Wishes Will Be Corrupted

[PosthumanHeresy]

Granted, but you can only make Sharknadoes with small non-dangerous sharks.

I wish I could make Salt&VinegarCrispnadoes.

Granted, but they're gigantic and uncontrollable.

I wish I could make Batmanadoes.

[Flying Mint Bunny!]

Granted, but you can only make Sharknadoes with small non-dangerous sharks.

I wish I could make Salt&VinegarCrispnadoes.

Granted, but they're gigantic and uncontrollable.

I wish I could make Batmanadoes.

Granted, but they contain unsuccessful bat/man hybrids.

I wish I could make McFlurrycanes.

[PosthumanHeresy]

I wonder

If anyone

will notice

if I

change some

of the

quotes in

this pyramid.

Apparently not.

I should

do it

more, until

someone notices

Granted. You get arrested for piracy.
I wish I could change my body shape/size at will.

Granted, but it hurts like hell and lasts for less than half a second.

I wish I had more energy.

Granted. You get sent to the electric chair.

I wish for the archery skills of Robin Hood, the swordsmanship of Miyamoto Musashi and the charisma of Casanova.

Granted. You have the narcissism of Narcissism, and die the same way.

I wish I had the powers of Zeus.

Granted. You don't exist.

I wish for the next person to not contribute to the quote pyramid.

Granted, but your computer gets infected with a virus that floods your hard drive with Rule 34 of all of your favorite childhood cartoons.

I wish for a pet boa constrictor.

Granted. The pyramid kills it.

I wish this pyramid would never die.

Granted. It's the only thing left of human culture after the inevitable alien invasion, and because of it the aliens think we're all really weird.
I wish I could move back to Canada.

Granted, but every other post ever continues a quote pyramid.

I wish my rabbit would stop plotting to take over the world.

Granted. It succeeds in taking over the world.
I wish people wouldn't bitch about the quote pyramid.

Granted. They bitch about bitching about it.

I wish all would bow before the pyramid.

Granted. People are too busy bowing to the pyramid to contribute to it.

I wish I had more ideas for my latest writing project.

Granted. You write about a giant pyramid.

I wish I had the ability to automatically dry my hair.

Granted. It sets your head on fire.
I wish I didn't have to take care of my nephew.

Granted. Your nephew gets eaten by alligators and thus you don't have to take care of him anymore.

I wish my cat would stop being so unfriendly when I visit home.

Granted. Your cat will not stop humping your leg.

I wish my hair was easier to straighten.

Granted. You can now make your hair straight at will. However, everyone hates you for it

I wish my dog was smarter, but not smarter than me.

Granted. Your dog gains one IQ point, but you are lowered to just one above that.

I wish cats didn't rule the world.

Granted, rabbits do instead.

I wish I could fly.

Granted. You are a mosquito.

I wish for more hours in the day.

Granted. Almost everything dies because of the longer periods in the sun/without sun.
I wish the hat I'm crocheting would crochet itself.

Granted. It is shaped like a penis, though.

I wish I had a giant male chicken.

Granted, but it doesn't like you very much.

I wish for food.

Granted. You are deathly allergic.

I wish I had more money.

Granted. It's counterfeit.
I wish my room wasn't so friggin' cold.

Granted. Your house is on fire.

I wish for a Rottweiler with no health, mental or behavioral problems.

Granted. It's gets stolen the first day you take it home and you never see it again.
I wish I could mod video games at will, regardless of system/age/programming.

Granted. You can mod all your games and now they are all Quadrophenia themed.

I wish I had Indiana Jones job and got to break into ancient tombs and dodge crazy traps.

Granted. You get killed.

I wish I was in a better mood.

Granted, then you get run over by a bus.

I wish I could find my 3ds.

Granted. You find it in the toilet.

I wish I was calm right now.

Granted. You become so calm that you forget to breathe, then you very calmly asphysxiate.
I wish I didn't have to go to St. Paul today.

Granted. You are a call girl in Vegas.

I wish I had more cats.

Granted. They take over the household and kill you in your sleep.

I wish Distind wasn't ragekilling the forums.

Granted. Distind starts ragekillling people in real life meatspace.

I wish I could hit the low notes for the song I'm trying to learn without sounding like a krogan.

Granted. You can no longer hit high notes.

I wish I could perfectly mimic any singer.

Granted, but it requires you to become a castrato.

I wish to be Exalted by the Unconquered Sun.

Granted. You die of happiness.

