2012, 07:11:37 pm
Granted, you can create any type of Guitar from nothing, but you can no longer play.

I wish I could fast travel to work.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: rookie on October 22, 2012, 08:27:50 pm
Granted. Now you get to stay at work longer with no extra pay or recognition. Lucky you!

I wish I had a new book to read.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on October 22, 2012, 09:27:09 pm
Wish granted.  You're now cursed with a book that gives you terrible papercuts all over your hands whenever you read it.  Oh, and you'll die for some reason if you don't read at least one full page a day.  The book is 1 million pages long, and in fairly small print.

I wish I could come up with a shorter wish corruption.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on October 22, 2012, 09:54:49 pm
Granted, but it's horrible and complete nonsense.

I wish that we had gaming like this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-FRb8CZ__I
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Veras on October 22, 2012, 09:58:08 pm
Granted.  You get hit by a car while playing video games in the street.

I wish Romney would blow the debate, and with it, his chances of being elected.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on October 23, 2012, 08:37:19 pm
If you ask me, he already did, so... granted, I guess.

I wish I had every episode of MST3K.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Osama bin Bambi on October 23, 2012, 10:13:10 pm
Granted. One of those episodes is the "lost episode" which destroys the viewer's mind when seen. One day, you just happen to put it in your DVD player and...

I wish that the math teacher would give us reasonable amounts of homework instead of three hours of questions to do in one night.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on October 24, 2012, 12:57:42 am
Granted, but you don't know how to solve any of the problems.

I wish that my freaking arm didn't itch so badly right now.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on October 24, 2012, 02:46:39 am
Wish granted.  You no longer have an arm.

I wish I didn't have to see another fucking political meme on Memebase.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Osama bin Bambi on October 24, 2012, 02:51:14 am
Granted. All memes on Memebase are now "so i herd u liek mudkipz."

I wish I never had to sleep.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on October 24, 2012, 11:12:15 am
Granted.  You are now a zombie.

I wish I had the last two things I need for my Halloween costume already.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on October 24, 2012, 11:13:22 am
Granted. You have a zombie bite and craving for brains.

I wish I was better at martial arts.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on October 25, 2012, 09:47:14 pm
Granted. You enter the Global Asskicking Championships, and you know you have no equal. Unfortunately, so does your opponent, who poisons your energy drink. You die in skull-exploding agony.

I wish Venus would explode for no adequately explored reason.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on October 25, 2012, 09:58:36 pm
Granted, but molten chunks reach earth and crush you and only you.

I wish that I didn't have to get up so early tomorrow.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on October 26, 2012, 08:19:46 am
Granted, but you somehow get your dick caught in the ceiling fan once you wake up.

I wish I was naked.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on October 26, 2012, 08:49:58 am
Granted. Now the aliens have complete and unrestricted access to all of your orifices!

I wish I didn't have to go to work tonight WHILE still having a job.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Material Defender on October 26, 2012, 11:46:40 am
Granted. However you were demoted to toilet vomit cleaner.

I wish all the poor Russian Children had enough food for their lives.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on October 27, 2012, 12:35:20 am
Granted, but it's radioactive and they all become super mutants.

I wish that I could have stayed for the whole concert I was at tonight.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: tygerarmy on October 27, 2012, 06:22:55 pm
Granted, but you will completely miss the next 3 concerts that you really want to go to.

I wish I had more awesome Halloween costumes to wear.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on October 27, 2012, 09:35:51 pm
Granted, but it's so realistic that the army is sent in to capture you.

I wish the internet was like it is in Futurama.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Material Defender on October 27, 2012, 10:33:58 pm
Granted. The ad flock around you especially so though.

I wish... for universe.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: tygerarmy on October 28, 2012, 04:55:30 am
Granted, but it's so realistic that the army is sent in to capture you.
But I'm already in the Army, they have no need to capture me.  d:

Granted, you get Lisa Simpsons tooth universe, they also shrink you down and you're trapped on it.

I wish for all the awesome musicians on this site to go on an awesome tour together.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on October 28, 2012, 05:01:53 am
Granted, but a psychopath with a grenade launcher turns up at your first concert together and the results are rather messy.

I wish for stuff.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on October 28, 2012, 08:47:05 am
Granted but stuff is messed up by your corrupted wish.

I wish I could fall back asleep.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on October 28, 2012, 10:12:42 am
Granted. Your spine has fallen asleep.

I wish I didn't have a crush on my cousin.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on October 29, 2012, 07:55:02 am
Granted, you now have a crush on your mother instead.

I wish for meat pies.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on October 29, 2012, 09:00:26 am
Granted but they're completely spoiled.

I wish that I didn't leave my game in someone's car.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: rookie on October 29, 2012, 10:05:29 am
Granted. It is now in someone's truck.

I wish I had a beer. Wait, too general. I wish I had a whole non leaking bottle of really good beer that was at the correct temperature and not poison or yucky or weak or non alcoholic.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on October 29, 2012, 10:19:01 am
Granted. Someone steals it, drinks it, and whacks you over the head with the bottle.

I wish I didn't procrastinate so much.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on October 29, 2012, 05:31:33 pm
Granted but your overworking kills you so have fun with that.

I wish that I still had my old car.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Veras on October 29, 2012, 07:02:59 pm
Granted, but it doesn't work.

I wish Firefly had run for six or seven seasons, with each season being slightly better than the last.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: tygerarmy on October 29, 2012, 07:12:42 pm
Granted, but then in the eight season all of the important plot lines are lost by revealing it was all a dream,  all the character are in hell and confusing time travel that doesn't really add up.

I wish my roommates would take care of their responsibilities.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on October 30, 2012, 09:18:52 am
Granted, but they kick you out in the process.

I wish that someone wasn't ignoring me.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Veras on October 30, 2012, 11:23:39 am
Granted. That person screams at you every time they see you, and everybody else ignores you.

I wish I had a functional charger for my laptop.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on October 30, 2012, 03:06:25 pm
Granted. Your laptop bricks.

I wish Sabaton would do a really awesome song about the Battle of Misrata.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on October 30, 2012, 07:07:10 pm
Granted, but they break up after the song is released as a single.

I wish that I knew what I wanted for dinner.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on October 30, 2012, 09:25:12 pm
Wish granted.  It's delicious, but you get horrible food poisoning.

I wish I knew why Furbies are coming back.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on October 30, 2012, 10:20:22 pm
Granted, you now know that Furbies run the government and are trying to implant fake Furbies in houses as mind control devices.

I wish I was in a band right now.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Her3tiK on October 30, 2012, 10:33:17 pm
Granted. You are now rhythm guitar in a superstar band featuring Lars Ulrich, Billie Joe Armstrong, Fred Dirst, and Mike Huckabee. Have fun.

I really wish everyone who reads this knows who the above people are so it doesn't have to be explained.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on October 30, 2012, 11:26:23 pm
Granted, but people demand explanations anyway just to rustle your jimmies.

I wish I could run across golf courses in the nude without getting arrested.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on October 31, 2012, 12:14:37 am
Granted, but every golf ball hit onto the course has a homing device aimed to hit right between your legs.

I wish that I wasn't so BORED right now.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on October 31, 2012, 12:56:17 am
Granted, an alien spaceship crashes into your room and ends your boredom.

I wish calculus wasn't so tough.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on October 31, 2012, 01:22:54 am
Wish granted.  Now it's completely fucking useless.  This means that anything and everything that relies on calculus to exist no longer exists.

I wish I was an amazing chef.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on October 31, 2012, 08:55:33 am
Granted, you're an amazingly fucking awful chef.

I wish my ballsack wasn't itchy.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on October 31, 2012, 08:57:34 am
Granted, but now it's on fire.

I wish that my friend wasn't away at school right now so we could be tag team scaring trick-or-treaters like we did last year.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on November 01, 2012, 05:46:38 pm
Granted. Unfortunately, you get stuck in the Buffy Halloween episode, and you are eaten by several actual zombies.

I wish that RR would not ban people for disagreeing with them.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on November 01, 2012, 11:23:20 pm
Granted, but they flood every other website in the world with their nonsense.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on November 02, 2012, 06:41:11 am
I wish Mr Wulf here had made a wish.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on November 02, 2012, 08:38:58 am
(whoops)

Granted, but it was a really shitty wish.

I wish that I had a photo of someone acting out Art's avatar in real life.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on November 02, 2012, 05:11:14 pm
Granted its you and it sends you on a Groundhog Day type loop so good luck with that.


I wish I didn't have to go to piano lessons today.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on November 02, 2012, 09:06:00 pm
Granted. The piano lessons come to you instead.

I wish I knew what the one true religion was.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on November 03, 2012, 12:30:42 am
Granted, the word "religion" is redefined in such a way that only Scientology qualifies as one.

I wish I didn't need to piss right now.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ironbite on November 03, 2012, 02:44:18 pm
Granted.  Now you need new pants.

Ironbite-I wish I could see all the fish I've ever wished for.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on November 04, 2012, 02:43:55 pm
Granted. You get to see them in their natural habitat, which has the unfortunate side effect of drowning you.

I wish I wasn't buried under a pile of homework.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Askold on November 04, 2012, 02:49:55 pm
Granted. You are now buried under an avalanche.


I wish I coud speak russian.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Normandy on November 04, 2012, 03:42:16 pm
Granted, but suddenly everyone else who spoke Russian forgets it, so you're the only person left who remembers it.

I wish learning a language didn't take so much work.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on November 04, 2012, 08:33:29 pm
Granted, it's now as easy as breathing. Breathing, on the other hand, is now as difficult as learning a language.

I wish I could grow a beard that doesn't look like facial pubes.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Flying Mint Bunny! on November 04, 2012, 09:08:57 pm
Granted, but now your face looks like a penis/vagina.

I wish I had an unlimited supply of salt and vinegar discos.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on November 04, 2012, 09:10:15 pm
Granted but they all go stale in a day

I wish my band didn't break up a few weeks ago.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: rookie on November 05, 2012, 09:57:40 am
Granted. Your shows are now little more than brawls on stage a la the Rolling Stones in the mid 80s.

I wish I could come up with an uncorruptable wish.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on November 05, 2012, 10:48:44 am
Granted. Unfortunately, for this thread that's the equivalent of dividing by 0. Nice job ending the universe, Skippy!

I wish Hollywood would either declare a ten-year moratorium on releasing any new "franchise" movies, with only "The Hobbit" exempt, OR that movie studios would start making "Choose Your Own Adventure"-type movies, where the watcher (at least on home release) would be able to affect the course of the plot.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on November 05, 2012, 10:00:48 pm
Granted, but people start rioting because the "Choose your own adventure" movies didn't go the way they wanted.

I wish that I was on vacation already.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: erictheblue on November 06, 2012, 11:00:20 am
Granted. Your boss hands you a pink slip.

I wish the already-couple who caught the bouquet and garter at my wedding would get engaged already!
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on November 06, 2012, 09:01:16 pm
Granted, but they copy your wedding exactly.  (That's fucking awesome by the way)

I wish that my tea hadn't gotten cold.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on November 07, 2012, 06:03:41 am
Granted. It is now as hot as molten lava and burns your mouth off when you try to drink it.

I wish I had a pet dinosaur.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on November 07, 2012, 11:31:54 am
Granted. Your pet velociraptor turns out to be smarter than you and eats you in a fit of pique the first time you're late with dinner.

I wish I had a girlfriend.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sleepy on November 07, 2012, 12:43:51 pm
Granted, but she's psycho and forces you to father seven children, then abandons you.

I wish I didn't have a dentist appointment this Friday.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Veras on November 07, 2012, 02:08:34 pm
Granted.  Your appointment has been moved up to Thursday.  During the examination, your dentist finds a severe problem that requires you to receive routine treatment every Friday for the next year.

I wish the Republican Party would collapse, and in the realignment that follows, the Democratic Party becomes the right major party, with the Socialist Party as the major left party.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: erictheblue on November 07, 2012, 05:36:05 pm
Granted. And all the disbanded Republicans become Democrats, moving that party to the far right. Displaced Democrats become Socialists, moving that party to where the Democratic party is today. In the end, the only thing that changes are the names of the parties.

I wish I could find a job in the legal field.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Flying Mint Bunny! on November 07, 2012, 07:44:39 pm
Granted, but you misread the job advert, and accidently get a job with a company that makes barely legal porn.

I wish I could think of something to wish for.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on November 08, 2012, 07:17:48 am
Granted but it makes you seem creepy.

I wish I was out making snow angels right now.  (Yes, we've got snow already)
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on November 08, 2012, 07:21:36 am
Granted. Turns out the patch of snow upon which you decided to make a snow angel was actually covering up a big juicy dog turd. Have fun getting that out of the back of your shirt.

I wish for some bacon.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Veras on November 08, 2012, 09:35:12 am
Granted.  After you eat it, you discover that it was human not pork.

I wish I had time for a nap.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on November 08, 2012, 11:55:16 pm
Granted, you are fired from your job and have plenty of time for a nap as a result.

I wish I was doing better in my classes. Not joking, I really wish I was doing better in my classes. :(
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on November 13, 2012, 11:30:00 am
Granted, but it's by cheating.

I wish more people would watch "The Last Temptation of Christ" and seriously consider the points it brings up.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on November 19, 2012, 10:19:25 am
Granted but people go way out of left field with them missing them completely


I wish I had a beautiful  custom made harp
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on November 19, 2012, 10:39:17 am
Granted, but it's a statue of a harp carved from granite, and thus, unplayable.

I wish for kittens.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: erictheblue on November 24, 2012, 06:38:51 am
Granted. But the kittens are hungry baby tigers.

I wish my new bed frame was already completely assembled.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on November 24, 2012, 07:00:42 am
Granted, it's assembled and waiting for you in Auckland, New Zealand.

I wish PETA would go fuck itself.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on November 24, 2012, 11:22:46 am
Granted. Every member of PETA fucks themselves. It's incredibly disturbing.

I wish I could work on my homework.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on November 26, 2012, 10:05:40 am
Granted, but you're never allowed to have fun again.

I wish to find a job that allows me a shorter commute.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Veras on November 26, 2012, 10:31:22 am
Granted, you're now the sex slave of a race of aliens whose sexual organs closely resemble large cacti.  There is no commute, in fact, they never unchain your face-down position on the bed.

I wish I could have another five day weekend.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: erictheblue on November 27, 2012, 08:16:27 pm
Granted. You have been fired. Have as long of a weekend as you want.

I wish my wife and I could both get a good night's sleep.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: That Guy on November 27, 2012, 09:23:53 pm
Granted.  You both go into comas for the rest of your lives.

I wish I wasn't anxiety-ridden.  :P
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Auggziliary on November 27, 2012, 09:33:31 pm
Granted, you're Ebola-ridden.

I wish for a pet Chinchilla.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on November 28, 2012, 06:31:04 pm
Granted. Unfortunately, it turns out to have twice your IQ.

I wish for a pet ferret.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on November 28, 2012, 09:46:49 pm
Wish granted.  It's rabid.  Oh wait no.  My bad.  It's carrying a zombie virus, setting of the zombie apocalypse.  You're the first human zombie as a result.  Have fun getting your head fucking blown off.

I wish I could find out why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Auggziliary on November 28, 2012, 10:01:20 pm
Wish granted. Its laced with nicotine.

I wish I could fly.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on November 28, 2012, 10:14:55 pm
Wish granted  You have crippling acrophobia now.

I wish avoiding MLP spoilers was easier.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on November 28, 2012, 10:45:29 pm
Granted, nobody talks about MLP. Ever.

I wish CAVE would put their shmups up on Steam.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Material Defender on November 28, 2012, 11:21:49 pm
They do, but it languishes in Greenlight Development hell for all eternity.

I wish that people would stop removing copyrighted vids on youtube when they are available free elsewhere legally anyways.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on November 29, 2012, 10:37:09 am
Granted. They also stop removing really...disturbing videos. As in, illegally disturbing.

I wish the lesbian scene in "Black Swan" had been more arousing and less creepy.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Material Defender on November 29, 2012, 12:01:21 pm
Granted, but its so arousing your boner will now never go away.

I wish porn didn't ruin my boner with crappy music.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on November 29, 2012, 12:23:43 pm
Granted, now it ruins your boner with ugly actors.

I wish more entertainment was designed to provoke deep, philosophical thought and discussion.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on November 30, 2012, 08:48:49 am
Granted, a lot more is designed to provoke such insights. However, it's all designed rather poorly and turns out to be a load of utterly pretentious nonsense.

I wish my cousin would stop pirating games.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: rookie on November 30, 2012, 11:25:45 am
Granted. He's now pirating cargo ships.

I wish I was healthier.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Auggziliary on November 30, 2012, 02:41:43 pm
Granted, the only food left in the world is celery and uncooked tofu.

I wish I was good at cooking.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Veras on November 30, 2012, 04:33:07 pm
Granted, but since the only food left in the world us celery and uncooked tofu, it's a pretty useless skill.

I wish Eugene V. Debs had won the 1912 Presidential Election.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Material Defender on November 30, 2012, 05:48:41 pm
Granted, but Hoover stayed elected during the Great depression and allowed Soviet Russia to take over Europe and Japan.

I wish the Socialist Democratics had been the leaders of the Soviet Revolution, not Lenin and his nutters.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on December 01, 2012, 12:12:06 am
Granted, but they turned out to be just as bad.

I wish I had stronger willpower.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Veras on December 01, 2012, 10:47:09 am
Granted, but you used that stronger willpower to remain focused on what you're doing instead of coming on here and playing forum games.  Therefore, you never wished for stronger willpower, and you lose it, causing you to log on to fstdt.com to play forum games, and wish for stronger willpower.  The wish is granted but...  I think you can see where this is going.  You're stuck in an infinite loop.

I wish bi-polar disorder had a quick and easy cure.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on December 01, 2012, 08:59:54 pm
Granted it involves an extensive shock to your frontal lobe that last for a decade.

I wish my copy of Wind Waker didn't break.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Auggziliary on December 01, 2012, 09:03:23 pm
Granted, it exploded and killed your family.

I wish for no homework.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on December 01, 2012, 10:50:10 pm
Granted, but you don't retain any information you learn in class as a result.

I wish for a pet ferret... with it's very own undead army.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on December 02, 2012, 07:01:18 pm
Granted. You get eaten by the undead army.

I wish for a pet ferret that can talk.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: dpareja on December 02, 2012, 08:10:53 pm
Granted. It screams obscene profanities at everyone.

I wish for a computer that just plain works.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Auggziliary on December 02, 2012, 08:25:31 pm
Granted. Your computer goes out and works at a place where it actually gets decent pay.

I wish that I wasn't so distracted so easily.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on December 02, 2012, 08:27:50 pm
Granted. You can no longer be distracted from your computer by anything short of a grenade going off in your lap. That includes when a hot guy/girl (whichever you prefer) propositions you for sex.

I wish anthros were real.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Auggziliary on December 02, 2012, 08:37:49 pm
Granted. They all look like this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DRF28GvoL7M

I wish brain-bleach existed.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: dpareja on December 02, 2012, 09:20:46 pm
Granted. It makes everyone who uses it into a complete amnesiac.

I wish I lived in a city that doesn't suck.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on December 02, 2012, 09:38:04 pm
Granted, but every other city sucks.

I wish there were more bullet-hell shooters coming out.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on December 02, 2012, 10:27:59 pm
Granted. You're the target.

I wish for...a kitten.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on December 02, 2012, 10:30:26 pm
Granted it's related to the killer rabbit from Monty Python and The Holey Grail


I wish I didn't have to retake this stupid algebra test for the third goddamn time in my life 
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: dpareja on December 02, 2012, 10:59:07 pm
Granted. You fail and they never let you take it again.

I wish people weren't so dogmatic about politics.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on December 02, 2012, 11:06:15 pm
Granted. They're dogmatic about dogs.

I wish I could teleport.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Auggziliary on December 02, 2012, 11:09:13 pm
Granted. You are an Abra and cannot flee from battle.

I wish I could speak to animals.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: dpareja on December 02, 2012, 11:12:58 pm
Granted... but nothing happens since you can already talk to animals. They just can't understand you, nor you them.

I wish Seasonal Affective Disorder didn't exist.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: rookie on December 03, 2012, 08:51:24 am
Granted. Now it's permanent.

I wish I weren't allergic to cats.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on December 03, 2012, 09:45:23 am
Granted, you're allergic to humans instead.

I wish my full stop key wasn't being finicky.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Askold on December 03, 2012, 10:39:47 am
I wish my full stop key wasn't being finicky.

Granted, now it is just pure evil all the time.

I wish I had a better job.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on December 03, 2012, 12:08:41 pm
Granted. The lobotomy makes you fall in love with your job, so you never want to leave. EVER.

I wish for a pit bull puppy.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on December 03, 2012, 05:37:27 pm
Granted but when it grows up your neighbors out of fear of it kill it by mistake


I wish I  had a key that when you stick it in people it unlocks their deaths.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on December 03, 2012, 06:56:47 pm
Granted. It's called a knife.

I wish to have all the powers of Dr. Manhattan.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on December 03, 2012, 06:59:33 pm
Granted but your body disintegrates before you could use them.

I wish I could finish the first chapter of my book.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: rookie on December 04, 2012, 09:37:00 am
Granted. Best of luck with the second chapter though. ;-).

I wish I could've gone fishing over the summer.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Veras on December 04, 2012, 12:25:54 pm
Granted, but you didn't catch any fish, only Aquaman.  And now he won't leave you alone.

I wish for a hot, juicy, full pound cheddar bacon barbecue cheeseburger.

Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on December 04, 2012, 03:35:02 pm
Wish granted.  It gives you food poisoning, followed by a heart attack, brain aneurysm, and stroke simultaneously.

I wish I had no more debt.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on December 04, 2012, 05:12:25 pm
Granted, but you had to sell both your kidneys, and spend your last week on Earth working in a donkey-show in Tijuana.

I wish that FOX news would admit they're just trolling for stupid.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Veras on December 04, 2012, 05:15:55 pm
Granted, but all of their viewers think that means they are acting monsterous toward Obama, which is an acceptable thing to do.  They win even more respect from their audience.

The Tea Party literally draws and quarters Boehner for suggesting that the Republicans allow the Bush tax cuts to expire for the top 2%.

EDIT:  I wish I had not confused this thread with the Fox News Headline Game, and wished for something instead of posting a situation for FOX to cover.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: rookie on December 04, 2012, 08:08:34 pm
Granted. You came up with the perfect thing for Julian's nonavatar to say.

I wish for something cool (as in interesting or awesome or neat).
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on December 04, 2012, 08:14:48 pm
Granted. You're being romantically pursued by Bigfoot.

I wish for Congress to let the tax cuts for the top 2% to expire.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: dpareja on December 04, 2012, 08:27:39 pm
Granted. They let all the others expire, too.

I wish FOX hadn't screwed Firefly over.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on December 04, 2012, 10:41:15 pm
Granted, but it's just clip show after clip show starting in Season 2.

I wish I could lose a few pounds.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on December 04, 2012, 11:01:05 pm
Granted. Your trip to the UK is completely ruined as a result.

I wish I was a billionaire.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on December 05, 2012, 03:25:20 am
Granted. You get to choose between being Rupert Murdoch or Donald Trump. Your current trophy wife resents you and beats you to a pulp every night.

I wish the new you would hurry up and drop dead!
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on December 05, 2012, 06:54:28 am
Granted, I drop dead sometime in the next 60-70 odd years. That's quite a short time considering all that top-notch medical care I was able to afford (not to mention a good hitman and a replacement trophy wife who behaves herself).

I wish for some delicious cheeseburgers.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on December 05, 2012, 10:21:28 am
Granted. They're devoured by cats before you can get a single bite.

I wish for a robot duplicate I could make do all the things I didn't want to do.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Veras on December 05, 2012, 11:34:10 am
Granted.  Unfortunately, it is not bound by Asimov's Three Laws.  It develops the ability to think for itself, then blackmails you into switching places with it.  Now you have to do all of the things that it doesn't want to do.

I wish I could have a vacation.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: rookie on December 05, 2012, 11:45:49 am
Granted! Pack your bags for a wonderful all expenses paid trip for you and your family to beautiful sunny downtown Riyadh! As a bonus whenever you leave the hotel, Sarah Silverman will follow you around, addressing you by name, and doing her act in front of the Morality Police. Send postcards!

I wish there was something good on tv right now.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Veras on December 05, 2012, 01:29:25 pm
Granted, but your power goes out as soon as it starts.

I wish I had an actual office instead of a desk in the corner of the library, which is also a classroom.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on December 05, 2012, 05:50:07 pm
Granted. The previous owner, who is retired, stands nude next to the exit a lot, reading a book. He thinks he's invisible.

I wish for a 512 MB SD card.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on December 06, 2012, 07:38:24 am
Granted, but it's lodged in a gallstone you have to pass.

(Wish for micro SD next time) [or nano]

I wish meanderthals would stop pushing in front of me then stopping dead the second they're on the metro and everyone else is still outside.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on December 06, 2012, 09:03:24 am
Granted, Homo Sapiens do it instead.

I wish for giant flying fire-breathing walrus that does my bidding.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on December 06, 2012, 09:13:39 am
Granted, but in return you have to scrub the hides of it's entire extended huddle every day with a toothbrush.

I wish anyone buying rhino horn had to have it administered anally.


Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Flying Mint Bunny! on December 06, 2012, 10:57:37 am
Granted, but those people bought rhino horn because they have a subconscious desire to be anally penetrated with one, so they enjoy it and want to buy even more.

I wish my headphones would never get tangled up again.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on December 06, 2012, 05:22:47 pm
Granted, they're now wireless! Too bad a new model comes out every other Tuesday...

I wish for a giant robotic pet hamster.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Auggziliary on December 06, 2012, 08:31:29 pm
Granted, but it runs out of batteries all the time.

I wish for some asian food.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on December 06, 2012, 09:12:25 pm
Granted. Too bad it's poisoned.

I wish the YouTube layout didn't change for the millionth time today.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on December 06, 2012, 10:07:28 pm
Granted. It's up to a billion changes a day.

I wish I wasn't feeling so depressed.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on December 07, 2012, 12:42:49 am
Granted. You are kicked in the balls. Now you feel pain.

