Author Topic: You're probably a fundie if...  (Read 8711 times)

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Offline Art Vandelay

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Re: You're probably a fundie if...
« Reply #15 on: January 21, 2012, 05:38:01 am »
You think God loves us all so much that he has us tortured for all eternity for not believing that he exists while at the same time not providing any objective proof that he exists.

Offline TheL

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Re: You're probably a fundie if...
« Reply #16 on: January 21, 2012, 09:04:50 am »
-You think Morgan Freeman is the devil for daring to show a god who is not an hateful angry, judgmental, asshole like yourself. 

For me, the one true god will always be George Burns. :P
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Offline rosenewock21

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Re: You're probably a fundie if...
« Reply #17 on: January 21, 2012, 09:18:28 am »
-You think Morgan Freeman is the devil for daring to show a god who is not an hateful angry, judgmental, asshole like yourself. 

For me, the one true god will always be George Burns. :P

Shouldn't we seek the great and mysterious 42?


   
Quote
"I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing".
    "But," says man, "the Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn't it? It proves you exist and so therefore you don't. QED."
    "Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't thought of that," and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.
    "Oh, that was easy," says man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white, and gets killed on the next zebra crossing.
-Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
Matthew 22:39 "And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself." God's own "don't be a dick" rule.

Lithp and Vene really need to have some kind of confusing sexual encounter where Vene spends the entire session lovingly insulting Lithp's technique, then cums on his face, ruffles his hair, says, "You're all right, kid!", and then punches him in the nuts.

Offline SpaceProg

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Re: You're probably a fundie if...
« Reply #18 on: January 21, 2012, 09:26:25 am »
Shouldn't we seek the great and mysterious 42?


   
Quote
"I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing".
    "But," says man, "the Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn't it? It proves you exist and so therefore you don't. QED."
    "Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't thought of that," and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.
    "Oh, that was easy," says man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white, and gets killed on the next zebra crossing.
-Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

LMAO.... ohhh mercy.  I'm a Christian (though quite liberal), and that bit always makes me laugh.   Just so deadpan.  Comic win.

Offline rosenewock21

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Re: You're probably a fundie if...
« Reply #19 on: January 21, 2012, 09:35:37 am »
As am I, though a very lapsed one. I prefer to see god as some aging hippie parent who realizes he can't control what his children are doing. He loves us, wants us to make the right choice for us, and "For the love of me! Stop picking on your siblings!".
Matthew 22:39 "And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself." God's own "don't be a dick" rule.

Lithp and Vene really need to have some kind of confusing sexual encounter where Vene spends the entire session lovingly insulting Lithp's technique, then cums on his face, ruffles his hair, says, "You're all right, kid!", and then punches him in the nuts.

Offline Captain Jack Harkness

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Re: You're probably a fundie if...
« Reply #20 on: January 21, 2012, 11:12:07 am »
-You believe Heaven is essentially, going to be a culmination of all of the Seven Deadly Sins. (No work, Mansions for everyone, anything you want, etc.)


Wow, I never thought of that!

Yeah, that's an awesome point. XD

Consider yourself exalted. :D
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Offline Witchyjoshy

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Re: You're probably a fundie if...
« Reply #21 on: January 21, 2012, 03:20:47 pm »
-You genuinely believe that fetuses have souls and that mothers are murdering their babies when they abort.
-You repent/go to confession every time you have a wet dream
-You alternate between sinning with your friends, and repenting and yelling at your friends for sinning because you feel guilty about it.
-You honestly believe that prayer can cure cancer, broken bones, and spinal injuries
-You think illusionists are demon-possessed and using actual demon magic
-You think you know everything about evolution due to what you were taught from your creationist text book
-You non-ironically use the phrase "Evolution teaches that horses evolve into eagles!"
-You kill any snake on sight regardless of venom or threat level
-You refuse to draw dragons or be in the same room as any depiction of a dragon, because "they're devil's creatures"
-You refuse to be around goats because they're devil's creatures.
-You cry yourself to sleep at night because your best friend isn't a christian and is going to hell because of it, even though you know them to be a good person.
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Offline rookie

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Re: You're probably a fundie if...
« Reply #22 on: January 21, 2012, 04:31:27 pm »
You believe the bible was written in English.
You can tell anyone who cares to listen all about the evils of Harry Potter without ever having read it.
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Offline rtvc2012

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Re: You're probably a fundie if...
« Reply #23 on: January 22, 2012, 05:07:37 pm »
You list sins in the following order of importance:

1. Homosexuality
2. Abortion
3. Believing in evolution
4. Being poor
5. Liberalism...

...1000. Murder
1001. Rape
1002. War
1003. Genocide

Offline Ranger_Joe

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Re: You're probably a fundie if...
« Reply #24 on: January 22, 2012, 10:40:19 pm »
-You believe Heaven is essentially, going to be a culmination of all of the Seven Deadly Sins. (No work, Mansions for everyone, anything you want, etc.)


