Author Topic: Great news  (Read 288 times)

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Offline Jacob Harrison

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Great news
« on: August 23, 2018, 09:30:54 am »
I discovered a Catholic dating site, so in the future I can find a Catholic wife who will have a child that I can raise to be the successor of my secret organization on restoring the rightful heir to England’s throne. Because the Catholic Church opposes divorce, she won’t be able to divorce me and have a custody battle.

Offline dpareja

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Re: Great news
« Reply #1 on: August 23, 2018, 10:21:49 am »
Sure she can divorce you. It's called THE LAW, which looks at your religion's positions on the matter, laughs, and gives zero fucks.

I hope you end up with an atheist wife who values democracy, secularism, and civil liberties, hates theocracy and authoritarianism, and who's using that website to troll ignoramuses like you.
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It doesn't concern you, Sister, that kind of absolutist view of the universe? Right and wrong determined solely by a single all-knowing, all powerful being whose judgment cannot be questioned and in whose name the most horrendous acts can be sanctioned without appeal?

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Being required by someone else’s religious beliefs to behave contrary to one’s sexual identity is degrading and disrespectful.

Online Art Vandelay

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Re: Great news
« Reply #2 on: August 23, 2018, 10:28:10 am »
I hope you end up with an atheist wife who values democracy, secularism, and civil liberties, hates theocracy and authoritarianism, and who's using that website to troll ignoramuses like you.
Dude, what did that poor woman ever do to you?

Offline Jacob Harrison

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Re: Great news
« Reply #3 on: August 23, 2018, 11:24:32 am »
Sure she can divorce you. It's called THE LAW, which looks at your religion's positions on the matter, laughs, and gives zero fucks.

I hope you end up with an atheist wife who values democracy, secularism, and civil liberties, hates theocracy and authoritarianism, and who's using that website to troll ignoramuses like you.

I know that but her religion of Catholicism will forbid her from getting a divorce.

Offline dpareja

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Re: Great news
« Reply #4 on: August 23, 2018, 11:34:23 am »
You're assuming that a) she's actually Catholic and b) that she'd take her religion at all seriously.
Quote from: Jordan Duram
It doesn't concern you, Sister, that kind of absolutist view of the universe? Right and wrong determined solely by a single all-knowing, all powerful being whose judgment cannot be questioned and in whose name the most horrendous acts can be sanctioned without appeal?

Quote from: Supreme Court of Canada
Being required by someone else’s religious beliefs to behave contrary to one’s sexual identity is degrading and disrespectful.

Offline Jacob Harrison

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Re: Great news
« Reply #5 on: August 23, 2018, 04:22:36 pm »
You're assuming that a) she's actually Catholic and b) that she'd take her religion at all seriously.

Well if I meet her on a Catholic dating site of all places, then she most likely is a devout Catholic searching for a Catholic husband.

Offline ironbite

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Re: Great news
« Reply #6 on: August 23, 2018, 05:12:29 pm »
God that's not even how that works you dumb ass fuck.

Ironbite-just...go back to fantasizing about your second cousin ok?

Offline Tolpuddle Martyr

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Re: Great news
« Reply #7 on: August 23, 2018, 06:16:36 pm »
I think if a woman really felt that she couldn't divorce you after the knot was tied then she'd have even more of an incentive never to go near that knot in the first place.

Or she'd just do what most Catholics do when faced with ethical conundrums, church, confession, money in the plate, three Hail Mary's-then divorce the shit out of you.

Offline davedan

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Re: Great news
« Reply #8 on: August 23, 2018, 06:57:34 pm »
I think when the priest heard about the society and the forced insemination, they'd grant her an annulment.

Offline Jacob Harrison

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Re: Great news
« Reply #9 on: August 23, 2018, 07:15:45 pm »
I think if a woman really felt that she couldn't divorce you after the knot was tied then she'd have even more of an incentive never to go near that knot in the first place.