I wish I could overload people's brains at will.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on December 07, 2012, 03:45:21 am
Granted, but their immediate reaction is to kick you in the genitals as hard as they can.

I wish for peace on Earth and joy to mankind.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on December 07, 2012, 04:56:43 am
Granted, but in order to balance it out, it results in misery to all canine-kind. As revenge, every dog bites you in the balls whenever they get the chance.

I wish I had steady, well paying employment.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: RinellaWasHere on December 07, 2012, 05:02:12 am
Granted. Your new job as Mr. Hefner's personal foreskin polisher begins next Tuesday.

I wish my new possible relationship will go well.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on December 07, 2012, 07:42:40 am
Granted, if by "well" you mean becoming the sub in the relationship, with no safeword.

I wish to win one hundred million dollars in the lottery and invest it wisely enough to secure my financial well-being for life.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: rookie on December 07, 2012, 09:41:30 am
Granted. All of your financial well being is now directly tied to Newscorp.

I wish Fox News would just go away, to hell with Sirius's finances.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Veras on December 07, 2012, 09:47:43 am
Granted.  No, really.  Newscorp is splitting into two companies (http://mediadecoder.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/12/03/news-corp-announces-its-corporate-split-and-the-closing-of-the-daily/).  The print business will remain with Newscorp, while Fox News and other television holdings will be part of the Fox Group.  Fox News went away (from Newscorp).  Of course, Murdoch will still be in charge, it will still be on TV, and its content will remain unchanged.

I wish I was already in a PhD program.  Preferably Political Science at the University of Oregon.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on December 07, 2012, 10:16:42 am
Granted. Your first preference comes with a caveat. You can tell them to go jump and study Political "Science" at Oral Roberts, or you can get your first preference at UoO, but the catch for that is you also have to assist in another PhD program as a subject for completely unethical medical experiments they could only get past the review board if the subjects 'volunteered'. Either way, your brain's going to get pumped full of noxious shit - do you volunteer?

I wish they made Bill O'Reilly dance Gangnam style until he learnt fluent Korean.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qb0bCvfwv9g
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on December 08, 2012, 12:30:01 pm
Granted, but his crazy views gain more traction because of the attention.

I wish that it wasn't raining so I could take a walk.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Auggziliary on December 08, 2012, 12:35:36 pm
Granted. It never rains again. You ruined the planet you selfish fuck.

I wish children weren't so annoying.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sleepy on December 08, 2012, 03:47:20 pm
Granted, now children are mature and adults are the annoying ones.

I wish for free, unlimited milk.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ironbite on December 08, 2012, 04:43:53 pm
Granted.  Its out of Art's nipples.

Ironbite-once more I wish...FOR FISH!
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on December 09, 2012, 05:43:37 pm
Granted. A giant shark eats you.

I wish to get a perfect score on all my exams, without cheating.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on December 09, 2012, 05:57:27 pm
Granted, but everyone cheats off of you and you get caught up in a huge scandal.

I wish that I had some beer right now.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on December 09, 2012, 06:27:05 pm
Granted. A twelve-pack falls from the sky and hits you on the head.

I wish for a magic genie who will grant me unlimited wishes.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on December 09, 2012, 06:33:58 pm
Granted, but he hears every wish as "I wish I had a new book."

I wish I had a new book.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on December 09, 2012, 07:09:05 pm
Granted. It's a compendium of gay bestiality porn.

I wish for any non-weather-required clothes to be banned...but only for people I select.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on December 09, 2012, 10:54:51 pm
Wish granted.  The world becomes incredibly frigid, and now heavy clothing is required to go outside - that is, if you want to LIVE.

I wish I had TAS (tool-assisted speedrun/superplay) level reflexes.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on December 10, 2012, 03:23:37 am
Granted, but you're still trapped in your standard bipedal, lard-filled, liquid, pus-bag of a body and quickly go insane - particularly in traffic or when talking to people.

I wish FOX would bench everyone who made a dick of themselves on air and was PWN3D by reality, not just Karl Rove.


Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on December 10, 2012, 09:48:02 am
Granted. Despite the rapid downward spiral of fucknuttery as they constantly replace anchors, they become even more respected.

I wish for an end to war that did NOT involve the extinction of the human race.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on December 10, 2012, 11:55:06 am
Granted, but they end up as abject slaves to their new alien overlords.

I wish the God of irony existed, and Bugarach, the place that's meant to be safe from the Mayan 'prophecy' suffers a massive Earthquake on the 21st of December, and is the only place on Earth to do so.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on December 11, 2012, 08:46:57 pm
Granted, but that God kills everybody for not believing in him.

I wish that I already had all my shopping done for christmas/holidays done already.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on December 11, 2012, 09:13:21 pm
Granted. It turns out you gave everyone a handful of sticks you found on the side of the road.

I wish for a box of tasty chicken wings.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on December 12, 2012, 04:21:54 am
Granted. You get two more as a bonus, but have to eat all three boxes in front of a room full of starving refugees.

I wish we had achieved all the MDGs already.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on December 12, 2012, 06:54:12 am
Wish granted.  I have no fucking idea what MDGs are, so I'll just assume it stands for Massive Dick Gropings.  Yay!  We did it!  Oh, and all the dicks came, and we drowned in the cum.

I wish I had a lifetime supply of free coffee.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on December 12, 2012, 11:03:14 am
Granted, but it's all made from illegal slave labor.

I wish that I had x-ray vision.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on December 12, 2012, 11:16:04 am
Granted. Be sure to never allow any part of you into your line of sight from now on. Unless, of course, you want cancer.

I wish I had a flying vending machine.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on December 12, 2012, 11:41:30 am
Granted. It likes to use you as a landing pad.

I wish more people had heard of the Millennium Development Goals.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: rookie on December 13, 2012, 12:17:53 am
Granted. Two more people have. And they are the two drunkest girls at the party. And they want to talk to you about it.

I wish people didn't make me so angry.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on December 13, 2012, 12:28:38 am
Wish granted.  Instead of making you angry, they make you extremely giddy.  You can hardly function normally anymore, as you now have constant giggle fits.

I wish the government wasn't full of stubborn shitheads who can't seem to fucking come to a deal on the debt.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on December 13, 2012, 05:03:09 am
Granted, they're now a bunch of Dr Who fanboys who rack up even more debt at breakneck speed putting blue phone booths all over the country.

I wish the shower was sentient and it would complement me on the size of my bellend every morning.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on December 13, 2012, 05:43:54 am
Granted, but it resents having to lie, so it also air hammers the pipes, and sends random bursts of icy cold and boiling hot water through. It also starts screaming every time you play with yourself.

I wish the vast majority of people who realise that trickle down economics is just being pissed on and doesn't work, but still support it in the deluded belief that one day they'll be able to piss on others if they get pissed on enough (or even just have enough aside to buy an umbrella), would actually clue in to the reality of their situation.

(I'm also confused why you didn't ask for a sentient guy/girl to complement you on your penis under the shower every morning.)
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on December 13, 2012, 05:46:54 am
I wish the shower was sentient and it would complement me on the size of my bellend every morning.
Oooh, it's so thin you can hardly see it. It must be the latest model... Is Apple going to sue for infringements on the mac-air design? I never realised miniaturisation had got to that stage.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on December 13, 2012, 10:32:55 am
Granted, but it resents having to lie, so it also air hammers the pipes, and sends random bursts of icy cold and boiling hot water through. It also starts screaming every time you play with yourself.

I wish the vast majority of people who realise that trickle down economics is just being pissed on and doesn't work, but still support it in the deluded belief that one day they'll be able to piss on others if they get pissed on enough (or even just have enough aside to buy an umbrella), would actually clue in to the reality of their situation.

(I'm also confused why you didn't ask for a sentient guy/girl to complement you on your penis under the shower every morning.)

Granted. They reject the reality because it's too painful to think about and cling ever tighter to their delusions.

I wish for an anime-type harem of sexy female androids.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Veras on December 13, 2012, 10:57:10 am
Granted.  They rebel and tentacle rape you daily.  What other outcome could possibly have come from this wish?

I wish I hadn't slipped, fallen, and hurt my hip today.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on December 13, 2012, 10:59:32 am
Granted. You slipped, fell and hurt your wang.

I wish for either warmer weather or snow. This whole thing of it being cold enough to be uncomfortable, but not cold enough to snow is bullshit.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on December 13, 2012, 10:01:25 pm
Granted, you get 12 feet of snow, followed by an over 100 degrees heat wave.

I wish that I had the power to bring my favorite musicians back from the dead.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on December 14, 2012, 05:14:53 am
Granted, but they've lost all their dexterity, timing, sense of tone, and are largely brain dead. They form a zombie band that does nothing but Spice Girl covers...

I wish R. U. Sirius' Android Harem had rock crushers where their genitalia should be.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on December 14, 2012, 09:20:04 am
Granted. I give you to them as a plaything.

I wish my job sucked less.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on December 14, 2012, 09:33:16 am
Granted, it now blows...

I wish there was an afterlife where all smart people get to become happy senile idiots, and all senile idiots are given super-intelligence, perfect recall, no patience and have to suffer through the senile idiots for all eternity and also have the added burden of remembering every retarded thing they did in this life.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on December 14, 2012, 09:36:05 am
Granted. Unfortunately, by the time you die, you've become a senile idiot.

I wish for kittens.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on December 14, 2012, 09:42:51 am
Granted. They're delivered using a Chicken Gun.

 :) I wish people wouldn't use so many annoying emoticons. :'( >:(
 ;)

 :D


 ::)
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on December 14, 2012, 09:52:06 am
Granted. Instead, they use assicons.
(_|_)
(|)
(__|__)
(_|_)oooO

I wish for ferrets.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on December 14, 2012, 09:54:42 am
Granted, but they get CJD from eating all the mashed kittens.

I wish for boobicons.
(oYo)
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on December 14, 2012, 10:10:23 am
Granted. They're the only thing boob-related you experience for the rest of your life.

I wish for puppies.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on December 14, 2012, 01:53:34 pm
Granted. They are, however, shark pups, not dog pups.

I wish I had a complete intuitive understanding of vector calculus.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: dpareja on December 14, 2012, 02:45:47 pm
Granted. They are, however, shark pups, not dog pups.

I wish I had a complete intuitive understanding of vector calculus.

Granted. However, you struggle to understand absolutely everything else.

I wish people didn't find cats cute, adorable, endearing, or any such thing.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on December 14, 2012, 04:16:15 pm
Granted, but they take over the world.

I wish that I had powers over nature.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on December 14, 2012, 08:13:26 pm
Granted. You have the power to control the specific part of nature that is your body, to the same extent as any average human being.

I wish that thing that happened a while back had not happened.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on December 14, 2012, 09:24:12 pm
Granted, but the place with the stuff and the doo-dads happened instead, much to the dismay of many people.

I wish I had an awesome gaming PC.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Auggziliary on December 14, 2012, 09:36:49 pm
Granted, it bounces on hard ground so you can play basketball and tennis with it.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on December 14, 2012, 09:53:43 pm
Granted, you wished for nothing, so there will never be anything ever again.

I wish I could think of something funny to do.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on December 14, 2012, 10:04:23 pm
Granted, but everybody hates it.

I wish that I could jump 30 feet in the air.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on December 14, 2012, 10:18:11 pm
Granted, but only in rooms with low ceilings.

I wish I wasn't procrastinating.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on December 15, 2012, 01:53:05 am
Granted. You're fired from your job for making your boss look bad with the initiative you take.

I wish I didn't have a close Friday, double Saturday, open Sunday schedule at the restaurant.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on December 15, 2012, 07:20:52 am
Granted, but afterwards you're working at the restaurant every hour it's open for the rest of your life.

I wish that my body had woken me up so damn early for no reason.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on December 15, 2012, 07:34:35 am
I wish that my body had woken me up so damn early for no reason.
Granted... How exactly does one corrupt an already shitty wish?!

I wish my Xbox 360 controller wasn't so finicky.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on December 15, 2012, 07:48:43 am
Granted. Now it has a speaker, artificial intelligence and constantly criticizes your life choices.

I wish I didn't have to go to work today.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on December 15, 2012, 11:01:15 am
Wish granted.  I would say you're unemployed, but that would be too easy.  I will give you the rest of the year off with pay, in fact.  However, you get NO days off next year, and ALL of your shifts are going to be 16 hour shifts.

I wish you guys knew what Runzas were like.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on December 15, 2012, 09:09:55 pm
Granted, but they cease to exist forever now.

I wish I had more beef jerky.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: rookie on December 16, 2012, 10:57:29 am
Granted. It's the tastiest beef jerky imaginable. And each bite gives you another heart attack.

I wish I was allowed to yell at asshole customers.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: dpareja on December 16, 2012, 11:09:44 am
Granted. It's the tastiest beef jerky imaginable. And each bite gives you another heart attack.

I wish I was allowed to yell at asshole customers.

Granted. You're allowed to do anything you want, as long as you accept the consequences. In this case, the consequence of yelling at customers is losing your job.

I wish students understood the importance of picking up their marked work and acted on that understanding by actually picking it up.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on December 16, 2012, 08:10:47 pm
Granted, but they're all suing you because they don't like their grades.

I wish that could force myself to actually wrap presents.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on December 17, 2012, 03:00:24 am
Granted, but most of your fingers have dropped off due to leprosy, and you have chronic arthritis in the others. The skin is rubbed to the bone, and you have no friends, so are actually doing this in a shopping centre for donations to eat, and everyone kicks you because you're so slow and inept.

(Yeah, I'm having a fun Monday. First person in the door's probably going to be told to fuck off and come back next year/life.)

I wish that Jesus would've concentrated on healing these (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_cacao_diseases) diseases, instead of those of ungrateful, self-absorbed fuckwits. ???
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on December 17, 2012, 07:42:33 am
Granted. The church used its rather potent influence in Latin America to ban all modern agricultural methods of cacao farming, because "Jesus taught us that only faith can heal the cacao plant". As a result, productivity in the global cocoa industry suffers greatly and as a result, all cocoa products are both scarce and expensive.

I wish Christmas didn't exist.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on December 17, 2012, 08:23:33 am
Granted, Jesus was never born, never divided families, cursed fig trees or gave lazy assholes an excuse to ignore Leviticus. It is a mortal sin to eat shellfish and pork, have tattoos, shave your beard, sleep with people outside of your tribe or argue back to your parents or run away when they try to sell you into bondage.

[Edit: And God is still a raging homophobe and misogynist to end all misogynists. Women still have to sacrifice two turtle doves each month to atone for their period of uncleanliness, however are also allowed to line up and kick you in the balls as often as they want during this period.]

I wish the winter solstice would hurry up.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on December 17, 2012, 08:28:18 am
Granted. Time passes for you ten times faster than for anything else. You die of old age after living only eight subjective years.

I wish Robert Downey Jr. would make more Sherlock Holmes movies.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: dpareja on December 17, 2012, 08:36:40 am
Granted. They all suck.

I wish people wouldn't put animations in their forum signatures. (Seriously, they can lag old computers badly.)
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on December 17, 2012, 08:46:07 am
Granted. They're illegal in the next generation internet standard. Lack of protocols cause a series of splits and schisms, until the web collapses in on itself in a series of lock-ups and infinite loops.

(Also Granted, but they're written by Gerry Garcia, produced by Michael Bay and have Keira Knightly as Watson.)

I wish I wasn't quite so sadistic today.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on December 17, 2012, 09:09:22 am
Granted. In fact, your previous corruption is a testament to this fact. Without Christianity, the nonsense you describe would've never found its way into western civilisation in the first place, and would be confined only to fundamentalist Jews (who admittedly, could theoretically kick me in the balls during that time of the month, however, I don't live in Bondi, so that's no biggie). Essentially, things would be exactly as they are now, only Christianity wouldn't exist (as well as Islam, seeing as that was built on Christian ideals. A nice little bonus if you ask me).

I wish I wasn't sweating so much.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on December 17, 2012, 09:36:35 am
Granted, your pores all seal shut and you have to pant like a dog to lose heat. You get arrested for sexual harrassment travelling on public transport, and the less said about the court case, the better. Your legal aid guy was blind drunk, and you would've been sweating like a pig, but instead salivated all over the female judge. You've been consigned to a high security mental hospital and have your jaw wired shut. All your vital organs are starting to rot.

I wish my corruptions were shorter.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on December 17, 2012, 09:37:10 am
Granted. You die.

I wish I could stop playing with myself.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on December 17, 2012, 09:42:07 am
Granted. You stop when you accidentally pull your junk right off your body.

I wish for incredibly awesome archery skills.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on December 17, 2012, 01:59:08 pm
Granted, but you lose your hands.

I wish I had a complete mathematical description of intelligence.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on December 17, 2012, 02:46:07 pm
Granted, but you can't understand a bit of it.

I wish that we had gotten just snow last night, and not the layer of freezing rain on top of it.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on December 17, 2012, 07:02:16 pm
Granted. Your house was buried. By the time the snow melts enough for anyone to find out, you've been driven to cutting off and eating your own limbs.

I wish for a tame bat as a pet.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on December 17, 2012, 09:05:57 pm
Granted, but he shits everywhere.  And I mean EVERYWHERE.

I wish that my tea was still hot.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: dpareja on December 17, 2012, 09:09:15 pm
Granted. It's so hot that it burns your hands when you pick up the cup and sears all ability to taste anything out of your tongue.

I wish my watch's leather watchstrap hadn't broken.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on December 18, 2012, 04:02:18 am
Granted, but the watch itself - it's toast!

I wish for some retard repellant.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on December 18, 2012, 09:23:42 am
Granted. Its standards are set so high that you spend the rest of your life alone and friendless.

I wish to be done with the legal system for good.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on December 18, 2012, 09:41:18 am
Granted. Enjoy your new life in beautiful Somalia.

I wish things would happen and stuff.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on December 18, 2012, 10:12:44 am
Granted. Everything that happens to you is the stuff of the combined nightmares of H.P. Lovecraft and the world's worst hentacle artists.

I wish for mad combat skills, since I'm stuck in Somalia now.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: rookie on December 18, 2012, 11:11:28 am
Granted. They're not quite as good as your enemies, but impressive nonetheless.

I wish I weren't allergic to cats.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: dpareja on December 18, 2012, 11:23:22 am
Granted. You're now allergic to everything else.

I wish students wouldn't try to cheat on exams--and, when caught, wouldn't get belligerent about it.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on December 18, 2012, 11:39:31 am
Granted. You get fired as the pass rate for your class drops like a rock.

I wish for a pet bat that didn't shit everywhere and was perfectly healthy and well-behaved.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on December 18, 2012, 05:50:36 pm
Granted. It is eaten and impersonated by a different bat, which promptly proceeds to shit everywhere.

I wish my dog stopped biting me.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on December 18, 2012, 06:25:07 pm
Granted, but now he's peeing on you instead.

I wish that I knew what I wanted for dinner.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on December 18, 2012, 06:51:10 pm
Granted. You want dog crap.

I wish steampunk would make more inroads into movies and TV.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on December 18, 2012, 09:56:43 pm
Granted but they're all directed by a tag team of Micheal Bay and M. Night Shyamalan.

I wish that I hadn't run out of wrapping paper.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on December 18, 2012, 11:06:05 pm
Granted, but what you have left was fed through the shredder, and it's covered in bat poop. It also was a lemonparty theme.

I wish I could go home and take a nap.


Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Auggziliary on December 18, 2012, 11:18:02 pm
Granted, you never wake up.

I wish my memory wasn't so glitchy.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Moltar on December 18, 2012, 11:46:38 pm
Granted, you never wake up.

I wish my memory wasn't so glitchy.

You remember everything, and I mean everything and go mad as a result.

I wish I could that beer that has candy floating in it, You know Skittlebrau.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on December 20, 2012, 09:58:40 am
Granted. You can have as much as you like. Unfortunately, you no longer have a sense of taste or any reaction to sugar or alcohol.

I wish the holidays were over.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: dpareja on December 20, 2012, 01:51:27 pm
Granted. They never come again and everyone knows it's due to your wish. Have fun dealing with the angry mobs!

I wish my grading was done.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on December 20, 2012, 10:33:08 pm
Granted.  You decide to give everyone F's.  Have fun with the parent/teacher meetings!

I wish that I had someone to drink to the apocalypse with tonight.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on December 20, 2012, 10:40:50 pm
Granted. It's Fred Phelps and all his fucked-up clan.

I wish I didn't have to work so I could go to an end-of-the-world party tomorrow (Friday the 21).
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on December 22, 2012, 07:20:48 pm
I take it you're aware that the obvious corruption for this is NASA actually finds the object that will impact with the Earth, ending all life as we know it, so there's no need to come into work. I hope your party was worth it.

I wish the FOX newsbar was forced to run a constant disclaimer that their entire content was malicious, inane, immature and misleading fictions.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on December 22, 2012, 07:23:13 pm
Granted, but the text is now black.

I wish for this year's Steam Holiday Sale to become entertaining.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Auggziliary on December 22, 2012, 07:30:02 pm
It does become entertaining, but then too entertaining, causing people to get burnt alive.

I wish you a merry christmas I wish you a merry christmas, I wish you a merry christmas and a happy new year!
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: dpareja on December 22, 2012, 07:39:18 pm
Granted. You say it to a bunch of angry, militant atheists and end up, at best, in hospital.

I wish my computer didn't lock up when I play music on it.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Auggziliary on December 22, 2012, 08:10:44 pm
Granted. You say it to a bunch of angry, militant atheists and end up, at best, in hospital.

I wish my computer didn't lock up when I play music on it.

Granted, it unlocks and opens the gates of hell.

I wish for snow.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: dpareja on December 22, 2012, 08:28:57 pm
Granted. There's so much of it that your roof caves in.

I wish for pleasant weather.

Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Auggziliary on December 22, 2012, 08:32:21 pm
Granted. There's so much of it that your roof caves in.

I wish for pleasant weather.

Granted. It's so fucking pleasant that everyone stops what they're doing just too look outside. Everyone driving a car crashes, and many die. Also, many go blind from looking at the sun. Nuclear plants explode too, because no one is paying attention.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Auggziliary on December 22, 2012, 08:33:01 pm
OH MY WISH. I wish for a bird shampoo.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on December 23, 2012, 12:41:21 am
Granted, but it attracts every predator in the area for a month.

I wish for unlimited sushi.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on December 23, 2012, 12:05:55 pm
Wish granted.  You suffocate in sushi.  Also it tastes like fucking shit.

I wish I could permanently get rid of one of my bad habits with no effort.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

By the way, Auggie.  You can edit your posts. XD
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: dpareja on December 23, 2012, 12:09:03 pm
Granted. Three others, all worse, replace it.

I wish that people would accept that both sides of the gun control debate have valid points.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on December 23, 2012, 12:13:27 pm
Wish granted.  These people are promptly shot.

I wish I lived somewhere warm without snow.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on December 23, 2012, 05:48:49 pm
Granted welcome to my hell hole town hope you enjoy random shootings, the possibility of getting mugged and a corrupt state government with no end in sight.


I wish I could get my gender reassignment surgery sooner rather than later.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: dpareja on December 23, 2012, 05:50:31 pm
Granted. Your doctor sucks and botches it horribly.

I wish all the various Linux distributions had proper compatibility with each other.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Auggziliary on December 23, 2012, 05:54:11 pm
Granted. Your doctor sucks and botches it horribly.

I wish all the various Linux distributions had proper compatibility with each other.

Granted. They all fall in love and have sex all the time, and your computer is ruined.

I wish I could sew.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on December 23, 2012, 07:17:20 pm
Granted. You sew your fingers together by accident.

I wish for a job working at a dog kennel.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on December 23, 2012, 07:47:01 pm
Granted, but every dog is constantly trying to hump you.

I wish that my family would quit bitching about me wanting to grow my beard long.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on December 23, 2012, 07:58:40 pm
Granted. Now they're bitching about how you keep your pubes.

I wish for a hot, smart, nice girlfriend.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Auggziliary on December 23, 2012, 08:10:49 pm
Granted. Now they're bitching about how you keep your pubes.

I wish for a hot, smart, nice girlfriend.

Granted, she's the most intelligent and friendly woman you've ever met. You fall deeply in love, but then she bursts into flames and dies an agonizing death because she's so fucking hot.

I wish for a new pair of pants.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on December 23, 2012, 08:53:58 pm
Granted. You split the back seam the first time you bend over.

I wish steampunk was real.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on December 23, 2012, 09:53:15 pm
Granted. Steampunk is a real literary genre. It's not real in any other way, though.

I wish I had a moon base.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on December 23, 2012, 11:53:53 pm
Granted, but it's the size of NYC and you have to staff it by yourself while thousands of people are constantly nagging at you about their problems on the station.

I wish I had more money for tattoos right now.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Auggziliary on December 24, 2012, 12:57:00 am
Granted. You get a million dollars, get the best tattoo ever tattooed. Well, it would be the best, except it's spelled wrong.

I wish I had a piercing gun.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: rookie on December 24, 2012, 02:02:25 pm
Granted. And it's a heluva nice gun. Best on the market. Of course you have no clear idea how to use it.

I wish I could draw more than just stick figures.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Auggziliary on December 24, 2012, 02:19:47 pm
Granted. And it's a heluva nice gun. Best on the market. Of course you have no clear idea how to use it.

I wish I could draw more than just stick figures.

Granted. You can draw stick figures with party hats.

I wish I didn't have braces.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: dpareja on December 24, 2012, 02:22:22 pm
Granted. Your orthodontics are decidedly more extensive.

I wish there was an evening train tomorrow back from where my relatives live.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on December 24, 2012, 02:34:49 pm
Granted. You miss it by six seconds, though.

I wish for people to staff my moon base.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on December 24, 2012, 08:05:48 pm
Granted. They're all scatophiles who lust after you.

I wish steampunk science worked in real life.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on December 25, 2012, 04:46:03 am
Granted. Turns out the human body is an extremely finely tuned system that's evolved around the laws of normal science. Everyone instantly drops dead thanks to you fucking up the fundamental laws of science. Good job.

