Wishes Will Be Corrupted

[Ghoti]

Granted. The gender of German nouns is the only thing that makes sense, everything else is complete jibberish.

I wish my OTP was canon.

[Meshakhad]

Granted. The gender of German nouns is the only thing that makes sense, everything else is complete jibberish.

I wish my OTP was canon.

Granted. They're written by Joss Whedon. One of them dies in agony, and just to twist the knife, the only way to save their life will cost thousands of innocent lives, so the other has to let them die.

I wish I had a giant peacock.

[Random Gal]

Granted. It pecks your face off.

I wish physics was easier to understand.

[Ghoti]

Granted. Language becomes impossible to comprehend, leaving you mad and mute.

I wish my brother wasn't nuts.

[Indikins]

Granted. He becomes legumes.

I wish I could make my own tv show without monetary constraints.

[Sigmaleph]

Granted. You are given unlimited funds, but you can only talk about how Adolf Hitler was totally justified in everything he did and he's just a misunderstood hero.

I wish every webcomic I like doubled its update frequency, while staying free and of the same or better quality.

[Art Vandelay]

Granted, but every individual comic is now behind a several walls of pop-up ads and the most obnoxious Captchas the internet could possibly conjure up.

I wish my bladder wasn't filling up so frequently.

[Ghoti]

Granted. You lose all access to fluids and die of dehydration.

I wish my cousin wasn't such a sleep-deprivation lightweight.

[Indikins]

Granted. Your cousin now oversleeps for fourteen hours each day and is incapable of being woken during this time.

I wish for all my wishes to granted in the way that I intend.

[Sigmaleph]

Granted. You now have a masochistic streak that makes you intend all your wishes to end with physical pain. Also, you hug a cactus.

I wish "Hug a Cactus Day" was an official holiday.

[Flying Mint Bunny!]

Granted. You now have a masochistic streak that makes you intend all your wishes to end with physical pain. Also, you hug a cactus.

I wish "Hug a Cactus Day" was an official holiday.

Granted, but all cacti become extinct.

I wish I could beat my nemesis on Scramble With Friends.

[Ghoti]

Granted, but s/he's so upset by the loss that s/he hunts you down and murders you.

I wish the Mass Effect Happy Ending Mod was canon.

[Sour Grapes]

Granted.  The crappy endings are now exceptionally popular mods, and people are wishing THEY are cannon all over the internet.

I wish I had some milk.

[Random Gal]

Granted. It's Sarah Palin's breastmilk.

I wish I could pass Calculus II this semester.

[Ghoti]

Granted. You have to fuck your incredibly ugly professor to do it.

I wish I didn't have to work mornings.