Things That Annoy You

[Indikins]

You people have no ninja skills. I always meticulously prepare defences and early warning systems (e.g. multiple doors/obstacles), prioritise times when nobody is awake/around and wear easily manipulated clothing. Plausible deniability (e.g. using the bathroom/showering) is a particularly excellent option if you're careful.

...Too much info?

[Ghoti]

I'm honestly thinking about how I could make a fake ID, jump the border, and never ever ever see anyone I'm related to ever again. I'm also waiting for the "my god doesn't like it when you touch yourself" talk, but I am not looking forward to it.

Edit: what. My mom called my therapist and brought it up a "concerning behavior that might be contributing to my depression" (lol wut) and asked to come to my next session. REQUEST DENIIIIIIIIIED.

[Art Vandelay]

I just refrain from burping the worm until I know I'm either alone or everyone else is asleep. Always did since I discovered wanking was a thing and I've never been caught even once.

[The Right Honourable Mlle Antéchrist]

... "burping the worm"...

[Søren]

Thats new even for me

[Sigmaleph]

Y'know, without context, I'd have thought that "burping the worm" was a euphemism for drinking mezcal rather than masturbation.

[Art Vandelay]

Really? You've all never heard that one before?

[Witchyjoshy]

Not even once.

[Feral Dog]

Really? You've all never heard that one before?

No, but I have heard 'worm wrestling'.

[SpaceProg]

OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT SHIT SHIT
MY MOM WALKED IN ON ME
I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO LOOK HER IN THE EYE AGAIN
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

NOPE

Edit: was my 777th post seriously about my crazy mother catching me masturbating?

Hell, she's probably done it too.  Point to any random person and chances are, they've flown solo.

I got caught by my grandmother once...

My parents (mother and aunt) never really cared that much so long as it was kept a private thing (of course, like I'd just go to town right in the middle of supper or something).

EDIT:  Dongy, if you were to tell your psychiatrist about it, odds are they wouldn't give two short shits.  It's considered perfectly normal.

[Ghoti]

Thanks, Proggy, I really wanted a mental image of my mom polishing her pearl.

*pokes out mind's eye with a tuning fork*

The good news is my therapist called me and we agreed that Mother is coo-coo for cocoa puffs. It's nice to see my mom's attempts to make me look crazy backfire spectacularly, but it's still hugely embarrassing.

[Random Gal]

was my 777th post seriously about my crazy mother catching me masturbating?

Mind if I sig this?

[Ghoti]

was my 777th post seriously about my crazy mother catching me masturbating?

Mind if I sig this?

Feel free.

[SpaceProg]

Thanks, Proggy, I really wanted a mental image of my mom polishing her pearl.

*pokes out mind's eye with a tuning fork*

The good news is my therapist called me and we agreed that Mother is coo-coo for cocoa puffs. It's nice to see my mom's attempts to make me look crazy backfire spectacularly, but it's still hugely embarrassing.

Yeah, I can see how it can be that.   Though about your mom and her 'pearl'... well... just think of it this way:  It's akin to knowing your mother and father had to have sex for you to even be here.  It's 'eeeesh', but true.

At any rate, I'm glad your therapist reacted like I expected.  If anything, masturbation probably improves depression because of the release of endorphins and other feel-good chemicals upon orgasm.

[Witchyjoshy]

I just have three words.

American Football Fans.

Should be self-explanatory.