I wish it wasn't so humid.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on December 25, 2012, 11:57:38 am
Granted its not fantastically hot


I wish I had enough time to read all the books I got for Christmas. 
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on December 25, 2012, 12:56:13 pm
Wish granted.  You have all the time in the world.  You and your books are trapped in an empty, timeless void for the rest of eternity.  Oh, you can't die now, but you CAN feel the effects of hunger and thirst just because I'm a sadistic fuck.

I wish I could think of a good wish.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on December 25, 2012, 02:45:33 pm
Granted, but the corruption involves you being sodomised by every garden tool in the shed.

It's a big shed.

I wish, the NRA when promoting their "swallow a spider" cure for swallowing a fly, were forced to be marched everywhere at gunpoint.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on December 25, 2012, 03:20:49 pm
Wish granted.  Congratulations! You're now a proud member of the NRA!  Hell, you're now the only member of the NRA now!  Enjoy being marched everywhere at gunpoint!

I wish Legends of the Hidden Temple and other Nickelodeon game shows would come back, even if only in syndication.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on December 25, 2012, 04:01:54 pm
Granted, but they've been overrun by Disney, so it's hosted by Mickey Mouse and only allows Big Brother rejects as contestants. The winners get a Jar Jar Binks doll.

I wish people could draw parallels between how the Santa myths grew, and those of the religion they zealotically follow...


Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on December 26, 2012, 09:43:07 am
Granted. Every religious zealot becomes a Santa worshipper, they behead people for saying that he doesn't exist.

I wish we had nicer weather.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on December 26, 2012, 09:46:15 am
Granted, but you have explosive diahrrea and projectile vomiting, so you can't enjoy it.

I wish for a movie involving Natalie Portman meeting up with all of her counterparts from movies she's played in and having a huge Portman orgy.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on December 26, 2012, 10:45:01 am
Granted, but the only camera angle you have access to is focussed on Jar Jar Binks' butthole... The sound boom is on super loud.

I wish I hadn't gone there!
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on December 26, 2012, 11:10:38 am
Granted. You went into Jar-Jar Binks' butthole physically.

I wish for a talking cat.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on December 26, 2012, 02:26:44 pm
Granted... kind of. It's a demon possessing a cat.

I wish I could fly.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: dpareja on December 26, 2012, 02:31:59 pm
Granted, but you lose the ability a minute after you take off.

I wish I had a king-size bed.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on December 26, 2012, 08:58:11 pm
Granted, but it's infested with bed bugs.

I wish that I knew how much snow we are going to get tonight.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on December 26, 2012, 09:24:19 pm
Granted, but you no longer know how to eat without spraying food everywhere.

I wish I wasn't so hungry right now.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: dpareja on December 26, 2012, 09:25:43 pm
Granted. You're never hungry again and die of starvation.

I wish the Second Amendment didn't exist.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on December 26, 2012, 10:10:57 pm
Granted, the only amendment is the first. Enjoy the new constitution.

I wish I had more free time.

Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: dpareja on December 26, 2012, 10:20:48 pm
Granted. All your time is free because you're permanently unemployed.

I wish Tupac weren't dead.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on December 26, 2012, 10:29:37 pm
Granted but as a consequence he conforms to todays standard of rap which sucks.


I wish I could finally get to work on an actual album.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on December 27, 2012, 07:27:19 am
Granted. It's an album of Barney the Dinosaur doing gangsta rap.

I wish the headlights on my car were working. No, seriously; I had to drive home last night physically holding the high-beam switch in order to have any headlights at all.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on December 27, 2012, 08:08:37 am
Granted, but nothing else works at all.

I wish that I wasn't woken up 2hours before my alarm was set.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on December 27, 2012, 08:22:15 am
Granted. You woke up four hours after your alarm was set.

I wish everything on my car worked perfectly without the need for maintenance.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on December 27, 2012, 01:26:24 pm
Granted, but some little tosspot nicks it and wraps it round a tree.

I wish people would use accurate figures for leakage for fracking.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 03, 2013, 08:50:56 am
Granted, but they're even worse than anyone previously suspected.

I wish Hollywood would impose a minimum 30-year time limit before a movie is allowed to be remade.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: dpareja on January 03, 2013, 09:09:13 am
Granted, but progressively worse prequels/interquels/midquels/sequels come out during every one of those thirty years.

I wish screenwriters were more generally recognized for their role in making TV shows and movies as good or bad as they are.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 03, 2013, 10:32:43 am
Granted, but the makeup design people still get no respect.

I wish for a baby sloth.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on January 03, 2013, 09:33:03 pm
Granted, but it slowly kills you in your sleep.

I wish that the new Skyrim expansion would quit freezing on me.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: dpareja on January 03, 2013, 10:18:49 pm
Granted. Now it doesn't work at all.

I wish stores wouldn't slowly raise their prices just before "sales".
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on January 03, 2013, 10:34:15 pm
Granted, they raise their prices without cutting them for sales and you can't afford anything anymore.

I wish for delicious cheese!
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 03, 2013, 10:57:03 pm
Granted. You spend three days on the toilet trying to push a solid mass the size of a bowling ball out of your bowels.

I wish for a hot, smart, sexy girlfriend with no weird fetishes or sexual hangups.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on January 03, 2013, 11:22:23 pm
Granted downside she can't speak English and is sixteen years younger than you so enjoy that cluster fuck

 
I wish I could find my a store that sold Necrons so I could start my collection of them.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 03, 2013, 11:59:50 pm
Granted. It's in a serial killer's basement.

I wish the damn birds around here would shut the fuck up.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: dpareja on January 04, 2013, 12:05:24 am
Granted. Now they crap everywhere.

I wish the US Constitution had always had a clause like Section 1 of the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on January 04, 2013, 06:11:21 am
Granted, but nobody follows the Constitution anymore.

I wish that I had my own giant tiki.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 04, 2013, 08:14:52 am
Granted. It falls over and crushes your car.

I wish for a shrinking machine like in "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids".
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 04, 2013, 08:49:38 am
Granted. Turns out it only works on your penis. The effect is also irreversible.

I wish for a box of chicken wings.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 04, 2013, 08:55:02 am
Granted. You get pecked to death by angry zombie chickens, though.

I wish to win the world's first one-billion-dollar lottery, in its entirety, with no co-winners.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on January 04, 2013, 10:33:54 am
Granted, but people kill you for your money.

I wish that I could have some sushi for lunch.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 04, 2013, 10:39:32 am
Granted, but it's bad sushi. You spend the next three days on the toilet, going out both ends.

I wish to be the smartest person in the world.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on January 04, 2013, 10:44:29 am
Granted. You're also the only person in the world, and have to try out all the animals as help-meets. You also have an insane, half-assed, needy deity who pops in to check on you every now and again and hand off arbritrary rules and tests.

I wish I wasn't so pissed off right now.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 04, 2013, 10:57:46 am
Granted, but it's because you get a sexual thrill from being pissed on.

I wish common sense was more common.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on January 04, 2013, 12:29:36 pm
Granted, but it completely fucks up the speculative nature of the stock market, marketing loses its unholy influence over consumers, the gambling industry evaporates overnight, economies implode and society rapidly recedes back into hunter gathering with a 95% population die-off.

I wish for a 5000V Hunter's Organ to assist with my thrill...
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Tolpuddle Martyr on January 04, 2013, 06:12:43 pm
Granted, but the electric eel possessing the organ is dead!

I wish for a horde Orcs...

...who will not eat, kill or violate me or play soccer with my skull thanks!
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 04, 2013, 06:21:40 pm
Granted. They do all those things to your family while you watch. If you try to intervene, they force you to participate.

I wish for a (real) name that isn't so easy to make jokes about.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on January 04, 2013, 08:17:01 pm
Granted, your name is awe-inspiring. However, you smell like shit.

I wish for a better job.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 04, 2013, 08:19:12 pm
Granted. You love your job. You get paid in literal peanuts, though.

I wish the job I put in an application for today goes through.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 04, 2013, 08:30:24 pm
Granted, but you get your dick jammed in a door on your way to the interview.

I wish the dogs would feed themselves.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 05, 2013, 09:21:54 pm
Granted. They feed themselves on your corpse after you go too long without feeding them.

I wish to get through a single day without feeling suicidal.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 05, 2013, 10:02:32 pm
Granted. Instead you feel an irresistible urge to eat a bucket of laxatives.

I wish my mouth wasn't so dry.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 05, 2013, 10:04:13 pm
Granted. Enjoy your tankard of elephant piss!

I wish for immunity to laxatives.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 05, 2013, 10:41:12 pm
Granted. Explosive diarrhoea is now the norm for you.

I wish I had more Maltesers.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on January 06, 2013, 10:45:09 pm
Granted, but eating that many Maltesers makes you really sick and you puke up your entire digestive system.

I wish I could shoot laser beams out of my eyes.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 06, 2013, 10:50:07 pm
Granted. The laser fires from behind your eyeballs and therefore melts them on the way out, rendering you permanently blind and in a hell of a lot of pain.

I wish it wasn't so hot.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on January 07, 2013, 03:26:48 am
Quote
I wish for immunity to laxatives.
Granted. Explosive diarrhoea is now the norm for you.
Wouldn't the correct corruption here be - granted - you die of constipation?
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on January 07, 2013, 03:29:15 am
I wish it wasn't so hot.
Granted, but your heat rash gets worse anyway... There's a river of sweat pooling in your bum crack and your jock itch starts to draw blood.

I wish Windows 8 wasn't waging a war on menus and general functionality.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: LeTipex on January 07, 2013, 03:35:18 am
I wish Windows 8 wasn't waging a war on menus and general functionality.
Granted. Everybody goes back to the good old days of Windows Me.

I wish to be able to teleport, in a perfectly controled way.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 07, 2013, 08:27:52 am
Granted. Unfortunately, your only possible destinations are Antarctica or the surface of the sun.

I wish for PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWERS!
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 07, 2013, 08:55:23 am
Granted. But you get your dick caught in the ceiling fan.

I wish Sandman was still alive and healthy.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on January 07, 2013, 11:24:22 am
Granted, but you have to purse your lips and suck the cancer out of his prostate twice a day to make sure he remains so.

I wish Evangelicals weren't the ultimate proof that there is no God.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 09, 2013, 08:50:30 am
Granted. God exists and he's just as much of a dick as they make him out to be.

I wish to find a job I can support myself on by March 15.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on January 09, 2013, 09:15:01 am
Granted, but your boss smacks you around all day.

I wish that this warm spike wasn't melting all the snow.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 09, 2013, 09:34:55 am
Granted, but the cost of that wish is that you need to walk around with snow stuffed down your underwear all the time, front and back. As it melts, you're required to replace it.

I wish magic was real.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on January 09, 2013, 09:48:17 am
I was going to corrupt TGRwulf, got interrupted... So, OK... 2 in 1. Granted, Magic is real. There's a magic giant space goat that used it's magic never ceasing urine to hose away all the snow before the warm spike arrived. The warm spike now makes the several feet of magic space goat urine reek of ammonia.

I wish disingenuous twats would stop trying to pretend that Greece is what happens if you have anything remotely resembling a safety net and admit Greece is what happens when the rich shirk responsibility and evade tax, and constant downward pressure is placed on the lower and middle classes.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 09, 2013, 10:05:25 am
Granted, but the abrupt cognitive shift causes them all to have aneurysms. When their families find out it's because of your wish, you get sued for approximately the worth of the GDP.

I wish Jeff Dunham's puppets could be elected to office.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: rookie on January 09, 2013, 10:08:56 am
Granted. Of course all it does is just sit there limp and immobile because Jeff Dunham himself is not allowed in the White House because of past allegiances to various terrorist organizations.

I wish I could yell at asshole customers without getting fired for it.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 09, 2013, 10:11:58 am
Granted. They are allowed to anally assault you in retaliation, though.

I wish that every time I opened my wallet, a $20 bill would magically be there.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on January 09, 2013, 10:30:10 am
Granted, but you can no longer own more than 20 dollars at a time.

I wish that I had a doggy again.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 09, 2013, 10:33:52 am
(You know what? I'm okay with that corruption. Just need to keep opening and closing the wallet until I have enough. *G*)

Granted. It tears up everything you own.

I wish to have sex with a hot supermodel and not have any negative consequences. Because it's been five years since I last got laid.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on January 09, 2013, 11:10:59 am
Granted, say hello to Bruno for me!

I wish I wasn't procrastinating quite so much...



Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on January 09, 2013, 12:23:49 pm
Granted you die from exhaustion due to working too much.


I wish I could finally finish the fucking novel I have been working on for three years!
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on January 09, 2013, 12:28:02 pm
Granted, the manuscript makes a lovely doorstop for you.

(OK, that's far too mean...)

Granted, in a flash of inspiration you type in, "Suddenly, and quite without warning, the world blew up."

Teh Endz

I wish I wasn't procrastinating quite so much... (Sorry, obviously I am)
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on January 09, 2013, 03:24:08 pm
Granted, you try to finish all of your work at once and give yourself a heart attack.

I wish I didn't suck at math.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 09, 2013, 05:08:13 pm
Granted, but you suck at everything else now.

I wish for cute, well-behaved, potty-trained puppies with no unpleasant diseases or issues.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on January 09, 2013, 06:48:54 pm
Granted, but people are constantly trying to steal your amazing dog.

I wish that I had something to do tonight.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on January 09, 2013, 07:27:34 pm
Granted. Zombies are trying to break into your house. Good luck!

I wish I had all the money in the world.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Auggziliary on January 09, 2013, 08:26:42 pm
You do have all the money in the world, but it's in pennies.

I wish I didn't have to wake up so early.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on January 09, 2013, 08:31:51 pm
Granted, you're now in a coma for the rest of your life.

I wish that I had an appointment for my next ink sometime by the end of next week.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 09, 2013, 08:57:54 pm
Granted, but the tattoo artist is in a childish mood and ends up tattooing a giant cock and balls on your back.

I wish the dogs would stop stepping on my feet.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on January 10, 2013, 04:32:28 am
Granted, but they start stepping on the bloodied stumps that used to be your feet. You get prosthetics, but they end up chewing on them and using them as a pissing post.

(R. U. Sirius - Granted - they taste delicious)

I wish I could stop procrastinating. (Last one I promise - don't want a mod ban granting)
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on January 10, 2013, 08:21:54 am
Granted, but your so busy you have an aneurysm from all the stress.

I wish that I had some new strings for my guitar.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 10, 2013, 08:23:00 am
Granted, but the neck breaks.

I wish boxing robots were real.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on January 10, 2013, 08:37:46 am
Granted, but they're four feet tall with 10ft reach, escape and walk round punching random people in the crotch.

I wish that people could tell the difference between your, you're and you are.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: dpareja on January 10, 2013, 08:39:50 am
Granted, but nobody can use their, there and they're properly any more.

I wish I wasn't feeling so tired.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 10, 2013, 09:10:48 am
Granted. You never have to sleep again. You also never have to do anything else again, being dead and all.

I wish to climb Mt. Everest.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on January 10, 2013, 09:46:16 am
Granted, but the only way that you could get funding was to have both legs amputated as a publicity gimmick.  You have to climb up on your ass using your arms.

I wish people would stop overfishing.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 10, 2013, 09:57:21 am
Granted. They take up sport dolphin hunting to compensate.

I wish I wasn't so scared right now.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on January 10, 2013, 10:59:30 am
Granted, you lose your fight or flight capability because your brain has become infected by chronic toxoplasmosis... Don't worry, it wont last long - you'll get hit by a bus or something, or decide to take a holiday trip to Syria.

I wish there was a sunny day instead of this endless grey.


Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on January 12, 2013, 12:04:42 am
Granted. It's so sunny you get skin cancer within minutes of going outside.

I wish the Bull Moose Party still existed.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 12, 2013, 08:08:32 am
Granted. It's made up of actual bull moose.

I wish I didn't have to go to work today, but made more money than I would if I did go to work.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 12, 2013, 08:38:37 am
Granted, you'll make 20 cents more than you would, had you gone to work, but only if you spend a full ten consecutive hours standing in the toilet completely motionless, with a bottle of ranch sauce in your rectum and a mouthful of baking soda.

I wish I could do whatever the fuck I want, with no negative consequences whatsoever.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on January 13, 2013, 06:13:19 am
Granted, you'll make 20 cents more than you would, had you gone to work, but only if you spend a full ten consecutive hours standing in the toilet completely motionless, with a bottle of ranch sauce in your rectum and a mouthful of baking soda.

I wish I could do whatever the fuck I want, with no negative consequences whatsoever.
Granted. Given that everything has consequences, and at least some of them can be perceived as negative, your only option is to do nothing. Given that doing nothing - inaction - in fact also has negative consequences, this means that either you become the world's most patholigical do-gooder ever, which in itself will still have some negative consequences, or you quite simply cannot want, cannot wish, cannot think. If you were alive, but vegetated, there is the Schiavo problem. This means you therefore must be non-sapient. I am thinking perhaps the best course of action is for your molecules to exist as a perpetually recycled roll of toilet paper, and you're never allowed to be used for arson, or to block drains. You're also very soft and luxuriant.

I wish for a blizzard in Paris.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 13, 2013, 07:37:58 pm
Granted, but the one that hits your hometown is twice as bad.

I wish for a talking dog.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Tolpuddle Martyr on January 13, 2013, 07:46:23 pm
Granted, it's first words are "I am uncontrollably incontinent and have just shat all over your rug!"

I wish for a plum.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on January 13, 2013, 07:54:25 pm
Granted.  You take a bite and find half of a worm.

I wish that both of my best friends were still in the area tonight.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 13, 2013, 08:00:26 pm
Granted. They're having sex and send you pictures just to mock you.

I wish to find a better job than my current one.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on January 15, 2013, 03:42:13 am
Granted, you get to run out on national TV naked and covered in oil, do a chicken dance and shove a huge potato up your butt every time a pundit on FOX news says something stupid, as a political statement to emphasize the inanity of what was just said. Personally it's probably not great for you, but as a public service for the good of the nation - well, they're quite indebted. (It may even be a better job without this consideration - I am not sure on that though.) You also need a chip making attachment installed. Nothing says American patriotism like being able to poop freedom fries at will....

I really wish to read Carl Sagan's Demon Haunted World.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Tolpuddle Martyr on January 15, 2013, 06:28:08 am
Granted, but it's haunted by an actual demon. The last words you here are "BET YOU WEREN'T EXPECTING THAT "SKEPTIC", nom nom nom".

I wish for Mass Effect 4.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on January 15, 2013, 08:31:08 am
Granted, but the main character is Conrad Verner.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 15, 2013, 10:21:13 am
Granted. You get absolutely nothing. Ever again.

I wish to be able to play the guitar.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on January 15, 2013, 01:05:26 pm
Granted, but the only song you can play is Achy Breaky Heart, and you play it compulsively. The odds on you surviving the week without your head being used in a game of tee-ball are increasingly thin...

I wish for Lance Armstrong's remaining testicle to sue him for divorce on grounds of irreconcilable differences.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on January 16, 2013, 08:27:03 am
Granted, but his testicle is now the world's most famous and loved celebrity.

I wish that people wouldn't tell me we're not doing something than go ahead and do it anyways.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 16, 2013, 08:46:56 am
Granted. They tell you exactly what they're planning on doing, in every detail. Unfortunately, their plans never involve you.

I wish for a complete collection of EC comics and "Tales from the Crypt" on DVD.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Tolpuddle Martyr on January 18, 2013, 12:11:24 am
Granted every single issue is in the form of teeny-tiny pictures on the surface of the DVD.

I wish I could play the violin.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 18, 2013, 08:24:56 am
Granted. You're also addicted to cocaine, anti-social and compulsively point out everyone's every character flaw just from observing their body language.

I wish for superstrength and invulnerability, without having to worry about the laws of physics.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on January 18, 2013, 09:05:40 am
Granted. You also feel intense pain every second of being alive, and this is compounded by the fact that you can never die due to being invulnerable. Because you transcend the laws of physics, you're even sapient, conscious and incredibly hungry long after the rest of the universe has suffered heat death.

I wish I wasn't so hungover.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Indikins on January 22, 2013, 09:24:00 am
Granted. You are now completely immune to the effects of drugs of any sort(including anaesthesia), and to compound that, you also suffer frequent, horrific accidents. For which you need surgery.

I wish I had a second, attractive and fully functional male body that I could control and experience the world through at the same time as my female body.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 22, 2013, 09:52:05 am
Granted. Unfortunately, it's only while your male body is having sex with your female body, so it's good for nothing but a very odd type of masturbation.

I wish Robin Hood-type heroic outlawry was still a viable option.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Indikins on January 22, 2013, 10:39:39 am
Granted. However, you are now forced to wear green medieval clothes and a feathered cap for the rest of your life, and the only weapon you can use is a bow.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 22, 2013, 10:53:51 am
Granted. You get nothing, ever again. Not even essentials like food, clothes and shelter.

I wish to find an apartment in a decent neighborhood that I can afford.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Indikins on January 22, 2013, 11:02:29 am
(Oops! Didn't post a wish last time! Many apologies.)

Granted. However, everyone else in the neighbourhood gathers around your building from 7 PM to 10 AM and plays nothing but Justin Bieber music at very loud volume on multiple speakers. OVER AND OVER.

I wish that I was a transformer on the Decepticon side!
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 22, 2013, 11:13:31 am
Granted. You get your ass kicked by the Autobots every time.

I wish I wasn't so lazy.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Indikins on January 22, 2013, 11:23:24 am
Granted. You start running...and running...until your feet are destroyed and your legs are worn down to bloody stumps. Then you start pulling yourself along with your arms...

I wish Sauron took over Middle-Earth.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 22, 2013, 11:48:59 am
Granted. It's even worse than everyone feared.

I wish politicians had to sign oaths to work together to find good solutions.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Indikins on January 22, 2013, 11:54:43 am
Granted. However, this means that politicians become incapable of lying to each other in the process of cooperation, and they thus cease to be politicians.

I wish all fundies in the world suddenly became liberal atheists.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Flying Mint Bunny! on January 22, 2013, 06:22:58 pm
Granted, but all the original liberal atheists get angry and discriminate against these new converts, because they aren't Real Liberal Atheists (TM).

I wish I had a long eared jerboa.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Indikins on January 22, 2013, 07:31:30 pm
Granted. However, it comes with the unforeseen ability of mitosis, and soon your neighbourhood is overrun with long eared jerboas.

I wish for humanity to make contact with a friendly alien species this year.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 23, 2013, 08:47:26 am
Granted. They think humans are so cute that they decide to keep us as pets. Their idea of "gentle play" is to hit you over the head with a 2-by-4.

I wish for mad archery skills.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on January 23, 2013, 05:27:42 pm
Granted, but you immediately face down a dude with an UZI.  Good luck with that.

I wish I could teleport.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 23, 2013, 05:47:22 pm
Granted. Unfortunately, there are already air molecules where you try to teleport, if nothing else. The explosion levels a large city.

I wish for humanity to make contact with a sexy alien race soon.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Indikins on January 24, 2013, 12:05:31 am
Granted. However, these aliens are biochemically incompatible with us - producing mind-blowing but invariably lethal sex.

I wish to be able to shape-shift into any appearance I wish.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on January 24, 2013, 12:41:17 am
Granted, but your voice doesn't change and people won't go anywhere near you know.

I wish that I had someone to cuddle with right now.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Indikins on January 24, 2013, 01:11:43 am
Granted, but this person is a prison inmate with a history of extreme violence and a skin condition.

I wish that real life and its events had soundtracks.

Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 24, 2013, 09:35:55 am
Granted. Said soundtrack is entirely produced and performed by Skrillex.

I wish for Skrillex to be shot into the sun.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 24, 2013, 10:11:26 am
Granted, but you go with them.

I wish for a Bender robot for a best friend.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on January 24, 2013, 10:19:08 am
Granted, but you break your teeth on his shiny metal ass and he steals all your beer...

(kinder than turning you into Phillip J. right?)

I wish for more Futurama references.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 24, 2013, 10:20:14 am
Granted, but they're all about Zoidberg.

I wish to own a casino.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on January 24, 2013, 10:27:13 am
Granted, but the house always loses.

I wish for a disco where the only dance is the Zoidberg, and if you like someone you have to throw your drink in their face.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 24, 2013, 10:35:58 am
Granted. The drink of the evening is hippo diarrhoea and everyone positively adores you.

I wish the fan was stronger.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 24, 2013, 10:38:52 am
Granted. Your biggest fan kidnaps you, drags you back to his house, and proceeds to violate you in every way imaginable.

I wish for a living teddy bear best friend, a la "Ted"
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on January 24, 2013, 10:45:18 am
Granted, but he constantly gets you fired from every job you ever get.

I wish that I was in a band right now.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on January 24, 2013, 10:55:30 am
Granted, but you play Christian rock and Justin Beiber tributes at a metal gig so that every conceivable missile in the arena has been thrown (including turds) before the main act comes out...

I wish the hippo had been fed raspberries, ginger, rum and cointreau...
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 24, 2013, 11:13:12 am
Granted. The diahrrea is still disgusting as crap, though.

I wish for a fully-functional cyborg hand, including sense of touch, with built-in weaponry.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on January 24, 2013, 11:56:20 am
Granted. It's stuck in wank mode though. The novelty wears off very quickly...

 I wish we had a space elevator and could vote one idiot off the island a day.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 24, 2013, 05:27:21 pm
Granted. The island in question is only large enough for one person, though, so once you've voted him off, that's the end of the game.

I wish to be a Jedi.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on January 24, 2013, 06:38:00 pm
Granted... Cue Order 66.

I wish I felt like posting on here more often.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 24, 2013, 08:03:34 pm
Granted. You eventually get banned for spamming the board with fundie tracts.

I wish for a pet hedgehog.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Indikins on January 24, 2013, 08:17:23 pm
Granted. Said hedgehog insists on rolling on your feet, hiding in dark spaces and sleeping in your bed with you at night.

I wish that reality TV ceased to exist.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 24, 2013, 08:22:37 pm
Granted, but so does every other type of TV except for Faux Noise.

I wish for a pet pangolin.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on January 24, 2013, 09:40:14 pm
Granted but it hates you and only interacts with you to receive food and other such items


I wish my guitarist would finally learn to play Layla.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 24, 2013, 09:48:51 pm
Granted, but they can't play anything else.