Or she'd just do what most Catholics do when faced with ethical conundrums, church, confession, money in the plate, three Hail Mary's-then divorce the shit out of you.

Well before I marry her, I won’t tell her about the society I plan on founding. So by the time we are married it will be too late. And given that being divorced would be a lifelong sin, she will not go through with it in fear of damnation.

Offline Jacob Harrison

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Re: Great news
« Reply #10 on: August 23, 2018, 07:17:19 pm »
I think when the priest heard about the society and the forced insemination, they'd grant her an annulment.

First of all, me and my wife will have consensual sex, not a forced insemination, and I don’t see how my society is grounds for annulment.

Offline Tolpuddle Martyr

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Re: Great news
« Reply #11 on: August 23, 2018, 11:16:24 pm »
I think if a woman really felt that she couldn't divorce you after the knot was tied then she'd have even more of an incentive never to go near that knot in the first place.

Or she'd just do what most Catholics do when faced with ethical conundrums, church, confession, money in the plate, three Hail Mary's-then divorce the shit out of you.

Well before I marry her, I won’t tell her about the society I plan on founding. So by the time we are married it will be too late. And given that being divorced would be a lifelong sin, she will not go through with it in fear of damnation.
"Hey babe, now that we're married I plan to kidnap a child and subvert democracy-we cool?"

Plenty of Catholics do divorce despite the church's condemnations, I think they'd divorce you with no fucks to give and keep going to church and stuffing palm leaves in their car glove box every palm Sunday. Keeping in mind by that time they already know about the denim fetish and the conspiracy theories.

Another batshit plan this time relying on you marrying a woman (already, not bloody likely) on the basis of a lie and her being sweet with it forever. Still, you haven't worked out this whole "human beings" thing have you?

Offline Jacob Harrison

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Re: Great news
« Reply #12 on: August 24, 2018, 08:34:51 am »
I think if a woman really felt that she couldn't divorce you after the knot was tied then she'd have even more of an incentive never to go near that knot in the first place.

Or she'd just do what most Catholics do when faced with ethical conundrums, church, confession, money in the plate, three Hail Mary's-then divorce the shit out of you.

Well before I marry her, I won’t tell her about the society I plan on founding. So by the time we are married it will be too late. And given that being divorced would be a lifelong sin, she will not go through with it in fear of damnation.
"Hey babe, now that we're married I plan to kidnap a child and subvert democracy-we cool?"

Plenty of Catholics do divorce despite the church's condemnations, I think they'd divorce you with no fucks to give and keep going to church and stuffing palm leaves in their car glove box every palm Sunday. Keeping in mind by that time they already know about the denim fetish and the conspiracy theories.

Another batshit plan this time relying on you marrying a woman (already, not bloody likely) on the basis of a lie and her being sweet with it forever. Still, you haven't worked out this whole "human beings" thing have you?

But she will not want to be excluded from partaking in Communion. I will easily be able to get married by going on the Catholic dating site, finding a partner, going on dates, act like a cool guy, and eventually propose to her. While she will be upset once I reveal my master plan, it will be too late.

Offline ironbite

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Re: Great news
« Reply #13 on: August 24, 2018, 09:16:08 am »
I think if a woman really felt that she couldn't divorce you after the knot was tied then she'd have even more of an incentive never to go near that knot in the first place.

Or she'd just do what most Catholics do when faced with ethical conundrums, church, confession, money in the plate, three Hail Mary's-then divorce the shit out of you.

Offline Askold

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Re: Great news
« Reply #14 on: August 24, 2018, 12:05:28 pm »
I'm just going to point out that if you mistreat a Catholic woman or simply turn out to be a disgusting, horrible person she may get a divorce anyway.

Which will mean that you by your own actions caused a person to lose their faith and go against its teachings.
No matter what happens, no matter what my last words may end up being, I want everyone to claim that they were:
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Aww, you guys rock. :)  I feel the love... and the pitchforks and torches.  Tingly!