Author Topic: God granted me wisdom in how to convert you guys to Roman Catholicism!  (Read 166 times)

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Offline Jacob Harrison

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My prayers are working. God gave me an idea on how to convert you to Christianity.

Have you ever had sleep paralysis? It is a disorder where you wake up in your room paralyzed for a moment because your body is still asleep. Sometimes you have dreamy hallucinations. It is a terrifying experience. I had freaky instances of sleep paralysis where I heard ringing in my ears, one case where I thought my body involuntarily moved and then began shaking violently, some where I heard voices, and even one when I saw another entities arms, and heard a voice whispering “Mommy, daddy.”

It is unknown if  my experiences were a supernatural encounter with demons or just  visual, auditory, and tactile hallucinations caused by being not fully woken up and in a terrifying situation of not being able to move.

However, my situation is not nearly as freaky as other people’s instances of sleep paralysis. Many people throughout history claim that they encountered Shadow figures, or Hags that enter the room, leap on their body, and assault them. How come so many people encounter the exact same demonic creatures when they have sleep paralysis. In this documentary called the Entity, people testify about their phenomena. Beginning at 24:49 there is a unique documented case, that has multiple eyewitnesses of the phenomena including a Catholic priest as well as a Roman Catholic expert who came there and helped a man who repeatedly kept getting attacked by demons by calling the name of Jesus Christ. There is footage, and electrostatic recording of demon voices. Watch and you will see.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QmbpOucNVn4

Offline Lana Reverse

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So... you're hoping we'll be converted through sleep paralysis?
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Offline Sleepy

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I've never had sleep paralysis before. Does that mean the demons favor me since they're not assaulting me?
Guys, this is getting creepy. Can we talk about cannibalism instead?

If a clown eats salmon on Tuesday, how much does a triangle weigh on Jupiter? Ask Mr. Wiggins for 10% off of your next dry cleaning bill. -Hades

Offline Tolpuddle Martyr

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Meanwhile, in the Star Wars thread Jason is proposing to kidnap an Aussie and force him to wank so the British can invade France!

I think he's going for the sleep deprivation psychosis angle because he realizes his arguments have all the appeal of rotting fish and feces in a bucket.
« Last Edit: July 10, 2018, 07:59:04 pm by Tolpuddle Martyr »

Offline Jacob Harrison

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I've never had sleep paralysis before. Does that mean the demons favor me since they're not assaulting me?

No it means that your house is not haunted by demons. If you use ouija boards or do occult Satanic rituals inviting  demons into your home, then they will come and assault you.

Offline Jacob Harrison

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So... you're hoping we'll be converted through sleep paralysis?

No I hope you’ll be converted by watching the documentary at least at 24:49 to watch about the incident of the guy who was continuously assaulted by demons, and see that there were multiple eyewitnesses, footage, and audio recordings proving that the demons were driven out by a Roman Catholic demonologist in the name of Jesus Christ.
« Last Edit: July 10, 2018, 08:34:28 pm by Jacob Harrison »

Offline Tolpuddle Martyr

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Black magic, forced extractions, denim fetishes, conversion therapy, destruction of worlds, rapine, hints of incest and world war three.

I can see why you aren't going for the "hearts and minds" approach!

Offline dpareja

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Reason nobody here (who isn't already Catholic) won't convert to Roman Catholicism: pedophile priests.
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It doesn't concern you, Sister, that kind of absolutist view of the universe? Right and wrong determined solely by a single all-knowing, all powerful being whose judgment cannot be questioned and in whose name the most horrendous acts can be sanctioned without appeal?

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Being required by someone else’s religious beliefs to behave contrary to one’s sexual identity is degrading and disrespectful.

Offline Tolpuddle Martyr

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Reason nobody here (who isn't already Catholic) won't convert to Roman Catholicism: pedophile priests.
But Vatican 2! It was all because they stopped doing the mass in Latin, easy fix yeah?

Offline Art Vandelay

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Yeah, either God is an idiot, or he was fucking with you, because this little scheme of yours has failed miserably. More surprised, I could not possibly be.

Offline Skybison

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I thought Jacob was talking nonsense again but...  Well I had sleep paralysis last night and I will tell you about my experience.  I was up late watching the new episodes of Steven Universe and could not stop thinking about them as I drifted off to sleep.  Then I awoke, unable to move as to my horror Yellow Diamond stormed into my bedroom to attack me.  But all of a sudden, the crystal gems showed up and they had a badass fightscene.  Then I totally did it with Lapis, who was wearing nothing but demin and a towel.  After that I regained my ability to move and they mysteriously vanished, presumably to continue protecting earth from homeworld.

Since there is no way I could just be hallucinating while in a mental state that causes hallucinations, this proves that steven universe is actually completely real and not a fictional tv show.

Offline Jacob Harrison

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Reason nobody here (who isn't already Catholic) won't convert to Roman Catholicism: pedophile priests.

As I and Tolpuddle Martyr said, the big cover up for pedophile priests is the fault of the liberalization of the Church after Vatican 2, when they started ordaining more pedophiles and corrupt officials who began covering up. The Catholic Church will become Holy again, when a future Pope gets rid of Vatican 2 brining the Church back to it’s Holy traditions, and defrocks every pedophile priest and corrupt member of the clergy that covers up the scandal, ordains ultra conservatives into the clergy, and sets up a policy in how to prevent corruption and pedophilia from infiltrating the Church.

Offline Jacob Harrison

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Did any of you bother watching the part of the documentary at 24:49 that proves that a man was being assaulted by demons and was helped by a Roman Catholic demonologist?

Offline Tolpuddle Martyr

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As I and Tolpuddle Martyr said...
Oh FFS Jacob I know you're American but how the freak are you going to take over Great Britain and Northern Ireland if you don't understand "taking the piss?"

Offline ironbite

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Must be all those thoughts about his second cousin.