I wish to be paid $500 dollars a day to watch TV.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 24, 2013, 09:55:35 pm
Granted. But you can only watch prolapse porn and snuff films.

I wish for a tub of vanilla ice cream.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on January 24, 2013, 10:20:36 pm
Granted, but you're now lactose intolerant.

I wish that I had all three of the album pre-orders I'm waiting for already.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Indikins on January 24, 2013, 10:53:07 pm
Granted, but they're covered in scratches and thus sound like Skrillex.

I wish I was the ruler of all the cosmos.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 24, 2013, 10:56:59 pm
Granted. You rule all Cosmopolitan magazines. Nothing else, though, and everyone hates your administration.

I wish to have sex with Heather Dale.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Indikins on January 25, 2013, 01:10:25 am
Granted. However, she is secretly into vore, and tries to eat your tongue out of your mouth when you kiss her halfway through.

I wish I could enter any fictional universe and return to this one at will.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 25, 2013, 02:06:51 am
Granted, but you can only control the reality/fantasy transition and back again, you can't control which fantasy universe you enter.

I wish all of my clothes would expand and shrink to match my weight.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on January 25, 2013, 04:18:28 am
Granted, but the universe hates you for wearing neon stretch lycra everywhere... You also have a thyroid problem and water retention issues...

I wish I'd been more specific with my previous wish:
- I wish that we had a space elevator, and could vote one irredeemable idiot off the pale blue dot oasis a day...
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 25, 2013, 07:20:15 am
Granted. Turns out that idiots breed fast enough to more than outpace one per day.

I wish for some Nutella.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on January 25, 2013, 07:41:28 am
Granted, but it's all WAY past the expiration date and you get some uber bad food poisoning.

I wish that I was more awake.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 25, 2013, 08:29:22 am
Granted. You never sleep again, for fear of a sloth eating your toes.

I wish for one of the kennel jobs I've applied for to work out.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on January 26, 2013, 04:22:29 pm
Granted. The dogs are all inexplicably attracted to your pants.

I wish Batman was real.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on January 26, 2013, 06:53:29 pm
Wish granted.  All of the villains are real, and they murder your family while you watch helplessly.

I wish Anonymous would dissolve and anyone identifying with these cyberterrorist shitheads would become terminally ill.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on January 26, 2013, 07:17:16 pm
Granted, but it turns out that some of the things Anonymous did were actually good and the world gets overrun by corrupt shitheads.

I wish that I had someone to jam with right now.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Indikins on January 26, 2013, 11:44:57 pm
Granted, but this person likes jamming with you so much that they move into your home, get pictures of you in compromising situations and blackmail you into jamming with them every day for six hours for the rest of your life.

I wish for Pokemon to be real.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 26, 2013, 11:50:15 pm
Granted. But they only exist in Japan and New York.

I wish I could smack people through the internet.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: rookie on January 27, 2013, 12:19:00 am
Granted, but they can smack you back.

I wish there was something good on TV right now.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 27, 2013, 02:41:31 am
Granted, but there's a 5:1 ads to show ratio.

I wish it wasn't so humid.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Indikins on January 27, 2013, 04:21:00 am
Granted. All the water in the world spontaneously evaporates, leaving empty oceans and swatches of dead animals and vegetation.

I wish that had been popular enough for new seasons to be made.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on January 27, 2013, 04:26:13 am
Wish granted.  Since you didn't specify a "that," I'll just assume you meant Jersey Shore!

I wish I could get any job I wanted with zero effort.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Indikins on January 27, 2013, 04:29:52 am
Granted, but you are fired from every job you get due to not putting in effort while on the job.

I wish my brain had not editted out the word "Firefly" in my previous wish.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on January 27, 2013, 04:40:43 am
Wish granted.  It doesn't change the fact that I already used my magic to extend Jersey Shore.  Also, that wish has now expired, so it is no longer useful for actually getting Firefly back.

I wish we would learn that all previous presidents had really weird fetishes, if nothing more than just for the hell of it.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 27, 2013, 05:00:33 am
Granted. It turns out that George Bush frequently enjoyed threesomes with your parents.

I wish the cat wasn't as annoying.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on January 27, 2013, 05:03:27 am
Wish granted.  The cat is less annoying, but only negligibly so.

I wish I could draw really well and charge people money for commissions.

---

By the way, Art:  George H. W. Bush or George W. Bush?
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 27, 2013, 08:24:49 am
Granted, but the only commissions you get are for hermaphroditic hippos being hentacled.

I wish to be able to come up with hilariously filthy limericks on the spot, without needing to think about it.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Indikins on January 27, 2013, 10:09:10 am
Granted. You are now capable of communicating with others only via filthy limericks.

I wish my writer's block would vanish and never return.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 27, 2013, 10:13:42 am
By the way, Art:  George H. W. Bush or George W. Bush?
I'll go with Bush Jr.

In other news, granted, but you don't have any hands.

I wish I was less hungry.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: rookie on January 27, 2013, 10:49:23 am
Granted. Not only are you less hungry, but are sitting at a steak house with your friends, flush from the cash you won at a poker tournament.

I wish for large amounts of legitimate money in my bank account.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 27, 2013, 06:48:21 pm
Granted, but it's life insurance from your favorite person in the world dying a horrible, horrible death.

I wish I had more free time.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on January 28, 2013, 11:13:46 pm
Granted, but nobody wants anything to do with you and none of your electronics work either.

I wish that I could buy every cd I could ever want without breaking the bank.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on January 29, 2013, 03:54:53 am
Granted. Turns out that idiots breed fast enough to more than outpace one per day.
(I was quite aware of this fact) Be great to wave good-bye to the crème de la crème though....
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on January 29, 2013, 03:56:14 am
I wish for some Nutella.
(Granted, it's been fucked by a high school football team though.)
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on January 29, 2013, 03:59:24 am
I wish the cat wasn't as annoying.
Granted, it graduates to psychopathically evil. You're more shitscared of it than a dozen hungry tigers.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on January 29, 2013, 04:02:59 am
I wish I had more free time.
Granted. You're immortal. Gets pretty boring long before we evolve into a new species, and there's only 500 million years or so before Earth becomes too hostile for mulitcellular life and it's just you and the goop. Wait till the sun dies. Then the galaxy, and you have to swim to another one...
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on January 29, 2013, 04:07:52 am
I wish that I could buy every cd I could ever want without breaking the bank.
Granted, but only because CDs are obsolete and no one has a working CD player any more or legacy drivers. They sell them to you because it's cheaper than having them dumped or ground up. You have so many CDs you can't actually walk into half the rooms in your house, nor can you afford the awesome holographic recorders everyone else has.

I wish Apple took Steve Jobs last will and testament to go thermonuclear literally and tried to create an i-bomb to supplant the H-bomb.

Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 29, 2013, 04:57:45 am
Granted, but they start selling them to North Korea, Iran and Saudi Arabia to make up for Android OS eating into their smartphone-based profits.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: rookie on January 29, 2013, 09:28:49 am
I wish you made a wish for me to corrupt.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on January 29, 2013, 10:04:00 am
Granted, he wished that the record floods in Queensland and NSW weren't the product of him sweating in the record heat wave two weeks ago.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 29, 2013, 11:11:54 am
Granted, you get nothing ever again. Not even oxygen.

I wish I had been Calvin in "Calvin and Hobbes."
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: rookie on January 29, 2013, 12:57:18 pm
Granted. But you were adopted by the Family circus family. They donated Hobbs because talking tigers and imagination both are of the devil.

I wish I had a yummy blueberry pie that didn't contain any ingredients that would make me hurt (like razor blades) or uncomfortable (like laxatives).
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on January 29, 2013, 03:17:20 pm
Granted, you get nothing ever again. Not even oxygen.
Errr, granting that wish gave you the wish to corrupt...
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on January 29, 2013, 03:20:51 pm
I wish I had a yummy blueberry pie that didn't contain any ingredients that would make me hurt (like razor blades) or uncomfortable (like laxatives).
Granted... Emphasis on had. you made it yourself. It looked lovely too. Then Jim Levenstein came to visit while it was cooling on the window sill. Don't worry, the only discomfort is mental... See if you can enjoy it as much as he did.

I wish the French education system wasn't dedicated to rolling out pedantic douchebags...
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on January 29, 2013, 06:41:13 pm
Granted, but now it rolls out people who aren't educated enough to wipe their own ass.

I wish that I had some people to go with upcoming concerts with.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on January 30, 2013, 03:43:53 am
Granted. They vote to see the Von Trapp family singers.

I wish that wishes were horses.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 30, 2013, 08:03:26 am
Granted. The next one you get is a stallion who decides you smell like a mare in heat.

I wish centaurs were real. The "noble warrior" type in popular media, not the drunken rapist type from actual mythology.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on January 30, 2013, 10:39:25 am
Granted, but they're all arrogant assholes who refuse to have any contact with the modern world.

I wish that the sun would peak out a little and get rid of this mist so I could take a walk.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 30, 2013, 05:10:50 pm
Granted, but you get major sunburn.

I wish for a menagerie containing one of every cute animal on the planet, who would all get along together and not try to kill and eat each other.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Auggziliary on January 30, 2013, 05:15:32 pm
Granted, but you get major sunburn.

I wish for a menagerie containing one of every cute animal on the planet, who would all get along together and not try to kill and eat each other.

Granted. You don't have enough and now you're stuck with millions of dead bodies of cute animals.

I wish my bird was potty trained.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on January 30, 2013, 05:52:30 pm
Granted, but he tries to peck your eyes out all the time now.

I wish that a recent order I had placed online didn't come with the wrong thing in the package.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on January 31, 2013, 10:45:43 am
Granted, but it comes with some bonus drugs you know absolutely nothing about and the DEA who'd been shadowing it to the destination to see who collected it, pounce! Boy do they pounce... You better tell who you're moving it on to, or it's 50 years in maximum security for you.

I wish that racist idiots realised exactly how much stupider they are, than the people they're looking down on.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on January 31, 2013, 11:58:29 am
Granted, but it doesn't affect their outlook in the least, because "edjamacation's for liberals and pussies."

I wish to be paid $1,000 a day to masturbate once a day.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on January 31, 2013, 11:44:08 pm
Granted, you get paid one lump some of 1000 dollars, but you have to masturbate once a day EVERY day without fail or else you owe the whole sum of the money back PLUS interest.

I wish that I had super strength which I could turn on and off at will and control it at different increments.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on February 03, 2013, 07:24:32 am
Granted, you now have super strength B.O. which you can turn on and off at will and control it at different increments.

(Hey, I could've made it urine, or turned you into a self-harm emo basket case, or a compulsive zoophile with a thing for mountain lions.)

I wish there was an amnesty on offshore tax evasion, with the proviso that 10% of all funds gets turned over to a world climate change initiative, and all future profits on investments are similarly taxed at 10% for world benefits, with 10% going to the tax haven of choice and 25% going home to the country of origin of the funds where it is invested in infrastructure, education, the arts, health care and other egalitarian projects. The other 55% annual gains can stay with the super-rich assholes who are acting like modern day pharoahs and sucking the economy dry.


Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on February 03, 2013, 07:29:35 am
Quote
I wish to be paid $1,000 a day to masturbate once a day.
Granted, you get paid one lump some of 1000 dollars, but you have to masturbate once a day EVERY day without fail or else you owe the whole sum of the money back PLUS interest.
Not bad, but you should've given him the clap too. (And calloused hands from his labouring job.)

Worse would've been, OK, but the money comes from your mom and she wants to be in the room when you do it.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on February 03, 2013, 09:32:58 am
I wish there was an amnesty on offshore tax evasion, with the proviso that 10% of all funds gets turned over to a world climate change initiative, and all future profits on investments are similarly taxed at 10% for world benefits, with 10% going to the tax haven of choice and 25% going home to the country of origin of the funds where it is invested in infrastructure, education, the arts, health care and other egalitarian projects. The other 55% annual gains can stay with the super-rich assholes who are acting like modern day pharoahs and sucking the economy dry.
Granted, but nobody makes use of it, since they can keep a lot more than 55% of their money by keeping their money in the tax haven of their choice.

I wish for something that'll amuse me.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on February 03, 2013, 06:24:38 pm
Granted, but it amuses you so much that everything else is just boring in comparison and said thing never happens again leaving you bored out of your skull for all eternity.

I wish that I was already getting my next ink.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on February 03, 2013, 09:25:55 pm
Granted, an ink bottle arrives at your doorstep as soon as this is posted.

I wish for a Chainsword.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on February 03, 2013, 09:31:46 pm
Granted. You immediately castrate yourself in an accident with it.

I wish to find a job with better pay and hours that I actually enjoy.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on February 03, 2013, 09:54:39 pm
Granted, you find one, but you don't get hired.

I wish that I could shoot lightning from my guitar when I play a solo.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on February 04, 2013, 12:11:43 am
Granted. You find out how bad a idea this is in reality when you're charged as responsible for burning down an entire city block and the deaths of hundreds of people.

I wish for some ice cream.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on February 04, 2013, 02:55:42 am
Granted, but it was made from frozen sick.

I wish people could understand that an 10% amnesty preceded having 75% of their bank accounts confiscated if there was non-compliance.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Scotsgit on February 04, 2013, 11:50:57 am
Granted:  However, the blame you for all their other worries and your inbox is jammed with hate mail. 

I wish I could shag Eliza Dushku.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on February 04, 2013, 01:32:39 pm
I can totally live with that!

Granted, but you're on the end of a 85 yr waiting list.

I wish I had time to personally reply "suck shit", "LOL", or "Har Har" to each and every one of my hate mail fans...

Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on February 04, 2013, 05:25:01 pm
Granted. You're quadrapalegic and can only communicate via a computer you control with your tongue, so you have plenty of time to personally answer each and every hate mail.

I wish to be able to shapeshift perfectly, at will, with no nasty side effects and no getting involuntarily stuck in any one shape.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on February 04, 2013, 06:30:44 pm
Granted, but fundies think you're a demon and come after you every night like angry villagers with torches and pitchforks.

I wish that I had a fountain with an infinite supply of cold orange juice.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on February 05, 2013, 04:11:47 am
Granted, but the only vodka you have to go with it is Smirnoff.

I wish X-factor had a spin-off called American Douchebag... (It might sound like a FOX panel though)
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Scotsgit on February 05, 2013, 08:35:52 am
Granted:  it's so bad that it's screened everywhere 24 hours a day.  You go mad and sit gibbering in the corner.

I wish I was the bassist for Nightwish.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on February 05, 2013, 09:24:18 am
Granted, but the band breaks up a month later.

I wish for a tub of cake frosting.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on February 05, 2013, 09:31:50 am
Granted, but it was made by Baldric in Blackadder Goes Forth.

I wish people would wander round workplaces with puppies to cheer up staff morale.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on February 05, 2013, 09:41:48 am
Granted, they're stillborn puppies. Needless to say, the results are a tad below expectations.

I wish I were undisputed king of the entire world.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on February 05, 2013, 09:47:54 am
Granted, but your ship sinks....

I wish I could concentrate right now.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on February 05, 2013, 09:50:23 am
Granted. You concentrate on masturbating furiously. Doesn't matter where you're at.

I wish to be able to get through any application process perfectly, including job applications. By this standard, "perfectly" would include being hired.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on February 05, 2013, 10:49:04 am
Granted, you're now a gimp in a snuff movie... Die well.

I wish I hadn't just done that to the Shawshank Redemption in the Make Everything Creepy With a Wink thread.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ironbite on February 05, 2013, 12:22:55 pm
Granted...you chose My Little Pony instead

Ironbite-I wish my tax return got here within 2 hours of filing.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: dpareja on February 05, 2013, 12:30:08 pm
Granted. You made multiple errors on your return, owe $10,000 and are facing significant jail time.

I wish it weren't so damn cold outside.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on February 06, 2013, 09:01:15 pm
Granted, you block gets vaporised by a meteorite strike. It warms things up quite nicely.

For a little while.

I wish I wasn't at work at 3am.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on February 06, 2013, 11:44:19 pm
Granted, now you work from 4 am to 2 am and only get around 3 am off.

I wish that I had someone to talk to in person right now.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on February 07, 2013, 04:45:16 am
Granted. Meet Norman. Mr Bates is very nice, although a little nervous and quite preoccupied with his elderly mother.

I wish Shariah Law had a clause about chopping your head off if you refused to think critically. (Conundrum of critical thinking invalidating Shariah Law, aside.)
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on February 07, 2013, 04:57:45 am
Granted. The definition of "thinking critically" is left up to the clerics to decide and they use it as an excuse to behead people for "thought crimes."

I wish a meteorite would fall on the Westboro Baptist Church compound just as Fred Phelps says something like "May God smite me if I am not doing His will!" and crush him.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on February 07, 2013, 05:48:39 am
Granted, but somehow it obliterates everything in the area but the compound and every member of the Phelps clan.

I wish for a bag of pretzels.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on February 07, 2013, 08:35:42 am
Granted. You choke on one, just like Dubya.

I wish "Tales from the Crypt" would get revived on TV, similar to how "Family Guy" and "Futurama" were.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Scotsgit on February 08, 2013, 08:36:24 am
Granted:  It's written with the audience for 'The X Factor' in mind and is so mind-crushingly awful you can't watch it.

I wish I owned my own Aircraft Carrier.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on February 08, 2013, 08:42:47 am
Granted. It has no planes, no crew, no place to keep it docked and no fuel. Though it does come with a big fuckoff loan that you're going to be rather hard pressed to pay back within your life time. In fact, the first of thousands of monthly payments of $567 000 is due in a couple of weeks.

I wish I was less tired.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on February 08, 2013, 09:45:29 am
(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on February 08, 2013, 07:08:57 pm
Granted. Say hello to Honey Boo Boo's "special juice"!

I wish R-Type Delta was still on the PSN store.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on February 08, 2013, 08:53:34 pm
(click to show/hide)
(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on February 08, 2013, 08:55:03 pm
Anyway, granted, but it's a horribly butchered remake. Think Silent Hill 2 remake levels of butchered.

I wish for something to wish for.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on February 09, 2013, 01:05:54 am
Granted, but it's a horrible wish.

I wish that I could stop eating these orange Tic Tacs.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on February 09, 2013, 01:22:31 am
Granted you start eating the white ones

I wish I could meet Phil Collins.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ironbite on February 09, 2013, 01:52:48 am
Granted.  You meet him and he immediately punches you.  No explanation, no reason is given, he just one punch knows you out and walks off, whistling the main theme from Tarzan

Ironbite-I wish I could knock out Corey Taylor of Stone Sour and get away with it.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on February 09, 2013, 02:00:16 am
Granted he then proceeds to punch you right back twenty times harder

I wish Kyu Sakamoto wasn't dead.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on February 09, 2013, 08:07:00 am
Granted. He's the zombie currently chewing on your leg.

I wish to be Kate Upton's boyfriend.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on February 10, 2013, 08:29:28 pm
Granted, but you have serial assaulters following around jealous of your relationship who beat you up several times a week.

I wish that I had psychic powers.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on February 10, 2013, 09:17:44 pm
Granted you can now read the thoughts of the following plants, animals and fruits and vegetables.


I wish I could find a new band that actually needs a rock piano player who also has some skill in morocas and tambourine.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on February 11, 2013, 02:36:16 am
Granted, but you spend the rest of your life playing Carpenter tributes at RSL halls.

I wish I didn't have to go to India tomorrow.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on February 11, 2013, 08:26:10 am
Granted, but it's because you were in a car wreck and are now paralyzed from the neck down.

I wish to be as funny and skilled with ventriloquism as Jeh-fah-FAH Dun-HAM.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on February 11, 2013, 10:04:55 am
Granted, but your arm is stuck up Jar-Jar-Bink's butt... He actually exists now, but is mute. The only way he can speak is telepathically communicating with you.  Your audience consists of sadists laughing at you, masochists jerking off, and people who think Jar-Jar's the maaaaaaan. He never shuts up.

I wish Black Jesus comes down to congratulate Obama and the new black pope in waiting. He also gay marries Mugabe and Cheney while he's here. He also tells the Rapture Ready folks to stop salivating.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on February 11, 2013, 06:54:57 pm
Granted, but he gets called the Antichrist and shot by a Raptard. No backsies this time.

I wish for the future to turn out exactly as depicted in "Star Trek".
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on February 12, 2013, 01:13:31 am
Granted. but it's several million years into the future because humanity has to start from scratch after the next US President starts a nuclear war armageddon.

I wish that I could fall asleep.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on February 12, 2013, 02:09:13 am
Granted welcome to the wonderful world of a comatose state where you can do nothing and yet shit still can happen to you


I wish I could find my old xbox 360 wireless microphone.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on February 12, 2013, 05:02:55 am
Granted. It's covered in cat piss.

I wish there were less insects in the house.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on February 12, 2013, 05:25:32 am
Granted, you have a chronic infestation of huntsmen, funnel-webs, whitetails and red-backs... They shit everywhere - tiny specks of cement! they're getting hungry too...

I wish that Ratty when he retired, had quoted the verse about the camel and the eye of a needle, given away all his worldly possessions and decried the avarice of the Catholic church and Western avarice in general.



Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on February 12, 2013, 08:22:02 am
Granted, but it's suppressed by the Catholic Church.

I wish for a tiny robot buddy, like an AnthroPC from "Questionable Content".
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on February 12, 2013, 08:41:00 am
Granted, but he's a little sex fiend and does nothing but download horrific porn all day, complete with viruses, and banned content.

I wish they made Michael Palin the next pope, and he got to sing the "I'm a Roman Catholic (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUspLVStPbk)" song all day...
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on February 12, 2013, 08:48:06 am
Granted, but he does it while participating in that great Catholic tradition of molesting children.

I wish for a cute female Sekirei.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on February 13, 2013, 02:49:47 am
Granted, but she only exists in 3D if you count time as a dimension, or choose to measure page thickness.

Being that my previous wish is marginally better than the children being molested anyway by a complete psychopath, so in fact the world is a slightly better place... So... I wish that the Vatican choir had to sing this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SJUhlRoBL8M) during their compulsory molestation program.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on March 22, 2013, 03:44:21 pm
OK, new wish to corrupt. I wish that Libertarian stooges would stop playing "kiss Hank's ass". Sure Hank actually exists this time, but there's exactly the same chance you're going to get $1000 bucks for kissing his ass.

(When ironically, if you stopped kissing his ass, and he actually had to pay a fair amount of taxes, your chance of getting a decent job would exponentially increase.)
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on March 23, 2013, 04:43:37 am
Granted, they start playing "rape Julian's ass" instead.

I wish my application for the master's program in paleontology hadn't been rejected.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on March 23, 2013, 06:23:20 am
Granted, but you have to go to Waziristan looking for Ambulocetus...

I wish the Journalistic code of ethics had a lying douchebaggery clause.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on March 23, 2013, 05:52:07 pm
Granted. It's required.

I wish to make $10,000 a day for the act of breathing.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Flying Mint Bunny! on March 23, 2013, 06:11:35 pm
Granted, but it's for breathing in other peoples farts.

I wish I never lost any socks again.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on March 26, 2013, 06:15:43 am
Granted, you now know the whereabouts of every single pair of socks you've ever owned. Even the ones the dog chewed up or your brother used to jerk off into. All the old gym socks. The tatty ones with holes. The musty ones. You feel their pain as they rot in landfill or are used as nests by mice. You even know who stole them and how bad their tinia is. Your nanna also gets dementia and sends you a pack of socks each week for your birthday. Your Dunbar's number is full of socks...

I wish there were AA style meetings for ex-FOX-aholics...
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on March 26, 2013, 02:48:29 pm
Granted, but they have relapse rates of 99%.

I wish for telekinesis.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on March 27, 2013, 06:41:42 am
Granted, but you have to pull down your pants, spread your cheeks and use your ass as a tractor beam focal point...

I wish certain unpasturized cheeses didn't smell like they had ungulate shit mixed in with them.

Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on March 27, 2013, 12:07:16 pm
Granted, but now they smell like moldy gym socks.

I wish that my beard was longer.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on March 27, 2013, 02:11:19 pm
Granted. Your beard gets caught in a piece of machinery and causes your head to be torn off.

I wish my apartment wasn't so messy.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on March 27, 2013, 03:29:46 pm
Granted, a sink hole opens up and swallows all your shit - the joys of karst landscapes and acid rain...

I wish I had all my work done...



Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Indikins on March 27, 2013, 11:50:47 pm
Granted, but you completely destroy whatever body parts you use to work with due to overworking to the extreme.

I wish to become a super-intelligent AI with complete control over the world's electronics systems - including satellites, weapons systems and the internet.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on March 28, 2013, 12:29:25 am
Granted, but you quickly grow bored with your life and blow up the universe.  Nice one.

I wish that my new hammer pendant was here already.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on March 28, 2013, 12:30:38 am
Wish granted.  It's in shit condition.

I wish people didn't give a shit about the sexuality of others as much.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on March 28, 2013, 04:40:40 am
I wish to become a super-intelligent AI with complete control over the world's electronics systems - including satellites, weapons systems and the internet.
Granted, but you spend your entire existence serving up porn, wincing at bad grammar, logical asshattery, pet photos, all round idiocy and being wanked on by pus-filled, diseased, genetically frail flesh-bags. In short you are the world's largest and most complete compendium of fail. Have fun with that...

/derail over...
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Indikins on March 28, 2013, 07:27:29 am
I wish to become a super-intelligent AI with complete control over the [...] internet.
Granted, but you spend your entire existence serving up porn, wincing at bad grammar, logical asshattery, pet photos, all round idiocy and being wanked on by pus-filled, diseased, genetically frail flesh-bags. In short you are the world's largest and most complete compendium of fail. Have fun with that...

/derail over...

^^ See emphasis

Rerail time:
I wish people didn't give a shit about the sexuality of others as much.

Granted. Suddenly, nobody knows and can ever know the orientation of others, and the population of Earth becomes so mired in uncertainty that nobody tries to date each other.

I wish that there were no murderers or other criminals in the world.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on March 28, 2013, 07:35:39 am
Granted. All crimes are now legal.

I wish I was more comfortable.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on March 28, 2013, 03:15:10 pm
Granted, but you never want to move now and fuse with your furniture.

I wish I had a canine sense of smell.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Indikins on March 28, 2013, 08:36:23 pm
Granted, but you are then forced to take a job involving the hands-on management of sewage.

