Author Topic: Arguing with your parents is healthy, research suggest  (Read 1363 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline gyeonghwa

  • Uppity and Proud of It
  • The Beast
  • *****
  • Posts: 2041
  • Gender: Male
  • That angry queer your tone trolls warned you about
    • Queer & Khmer
Arguing with your parents is healthy, research suggest
« on: January 04, 2012, 04:50:20 pm »
http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2012/01/03/144495483/why-a-teen-who-talks-back-may-have-a-bright-future

Quote
Researchers from the University of Virginia recently published their findings in the journal Child Development. Psychologist Joseph P. Allen headed the study.

Allen says almost all parents and teenagers argue. But it's the quality of the arguments that makes all the difference.

"We tell parents to think of those arguments not as nuisance but as a critical training ground," he says. Such arguments, he says, are actually mini life lessons in how to disagree — a necessary skill later on in life with partners, friends and colleagues on the job.

 
Teens should be rewarded when arguing calmly and persuasively and not when they indulge in yelling, whining, threats or insults, he says.
That may be the single gayest thing I have ever read on this board. Or the old one. ;)

Offline RavynousHunter

  • Master Thief
  • The Beast
  • *****
  • Posts: 7731
  • Gender: Male
  • The Mad Dog of Shimano
    • My Twitter
Re: Arguing with your parents is healthy, research suggest
« Reply #1 on: January 04, 2012, 05:31:36 pm »
I can see that...I've calmly debated with my parents before.  Mostly on the issues of grandkids and theology.  Actually...kinda interesting.
Quote from: Bra'tac
Life for the sake of life means nothing.

Offline Osama bin Bambi

  • The Black Witch
  • Kakarot
  • ******
  • Posts: 10167
  • Gender: Female
Re: Arguing with your parents is healthy, research suggest
« Reply #2 on: January 04, 2012, 06:49:31 pm »
My dad might be an asshole, but he did teach me how to argue and debate well and think on my feet.

He was a perfect case study of what not to do.
Formerly known as Eva-Beatrice and Wykked Wytch.

Quote from: sandman
There are very few problems that cannot be solved with a good taint punching.

Offline Søren

  • Russian Lush
  • The Beast
  • *****
  • Posts: 2484
  • Ни шагу назад
Re: Arguing with your parents is healthy, research suggest
« Reply #3 on: January 05, 2012, 05:02:59 am »
I like this concept, but to be honest it was kinda obvious. Teaching our kids to argue in a calm manner and to provide good points to support their view is the cornerstone of basic discussion
Faisons lever l'étoile du mérite passé.  Le monde a besoin de lumière,  Le monde a besoin de la France,  La France a besoin de tous les Français.

Offline Auri-El

  • Raxacoricofallapatorian
  • Pope
  • ****
  • Posts: 426
Re: Arguing with your parents is healthy, research suggest
« Reply #4 on: January 05, 2012, 09:38:04 am »
Yeah, too many parents don't want to bother. Just tell the kids to shut up. Kids can't possibly have an opinion. I remember I once got grounded for a week just for questioning something I didn't understand. No explanation, just "shut up, you're grounded."

Offline Oriet

  • Homo sapiens scientia
  • Bishop
  • ***
  • Posts: 159
  • Gender: Female
  • Disabled Vet MtF Polyamorous Atheist Auspie
Re: Arguing with your parents is healthy, research suggest
« Reply #5 on: January 05, 2012, 11:46:37 am »
It makes plenty of sense why it works that way. However, I don't think most parents understand the difference between proper argumentation and screaming matches to even begin shifting how they do it.
The Rules, get to know them.


Offline Tigger_the_Wing

  • Hell's Granny on a GoldWing
  • Apprentice
  • **
  • Posts: 60
  • Gender: M inside F Bouncing around
Re: Arguing with your parents is healthy, research suggest
« Reply #6 on: January 06, 2012, 09:11:54 pm »
Too many parents are over concerned with having 'authority' over their offspring to admit to themselves that the job of a parent is to raise the next generation in such a way as to give them all the tools necessary so that they are able (a) to have a happy and successful life, according to what they themselves want (i.e. not necessarily what their parents or other people want for them) and (b) to resist those that would coerce them into something they wouldn't choose for themselves, given all the facts.

Being able to go from crying to get what they need (newborn baby) through childhood quarrels to negotiations (e.g. over salary and terms of employment) in a polite and firm manner, necessarily requires people to practice being on the opposite sides in arguments. Who safer to argue with than one's parents (provided, of course, that the parents aren't douches :P )?

It means that a parent gradually hands over responsibility to their children in increments as they grow. By the time they are teenagers, they should be getting greater and greater freedom to be and express themselves. Certainly by the time they are 16 I see my job as no longer being their caretaker so much as being there as a back-up, a safety-net for when things go wrong (which they inevitably do).

If I cannot win an argument with a teenager, then I either don't know enough of the subject that I'm talking about (in which case I should ask for a time out and jolly well get myself educated on the subject) or I'm flat-out wrong, in which case I should concede to them in good grace. Neither position, in my experience, has ever led to the teenager in question losing respect for me. Respect is earned, not imposed.

Offline ThunderWulf

  • Strange, even crazy, but never dull
  • The Beast
  • *****
  • Posts: 2920
  • Gender: Male
  • By Odin's beard!
Re: Arguing with your parents is healthy, research suggest
« Reply #7 on: January 07, 2012, 01:30:04 am »
Too many parents are over concerned with having 'authority' over their offspring to admit to themselves that the job of a parent is to raise the next generation in such a way as to give them all the tools necessary so that they are able (a) to have a happy and successful life, according to what they themselves want (i.e. not necessarily what their parents or other people want for them) and (b) to resist those that would coerce them into something they wouldn't choose for themselves, given all the facts.

This, so hard.
a.k.a. TGRwulf
"hehehehe. you said member." ~ Shepard/Booker
"it's kind of like my right left hand on a sunday every night. How so? It beats the fuck out of me!" ~ Saturn500
"Drinking, fighting, fucking...they basically outlawed 99% of the lifestyle of your typical Irishman.  Much less your typical Viking." ~ RavynousHunter

Offline big_electron

  • Neonate
  • *
  • Posts: 10
Re: Arguing with your parents is healthy, research suggest
« Reply #8 on: January 09, 2012, 05:42:22 pm »
A teenager certainly builds their independent reasoning skills by arguing back, and not just herping and derping along with whatever.