Wow, I never thought of that!

Yeah, that's an awesome point. XD

Consider yourself exalted. :D

Thank you :) It's just what I always hear..Heaven is going to be a place of extreme luxury. So basically, they just have to be miserable while they are alive, and make others miserable, so that when they die they go to a place where everything is awesome.

Why not cut out the middle man and just be awesome while you're here on this earth and live life to the fullest, because none of us know what happens once we die. (Big hint: Chances of Heaven? Slim to none.)
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Offline TheL

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Re: You're probably a fundie if...
« Reply #25 on: January 23, 2012, 08:58:34 pm »
-You believe Heaven is essentially, going to be a culmination of all of the Seven Deadly Sins. (No work, Mansions for everyone, anything you want, etc.)


Wow, I never thought of that!

Pagan Centered Podcast pointed out recently that the descriptions of Valhalla and Niffleheim are curiously similar to the general descriptions of the Christian hell and heaven, respectively.  Basically, the temperature differences, the stagnation of heaven/Niffleheim vs. the constant violent activity of hell/Valhalla, that sort of thing.

I guess you could use that if "My god carries a hammer, yours was nailed to a cross" ever gets old. :P

Yeah, that's an awesome point. XD

Consider yourself exalted. :D

Thank you :) It's just what I always hear..Heaven is going to be a place of extreme luxury. So basically, they just have to be miserable while they are alive, and make others miserable, so that when they die they go to a place where everything is awesome.

Why not cut out the middle man and just be awesome while you're here on this earth and live life to the fullest, because none of us know what happens once we die. (Big hint: Chances of Heaven? Slim to none.)

EDIT: Fuck, how did my post disappear?


One of my favorite podcasts recently pointed out the curious similarities between Valhalla and the Christian hell--and that Christian heaven, with its lower temperature and lack of change, was Niffleheim.  :)
« Last Edit: January 23, 2012, 09:00:10 pm by TheL »
Quote from: ladyrenae
You there. The creepy person who decided I was supporting their position. Stop it.

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Offline Vermicious Knid

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Re: You're probably a fundie if...
« Reply #26 on: January 24, 2012, 03:14:34 pm »
...you think a fertilized egg is a person but the woman gestating it isn't.
...you continue to pollute and abuse the earth because you figure if God thought there was a problem He'd come down and fix it.
...you present your personal opinion as the word of God, then scream at people that they have no right to speak for Him when they refute your bullshit with actual Biblical quotes.
...you think you're being religiously persecuted when your privilege is challenged and people you don't like get the same rights as you.
...you think about gay sex more often than actual gay people do.
...you refuse to allow your unmarried daughter to visit a gynecologist because her hymen might break during the pelvic exam.
...you're a sexually dysfunctional basket case and your wedding night is a disaster because you've spent your whole life being taught that sex was sinful and evil and that your virginity is the only thing that gives you value (if female) or that you're a depraved subhuman for feeling lust (if male).

Offline TheL

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Re: You're probably a fundie if...
« Reply #27 on: January 24, 2012, 06:04:28 pm »
...you think the idea of doing the exact same thing for eternity, with nothing ever changing, is a good thing.
...you think that the scientific method is distinct from science, and that the latter is a religion devoted to Satan.
Quote from: ladyrenae
You there. The creepy person who decided I was supporting their position. Stop it.

"Half the reason that I like foreign music is because I can kid myself that "Shake dat ass" is more poetic in Hindi."
--Sanda

Move every 'sig.'  For great justice!

Offline rtvc2012

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Re: You're probably a fundie if...
« Reply #28 on: January 24, 2012, 06:16:15 pm »
You consider just about anything that people enjoy to be evil.  Ex: sex, Harry Potter, video games, drinking, R-rated movies...
You would vote for Adolf Hitler in a heartbeat as long as he was openly against abortion and gay marriage
You cannot fathom how anyone could be a Christian and not a conservative
You claim that liberals view Obama as a Messiah after spending 8 years borderline worshipping George W. Bush

Offline one-shot

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Re: You're probably a fundie if...
« Reply #29 on: February 13, 2012, 09:15:08 pm »
-you believe the Bible came down from heaven, and it was the KJV
-you condemn Muslims for believing they will get 72 virgins in heaven, and see no problem with believing heaven has gates made of pearls, foundation of all kinds of precious jewels, streets paved with gold, mansions, and kingly feasts
-you condemn fundamentalist Muslims for their atrocities, and yet try to implement the same laws here
-you read the ethical parts of the teachings of Jesus as if it were backwards day
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