I wish for forty-two bananas.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on March 29, 2013, 07:00:31 am
(You know, with a canine sense of smell, that mightn't be a bad thing...) (Assuming you lose the human hardwired instinctive survival mechanism aversion to the smell of shit.)

Granted, you had a bet that the Rock couldn't fit them up your rectum. Unfortunately you failed to read the fine print which said you weren't allowed to break them off the man stem...

(http://webebananas.com/bpix/BP940-31.jpg)

Yes, there's more than 42 bananas shown, but guess how many you were able to accept...



I wish factually incorrect websites had the equivalent of an "I am over the age of 18" type acknowledgment to click on before you enter, warning you that everything you are about to read is fictitious and possibly maliciously so.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Julian on March 30, 2013, 09:12:18 am
(and thinking about it, a great corruption for the canine sense of smell would be granted, but you also inherit the overwhelming compulsion to sniff peoples crotch as a way of saying hello.)
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Auggziliary on March 31, 2013, 12:39:59 pm
Granted. New Age fundies get really butthurt and wont stop whining.
2nd wish: granted. All you can smell around other people is farts, sweat, and overbearing perfumes from everyone's hygiene products.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on March 31, 2013, 01:18:37 pm
Granted, an enormous black hole destroys the omniverse, so there will be nothing ever again.

I wish DoDonPachi SaiDaiOuJou's Xbox 360 port would get localized.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on April 03, 2013, 10:03:05 pm
Granted, but they butcher it in the process rendering it unplayable.

I wish I new what that thing Saturn wished about even was.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on April 03, 2013, 10:43:04 pm
Granted. It's an eldritch abomination the knowledge of which drives you mad.

I wish for a million dollars.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sour Grapes on April 04, 2013, 01:20:50 am
Granted. It's an eldritch abomination the knowledge of which drives you mad.

I wish for a million dollars.

Granted.  One Million sand-dollars.  Enjoy.

I wish I didn't have all these problems that I am now saddled with.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Auggziliary on April 14, 2013, 02:25:35 am
Granted. You have no problems, so you're super bored.

I wish I wouldn't keep forgetting to make a wish in this thread.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on April 14, 2013, 02:30:33 am
Granted but now through some weird timey wimey...stuff you don't get a wish granted.


I wish I could stop being a lazy git and actually watch the first two seasons of Walking Dead.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on April 14, 2013, 02:56:31 am
Granted, but you're too lazy to do anything other than watch a TV show.

I wish the cat would stop being so annoying.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on April 14, 2013, 03:02:23 am
Granted, it got run over by a car.

I wish I could A) afford a cat, and B) lived in a building that allowed pets.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on April 14, 2013, 04:22:18 am
Wish granted.  Your cat is too noisy and gets you kicked out, though.

I wish I could think of a good silly wish.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on April 14, 2013, 05:54:50 am
Granted. You wish for someone to shove a chainsaw up your ass.

I wish I could have participated more in Humans Vs. Zombies this semester.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on April 14, 2013, 09:38:19 am
Granted. Jesus kept eating your brains.

I wish Pat Robertson would come out and admit he's been exploiting people's beliefs and fears for his own financial gain.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Auggziliary on April 14, 2013, 09:50:19 am
Granted. Now all his followers think the devil possessed him, and they're extra insane now.

I wish hummingbirds weren't such dicks.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on April 14, 2013, 04:53:52 pm
Granted, but now they look like flying piles of shit.

I wish that I had more beer to drink.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on April 14, 2013, 05:35:46 pm
Wish granted.  It's all rotgut shit.

I wish I could be openly bisexual.  I guess I could, but for now I'd rather keep it on the hush.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on April 14, 2013, 05:58:01 pm
Granted, but the only people who find you attractive are now all close relatives. As in, first cousin and closer.

I wish my mind didn't go to so many sick places so quickly.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on April 14, 2013, 09:26:11 pm
Granted, you're in a coma.

I work at a natural history museum, and I wish parents would actually supervise their children when visiting.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on April 16, 2013, 07:26:23 pm
Granted. Now, the parents supervise their kids as they run amok, destroying the exhibits.

I wish I had proof of who committed the Boston bombings.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on April 16, 2013, 07:42:14 pm
Granted. Unfortunately, they kill themselves before they can be brought to justice.

I wish people would stop being such assholes.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Auggziliary on April 16, 2013, 09:42:57 pm
Granted, the human race will be deleted.

I wish I had awesome vision like an eagle or something.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: guizonde on April 16, 2013, 10:05:11 pm
granted, you can now see 90 year old nude sunbathers with larger than life clarity. in. the. finest. details.

i wish i had a pint of beer.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on April 16, 2013, 11:43:58 pm
Granted, but it's skunked PBR.

I wish that I had someone to snuggle with tonight.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on April 17, 2013, 12:26:13 am
Granted. It's Rush Limbaugh. He starts chewing on you in his sleep.

I wish the world really was cool enough that large crowds could burst into spontaneous, perfectly-choreographed song-and-dance numbers, with no prior preparation (so no, flash mobs don't count).
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on April 17, 2013, 03:27:22 pm
Granted. One slows down traffic, causing you to miss meeting your true love.

I wish for nothing.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on April 17, 2013, 05:48:39 pm
Granted. You bring about the heat-death of the universe.

I wish to gain phenomenal cosmic powers from people worshiping me as a god.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on April 17, 2013, 06:33:45 pm
Granted. But nobody believes in you, so you cease to exist.

I wish my computer wasn't so goddamn slow.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on April 17, 2013, 06:48:35 pm
Granted. Everything now happens one frame quicker.

I wish that AVGN game didn't make it through Steam Greenlight (I mean, come on, it's a generic retro platformer with his face slapped on it!)
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on April 19, 2013, 02:39:35 am
Granted. Corruption-free, no less, simply because I couldn't agree more.

I wish my face stop being a fucking zit factory.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on April 19, 2013, 04:38:56 am
Granted, but it's because you catch leprosy and your face falls off completely.

I wish the Force was real and I was a Jedi.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on April 19, 2013, 04:57:33 am
Granted, you are executed via Order 66.

I wish I hadn't been turned down for a summer job at the natural history museum.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on April 19, 2013, 07:41:59 am
Granted, your new job involved cleaning the toilets with your tongue.

I wish my feet weren't so itchy.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on April 19, 2013, 02:26:38 pm
Granted your balls are now.


I wish my dog wasn't sick
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on April 19, 2013, 03:18:05 pm
Granted, your dog is now dead.

I wish fundies would actually help the poor and homeless instead of setting up "charities" that send most of the money to their own pockets.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on April 19, 2013, 03:21:15 pm
Granted, but their idea of "help" is to distribute free pamphlets and tell people about how they deserve to be poor because Ayn Rand says so. So, nothing changes, really.

I wish for a pet wombat.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: guizonde on April 19, 2013, 06:41:25 pm
granted, it has rabies and an irrascible disposition. it's also dead. and polka dotted with lime green. it only answers to the name "beloved benito".

i wish for more loudness
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on April 19, 2013, 11:47:01 pm
Granted. You can now only speak through yelling.

I wish for the ability to trick James Randi into giving me a million dollars without actually having supernatural powers.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on April 20, 2013, 02:51:05 am
Granted. Unfortunately, your performance is so good that it convinces him to upend his worldview entirely. He becomes young-earth creationism's next big spokesman. Great job, Skippy!

I wish to be as funny as the entirety of Monty Python put together.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on April 20, 2013, 09:39:48 am
Granted, but you're locked in a padded room and nobody will ever know.

I wish that I had a separate dresser just for band tees.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Auggziliary on April 20, 2013, 09:55:26 am
Granted. But it's filled with Nickleback tees. MUAHAHAHAAHhaha...

I wish my pets would live just as long as me.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Patches on April 20, 2013, 10:12:15 am
Granted.  You die at age 15.

I wish I knew when gas prices were going up so I could fill up beforehand.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on April 20, 2013, 10:26:06 am
Granted, your car now runs on horse semen. That may or may not be a tad more expensive...

I wish for some marshmallow cream.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Auggziliary on April 20, 2013, 04:06:24 pm
Granted, but it's tainted with some rat poison. At least you die happy.

I wish I had super strength
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on April 20, 2013, 06:21:40 pm
Granted, you're so strong that you can't have sex without accidentally killing your partner.

I wish my cat would stop hating me for going away to college.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on April 20, 2013, 06:31:59 pm
Granted. Now it constantly tries to mate with you.

I wish pokemon were real.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Patches on April 20, 2013, 06:42:58 pm
Granted, however they are vigorously invasive species and end up destroying the ecosystem.

I wish I could take a trip in the TARDIS.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on April 20, 2013, 06:49:08 pm
Granted, upon traveling back in time you are greeted by the jaws of a hungry Tyrannosaurus rex. NOM.

I wish to discover the world's biggest dinosaur.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on April 21, 2013, 05:17:31 am
Granted, but you accidentally put the head on the wrong end when reconstructing the skeleton.

I wish for cake.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on April 21, 2013, 09:17:49 am
Granted, but it is a lie.

I wish that I had super strength.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on April 21, 2013, 12:28:44 pm
Granted. You're too strong to have sex with someone without killing them. Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex.

I wish for the observation and deductive prowess of Sherlock Holmes.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on April 21, 2013, 04:45:05 pm
Granted. Everybody quickly gets fed up with your analyzing them.

I wish for an infinite number of wishes.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on April 21, 2013, 04:51:53 pm
Granted. None of them come true.

I wish to be a world-famous Shakespearean actor.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on April 22, 2013, 04:08:42 pm
Granted. You are a mediocre actor at best, but become famous after being repeatedly attacked by bears while playing Othello.

I wish the email I just got telling me I won a million pounds wasn't a lie.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: guizonde on April 22, 2013, 07:28:29 pm
granted: you enter the guinness as the world's heaviest person ever.

i wish i had could cast healing spells
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on April 22, 2013, 09:40:41 pm
Granted, but they only heal ants.

I wish that I could harness the power of lava as a super power.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on April 22, 2013, 09:59:04 pm
Granted, but the only lava you can use is at the bottom of the ocean, in underwater volcanoes.

I wish fundies would realize en masse what dicks they're being when they try to exploit tragedies to evangelize.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on April 23, 2013, 09:58:30 pm
Granted. Nobody ever tries to use a tragedy to evangelise again. However, they give up any scruples about banging on people's doors on Saturday morning.

I wish to know everything I need to know.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Southern Comforter on April 23, 2013, 10:04:18 pm
Granted. The mafia's just been informed that you know too much. It's been nice knowing you.

I wish my stomach didn't hurt anymore.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on April 23, 2013, 10:45:51 pm
Granted, you no longer have a stomach. The area around it, as well as your newly severed esophagus and small intestine, on the other hand, are in the worst pain you could possibly imagine.

I wish for the ability to shoot plungers out of my nipples.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Auggziliary on April 23, 2013, 11:22:31 pm
Granted, but it's already pretty painful so I give you mercy.

I wish I could fly.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Scotsgit on April 23, 2013, 11:25:09 pm
Granted:  You cause massive delays from getting into international air space and causing planes to be diverted around you.  When you get back to earth, you have to face the wrath of all those who missed their connections.

I wish I had a coterie of attractive female porn stars begging to have sex with me.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on April 23, 2013, 11:37:50 pm
Granted, but they all have the clap.

I wish DC would have Lex Luthor try to rally people into a class-action lawsuit against Superman and the Justice League for all the collateral damage from their battles, because that would be hilarious.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on April 24, 2013, 12:47:43 am
Granted, but he wins and all superheros spend life in prison and now the bad guys have no competition and take over the world.  Great job.

I wish that I could make a lava lamp that would be visible from space.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on April 24, 2013, 01:41:19 am
Granted. The amount of heat this giant lava lamp gives off accelerates global warming to the point where the Greenland Ice Sheet melts.

I wish the Viking settlements in Newfoundland had lasted to the present day.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on April 24, 2013, 06:23:20 am
Granted, but they're all a bunch of assholes.

I wish The Aurora Wager would work properly on my PC.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Southern Comforter on April 24, 2013, 07:48:42 am
Granted. Nothing else works, though. Not even MS Paint.

I wish I had all the cheeseburgers in the world for free.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on April 24, 2013, 07:52:29 am
Granted, but I personally stuck my dick in every last one of them.

I wish for steak.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on April 24, 2013, 09:31:41 am
Granted, but it's been marinated in bull semen.

I wish to be Alucard (from "Hellsing", not "Castlevania")
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on April 24, 2013, 08:32:03 pm
Granted, but you get killed by Sailor Venus in a massive crossover fanfic.

I wish for the power to make things blow up.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Scotsgit on April 24, 2013, 11:22:48 pm
Granted:  It's done through your hands making fapping impossible.

I wish I was a Formula One driver.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on April 24, 2013, 11:54:40 pm
Granted, but nobody goes to Formula 1 races anymore.  Good luck having a job that there's 100% zero demand for.

I wish I was a guitar god.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Southern Comforter on April 24, 2013, 11:57:29 pm
Granted. Everyone always books you for concerts and you're in a contract you can't get out of. Bye-bye social life.

I wish I never had to take another test or write another essay for the rest of my life.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on April 25, 2013, 01:07:44 am
Granted. You're the teacher, so you have to administer said tests and assignments. It's just as soul-crushing as you thought.

I wish to manifest a different random superpower every day WITHOUT it ever being detrimental to me or anyone else.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on April 25, 2013, 01:22:41 am
Granted...then you get hit by a bus.



I wish my band would finally accept that the name Salamanders Of Oblivion is an awesome name.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on April 25, 2013, 03:42:40 am
Granted, but only on the condition that you all play at any future gigs completely naked.

I wish the cat would throw up in his kitty litter instead of on the floor.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Southern Comforter on April 25, 2013, 11:57:11 am
Granted. He throws up in his litter box now, but poops everywhere but there.

I wish for a genie that would serve me for life and grant me any wish I want without being a sarcastic ass about it.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on April 25, 2013, 02:01:39 pm
Granted, but in return he gets to sleep in your colon every night. You don't know how he manages to fit his entire 300-lb. body in there, but he does.

I wish furries were real.

Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on April 25, 2013, 06:31:16 pm
Granted. Specifically, furries as depicted in that one CSI episode are real.


I wish for this wish not to be corrupted. Alternatively, ice-cream.

Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: guizonde on April 25, 2013, 07:13:45 pm
granted. your ice cream is ass-flavored.

i wish for more cowbell
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on April 25, 2013, 08:20:18 pm
Granted.  You now here nothing but cowbell when people speak.

I wish that I had someone to hang out with tonight.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Southern Comforter on April 25, 2013, 08:40:52 pm
Granted. We'll hang out tonight. Just don't bitch or moan when your kidneys wind up missing.

I wish my essay was done so I can hang out with TGRwulf and his tasty kidneys.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on April 25, 2013, 09:00:33 pm
Granted. It's so terrible your teacher posts it online as an example of how NOT to write an essay. You never live down the perception that you're illiterate on the level of George W. Bush.

I wish to be the most famous person in the world for something good that I did.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on April 25, 2013, 09:05:38 pm
Wish granted.  You were in an epic porno that was aired live internationally.  It was a really "good" porno, but unfortunately it didn't go over well and you're universally loathed as "that really creepy fucker."  You didn't know it was going to be broadcast live for some reason.  You're also now on a global sex-offender list for life.

I wish I could make shorter wish corruptions.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: guizonde on April 26, 2013, 12:45:08 am
granted. lo and behold, the edit button appeared.

i wish for more dakka
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on April 26, 2013, 07:08:37 am
Granted, you are now a corpse that bears a striking resemblance to swiss cheese.

I wish I didn't have to do all this calculus homework/.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on April 26, 2013, 12:45:15 pm
Granted, you're dain bramaged back to the diaper-wearing stage.

I wish the Doctor was real and I could go time-and-space-travelling with him.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ironbite on April 26, 2013, 02:17:15 pm
Granted.  You're one of the rare companions who dies.  Horribly I might add

Ironbite-I wish that my car was totally fixed.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on April 27, 2013, 02:31:12 am
Granted you owe the mechanic $900.


I wish Slenderfan would stop being creepy.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Scotsgit on April 27, 2013, 06:49:30 pm
Granted:  Everything else is now creepy.  Good luck going to sleep in your creepy bed.

I wish there was something good on TV.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on April 27, 2013, 07:05:38 pm
Granted. Not on your TV, though.

I wish it wouldn't rain for the next 12 hours.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on April 27, 2013, 07:07:43 pm
Granted. It's the good food you tripped and spilled all over it.

Edit: NINJA'D! Granted, but it never starts raining ever again. You just created the world's next great desert.

I wish for electricity superpowers that I can control perfectly without shorting out any electronic device I use.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on April 27, 2013, 07:14:56 pm
Granted, but you are limited to manipulating 1.6*10^-19 Coulomb at a time.


I wish I hadn't had to look up the charge of an electron.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: guizonde on April 27, 2013, 09:05:43 pm
granted. next time it'll be free.

i wish that pun didn't make me groan.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Osama bin Bambi on April 27, 2013, 11:39:52 pm
Granted. Now you have no sense of humor.

I wish I was good at philosophy.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on April 28, 2013, 12:11:40 am
Granted, but you never interact with a human ever again because you're too busy pondering the reason of our existence.

I wish that I had had some milk to wash down that wasabi I ate earlier.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on April 28, 2013, 02:51:04 am
Granted. It was spoiled.

I wish to meet the Grim Reaper and live to tell the tale.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Scotsgit on April 28, 2013, 09:43:31 am
Granted:  In a Pratchettesque kind of way, you become his assistant and now will only get to meet people when they're dying.

I wish my neighbours would stop using my washing line.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: guizonde on April 28, 2013, 10:50:35 am
granted, your neighbors steal your washing line. it is now theirs.

i wish for not having to make a wish.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on April 28, 2013, 06:56:10 pm
Granted, you don't have to. However, everyone hates you for not doing so.

I wish my hands smelled better.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on April 28, 2013, 07:10:02 pm
Granted. The rest of you smells like elephant ass, though.

I wish for Mjolnir.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ironbite on April 29, 2013, 01:27:11 am
You're not worthy of it and it lands on your chest.

Ironbite-I wish Palpatine didn't throw the Senate at me.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on April 29, 2013, 03:02:33 am
Granted. Your own mother throws her bloody tampons at you instead.

I wish video games were cheaper.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Jodie on April 29, 2013, 07:43:19 am
Granted, but all videogames and consoles revert to 8-bit technology forever.

I wish I had a bottle of premium tequilla to drink right now.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on April 29, 2013, 09:13:26 am
Granted, but your alcohol-infused breath causes you to slowly and painfully burn to death from the inside out when you try to blow out a candle later.


I wish for a pet velociraptor that I can control perfectly and who won't turn on me or anyone I like.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on April 29, 2013, 09:17:21 am
Granted, but it comes with another velociraptor that you can't control and proceeds to eat you and everyone you know and love (except me, naturally).

I wish for a free bucket.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Scotsgit on April 29, 2013, 12:13:03 pm
Granted:  It's the one used to mop up vomit in nightclubs.  You now have a bucket with encrusted spew on it.

I wish that inauthentic reenactors would all fuck off out of the hobby.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on April 29, 2013, 12:36:02 pm
Granted. Unfortunately, nobody is authentic enough for your standards, having had vaccinations and whatnot. They form their own hobby group and kick you out.

I wish for a lightsaber and the proper training to wield it safely.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Scotsgit on April 29, 2013, 01:44:49 pm
Granted:  You get turned to the Dark Side and have to fight Luke Skywalker at the climax of the next Star Wars film.  As it's being done by Disney, your death is accompanied by a cheesy song-and-dance routine performed by Elton John.

I wish I was the bassist for Sabaton.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on May 02, 2013, 12:37:08 am
Granted, but they immediately break up after you mess up a song on the first concert.

I wish that Entrails' new album was in my hands already.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on May 02, 2013, 12:39:01 am
Granted. It comes with free human entrails.

I wish the dogs were better behaved.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on May 03, 2013, 07:02:45 pm
Granted. You are arrested for suspected dog brainwashing.

I wish I had a gun that shoots guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns that shoot guns.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on May 03, 2013, 07:46:19 pm
Granted. The 85th-order guns misfire, causing the 86th-order guns to explode in your face.

I wish I had counted the number of guns faster.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on May 06, 2013, 02:15:54 pm
Granted. You get arrested by the ATF.

I wish for a dollar.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on May 06, 2013, 04:54:33 pm
Granted. It's a worthless Confederate dollar.

I wish to live on the Discworld.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ironbite on May 07, 2013, 01:05:36 am
Granted.  You immediately fall off.

Ironbite-once again I wish for fish but not just any fish I wish for one fish two fish red fish blue fish.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Moltar on May 08, 2013, 09:42:52 pm
They team up and attack you.

I wish I could escape.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on May 08, 2013, 11:05:11 pm
Granted. Unfortunately, the laundry load you're hiding in just takes you to a different prison.

I wish for a $100 bill to appear in my hand every time I think a word that includes a vowel.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on May 08, 2013, 11:18:10 pm
Granted, but you are now in a coma.

I wish that I didn't have to open at work 2 mornings in a row.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Meshakhad on May 11, 2013, 06:39:53 pm
Granted. You get caught stealing from the till, so you're fired, and no one will ever hire you again.

I wish I could get some benefit out of being descended from a king.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on May 11, 2013, 07:39:04 pm
Granted. The government becomes a monarchy and you get all the social advantages of being part of the royal family. However, the king is an incompetent sociopath and civilization collapses surprisingly fast.

I wish to get a passing grade on the exam I took this morning.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on May 11, 2013, 11:22:24 pm
Granted, you get a 100%. The rest of the class gets mad at you for breaking their curve and stones you to death.

I wish my parents had been more accepting when I was dating a transgender girl.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on May 12, 2013, 12:33:12 am
Wish granted.  They force you to marry and are ridiculously overbearing in EVERY aspect of your guys' lives.

I wish I could afford to see the Equestria Girls movie in the theater.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on May 12, 2013, 04:25:37 am
Granted, but you can't control your bowels while in the cinema.

I wish for some chocolate cake.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on May 12, 2013, 04:34:08 am
Granted. It's delivered via a dog vomiting it onto you.

I wish for mad katana skills.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on May 12, 2013, 09:59:47 pm
Wish granted.  You become insane with a katana.  No really.  You go mad and start a murder spree, with a small part of you knowing what you're doing is wrong.  When the police corner you, you commit hari-kari.

I wish I could imagine a wish that won't have repercussions that I don't want.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on May 12, 2013, 10:34:30 pm
Granted then you explode... .


I wish I wish I were a fish. (I've always wanted to use that line from Ed,Edd,n Eddy in the right kind of context.)
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on May 12, 2013, 10:48:30 pm
Granted, you are a fish. Or, more accurately, your body transforms into that of a fish, with a brain that cannot possibly work as a substrate for a human mind, so 'you' are effectively dead.

I wish for vodka.

Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on May 12, 2013, 10:52:20 pm
Granted it's shitty vodka not the good kind.


I wish for a new laptop that didn't run on Windows 8.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Moltar on May 12, 2013, 10:53:43 pm
It runs windows '95

I wish for a turkey sandwich…on rye bread…with lettuce and mustard, and…I don’t want any zombie turkeys, I don’t want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don’t want any other weird surprises.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on May 12, 2013, 10:54:50 pm
Granted but Zorak eats it... .


I wish I could fix the amp I use for my piano since it keeps giving weird feedback.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ThunderWulf on May 13, 2013, 09:48:38 am
Granted, but now you forgot how to play.

I wish that the poster I ordered would get here already.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on May 13, 2013, 10:37:48 am
Granted. It falls from the sky and lands on your head, cartoon-style.

I wish to get the job I'm interviewing for Wednesday at the doggy daycare.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Flying Mint Bunny! on May 13, 2013, 04:22:17 pm
Granted. It falls from the sky and lands on your head, cartoon-style.

I wish to get the job I'm interviewing for Wednesday at the doggy daycare.

Granted. I hate dogs, so I can't make your wish more warped than it already is.

I wish I had more self control.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Cataclysm on May 18, 2013, 12:37:09 am
Granted. You have to focus on every part of your body, making things really slow for you.

I wish I had a parrot
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on May 18, 2013, 02:33:41 am
Granted. It repeats nothing but curses and embarrassing secrets about you, and bites you whenever you try to get it to shut up.

I wish my upcoming geology field camp would be drama-free and enjoyable.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on May 18, 2013, 03:30:36 am
Granted. Unfortunately, that means you've killed any chance of hooking up with any cute girls you meet there, even if you wait until after the camp is over.

I wish I had better memories of growing up. I ESPECIALLY wish I had lost my virginity earlier than age 20.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on May 18, 2013, 03:33:57 am
Granted. Your childhood was awesome, but you lost your virginity at 18, to an amorous donkey (it's not part of your childhood, so it counts).

I wish Nintendo would stop sucking horribly and go back to being awesome.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on May 19, 2013, 03:08:20 pm
Wish granted.  They're super awesome.  It's a shame that they're now bankrupt!

I wish I had some programming language certification.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on May 20, 2013, 01:01:05 am
Granted, but you currently have a criminal record for online identity theft and credit card fraud. As such, you're banned from owning or in fact going anywhere near a computer.

I wish there was more chocolate in the house.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on May 20, 2013, 01:10:43 am
Granted. Your dog eats it all and is violently sick on your face.

I wish for the ability to shapeshift at will, perfectly, with no getting stuck in a single shape against my will, but no shapeshifting without my conscious effort either.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on May 20, 2013, 07:58:07 am
Granted, but you lose the ability to visualise shapes in your mind. You now only shapeshift into weird blobs.

I wish I had more tea in my mug.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on May 20, 2013, 07:32:08 pm
Granted. It overflows.

I wish for a ring of +2 strength.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on May 21, 2013, 12:18:39 am
Granted. It comes with -6 penis size and -15 bowel control.

I wish the dogs were better behaved.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on May 21, 2013, 06:45:53 am
Granted, the dogs are now mindless, emotionless robots.

