Things That Annoy You

[Art Vandelay]

One of my boyfriends housmates hates books and thinks they should all be burnt to halt the spread of intellectualism.

And this guy wants to live on an organic farm commune

That's probably the best place for him, all things considered.

[Søren]

Hes gonna die there. He hasnt eaten a fruit or vegetable in over 10 years.

Seriously. Its a point of pride for him

[Witchyjoshy]

Hes gonna die there. He hasnt eaten a fruit or vegetable in over 10 years.

Seriously. Its a point of pride for him

Considering he's apparently trying to die before he's 30 so that he'll ascend into a being of pure light, I'm not surprised...

[chitoryu12]

Hes gonna die there. He hasnt eaten a fruit or vegetable in over 10 years.

Seriously. Its a point of pride for him

Soooo how is he alive?

[Art Vandelay]

Hes gonna die there. He hasnt eaten a fruit or vegetable in over 10 years.

Seriously. Its a point of pride for him

I guess that just proves my point.

[Indikins]

Hes gonna die there. He hasnt eaten a fruit or vegetable in over 10 years.

Seriously. Its a point of pride for him

Soooo how is he alive?

There was a seventeen year old girl a while back who ate almost nothing but chicken nuggets since she was two.

[Flying Mint Bunny!]

Hes gonna die there. He hasnt eaten a fruit or vegetable in over 10 years.

Seriously. Its a point of pride for him

Soooo how is he alive?

There was a seventeen year old girl a while back who ate almost nothing but chicken nuggets since she was two.

There's a boy that lives on jam sandwiches as well.

[RavynousHunter]

Hes gonna die there. He hasnt eaten a fruit or vegetable in over 10 years.

Seriously. Its a point of pride for him

Soooo how is he alive?

There was a seventeen year old girl a while back who ate almost nothing but chicken nuggets since she was two.

There's a boy that lives on jam sandwiches as well.

My dad's eaten enough Tylenol to kill Ozzy, and he's still alive.  I'm not talking those tiny little pissant pills, either.  Or the bottles.  I'm talking three quarters of the HUGE bottles of the half-gram tablets.  In a space of around twelve to eighteen hours.  NOT A SINGLE FUCKING PROBLEM NOTED.

[SpaceProg]

Have they specifically checked his liver function?

[RavynousHunter]

Have they specifically checked his liver function?

Not that I'm aware of, but he's not Homer Simpson yellow, sooooooo...

Also, a semi-new annoyance.  Been reading some articles, good ones, on HuffPo about how child-free folk are, le gasp, just like regular folks.  Apparently, some parents take umbrage to this and unironically spout the tired "you'll regret it," "you're selfish children," and "you're not a parent yet, so you don't understand" lines.  Is it so much to ask that you simply respect the fact I DON'T want to fuck over my girlfriend/wife's body, put her health at serious risk, and potentially lead myself down a road that could lead to some particularly DARK thoughts?

When I get the money, I'm making that fucking decision permanent, too.  Its my bloody call to make, and mine alone.  I will, of course, take the opinions and advice of others under advisement, but the choice is mine and I will make it when the money comes.  I shall respect any objections, but its going to happen, one way or another.  At this point, I really just want it to be over with.  I want my nuts snipped, my baby-makers to stop flowing, and to have another important life decision behind me.  I'm an adult, its time I acted like one and took control of my life...and my body.

[Ghoti]

I know that feel, bro. Every time I get dragged into some social function where I'm introduced by my birth name, I get asked about my relationship status and the projected timeline for squeezing a screaming infant out of my snatch. I try to deflect with humor ("Never. I have younger siblings; I know better") or questioning my ability to care for a kid ("I can't even keep virtual goldfish alive for more than a few days and you want to entrust me with a baby?")
The thing that really gets under my skin is when my maternal aunts say things like "oh, I felt the same way when I was (age), you'll grow out of it." Because making informed choices about my body is obviously just a silly phase girls go though on their way to becoming baby factories. Even if I wasn't queer, I wouldn't have kids (at least not biological ones). You wanna know why? Because there is a very high chance of my uterus falling out of my goddamn body, and it increases with every living shit-machine that falls out of my snatch. It's happened to my mother (who had a full hysterectomy at 39) and two of her sisters (one of which had her uterus just fall out two days before her surgery, she went into shock and could have bled to death.) And that's just one possible thing that could go wrong for me. We're not even talking about the predisposition towards cardiovascular disease and mental illness that runs in my family.
TL;DR version: if you have a problem with me (or anyone else) not reproducing, fuck you.

[RavynousHunter]

Yuuuuuuuup.  My family alone has enough psychological predispositions that I'd never inflict on a child, much less a history of brain cancer I've inherited from my maternal grandmother.  Sorry, ladies, but if you want my kids...too bad.  If you try to impregnate yourself with my sperm against my will, I'll walk away from you AND the child, and I swear on my life that you'll never see a single fucking penny outta me.

That's assuming my sperm even WORK, because there was apparently an incident as a child where I ate an entire pack of my mom's spare birth control pills because I thought they were candy.  In my defense, I was like 3, and was therefore slightly more intelligent than your common household pet rock.  I have NO idea what a large dose of progesterone could do to a child's developing reproductive systems, but if it resulted in my permanent infertility, I'd hold a two-person party with my girlfriend, and I'd fuck her god damned brains out in relief.

[The Right Honourable Mlle Antéchrist]

Bleh. The stray cat I've been looking after attacked my hand after one of my cats freaked him out (I was trying to get them away from each other), and I wound up with deep punctures from his teeth and, along with other scratches, one huge scratch running from my palm down to my wrist. It hurts like hell. And, of course, there's the high risk of infection that comes with a cat bite. So much fun.

I'm debating going to the doctor tomorrow to get some antibiotics as a precaution, but for now I'll have to keep an eye on it and make sure nothing looks too funky.

[QueenofHearts]

My Southern is showing, but a really good disinfectant is to just apply Jack Daniels to the wound. That's what my parents would do with infections and I turned out just fine.

[Osama bin Bambi]

I know that feel, bro. Every time I get dragged into some social function where I'm introduced by my birth name, I get asked about my relationship status and the projected timeline for squeezing a screaming infant out of my snatch. I try to deflect with humor ("Never. I have younger siblings; I know better") or questioning my ability to care for a kid ("I can't even keep virtual goldfish alive for more than a few days and you want to entrust me with a baby?")
The thing that really gets under my skin is when my maternal aunts say things like "oh, I felt the same way when I was (age), you'll grow out of it." Because making informed choices about my body is obviously just a silly phase girls go though on their way to becoming baby factories. Even if I wasn't queer, I wouldn't have kids (at least not biological ones). You wanna know why? Because there is a very high chance of my uterus falling out of my goddamn body, and it increases with every living shit-machine that falls out of my snatch. It's happened to my mother (who had a full hysterectomy at 39) and two of her sisters (one of which had her uterus just fall out two days before her surgery, she went into shock and could have bled to death.) And that's just one possible thing that could go wrong for me. We're not even talking about the predisposition towards cardiovascular disease and mental illness that runs in my family.
TL;DR version: if you have a problem with me (or anyone else) not reproducing, fuck you.

My thoughts are that if someone wants someone in their family to produce offspring for them, they should've been dog breeders.