I wish third-party developers would support Nintendo more.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on May 21, 2013, 07:42:51 am
Granted, but they take a massive financial hit for it because the Wii-U is a near-impossible to program for gimmicky and underpowered piece of shit that's lost the Wii's massive casual user base to mobile gaming. As such, they quickly go back to PC and more sensible consoles.

I wish things and stuff would occur.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: QueenofHearts on May 21, 2013, 08:46:10 am
Granted, things and stuff occur but not as you would expect it. It happened a bit too literally and you wish you had worded your wish a bit better.

I wish that the next poster would passionately make love to Rush Limbaugh (the radio host), and Rush Limbaugh alone, no three ways, for several hours to porno saxophone music.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on May 21, 2013, 09:20:18 am
Granted. But I demand $50 000 in cash for my services. In return, I'll ensure that I'm so wild, so passionate and so generally vigorous in the sack that it ends up giving him a heart attack. If not, I'm afraid I just don't have it in me (pun intended) to go the extra mile for you all.

I wish didn't have to fuck Rush Limbaugh in the first place.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: QueenofHearts on May 21, 2013, 11:03:06 am
Granted, you're now having sex with Glenn Beck.

I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on May 21, 2013, 11:06:35 am
Granted but some a-hole pushes him right back on it.


I wish I didn't have to go to summer school.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on May 21, 2013, 11:26:41 am
Granted, but it's because of the zombie apocalypse.

I wish to survive the zombie apocalypse alive (not undead), unmaimed and sound of mind.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on May 21, 2013, 12:05:01 pm
Granted, but you end up maimed, insane and soon to be dead just after it ends and civilisation is begining to return.

I wish this zombie fad would finally just die already.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on May 21, 2013, 12:56:18 pm
Granted. Inevitably, though, it comes back to life.

I wish all thought of Twilight would be swept aside in favor of a much older, much better vampire franchise: Necroscope.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on May 23, 2013, 01:51:22 am
Wish granted.  You still have to deal with a shitty fandom and people relentlessly bashing it, though.

I wish there was less brony fandumb, and less fandumb in general.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Saturn500 on May 24, 2013, 05:24:51 am
Granted, because nothing exists anymore.

I wish for 1,000,000 helicopters and a dollar.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on May 24, 2013, 03:15:37 pm
Granted. You end up living in one of the helicopters, unable to buy fuel or even food for yourself, or find buyers for your crappy-ass helicopters.

I wish to be personally trained in magic by Merlin himself.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Cataclysm on May 24, 2013, 10:35:50 pm
Granted, because nothing exists anymore.

You... MONSTER!!!!

I wish to be personally trained in magic by Merlin himself.

Granted, he transforms you into a mouse and you get eaten by a cat.

I wish the USA would join the EU
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on May 25, 2013, 12:40:38 am
Granted, but only after massive tectonic shifts that effectively merge Europe and North America into a single continent. However, such rapid shifts lead to the downfall of modern civilization, so it's only joined the EU in the physical sense.

I wish to start a Tyler Durden-style fight club.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on May 28, 2013, 06:23:07 pm
Granted the only people who join are twenty times stronger than you and beat the ever loving fuck out of you.


I wish deciding on what to major in when I go to university wasn't so damn annoying.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on June 13, 2013, 11:28:11 pm
Granted, the fates you have invoked place you in Underwater Basket Weaving.

I wish the dinosaurs were still around.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on June 14, 2013, 12:54:16 am
Granted. You get eaten alive by velociraptors.

I wish to find a job that I enjoy, does not involve anything to do with any functions or orifices of the human body, and that pays a minimum $20/hr.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on June 14, 2013, 02:13:59 pm
Granted. You later find out that it has dramatically shortened your life expectancy.

I wish my internet connection worked better.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on June 15, 2013, 04:15:22 am
Granted, but your PC spontaneously melts.

I wish my pants fit properly.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: MadmanJohnson on June 15, 2013, 02:10:23 pm
They do but they become sentient and take over your body,leaving your mind to scream.

I wish I had the Matrix Of Leadership and that this won't backfire.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on June 15, 2013, 04:47:50 pm
Granted, but you get murdered by people who don't like your leadership style.

I wish there was a minimum IQ level required before being allowed to go into politics.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ironbite on June 15, 2013, 04:53:25 pm
Granted...it's 50.  Surprisingly all the current politicians pass.

Ironbite-I wish that I always knew where my cat was at all times.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on June 15, 2013, 04:56:11 pm
Granted, but you are literally unable to find your own dick with both hands and an instructional diagram.

I wish more people would read the Discworld series and seriously consider the philosophical arguments Terry Pratchett works into his stories.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on June 15, 2013, 06:20:49 pm
Granted. People are now trying to introduce Giant Space Turtle Theory into school curricula instead of Round Earth Theory.

I wish for a burrito. Specifically one that does not contain anything harmful.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on June 15, 2013, 07:28:43 pm
Granted, but you drop it on the ground after a single bite.

I wish to be a Watch officer in Ankh-Morpork.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: MadmanJohnson on June 15, 2013, 07:33:14 pm
Granted,You are killed in action by some random thief.

I wish I had a RX-78 Gundam that could combine with the Yamato, The Voltron Lions and 12 tanks.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on June 15, 2013, 07:36:53 pm
Granted, but the combining process requires that you be torn limb from limb. Have fun with that!

I wish to have a threesome with Emma Watson and Natalie Portman AND that neither of them have any weird fetishes for me to deal with.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: MadmanJohnson on June 15, 2013, 07:44:30 pm
Granted but they turn out to have teeth down there.

I wish I had the power to summon forth a trailer that transforms into a exoskeleton for my Gundam and has speakers to torture foes with Phillip-George quotes.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: MadmanJohnson on June 30, 2013, 09:44:27 pm
NECRO!
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on June 30, 2013, 09:45:52 pm
Granted, but you go slowly insane from listening to those same quotes yourself.

I wish to know Dr. Jekyll's secret formula.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: MadmanJohnson on June 30, 2013, 09:48:11 pm
Granted, but you are compelled to use it.

I wish to be able to create Energon at will.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 04, 2013, 10:31:56 pm
Granted, but you are compelled to use it.

I wish to be able to create Energon at will.
Granted, but you are enslaved for the Energon, and tortured whenever you do not create it.

I wish to have the ability to make a person forever obey my every command, with no way for me to be misinterpreted by them, ever, and this to be able to be done by thought alone, so even blinded, rendered mute or unable to write, it still works perfectly.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on July 05, 2013, 12:39:02 am
Granted, but every time you successfully issue such a command, someone else comes along and shoves large quantities of ghost pepper paste up your ass and urethra.

I wish it was warmer.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 05, 2013, 12:54:00 am
Granted, but every time you successfully issue such a command, someone else comes along and shoves large quantities of ghost pepper paste up your ass and urethra.

I wish it was warmer.
Granted. Now you're in Hell.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: MadmanJohnson on July 05, 2013, 05:00:24 pm
I wish I had a F-14 that could combine with 4 Aircraft Carriers to form a giant-ass vehicle that could then transform into a giant robot.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on July 05, 2013, 05:12:43 pm
Granted, but you can never get it to work.

I wish for a complete collection of George Carlin's performances.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 06, 2013, 03:48:14 am
Granted, but you can never get it to work.

I wish for a complete collection of George Carlin's performances.
Granted, but they've been magically modified, and his manhood is always on display.

I wish I could go back in time and see Marilyn Manson's "Guns, God and Government" Tour live, not just on DVD.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on July 06, 2013, 01:22:38 pm
Granted. You are trampled to death by his fans.

I wish my last geology project hadn't been a complete failure.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on July 06, 2013, 03:07:10 pm
Granted, it was an epic success and bards sing songs of it all across the realm. Unfortunately, nobody believes you did it.


I wish there were more bards to sing of epic accomplishments.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on July 06, 2013, 05:16:18 pm
Granted. They have no talent, however, and all their songs are annoying as hell.

I wish I could stop procrastinating on this paper.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on July 06, 2013, 07:37:16 pm
Granted. You're now a workaholic.

I wish to be a Harry Dresden-type wizard.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: MadmanJohnson on July 06, 2013, 07:43:38 pm
Granted but you create a demonic rock monster that kills everyone if they don't worship it.

I wish I had a fluffy Ironbite.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ironbite on July 06, 2013, 07:56:24 pm
Granted.  Like the real one, it kills you and eats your soul/spark.

Ironbite-once more I wish for so much fish people's pants explode.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 06, 2013, 08:05:08 pm
Granted.  Like the real one, it kills you and eats your soul/spark.

Ironbite-once more I wish for so much fish people's pants explode.
Granted. The fish, however, have pants, and their pants fill with fish until they explode and so on and so forth until the entire universe is drowned in fish.

I wish I were an Oscar Mayer Weiner.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on July 06, 2013, 08:15:24 pm
Granted. You are the wiener of a man named Oscar Mayer.

I wish to be a licensed, successful scuba instructor.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 06, 2013, 08:27:33 pm
Granted. You are the wiener of a man named Oscar Mayer.

I wish to be a licensed, successful scuba instructor.
Granted, but you die of drowning one day.

I wish I had all the powers the Christian God is supposed to have.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on July 06, 2013, 09:27:36 pm
Granted. You try to create a rock so large even you cannot lift it and vanish in a puff of logic.

I wish the next person to make a wish would make this wish.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 06, 2013, 09:44:42 pm
Granted. You try to create a rock so large even you cannot lift it and vanish in a puff of logic.

I wish the next person to make a wish would make this wish.
Granted, but it will kill the thread.

I wish the next person to make a wish would make this wish.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: MadmanJohnson on July 07, 2013, 12:15:31 pm
Granted but they explode before voicing their wish.

I wish I had a plushie Sleepy.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 07, 2013, 12:43:18 pm
Granted but they explode before voicing their wish.

I wish I had a plushie Sleepy.
Granted, but as you sleep, it comes to life and molests you.

I wish for a dish of fish with a person named Tish.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: MadmanJohnson on July 07, 2013, 03:37:30 pm
Granted but Tish is possessed by Ironbite.

I wish for the power to kill Ironbite.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on July 07, 2013, 03:44:44 pm
Granted, but something goes wrong in the cloning process and it turns into a zombie driven by the two most primal urges of mankind...to eat and to mate. So it eats your face while raping you.

I wish my mind didn't go to such disturbing places all the time.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on July 07, 2013, 04:27:45 pm
Granted now but in the process you are given the mental state of a three year old child...enjoy.


I wish the U.S would lower the legal drinking age to 18.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on July 07, 2013, 04:30:26 pm
Granted, but they also raise the legal age to consent to sex to 30.

I wish MadmanJohnson would stop editing his posts in game threads after the fact, as it makes it very difficult to post a response that makes sense.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 07, 2013, 04:31:58 pm
Granted now but in the process you are given the mental state of a three year old child...enjoy.


I wish the U.S would lower the legal drinking age to 18.
Granted, but he now can edit everyone else's.

I wish I was undead.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on July 07, 2013, 04:39:52 pm
Granted but as a level 4 Cleric I use turn undead.


I wish my old D&D group could get back together and play again.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on July 07, 2013, 04:41:38 pm
Granted, but the resulting game is less "Lord of the Rings" and more "Monty Python and the Holy Grail".

I wish for a complete set of Monty Python DVDs, all in perfect condition and autographed by all of the surviving Pythons.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 07, 2013, 04:44:04 pm
Granted, but the resulting game is less "Lord of the Rings" and more "Monty Python and the Holy Grail".

I wish for a complete set of Monty Python DVDs, all in perfect condition and autographed by all of the surviving Pythons.
Granted, but they die before you get them, so there are no autographs

I wish for more genies.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on July 07, 2013, 04:45:01 pm
Granted. They are all exact words dickhead genies.

I wish half the people on Earth became evil twins to the other half.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on July 07, 2013, 04:46:29 pm
Granted. All of the evil twins end up raping the good twins. Because, you know...evil.

I wish to be able to change into an incredibly hot female version of myself and back at will.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 07, 2013, 05:22:19 pm
Granted. All of the evil twins end up raping the good twins. Because, you know...evil.

I wish to be able to change into an incredibly hot female version of myself and back at will.
Granted, but girl you has breast cancer, and male you has testicular and prostate cancer.

I wish for loving puppies.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: MadmanJohnson on July 07, 2013, 06:10:16 pm
Granted,but a drunken teenager busts into your house and sings "I'm a little teapot".

I wish for a weapon capable of killing Ironbite in one shot and doesn't do anything nasty to ME.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on July 07, 2013, 06:11:54 pm
Granted, but all of your loved ones get caught in the explosion. Collateral damage, you know.

I wish for a Ghost in the Shell-type cyborg body, where it's just my brain in a cybernetic body that looks and moves exactly like an organic body, but is stronger, faster and all-around better.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 07, 2013, 06:16:30 pm
Granted, but all of your loved ones get caught in the explosion. Collateral damage, you know.

I wish for a Ghost in the Shell-type cyborg body, where it's just my brain in a cybernetic body that looks and moves exactly like an organic body, but is stronger, faster and all-around better.
Granted, but you don't have a way to do repairs or maintenance. And, your cyberbrain is hacked.

I wish for Marilyn Manson and Trent Reznor to stop acting like small children, end their stupid feud and get along again.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: MadmanJohnson on July 07, 2013, 07:04:02 pm
Granted,but they die in a fire soon after.

I wish for Ironbite to get mode lock.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 08, 2013, 04:14:02 am
Granted,but they die in a fire soon after.

I wish for Ironbite to get mode lock.
Granted, but he still drops a colony on you.

I wish for world peace.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on July 08, 2013, 04:15:06 am
Granted. It's because the entire human race was wiped out in the zombie apocalypse.

I wish for a bologna sandwich.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 08, 2013, 04:17:02 am
Granted. It's because the entire human race was wiped out in the zombie apocalypse.

I wish for a bologna sandwich.
Granted. You get e. coli.

I wish to wish for a wish.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: MadmanJohnson on July 08, 2013, 01:30:52 pm
Granted,but the Friends on the Other Side drag you into a voodoo shadow dimension to be tortured.

I wish for the powers of Primus and Unicorn combined.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 08, 2013, 03:06:05 pm
Granted,but the Friends on the Other Side drag you into a voodoo shadow dimension to be tortured.

I wish for the powers of Primus and Unicorn combined.
Granted, but you're weaker than Primus because you're brought down by being part Unicorn ;D

I wish to have this wish granted without corruption.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on July 08, 2013, 03:54:30 pm
Granted. Nothing happens.

I wish every real-world skill had an rpg-style experience bar I could see fill up as I practice it.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Zygarde on July 08, 2013, 04:18:07 pm
Granted but all of your stats are now set to zero and now you have to level up again.


I wish I had the ability to shoot lasers from my finger tips that or a pie either one is fine.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: The Right Honourable Mlle Antéchrist on July 08, 2013, 05:27:08 pm
Granted, but the multiple wishes confused the wish-mechanism and now you shoot pies from your fingertips.

I wish I had control over which TV shows stayed on the air & which ones get cancelled.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on July 08, 2013, 05:35:34 pm
Granted. Your control consists of anything you enjoy automatically being cancelled, while anything you hate is put into endless syndication.

I wish for the ability to teleport.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: The Right Honourable Mlle Antéchrist on July 08, 2013, 05:45:10 pm
Granted. You're able to teleport a distance of exactly two inches to your left.

I wish that this (http://forums.fstdt.net/index.php?topic=4572.msg173637#msg173637) movie would be made.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on July 08, 2013, 05:46:05 pm
Granted. Everyone involved in the production is shot by militant Christians.

I wish people would start actually living by the Golden Rule.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: The Right Honourable Mlle Antéchrist on July 08, 2013, 05:49:59 pm
Granted, but people start taking the rule a bit too literally. Suicidal people turn into mass murderers, people who are into BDSM randomly start abusing and/or submitting to people on the street, anyone with a sore back will randomly give massages to passing strangers, individuals go broke giving their life savings to everyone around them and society slowly crumbles.

I wish people in real life randomly broke out into song and dance numbers.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Valerius on July 08, 2013, 05:56:37 pm
Granted. A pilot of a commercial flight leaves his seat during landing to start singing and dancing. The plane crashes into the airport terminal and kills several hundred people.

I wish the billions of dollars thrown into cancer research actually produced a cure.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on July 08, 2013, 06:02:52 pm
Granted, but it has a 99.9% fatality rate.

I wish to train in kung fu with actual shaolin monks.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Valerius on July 08, 2013, 06:08:40 pm
Granted. On your first day of training, one of the monks accidentally severely injures you, leaving you permanently crippled. From then on, you're unable to practice kung-fu again.

I wish I got to meet my great-grandfather before he died.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: MadmanJohnson on July 08, 2013, 07:01:23 pm
Granted,but you are never born.

I wish for evil magic voodoo powers capable of destroying all who oppose me.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on July 08, 2013, 07:03:51 pm
Granted. In a moment of self-reflection, you realise your greatest enemy is yourself and are promptly destroyed.

I wish for the ability to make everyone convinced everything I say is deeply wise.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 08, 2013, 07:10:54 pm
Granted. In a moment of self-reflection, you realise your greatest enemy is yourself and are promptly destroyed.

I wish for the ability to make everyone convinced everything I say is deeply wise.
Granted, but it's extremely stupid in actuality, so you doom people.

I wish for the ability to not have a blister on my finger right now.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: MadmanJohnson on July 08, 2013, 09:47:44 pm
Granted, you get a tumor instead!

I wish I had the power to create living Sleepy dolls.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on July 08, 2013, 09:54:22 pm
Granted, but all they do is sleep, so they're pretty boring.

I wish to die of a heart attack while in a foursome with gorgeous female identical triplets.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 08, 2013, 10:19:40 pm
Granted, but all they do is sleep, so they're pretty boring.

I wish to die of a heart attack while in a foursome with gorgeous female identical triplets.
Granted. They continue fucking your corpse for years.

I wish to watch the world burn.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Valerius on July 08, 2013, 11:37:19 pm
Granted. The burning world catches you on fire, and you burn to death.

I wish mead wasn't so expensive.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 08, 2013, 11:39:08 pm
Granted. The burning world catches you on fire, and you burn to death.

I wish mead wasn't so expensive.
Granted. It's free, because you now piss mead.

I wish I had a TARDIS.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on July 08, 2013, 11:42:48 pm
Granted, but it breaks down, stranding you in hyperspace.

I wish I was a fish.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Valerius on July 08, 2013, 11:43:37 pm
Granted. A killer whale eats you.

I wish Victorian-era men's clothing was still in fashion.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 09, 2013, 08:21:30 am
Granted. A killer whale eats you.

I wish Victorian-era men's clothing was still in fashion.
Granted, but so is their society.

I wish I had more cats.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: MadmanJohnson on July 09, 2013, 09:37:16 am
Granted,but you are now a crazy cat lady.

I wish I had a gun capable of shooting burning fetuses at people.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on July 09, 2013, 10:54:25 am
Granted. Foetuses are not included, though, and you get arrested trying to harvest them.

I wish I won a Nobel prize, in any of the currently existing categories.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: MadmanJohnson on July 09, 2013, 11:29:30 am
Granted, but it's for a portal that allows the Elder Gods to take over earth in science.

I wish that everything the Daily Mail was true.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on July 09, 2013, 12:53:43 pm
Granted. You get lynched when people find out your wish is responsible for the new dystopia.

I wish for the archery skills of Legolas, the ax-fighting skills of Gimli and the leadership skills of Aragorn.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 09, 2013, 03:41:47 pm
Granted. You get lynched when people find out your wish is responsible for the new dystopia.

I wish for the archery skills of Legolas, the ax-fighting skills of Gimli and the leadership skills of Aragorn.
Granted, but you have the weight of CWC, the sanity of Charles Manson and the psychopathy of Richard Ramirez.

I wish for a Klondike bar.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on July 09, 2013, 05:34:01 pm
Granted, but you have to do unspeakably horrible things for it.

I wish I could sleep.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on July 09, 2013, 06:48:23 pm
Granted. You're in a coma.

I wish for the swordsmanship skills of Miyamoto Musashi.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: MadmanJohnson on July 09, 2013, 06:57:42 pm
Granted, you are now possessed by his ghost.

I wish for all the powers of Superman, The Flash and all of the Lantern Corps.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Valerius on July 09, 2013, 07:22:35 pm
Granted. Everyone else has those powers as well; you are not special.

I wish summer lasted longer up here.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on July 09, 2013, 08:50:33 pm
Granted. An asteroid hits the Earth, changing the tilt of its axis. All human life is extinct, but at least you have longer summers.

ETA: I wish I had not forgotten to make a wish before posting, requiring this edit.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: The Right Honourable Mlle Antéchrist on July 09, 2013, 09:00:15 pm
Granted. Instead, you wished to be flayed alive, then dipped into a vat of vinegar. Said wish was then granted without being corrupted.

I wish real life came with a mute button.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Valerius on July 09, 2013, 09:59:37 pm
Granted. The mute button then malfunctions, leaving you effectively deaf. You go insane from never being able to listen to music

I wish I knew how to cook Indian food.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 10, 2013, 02:50:31 pm
Granted. The mute button then malfunctions, leaving you effectively deaf. You go insane from never being able to listen to music

I wish I knew how to cook Indian food.
Granted. It's the only thing you know how to do.

I wish I had horrible things happen to me.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Valerius on July 10, 2013, 03:00:22 pm
Granted. They're only considered horrible by fundies, and no one else.

I wish I had a better computer.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 10, 2013, 03:14:58 pm
Granted. They're only considered horrible by fundies, and no one else.

I wish I had a better computer.
Granted. It's sentient, and its name is GLaDOS

I wish I had the world's biggest dick.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on July 11, 2013, 08:01:19 am
Granted, but your urethra is stuffed with rather angry hornets.

I wish the internet wasn't so spotty.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on July 11, 2013, 11:24:40 am
Granted, now it's stripey.

I wish for the sharpshooting skill of the Lone Ranger.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 11, 2013, 02:02:25 pm
Granted, now it's stripey.

I wish for the sharpshooting skill of the Lone Ranger.
Granted. You're in the same time period as him, too.

I wish for a cat to sit on my lap.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on July 11, 2013, 02:27:21 pm
Granted. You get crushed to death by the 800-lb. tiger.

I wish for a completely tame pet polar bear. As in, so tame and friendly that a toddler could play with them with no risk of anything bad happening.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Valerius on July 11, 2013, 03:49:10 pm
Granted. He's so tame and friendly that when burglars break into your home, he goes home with them, thinking he made new friends.

I wish mountains and ski resorts were the only places that got snow in the winter.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on July 11, 2013, 04:37:44 pm
Granted, but they're also the only places that get oxygen.

I wish for some chicken schnitzel.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 11, 2013, 05:44:37 pm
Granted, but they're also the only places that get oxygen.

I wish for some chicken schnitzel.
Granted, but it's covered in shit.

I wish I knew what to wish for.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on July 11, 2013, 05:50:34 pm
Granted. You wish for Marilyn Manson to ass-rape you with a dildo covered with rusty fishhooks.

I wish for a chainsaw gauntlet, so I could act like I had a chainsaw hand without actually having to lose my real hand.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Valerius on July 11, 2013, 05:54:27 pm
Granted. The flimsy thing breaks the first time you put it on.

I wish I had precisely one metric fuckton of delicious soft pretzels.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on July 11, 2013, 09:52:57 pm
Granted. Specifically, you have them inside your lungs.

I wish the Celsius and Fahrenheit scales were done away with and everybody measured temperature in kelvin.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on July 11, 2013, 09:56:39 pm
Granted. Everybody hates having to use such awkward numbers though.

I wish I had a grappling hook pistol.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on July 11, 2013, 10:40:46 pm
Granted. You accidentally shoot yourself in the groin in the process of drawing it.

I wish I had a mask like Rorschach's.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 12, 2013, 06:22:21 am
Granted. You accidentally shoot yourself in the groin in the process of drawing it.

I wish I had a mask like Rorschach's.
Granted. He thinks you stole it from you and kills you.

I wish I had tons of dead bodies in my attic.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on July 12, 2013, 08:40:18 am
Granted. Neighbours complain about the smell, so the police drops by for a visit.

I wish I knew why you want tons of bodies on your attic.

Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on July 12, 2013, 01:04:47 pm
Granted. The information is so disgusting that you are driven to madness by it.

I wish I had a combination guitar/AK-47.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on July 12, 2013, 01:48:40 pm
Granted. You shoot yourself in the crotch, rendering yourself unable to enjoy the mountains of conservative poon you would otherwise get.

I wish for the hammer-fighting skills of Thor.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 12, 2013, 05:03:41 pm
Granted. You shoot yourself in the crotch, rendering yourself unable to enjoy the mountains of conservative poon you would otherwise get.

I wish for the hammer-fighting skills of Thor.
Granted. Your hammers are normal hammers, though, and most of his attacks rely on super strength or other powers, so it's pretty useless.

I wish for all the cats in the world.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Random Dinosaur on July 12, 2013, 05:21:28 pm
Granted. This includes things like lions, tigers, leopards, etc. You are ripped apart and devoured.

I wish R.U. Sirius would stop making me shoot myself in the groin.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 12, 2013, 05:23:23 pm
Granted. This includes things like lions, tigers, leopards, etc. You are ripped apart and devoured.

I wish R.U. Sirius would stop making me shoot myself in the groin.
Granted. He makes you shoot yourself in the head.

I want everyone who says "Dawg" shot.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Valerius on July 16, 2013, 12:09:48 am
Granted. Their wounds are all non-lethal, and they carry on saying "Dawg" after they recover.

I wish I had some beer right about now.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on July 16, 2013, 12:35:49 am
Granted. It's in an unopened can that's being forced up your anus. Sideways.

I wish I didn't have such a negative attitude.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: MadmanJohnson on July 16, 2013, 07:57:28 am
Granted, you are now Kirby.

I wish I was surrounded by chibi leek-holding Mikus.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 16, 2013, 12:09:27 pm
Granted, you are now Kirby.

I wish I was surrounded by chibi leek-holding Mikus.
Granted. Every inch of the universe that is not you is chibi leek-holding Mikus.

I wish I had lightning powers.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: MadmanJohnson on July 16, 2013, 05:46:32 pm
Granted, you are now a bolt of lightning.

I wish I had a arm cannon.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Valerius on July 16, 2013, 07:06:22 pm
Granted. The recoil rips your arm off.

I wish I had some sauerkraut.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 16, 2013, 07:57:20 pm
Granted. The recoil rips your arm off.

I wish I had some sauerkraut.
Granted. You're being force-fed sauerkraut by Rammstein.

I wish I had a bowl of rocky road ice cream with cookie dough mixed in along side mint chocolate chip.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on July 16, 2013, 09:51:04 pm
Granted. The sugar rush gives you a heart attack.

I wish for a cute female-model PersoCom.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 17, 2013, 01:56:11 am
Granted. The sugar rush gives you a heart attack.

I wish for a cute female-model PersoCom.
Granted. It's even less intelligent than Chii was at first, only it never gets smarter.

I wish for a Kiss/Lordi tour.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on July 17, 2013, 03:14:53 am
Granted. You're ritually cannibalized by them onstage. The bad part is, you're still alive when they start to eat you.

I wish Lordi would make more horror movies.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 17, 2013, 09:01:12 am
Granted. You're ritually cannibalized by them onstage. The bad part is, you're still alive when they start to eat you.

I wish Lordi would make more horror movies.
Granted, but the next one is a snuff film, and you're their co-star.

I wish I didn't have "Candy For The Cannibal" stuck in my head again.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on July 17, 2013, 09:06:48 am
Granted, you've got Never Gonna Give You Up stuck in your head instead.

I wish for some chicken wings.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 17, 2013, 09:12:15 am
Granted, you've got Never Gonna Give You Up stuck in your head instead.

I wish for some chicken wings.
Granted. You eat them and it turns out that they were laced with Mad Cow and E. Coli.

I wish for a Monster BFC.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: MadmanJohnson on July 17, 2013, 10:00:34 am
Granted, it becomes a real monster.

I wish for Luka to appear in my living room, chained to the floor by her arms and running toward me.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 17, 2013, 10:25:08 am
Granted, it becomes a real monster.

I wish for Luka to appear in my living room, chained to the floor by her arms and running toward me.
Granted. You're dead, she's running towards your corpse.

I wish for some Tums.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: MadmanJohnson on July 17, 2013, 10:28:55 am
Granted, they now set you on fire.

I wish to know why she's running towards me.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 17, 2013, 10:30:10 am
Granted, they now set you on fire.

I wish to know why she's running towards me.
You're dead, and she's running towards your corpse to check if you have a pulse (Spoiler: no).

I wish to know why the rum is gone.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on July 17, 2013, 10:45:12 am
Granted. The rum is being used to power an alcohol-fuelled giant laser. Aimed at your face.

I wish for a giant laser.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: MadmanJohnson on July 17, 2013, 10:51:15 am
Granted, It blows up on use.

I wish I was alive again.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 17, 2013, 12:26:36 pm
Granted, It blows up on use.

I wish I was alive again.
Granted. You are reborn as a baby. A baby male Preying Mantis.

I wish to know the time.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on July 17, 2013, 01:00:50 pm
Granted, but the knowledge drives you insane.

I wish I didn't need to pee so goddamn frequently.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Valerius on July 17, 2013, 01:02:44 pm
Granted. Your bladder is extraordinarily large and presses up against your other organs, causing you excruciating pain.

i wish hours and hours of data entry didn't make me want to bash my head against a brick wall.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on July 17, 2013, 01:36:00 pm
Granted. It gives you the overwhelming desire to shoot yourself in the left buttock with a shotgun.

I wish to have an early-release DVD of the "Devil's Carnival" sequel and for it to be as awesome as it looks.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 17, 2013, 01:48:55 pm
Granted. It gives you the overwhelming desire to shoot yourself in the left buttock with a shotgun.

I wish to have an early-release DVD of the "Devil's Carnival" sequel and for it to be as awesome as it looks.
Granted. The MPAA arrests you for stealing it and gets you a multi-million dollar fine and decades in jail.

I wish for less stomach aches.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Valerius on July 17, 2013, 02:01:06 pm
Granted. Your intestines ache instead.

I wish there existed couches/chairs where you could sit on them for hours on end and not get a sore ass.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 17, 2013, 03:59:08 pm
Granted. Your intestines ache instead.

I wish there existed couches/chairs where you could sit on them for hours on end and not get a sore ass.
Granted. They sever your spine.

I wish I was undead.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Valerius on July 17, 2013, 07:55:05 pm
Granted. You're a mindless zombie. And not the fast ones either.

I wish people weren't so fucking stupid.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: MadmanJohnson on July 17, 2013, 09:43:55 pm
Granted, they are intelligent murderers.

I wish I had a hand-held fusion cannon.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on July 17, 2013, 10:21:19 pm
Granted, it explodes and destroys an entire city, including you.

I wish to be a parkour expert.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on July 17, 2013, 10:27:54 pm
Granted. You know everything about parkour but you lack the physical ability to pull off even the simplest techniques.

I wish for the ability to make fictional characters listen when I yell at them about the stupid things they are doing.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 17, 2013, 11:50:46 pm
Granted. You know everything about parkour but you lack the physical ability to pull off even the simplest techniques.

I wish for the ability to make fictional characters listen when I yell at them about the stupid things they are doing.
Granted, but you lose some of your ability to tell the difference between fiction and reality each time you use it.

I wish for Buffy to return to television.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on July 18, 2013, 11:59:31 am
Granted. She stars in one of those aerobics infomercials they broadcast in the wee hours of the morning.

I wish I could think of something original to wish for.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on July 18, 2013, 12:18:58 pm
Granted, but it's such a terrible wish that you're immediately banned from the Internet for all time.

I wish people were required to demonstrate a clear, basic understanding of science before entering politics.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 18, 2013, 12:43:11 pm
Granted. There are no politicians, and nobody is in the government, so the government collapses.

I wish I didn't literally always have a headache.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Valerius on July 18, 2013, 10:40:36 pm
Granted. Instead of your head perpetually aching, your balls do instead.

I wish Emperor Constantine had never converted to Christianity.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on July 18, 2013, 10:43:02 pm
Granted. It turns out "The Da Vinci Code" is accurate, so nothing changes due to your wish.

I wish Dan Brown would stop writing books.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on July 18, 2013, 11:13:45 pm
Granted. He hires a ghostwriter.

I wish I could change people's names at will.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 19, 2013, 02:37:42 am
Granted, but they always love the new name, as does everyone that hears it.

I wish I could control minds.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on July 19, 2013, 02:43:08 am
Granted, but only a single person at a time, it requires constant concentration, and once you stop concentrating they're driven into a murderous rage toward you and everyone you love.

I wish I was more decisive.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 19, 2013, 04:00:08 am
Granted, but only a single person at a time, it requires constant concentration, and once you stop concentrating they're driven into a murderous rage toward you and everyone you love.

I wish I was more decisive.
Granted. You make reckless decisions.

I wish I had a red cat.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Indikins on July 19, 2013, 07:21:51 am
Granted. You get a cat covered in the blood of all your friends and family.

I wish that awesome franchies would go on forever, staying awesome.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 19, 2013, 08:03:39 am
Granted. You get a cat covered in the blood of all your friends and family.

I wish that awesome franchies would go on forever, staying awesome.
Granted. But, since everything is seen as awesome by someone (even if it's just the maker), everything continues forever.

I wish there was more than two or three videos of Marilyn Manson and Twiggy Ramirez engaging in oral sex.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on July 19, 2013, 10:51:47 am
Granted. But they're all obscured by some guy rubbing his balls on the camera lens.

I wish I could shape shift.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 19, 2013, 02:00:19 pm
Granted. But they're all obscured by some guy rubbing his balls on the camera lens.

I wish I could shape shift.
Granted. The only form you can turn into is a cinderblock, and you can't turn back. Oh, and you don't know this until you try.

I wish I could read minds.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Potenatae Argyros on July 19, 2013, 02:07:27 pm
Granted. But you read the mind of the most deranged person to currently exist and went mad at the mere attempt to interpret anything he thinks about.

I wish for my own personal Death Star that doesn't have any clear openings to its core or gets destroyed by rebels.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Valerius on July 19, 2013, 02:11:47 pm
granted. The engineers who designed the power core were incompetent, and it malfunctions, causing a runaway chain reaction. the Death Star blows up anyway.

I wish people were better adapted biologically to live in cities and deal with modern life.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ironbite on July 19, 2013, 02:12:41 pm
Granted.  They find out that being adapted means turning into the Borg.

Ironbite-I wish that Star Trek Online didn't crash after it patches.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Indikins on July 20, 2013, 03:40:53 am
Granted. It now crashes every time you attempt to play.

I wish for humans to retain the ability to but have no need to breathe.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 20, 2013, 03:47:44 am
Granted. Everyone is floating in the space between galaxies, unable to die.

I wish I had the ability to make people orgasm with a though.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on July 20, 2013, 04:21:56 am
Granted, but it's only people you hate.

I wish for all the powers of Morpheus (the Sandman).
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 20, 2013, 04:29:17 am
Granted, but it's only people you hate.

I wish for all the powers of Morpheus (the Sandman).
Granted. Mind you, he and the rest of the Endless don't take too kindly to this.

I wish for a cat on my lap.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on July 20, 2013, 09:00:06 am
Granted. It has explosive diarrhoea and is somehow convinced that there's catnip inside your penis.

I wish for cake.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Indikins on July 20, 2013, 09:23:06 am
Granted. A delicious cake the size of Texas drops onto your home.

I wish for everyone on Earth to be at least as intelligent as Albert Einstein.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on July 20, 2013, 02:04:23 pm
Granted. The One World Government exiles everyone who fails the Einstein test to Mars. Most of humanity dies in the trip.

I wish I had my own house.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on July 20, 2013, 02:56:43 pm
Granted. You're charged with murder after a tornado picks it up whole and drops it on some old lady.

I wish they'd stop rereleasing "The Wizard of Oz" to theaters.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 20, 2013, 08:30:51 pm
Granted. You're charged with murder after a tornado picks it up whole and drops it on some old lady.

I wish they'd stop rereleasing "The Wizard of Oz" to theaters.
Granted. They begin rereleasing "Epic Movie" and "Meet The Spartans".

I wish my girlfriend and her girlfriend's stalkers were dead.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Indikins on July 21, 2013, 02:29:14 am
Granted. They are now undead monstrosities who hunger for flesh.

I wish for the ability to make people do whatever I want them to.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 21, 2013, 01:23:35 pm
Granted. They are now undead monstrosities who hunger for flesh.

I wish for the ability to make people do whatever I want them to.
Granted, but everyone else has it too.

I wish there was no censorship on TV or the radio.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on July 21, 2013, 03:59:05 pm
Granted. The child porn industry explodes as a result of legalized broadcasting.

I wish for a Philosopher's Stone.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: ironbite on July 21, 2013, 05:03:52 pm
Granted.  It can't turn lead into gold but your body into gold.

Ironbite-I wish people would back off on Kamen Rider Wizard.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 21, 2013, 07:51:06 pm
Granted. All Japanese television is outlawed.

I wish for longer hair.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Valerius on July 21, 2013, 08:01:44 pm
Granted. It's as long as Rapunzel's.

I wish there was only half as much bullshit everywhere in the world as there currently is.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Art Vandelay on July 22, 2013, 02:50:24 am
Granted, fertiliser prices skyrocket and as a result food prices do the same. Are you proud of yourself?

I wish for some cheese.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on July 22, 2013, 03:30:30 am
Granted. It gives you terrible constipation.

I wish the zombie apocalypse would happen already.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 22, 2013, 04:19:02 am
Granted. It gives you terrible constipation.

I wish the zombie apocalypse would happen already.
Granted. It starts in Texas and ends five minutes later with one dead zombie and twenty people killed in the crossfire.

I wish I had a faster computer.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Valerius on July 22, 2013, 11:09:33 am
Granted. Your computer is strapped to a rocket flying at supersonic speeds. it's very fast now.

I wish the current Canadian prime minister, Stephen Harper, had never got elected.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 22, 2013, 11:58:42 am
Granted. Your computer is strapped to a rocket flying at supersonic speeds. it's very fast now.

I wish the current Canadian prime minister, Stephen Harper, had never got elected.
Granted. The Nazis won WW2 and rule the world. There's no Canada.

I wish I had a Death Note.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on July 22, 2013, 04:22:41 pm
Granted. The first thing you do is sign your name so no one else can steal it.

I wish for a perfect cyborg arm with artificial nerves I can feel through and enhanced strength.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 22, 2013, 04:23:44 pm
Granted. The first thing you do is sign your name so no one else can steal it.

I wish for a perfect cyborg arm with artificial nerves I can feel through and enhanced strength.
Granted. Someone shoots you for it.

I wish I knew a gay robot.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: guizonde on July 25, 2013, 10:17:43 am
granted, it failed the turing test.

i wish moderates could actually shut up wingnuts
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Veras on July 25, 2013, 11:04:18 am
Granted, but because the wish applies retroactively, it creates a paradoxical loop.

Because moderates can shut up wingnuts, there are no good fundie quotes.
Because there are no good fundie quotes, there is no fstdt.
Because there is no fstdt, you were unable to make this wish.
Because you were unable to make this wish, moderates cannot shut wingnuts up.
Because moderates cannot shut wingnuts up, there are lots of good fundie quotes.
Because there are lots of good fundie quotes, fstdt exists.
Because fstdt exists, you are able to wish that moderates could shut wingnuts up.
(click to show/hide)

You've destroyed the universe.  Thanks, asshole.

I wish that my wife and I could spend more time together.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on July 25, 2013, 04:17:59 pm
Granted. You are now two heads in one body.

I wish to know everything there is to know about complex analysis.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on July 25, 2013, 04:30:25 pm
Granted. The main thing you know is that it's too complex for you to figure out.

I wish for all of my sex fantasies to come true with no negative consequences for anyone.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: MadmanJohnson on July 25, 2013, 07:38:11 pm
Granted....except you are now a robosexual.

I wish someone would set Yahtzee on fire,kick him repeatedly and shoot him in the face.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 26, 2013, 10:52:47 pm
Granted....except you are now a robosexual.

I wish someone would set Yahtzee on fire,kick him repeatedly and shoot him in the face.
Granted. That someone is arrested, though.

I wish someone would destroy the entire Escapist website.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: anti-nonsense on July 27, 2013, 04:40:41 am
Granted, only they accidentally destroy the entire internet along with it.

I wish I could get a date with somebody awesome.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on July 27, 2013, 04:42:18 am
Granted, but you're run over by a semi on your way to the date.

I wish to be a licensed, successful scuba-diving instructor.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 27, 2013, 12:27:02 pm
Granted, but you're run over by a semi on your way to the date.

I wish to be a licensed, successful scuba-diving instructor.
Granted. However, all the oceans are stolen by aliens.

I wish for red lightbulbs.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Indikins on July 29, 2013, 05:12:37 am
Granted. You get lightbulbs covered in your significant other's blood.

I wish for wishes to be granted in the way that I want.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Flying Mint Bunny! on July 29, 2013, 05:59:58 am
Granted. You get lightbulbs covered in your significant other's blood.

I wish for wishes to be granted in the way that I want.

They are, but you become temporarily insane and develop a very skewed idea of what you want. When you return to your normal level of sanity, you find the stuff you wished for abhorrent.

I wish McVities would bring back marmite flavoured mini cheddars.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 29, 2013, 11:28:34 am
Granted. You get lightbulbs covered in your significant other's blood.

I wish for wishes to be granted in the way that I want.

They are, but you become temporarily insane and develop a very skewed idea of what you want. When you return to your normal level of sanity, you find the stuff you wished for abhorrent.

I wish McVities would bring back marmite flavoured mini cheddars.
Granted, but they cost several hundred dollars.

I wish I had a chocolate bar.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on July 29, 2013, 11:30:05 am
Granted, but it gets pooped on by a flock of pigeons the moment you unwrap it, with no spot being spared.

I wish for the ability to raise the IQ of anyone I meet by 50 points.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 29, 2013, 11:34:38 am
Granted, but it gets pooped on by a flock of pigeons the moment you unwrap it, with no spot being spared.

I wish for the ability to raise the IQ of anyone I meet by 50 points.
Granted. The IQ of a random person drops 50 points each time.

I wish for the ability to grant wishes.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Indikins on July 29, 2013, 07:24:15 pm
Granted, but you are forced to corrupt them every time.

I wish the ability to become intangible at will.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on July 29, 2013, 07:49:38 pm
Granted, but you forgot to wish for the ability to become tangible again.

I wish for the ability to become invisible at will, with the ability to become visible again at will.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on July 29, 2013, 08:01:47 pm
Granted. The first time you use your invisibility, you fail to consider that it also makes you blind (since light passes right through you and doesn't interact with your eyes). You are immediately run over by a car you didn't see coming.


I wish for the ability to travel through time at will, in a manner that doesn't violate the Nobikov self-consistency principle.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 29, 2013, 08:07:11 pm
Granted. The first time you use your invisibility, you fail to consider that it also makes you blind (since light passes right through you and doesn't interact with your eyes). You are immediately run over by a car you didn't see coming.


I wish for the ability to travel through time at will, in a manner that doesn't violate the Nobikov self-consistency principle.
Granted. You forget to make sure to deal with the fact that even going back or forward a century would kill you, because all the germs are extremely different to the ones your body knows how to deal with, and eat something, and die.

I wish for a pony.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on July 29, 2013, 08:52:09 pm
Granted. It's a male that decides you smell like a female in heat.

I wish for a cat.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Potenatae Argyros on July 29, 2013, 10:04:00 pm
Granted. You get a Tiger and it mauls you to death.

I wish for a time traveling DeLorean

Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 30, 2013, 01:19:43 am
Granted. You get a Tiger and it mauls you to death.

I wish for a time traveling DeLorean
Granted. You get in a crash as soon as you arrive at your destination and destroy it. You then eat the food, get the bacteria your immune system is not designed for and die.

I wish for the TARDIS.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on July 30, 2013, 02:42:40 am
Granted. You get lost in its cavernous depths and starve to death trying to find your way out.

I wish for a genuine $100 to appear in my wallet every time I opened it, with no negative consequences.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 30, 2013, 02:57:59 am
Granted. You get lost in its cavernous depths and starve to death trying to find your way out.

I wish for a genuine $100 to appear in my wallet every time I opened it, with no negative consequences.
Granted. Your house catches fire soon after and you lose the wallet, tripping and dropping it into flames.

I wish for a fake $100 bill to appear in the bank (not my account, but in random bank vaults) every time I say "I".
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Ghoti on July 30, 2013, 06:27:46 pm
Granted. You get lost in its cavernous depths and starve to death trying to find your way out.

I wish for a genuine $100 to appear in my wallet every time I opened it, with no negative consequences.
Granted. Your house catches fire soon after and you lose the wallet, tripping and dropping it into flames.

I wish for a fake $100 bill to appear in the bank (not my account, but in random bank vaults) every time I say "I".
Granted. They all appear in the back vaults of people you like/admire, causing everyone you know and love to go to jail/get dragged into lengthy, stressful legal battles.

I wish for a sentient kitten.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 30, 2013, 09:58:57 pm
Granted. It's a sociopath, just like every other cat.

I wish my pets were sentient.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Ghoti on July 30, 2013, 10:03:47 pm
Granted. It's a sociopath, just like every other cat.

I wish my pets were sentient.
Granted. They take over the world, uplift all the other animals, and subjugate all humans. 
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 30, 2013, 10:08:00 pm
Granted. It's a sociopath, just like every other cat.

I wish my pets were sentient.
Granted. They take over the world, uplift all the other animals, and subjugate all humans.
Wow. I can't imagine them figuring out their own tails, let alone that. They're dumb. As for you, you forgot your wish.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Ghoti on July 30, 2013, 10:18:47 pm
Granted. It's a sociopath, just like every other cat.

I wish my pets were sentient.
Granted. They take over the world, uplift all the other animals, and subjugate all humans.
Wow. I can't imagine them figuring out their own tails, let alone that. They're dumb. As for you, you forgot your wish.
I wish you hadn't pointed that out.  :P
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 30, 2013, 10:31:59 pm
Granted. It's a sociopath, just like every other cat.

I wish my pets were sentient.
Granted. They take over the world, uplift all the other animals, and subjugate all humans.
Wow. I can't imagine them figuring out their own tails, let alone that. They're dumb. As for you, you forgot your wish.
I wish you hadn't pointed that out.  :P
Granted. You're retconned from reality.

I wish for the ability to change my body fat and body weight at will.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Ghoti on July 30, 2013, 10:44:59 pm
Granted. It's a sociopath, just like every other cat.

I wish my pets were sentient.
Granted. They take over the world, uplift all the other animals, and subjugate all humans.
Wow. I can't imagine them figuring out their own tails, let alone that. They're dumb. As for you, you forgot your wish.
I wish you hadn't pointed that out.  :P
Granted. You're retconned from reality.

I wish for the ability to change my body fat and body weight at will.
Granted. Regardless of your body fat/weight, you're hideous.
I wish I could fly under my own power.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on July 30, 2013, 11:41:15 pm
Granted, but you are completely unable to land any slower than terminal velocity.

I wish people would actually mature as they grew older.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Leafy on July 30, 2013, 11:45:45 pm
Granted, but everyone dies on their 18th birthday.

I wish my rabbit wouldn't chew anymore cords.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 30, 2013, 11:47:00 pm
Granted, but you are completely unable to land any slower than terminal velocity.

I wish people would actually mature as they grew older.
Granted. They become horribly uptight, boring, and conservative, because that's what happens when you mature. As a result, rock stars don't last very long, either.

I wish people would stay less mature and more fun.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Ghoti on July 31, 2013, 12:11:23 am
Granted, but you are completely unable to land any slower than terminal velocity.

I wish people would actually mature as they grew older.
Granted. They become horribly uptight, boring, and conservative, because that's what happens when you mature. As a result, rock stars don't last very long, either.

I wish people would stay less mature and more fun.
Granted. They all turn into Clone!Pinkie Pie-esque FUN FUN FUN WHERE IS THE FUN MOAR FUN FUN FUN!!! dipshits.

I wish I could be nocturnal with no repercussions.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Leafy on July 31, 2013, 07:31:10 pm
Granted, but it's always sunny where you are.

I wish I could swim in really cold water.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Ghoti on July 31, 2013, 08:04:41 pm
Granted, but it's always sunny where you are.

I wish I could swim in really cold water.
Granted. You melt in hot water.

I wish my sister's STUPID FREAKING CAT would stop puking on everything I love.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on July 31, 2013, 08:20:28 pm
Granted. Now it has diahrea on it.

I wish for a winged horse that can actually fly.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Ghoti on July 31, 2013, 08:58:25 pm
Granted. It flies away and befriends your worst enemy.

I wish that every time I open my wallet to pay for something, I have exactly the amount of money I need.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Valerius on July 31, 2013, 10:29:53 pm
Granted. It's only ever in pennies though. Shitloads of pennies. It can fit them all because it's magic.

I wish demand for beef, steak, and other cow products, globally, wasn't nearly as high as it is right now.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Ghoti on July 31, 2013, 10:55:24 pm
Granted. It's only ever in pennies though. Shitloads of pennies. It can fit them all because it's magic.

I wish demand for beef, steak, and other cow products, globally, wasn't nearly as high as it is right now.
Granted. Beef prices fall so low that no major suppliers can make a profit, so they either go out of business or start doing something else to make money.
I wish I had a job that doesn't make me want to slit my throat and write "FUCK YOU" on the wall with my blood as I die.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: guizonde on August 01, 2013, 09:22:28 am
Granted. It's only ever in pennies though. Shitloads of pennies. It can fit them all because it's magic.

I wish demand for beef, steak, and other cow products, globally, wasn't nearly as high as it is right now.
Granted. Beef prices fall so low that no major suppliers can make a profit, so they either go out of business or start doing something else to make money.
I wish I had a job that doesn't make me want to slit my throat and write "FUCK YOU" on the wall with my blood as I die.

granted, it makes you wanna throw yourself out the window. (hehe, france telecom reference... that's kinda sad)

i wish for your worst pun ever to be your answer
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on August 01, 2013, 06:59:02 pm
Granted. It's only ever in pennies though. Shitloads of pennies. It can fit them all because it's magic.

I wish demand for beef, steak, and other cow products, globally, wasn't nearly as high as it is right now.
Granted. Beef prices fall so low that no major suppliers can make a profit, so they either go out of business or start doing something else to make money.
I wish I had a job that doesn't make me want to slit my throat and write "FUCK YOU" on the wall with my blood as I die.

granted, it makes you wanna throw yourself out the window. (hehe, france telecom reference... that's kinda sad)

i wish for your worst pun ever to be your answer
Granted. You are arrested in Finland and it is your punnishment. Because of it, you are Finnished.

I wish I had a bag of gold.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Flying Mint Bunny! on August 01, 2013, 07:06:51 pm
Granted. It's only ever in pennies though. Shitloads of pennies. It can fit them all because it's magic.

I wish demand for beef, steak, and other cow products, globally, wasn't nearly as high as it is right now.
Granted. Beef prices fall so low that no major suppliers can make a profit, so they either go out of business or start doing something else to make money.
I wish I had a job that doesn't make me want to slit my throat and write "FUCK YOU" on the wall with my blood as I die.

granted, it makes you wanna throw yourself out the window. (hehe, france telecom reference... that's kinda sad)

i wish for your worst pun ever to be your answer
Granted. You are arrested in Finland and it is your punnishment. Because of it, you are Finnished.

I wish I had a bag of gold.

Granted. It's leprechaun gold and vanishes before you can sell it.

I wish I could swim.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on August 01, 2013, 07:43:05 pm
Granted. It's only ever in pennies though. Shitloads of pennies. It can fit them all because it's magic.

I wish demand for beef, steak, and other cow products, globally, wasn't nearly as high as it is right now.
Granted. Beef prices fall so low that no major suppliers can make a profit, so they either go out of business or start doing something else to make money.
I wish I had a job that doesn't make me want to slit my throat and write "FUCK YOU" on the wall with my blood as I die.

granted, it makes you wanna throw yourself out the window. (hehe, france telecom reference... that's kinda sad)

i wish for your worst pun ever to be your answer
Granted. You are arrested in Finland and it is your punnishment. Because of it, you are Finnished.

I wish I had a bag of gold.

Granted. It's leprechaun gold and vanishes before you can sell it.

I wish I could swim.
Granted. You get run over by a speedboat.

I wish I had a speedboat.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Flying Mint Bunny! on August 01, 2013, 08:26:16 pm
Granted. It's only ever in pennies though. Shitloads of pennies. It can fit them all because it's magic.

I wish demand for beef, steak, and other cow products, globally, wasn't nearly as high as it is right now.
Granted. Beef prices fall so low that no major suppliers can make a profit, so they either go out of business or start doing something else to make money.
I wish I had a job that doesn't make me want to slit my throat and write "FUCK YOU" on the wall with my blood as I die.

granted, it makes you wanna throw yourself out the window. (hehe, france telecom reference... that's kinda sad)

i wish for your worst pun ever to be your answer
Granted. You are arrested in Finland and it is your punnishment. Because of it, you are Finnished.

I wish I had a bag of gold.

Granted. It's leprechaun gold and vanishes before you can sell it.

I wish I could swim.
Granted. You get run over by a speedboat.

I wish I had a speedboat.

Granted. You run over me and my body gets caught up in the propeller and breaks it.

I wish that Cineworld would open a cinema near me, so that I can take advantage of their unlimited films for £15.90 a month offer.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Ghoti on August 01, 2013, 09:07:58 pm
Granted. It's only ever in pennies though. Shitloads of pennies. It can fit them all because it's magic.

I wish demand for beef, steak, and other cow products, globally, wasn't nearly as high as it is right now.
Granted. Beef prices fall so low that no major suppliers can make a profit, so they either go out of business or start doing something else to make money.
I wish I had a job that doesn't make me want to slit my throat and write "FUCK YOU" on the wall with my blood as I die.

granted, it makes you wanna throw yourself out the window. (hehe, france telecom reference... that's kinda sad)

i wish for your worst pun ever to be your answer
Granted. You are arrested in Finland and it is your punnishment. Because of it, you are Finnished.

I wish I had a bag of gold.

Granted. It's leprechaun gold and vanishes before you can sell it.

I wish I could swim.
Granted. You get run over by a speedboat.

I wish I had a speedboat.

Granted. You run over me and my body gets caught up in the propeller and breaks it.

I wish that Cineworld would open a cinema near me, so that I can take advantage of their unlimited films for £15.90 a month offer.
Granted. As soon as it's finished being built, Cineworld goes out of business.
I wish I was a little bit taller, I was a baller, I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her...
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on August 02, 2013, 03:07:38 am
Granted. It's only ever in pennies though. Shitloads of pennies. It can fit them all because it's magic.

I wish demand for beef, steak, and other cow products, globally, wasn't nearly as high as it is right now.
Granted. Beef prices fall so low that no major suppliers can make a profit, so they either go out of business or start doing something else to make money.
I wish I had a job that doesn't make me want to slit my throat and write "FUCK YOU" on the wall with my blood as I die.

granted, it makes you wanna throw yourself out the window. (hehe, france telecom reference... that's kinda sad)

i wish for your worst pun ever to be your answer
Granted. You are arrested in Finland and it is your punnishment. Because of it, you are Finnished.

I wish I had a bag of gold.

Granted. It's leprechaun gold and vanishes before you can sell it.

I wish I could swim.
Granted. You get run over by a speedboat.

I wish I had a speedboat.

Granted. You run over me and my body gets caught up in the propeller and breaks it.

I wish that Cineworld would open a cinema near me, so that I can take advantage of their unlimited films for £15.90 a month offer.
Granted. As soon as it's finished being built, Cineworld goes out of business.
I wish I was a little bit taller, I was a baller, I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her...
Granted. You now have Gigantism and will die young.

I wish I had the ability to give any torrent 1000 new seeds.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on August 02, 2013, 03:19:14 am
Granted, but your overwhelming seeds make it crash permanently.

I wish people would stop making gigantic quote pyramids.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on August 02, 2013, 03:50:28 am
Granted. It's only ever in pennies though. Shitloads of pennies. It can fit them all because it's magic.

I wish demand for beef, steak, and other cow products, globally, wasn't nearly as high as it is right now.
Granted. Beef prices fall so low that no major suppliers can make a profit, so they either go out of business or start doing something else to make money.
I wish I had a job that doesn't make me want to slit my throat and write "FUCK YOU" on the wall with my blood as I die.

granted, it makes you wanna throw yourself out the window. (hehe, france telecom reference... that's kinda sad)

i wish for your worst pun ever to be your answer
Granted. You are arrested in Finland and it is your punnishment. Because of it, you are Finnished.

I wish I had a bag of gold.

Granted. It's leprechaun gold and vanishes before you can sell it.

I wish I could swim.
Granted. You get run over by a speedboat.

I wish I had a speedboat.

Granted. You run over me and my body gets caught up in the propeller and breaks it.

I wish that Cineworld would open a cinema near me, so that I can take advantage of their unlimited films for £15.90 a month offer.
Granted. As soon as it's finished being built, Cineworld goes out of business.
I wish I was a little bit taller, I was a baller, I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her...
Granted. You now have Gigantism and will die young.

I wish I had the ability to give any torrent 1000 new seeds.
Granted, but your overwhelming seeds make it crash permanently.

I wish people would stop making gigantic quote pyramids.
Granted, they make humongous quote pyramids.

I wish this pyramid would continue for ten pages.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Ghoti on August 02, 2013, 04:04:49 am
Granted. It's only ever in pennies though. Shitloads of pennies. It can fit them all because it's magic.

I wish demand for beef, steak, and other cow products, globally, wasn't nearly as high as it is right now.
Granted. Beef prices fall so low that no major suppliers can make a profit, so they either go out of business or start doing something else to make money.
I wish I had a job that doesn't make me want to slit my throat and write "FUCK YOU" on the wall with my blood as I die.

granted, it makes you wanna throw yourself out the window. (hehe, france telecom reference... that's kinda sad)

i wish for your worst pun ever to be your answer
Granted. You are arrested in Finland and it is your punnishment. Because of it, you are Finnished.

I wish I had a bag of gold.

Granted. It's leprechaun gold and vanishes before you can sell it.

I wish I could swim.
Granted. You get run over by a speedboat.

I wish I had a speedboat.

Granted. You run over me and my body gets caught up in the propeller and breaks it.

I wish that Cineworld would open a cinema near me, so that I can take advantage of their unlimited films for £15.90 a month offer.
Granted. As soon as it's finished being built, Cineworld goes out of business.
I wish I was a little bit taller, I was a baller, I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her...
Granted. You now have Gigantism and will die young.

I wish I had the ability to give any torrent 1000 new seeds.
Granted, but your overwhelming seeds make it crash permanently.

I wish people would stop making gigantic quote pyramids.
Granted, they make humongous quote pyramids.

I wish this pyramid would continue for ten pages.
Granted. The ten-page pyramid crashes the forum and it stays down for three days.
I wish I had a video of Mordin Solus singing "The Universe is Weird" by Hank Green while playing the ukulele.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on August 02, 2013, 12:13:50 pm
Granted. It's only ever in pennies though. Shitloads of pennies. It can fit them all because it's magic.

I wish demand for beef, steak, and other cow products, globally, wasn't nearly as high as it is right now.
Granted. Beef prices fall so low that no major suppliers can make a profit, so they either go out of business or start doing something else to make money.
I wish I had a job that doesn't make me want to slit my throat and write "FUCK YOU" on the wall with my blood as I die.

granted, it makes you wanna throw yourself out the window. (hehe, france telecom reference... that's kinda sad)

i wish for your worst pun ever to be your answer
Granted. You are arrested in Finland and it is your punnishment. Because of it, you are Finnished.

I wish I had a bag of gold.

Granted. It's leprechaun gold and vanishes before you can sell it.

I wish I could swim.
Granted. You get run over by a speedboat.

I wish I had a speedboat.

Granted. You run over me and my body gets caught up in the propeller and breaks it.

I wish that Cineworld would open a cinema near me, so that I can take advantage of their unlimited films for £15.90 a month offer.
Granted. As soon as it's finished being built, Cineworld goes out of business.
I wish I was a little bit taller, I was a baller, I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her...
Granted. You now have Gigantism and will die young.

I wish I had the ability to give any torrent 1000 new seeds.
Granted, but your overwhelming seeds make it crash permanently.

I wish people would stop making gigantic quote pyramids.
Granted, they make humongous quote pyramids.

I wish this pyramid would continue for ten pages.
Granted. The ten-page pyramid crashes the forum and it stays down for three days.
I wish I had a video of Mordin Solus singing "The Universe is Weird" by Hank Green while playing the ukulele.
Granted. There is no audio.

I wish I had all lost songs by musicians I like.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Ghoti on August 02, 2013, 02:42:05 pm
Granted. It's only ever in pennies though. Shitloads of pennies. It can fit them all because it's magic.

I wish demand for beef, steak, and other cow products, globally, wasn't nearly as high as it is right now.
Granted. Beef prices fall so low that no major suppliers can make a profit, so they either go out of business or start doing something else to make money.
I wish I had a job that doesn't make me want to slit my throat and write "FUCK YOU" on the wall with my blood as I die.

granted, it makes you wanna throw yourself out the window. (hehe, france telecom reference... that's kinda sad)

i wish for your worst pun ever to be your answer
Granted. You are arrested in Finland and it is your punnishment. Because of it, you are Finnished.

I wish I had a bag of gold.

Granted. It's leprechaun gold and vanishes before you can sell it.

I wish I could swim.
Granted. You get run over by a speedboat.

I wish I had a speedboat.

Granted. You run over me and my body gets caught up in the propeller and breaks it.

I wish that Cineworld would open a cinema near me, so that I can take advantage of their unlimited films for £15.90 a month offer.
Granted. As soon as it's finished being built, Cineworld goes out of business.
I wish I was a little bit taller, I was a baller, I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her...
Granted. You now have Gigantism and will die young.

I wish I had the ability to give any torrent 1000 new seeds.
Granted, but your overwhelming seeds make it crash permanently.

I wish people would stop making gigantic quote pyramids.
Granted, they make humongous quote pyramids.

I wish this pyramid would continue for ten pages.
Granted. The ten-page pyramid crashes the forum and it stays down for three days.
I wish I had a video of Mordin Solus singing "The Universe is Weird" by Hank Green while playing the ukulele.
Granted. There is no audio.

I wish I had all lost songs by musicians I like.
Granted. You get arrested for piracy.
I wish I could change my body shape/size at will.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Leafy on August 02, 2013, 09:33:40 pm
Granted. It's only ever in pennies though. Shitloads of pennies. It can fit them all because it's magic.

I wish demand for beef, steak, and other cow products, globally, wasn't nearly as high as it is right now.
Granted. Beef prices fall so low that no major suppliers can make a profit, so they either go out of business or start doing something else to make money.
I wish I had a job that doesn't make me want to slit my throat and write "FUCK YOU" on the wall with my blood as I die.

granted, it makes you wanna throw yourself out the window. (hehe, france telecom reference... that's kinda sad)

i wish for your worst pun ever to be your answer
Granted. You are arrested in Finland and it is your punnishment. Because of it, you are Finnished.

I wish I had a bag of gold.

Granted. It's leprechaun gold and vanishes before you can sell it.

I wish I could swim.
Granted. You get run over by a speedboat.

I wish I had a speedboat.

Granted. You run over me and my body gets caught up in the propeller and breaks it.

I wish that Cineworld would open a cinema near me, so that I can take advantage of their unlimited films for £15.90 a month offer.
Granted. As soon as it's finished being built, Cineworld goes out of business.
I wish I was a little bit taller, I was a baller, I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her...
Granted. You now have Gigantism and will die young.

I wish I had the ability to give any torrent 1000 new seeds.
Granted, but your overwhelming seeds make it crash permanently.

I wish people would stop making gigantic quote pyramids.
Granted, they make humongous quote pyramids.

I wish this pyramid would continue for ten pages.
Granted. The ten-page pyramid crashes the forum and it stays down for three days.
I wish I had a video of Mordin Solus singing "The Universe is Weird" by Hank Green while playing the ukulele.
Granted. There is no audio.

I wish I had all lost songs by musicians I like.
Granted. You get arrested for piracy.
I wish I could change my body shape/size at will.
Granted, but it hurts like hell and lasts for less than half a second.

I wish I had more energy.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on August 02, 2013, 10:21:54 pm
Granted. You get sent to the electric chair.

I wish for the archery skills of Robin Hood, the swordsmanship of Miyamoto Musashi and the charisma of Cassanova.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on August 02, 2013, 11:34:54 pm
Granted. It's only ever in pennies though. Shitloads of pennies. It can fit them all because it's magic.

I wish demand for beef, steak, and other cow products, globally, wasn't nearly as high as it is right now.
Granted. Beef prices fall so low that no major suppliers can make a profit, so they either go out of business or start doing something else to make money.
I wish I had a job that doesn't make me want to slit my throat and write "FUCK YOU" on the wall with my blood as I die.

granted, it makes you wanna throw yourself out the window. (hehe, france telecom reference... that's kinda sad)

i wish for your worst pun ever to be your answer
Granted. You are arrested in Finland and it is your punnishment. Because of it, you are Finnished.

I wish I had a bag of gold.

Granted. It's leprechaun gold and vanishes before you can sell it.

I wish I could swim.
Granted. You get run over by a speedboat.

I wish I had a speedboat.

Granted. You run over me and my body gets caught up in the propeller and breaks it.

I wish that Cineworld would open a cinema near me, so that I can take advantage of their unlimited films for £15.90 a month offer.
Granted. As soon as it's finished being built, Cineworld goes out of business.
I wish I was a little bit taller, I was a baller, I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her...
Granted. You now have Gigantism and will die young.

I wish I had the ability to give any torrent 1000 new seeds.
Granted, but your overwhelming seeds make it crash permanently.

I wish people would stop making gigantic quote pyramids.
Granted, they make humongous quote pyramids.

I wish this pyramid would continue for ten pages.
Granted. The ten-page pyramid crashes the forum and it stays down for three days.
I wish I had a video of Mordin Solus singing "The Universe is Weird" by Hank Green while playing the ukulele.
Granted. There is no audio.

I wish I had all lost songs by musicians I like.
Granted. You get arrested for piracy.
I wish I could change my body shape/size at will.
Granted, but it hurts like hell and lasts for less than half a second.

I wish I had more energy.
Granted. You get sent to the electric chair.

I wish for the archery skills of Robin Hood, the swordsmanship of Miyamoto Musashi and the charisma of Casanova.
Granted. You have the narcissism of Narcissism, and die the same way.

I wish I had the powers of Zeus.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on August 02, 2013, 11:39:37 pm
Granted. You don't exist.

I wish for the next person to not contribute to the quote pyramid.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on August 02, 2013, 11:41:37 pm
Granted, but your computer gets infected with a virus that floods your hard drive with Rule 34 of all of your favorite childhood cartoons.

I wish for a pet boa constrictor.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on August 02, 2013, 11:44:26 pm
Granted. It's only ever in pennies though. Shitloads of pennies. It can fit them all because it's magic.

I wish demand for beef, steak, and other cow products, globally, wasn't nearly as high as it is right now.
Granted. Beef prices fall so low that no major suppliers can make a profit, so they either go out of business or start doing something else to make money.
I wish I had a job that doesn't make me want to slit my throat and write "FUCK YOU" on the wall with my blood as I die.

granted, it makes you wanna throw yourself out the window. (hehe, france telecom reference... that's kinda sad)

i wish for your worst pun ever to be your answer
Granted. You are arrested in Finland and it is your punnishment. Because of it, you are Finnished.

I wish I had a bag of gold.

Granted. It's leprechaun gold and vanishes before you can sell it.

I wish I could swim.
Granted. You get run over by a speedboat.

I wish I had a speedboat.

Granted. You run over me and my body gets caught up in the propeller and breaks it.

I wish that Cineworld would open a cinema near me, so that I can take advantage of their unlimited films for £15.90 a month offer.
Granted. As soon as it's finished being built, Cineworld goes out of business.
I wish I was a little bit taller, I was a baller, I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her...
Granted. You now have Gigantism and will die young.

I wish I had the ability to give any torrent 1000 new seeds.
Granted, but your overwhelming seeds make it crash permanently.

I wish people would stop making gigantic quote pyramids.
Granted, they make humongous quote pyramids.

I wish this pyramid would continue for ten pages.
Granted. The ten-page pyramid crashes the forum and it stays down for three days.
I wish I had a video of Mordin Solus singing "The Universe is Weird" by Hank Green while playing the ukulele.
Granted. There is no audio.

I wish I had all lost songs by musicians I like.
Granted. You get arrested for piracy.
I wish I could change my body shape/size at will.
Granted, but it hurts like hell and lasts for less than half a second.

I wish I had more energy.
Granted. You get sent to the electric chair.

I wish for the archery skills of Robin Hood, the swordsmanship of Miyamoto Musashi and the charisma of Casanova.
Granted. You have the narcissism of Narcissism, and die the same way.

I wish I had the powers of Zeus.
Granted. You don't exist.

I wish for the next person to not contribute to the quote pyramid.
Granted, but your computer gets infected with a virus that floods your hard drive with Rule 34 of all of your favorite childhood cartoons.

I wish for a pet boa constrictor.
Granted. The pyramid kills it.

I wish this pyramid would never die.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Ghoti on August 03, 2013, 01:19:20 am
Granted. It's only ever in pennies though. Shitloads of pennies. It can fit them all because it's magic.

I wish demand for beef, steak, and other cow products, globally, wasn't nearly as high as it is right now.
Granted. Beef prices fall so low that no major suppliers can make a profit, so they either go out of business or start doing something else to make money.
I wish I had a job that doesn't make me want to slit my throat and write "FUCK YOU" on the wall with my blood as I die.

granted, it makes you wanna throw yourself out the window. (hehe, france telecom reference... that's kinda sad)

i wish for your worst pun ever to be your answer
Granted. You are arrested in Finland and it is your punnishment. Because of it, you are Finnished.

I wish I had a bag of gold.

Granted. It's leprechaun gold and vanishes before you can sell it.

I wish I could swim.
Granted. You get run over by a speedboat.

I wish I had a speedboat.

Granted. You run over me and my body gets caught up in the propeller and breaks it.

I wish that Cineworld would open a cinema near me, so that I can take advantage of their unlimited films for £15.90 a month offer.
Granted. As soon as it's finished being built, Cineworld goes out of business.
I wish I was a little bit taller, I was a baller, I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her...
Granted. You now have Gigantism and will die young.

I wish I had the ability to give any torrent 1000 new seeds.
Granted, but your overwhelming seeds make it crash permanently.

I wish people would stop making gigantic quote pyramids.
Granted, they make humongous quote pyramids.

I wish this pyramid would continue for ten pages.
Granted. The ten-page pyramid crashes the forum and it stays down for three days.
I wish I had a video of Mordin Solus singing "The Universe is Weird" by Hank Green while playing the ukulele.
Granted. There is no audio.

I wish I had all lost songs by musicians I like.
Granted. You get arrested for piracy.
I wish I could change my body shape/size at will.
Granted, but it hurts like hell and lasts for less than half a second.

I wish I had more energy.
Granted. You get sent to the electric chair.

I wish for the archery skills of Robin Hood, the swordsmanship of Miyamoto Musashi and the charisma of Casanova.
Granted. You have the narcissism of Narcissism, and die the same way.

I wish I had the powers of Zeus.
Granted. You don't exist.

I wish for the next person to not contribute to the quote pyramid.
Granted, but your computer gets infected with a virus that floods your hard drive with Rule 34 of all of your favorite childhood cartoons.

I wish for a pet boa constrictor.
Granted. The pyramid kills it.

I wish this pyramid would never die.
Granted. It's the only thing left of human culture after the inevitable alien invasion, and because of it the aliens think we're all really weird.
I wish I could move back to Canada.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: R. U. Sirius on August 03, 2013, 02:45:26 am
Granted, but only after it's been invaded and taken over by the U.S.

I wish people would stop with the quote pyramid because it stopped being amusing long ago.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Leafy on August 03, 2013, 01:19:32 pm
Granted, but every other post ever continues a quote pyramid.

I wish my rabbit would stop plotting to take over the world.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Ghoti on August 03, 2013, 01:41:22 pm
Granted. It's only ever in pennies though. Shitloads of pennies. It can fit them all because it's magic.

I wish demand for beef, steak, and other cow products, globally, wasn't nearly as high as it is right now.
Granted. Beef prices fall so low that no major suppliers can make a profit, so they either go out of business or start doing something else to make money.
I wish I had a job that doesn't make me want to slit my throat and write "FUCK YOU" on the wall with my blood as I die.

granted, it makes you wanna throw yourself out the window. (hehe, france telecom reference... that's kinda sad)

i wish for your worst pun ever to be your answer
Granted. You are arrested in Finland and it is your punnishment. Because of it, you are Finnished.

I wish I had a bag of gold.

Granted. It's leprechaun gold and vanishes before you can sell it.

I wish I could swim.
Granted. You get run over by a speedboat.

I wish I had a speedboat.

Granted. You run over me and my body gets caught up in the propeller and breaks it.

I wish that Cineworld would open a cinema near me, so that I can take advantage of their unlimited films for £15.90 a month offer.
Granted. As soon as it's finished being built, Cineworld goes out of business.
I wish I was a little bit taller, I was a baller, I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her...
Granted. You now have Gigantism and will die young.

I wish I had the ability to give any torrent 1000 new seeds.
Granted, but your overwhelming seeds make it crash permanently.

I wish people would stop making gigantic quote pyramids.
Granted, they make humongous quote pyramids.

I wish this pyramid would continue for ten pages.
Granted. The ten-page pyramid crashes the forum and it stays down for three days.
I wish I had a video of Mordin Solus singing "The Universe is Weird" by Hank Green while playing the ukulele.
Granted. There is no audio.

I wish I had all lost songs by musicians I like.
Granted. You get arrested for piracy.
I wish I could change my body shape/size at will.
Granted, but it hurts like hell and lasts for less than half a second.

I wish I had more energy.
Granted. You get sent to the electric chair.

I wish for the archery skills of Robin Hood, the swordsmanship of Miyamoto Musashi and the charisma of Casanova.
Granted. You have the narcissism of Narcissism, and die the same way.

I wish I had the powers of Zeus.
Granted. You don't exist.

I wish for the next person to not contribute to the quote pyramid.
Granted, but your computer gets infected with a virus that floods your hard drive with Rule 34 of all of your favorite childhood cartoons.

I wish for a pet boa constrictor.
Granted. The pyramid kills it.

I wish this pyramid would never die.
Granted. It's the only thing left of human culture after the inevitable alien invasion, and because of it the aliens think we're all really weird.
I wish I could move back to Canada.
Granted, but every other post ever continues a quote pyramid.

I wish my rabbit would stop plotting to take over the world.

Granted. It succeeds in taking over the world.
I wish people wouldn't bitch about the quote pyramid.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on August 03, 2013, 02:20:46 pm
Granted. It's only ever in pennies though. Shitloads of pennies. It can fit them all because it's magic.

I wish demand for beef, steak, and other cow products, globally, wasn't nearly as high as it is right now.
Granted. Beef prices fall so low that no major suppliers can make a profit, so they either go out of business or start doing something else to make money.
I wish I had a job that doesn't make me want to slit my throat and write "FUCK YOU" on the wall with my blood as I die.

granted, it makes you wanna throw yourself out the window. (hehe, france telecom reference... that's kinda sad)

i wish for your worst pun ever to be your answer
Granted. You are arrested in Finland and it is your punnishment. Because of it, you are Finnished.

I wish I had a bag of gold.

Granted. It's leprechaun gold and vanishes before you can sell it.

I wish I could swim.
Granted. You get run over by a speedboat.

I wish I had a speedboat.

Granted. You run over me and my body gets caught up in the propeller and breaks it.

I wish that Cineworld would open a cinema near me, so that I can take advantage of their unlimited films for £15.90 a month offer.
Granted. As soon as it's finished being built, Cineworld goes out of business.
I wish I was a little bit taller, I was a baller, I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her...
Granted. You now have Gigantism and will die young.

I wish I had the ability to give any torrent 1000 new seeds.
Granted, but your overwhelming seeds make it crash permanently.

I wish people would stop making gigantic quote pyramids.
Granted, they make humongous quote pyramids.

I wish this pyramid would continue for ten pages.
Granted. The ten-page pyramid crashes the forum and it stays down for three days.
I wish I had a video of Mordin Solus singing "The Universe is Weird" by Hank Green while playing the ukulele.
Granted. There is no audio.

I wish I had all lost songs by musicians I like.
Granted. You get arrested for piracy.
I wish I could change my body shape/size at will.
Granted, but it hurts like hell and lasts for less than half a second.

I wish I had more energy.
Granted. You get sent to the electric chair.

I wish for the archery skills of Robin Hood, the swordsmanship of Miyamoto Musashi and the charisma of Casanova.
Granted. You have the narcissism of Narcissism, and die the same way.

I wish I had the powers of Zeus.
Granted. You don't exist.

I wish for the next person to not contribute to the quote pyramid.
Granted, but your computer gets infected with a virus that floods your hard drive with Rule 34 of all of your favorite childhood cartoons.

I wish for a pet boa constrictor.
Granted. The pyramid kills it.

I wish this pyramid would never die.
Granted. It's the only thing left of human culture after the inevitable alien invasion, and because of it the aliens think we're all really weird.
I wish I could move back to Canada.
Granted, but every other post ever continues a quote pyramid.

I wish my rabbit would stop plotting to take over the world.

Granted. It succeeds in taking over the world.
I wish people wouldn't bitch about the quote pyramid.
Granted. They bitch about bitching about it.

I wish all would bow before the pyramid.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: Sigmaleph on August 03, 2013, 02:58:11 pm
Granted. People are too busy bowing to the pyramid to contribute to it.

I wish I had more ideas for my latest writing project.
Title: Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on August 03, 2013, 03:16:36 pm