I wish I could hijack one person of my choosing, with no accidental hijacking or misunderstanding.

Granted. You are then arrested for hijacking and receive the maximum sentence.

I wish to become fit without needing to diet or exercise.

Granted. You are declared fit to be ground into cat food.

I wish for a pet tiger.

Granted, it now barfs exclusively in your bed.

I wish people would stop being proud of their ignorance.

Granted, but since everyone is ignorant about something, the ensuing wave of depression wipes out the human race by mass suicide.

I wish to be paid $500 an hour to sit around in my underwear and surf the Internet.

Granted. However, you can only do that, and die of a lack of sleep, food and liquids.

I wish more extremely rare merchandise was sold by idiots that don't know what they have.

Granted. They think they have something even more expensive and start charging huge amounts of money, driving the cost of extremely rare merchandise to previously unheard of levels.

I wish I had the electrical sense that sharks have, in addition to my other senses.

Granted. You're a shark with your senses.

I wish I could hit places with Sharknadoes.

Granted, but you can only make Sharknadoes with small non-dangerous sharks.

I wish I could make Salt&VinegarCrispnadoes.

Granted, but they're gigantic and uncontrollable.

I wish I could make Batmanadoes.

Granted, but they contain unsuccessful bat/man hybrids.

I wish I could make McFlurrycanes.

Granted. They destroy all coastals states.

I wish for longer hair.

[Flying Mint Bunny!]

Granted. You are now Rapunzel and have to live isolated in a tower until your prince rescues you.

I wish to be excellent.

[PosthumanHeresy]

I wonder

If anyone

will notice

if I

change some

of the

quotes in

this pyramid.

Apparently not.

I should

do it

more, until

someone notices

Granted. You get arrested for piracy.
I wish I could change my body shape/size at will.

Granted, but it hurts like hell and lasts for less than half a second.

I wish I had more energy.

Granted. You get sent to the electric chair.

I wish for the archery skills of Robin Hood, the swordsmanship of Miyamoto Musashi and the charisma of Casanova.

Granted. You have the narcissism of Narcissism, and die the same way.

I wish I had the powers of Zeus.

Granted. You don't exist.

I wish for the next person to not contribute to the quote pyramid.

Granted, but your computer gets infected with a virus that floods your hard drive with Rule 34 of all of your favorite childhood cartoons.

I wish for a pet boa constrictor.

Granted. The pyramid kills it.

I wish this pyramid would never die.

Granted. It's the only thing left of human culture after the inevitable alien invasion, and because of it the aliens think we're all really weird.
I wish I could move back to Canada.

Granted, but every other post ever continues a quote pyramid.

I wish my rabbit would stop plotting to take over the world.

Granted. It succeeds in taking over the world.
I wish people wouldn't bitch about the quote pyramid.

Granted. They bitch about bitching about it.

I wish all would bow before the pyramid.

Granted. People are too busy bowing to the pyramid to contribute to it.

I wish I had more ideas for my latest writing project.

Granted. You write about a giant pyramid.

I wish I had the ability to automatically dry my hair.

Granted. It sets your head on fire.
I wish I didn't have to take care of my nephew.

Granted. Your nephew gets eaten by alligators and thus you don't have to take care of him anymore.

I wish my cat would stop being so unfriendly when I visit home.

Granted. Your cat will not stop humping your leg.

I wish my hair was easier to straighten.

Granted. You can now make your hair straight at will. However, everyone hates you for it

I wish my dog was smarter, but not smarter than me.

Granted. Your dog gains one IQ point, but you are lowered to just one above that.

I wish cats didn't rule the world.

Granted, rabbits do instead.

I wish I could fly.

Granted. You are a mosquito.

I wish for more hours in the day.

Granted. Almost everything dies because of the longer periods in the sun/without sun.
I wish the hat I'm crocheting would crochet itself.

Granted. It is shaped like a penis, though.

I wish I had a giant male chicken.

Granted, but it doesn't like you very much.

I wish for food.

Granted. You are deathly allergic.

I wish I had more money.

Granted. It's counterfeit.
I wish my room wasn't so friggin' cold.

Granted. Your house is on fire.

I wish for a Rottweiler with no health, mental or behavioral problems.

Granted. It's gets stolen the first day you take it home and you never see it again.
I wish I could mod video games at will, regardless of system/age/programming.

Granted. You can mod all your games and now they are all Quadrophenia themed.

I wish I had Indiana Jones job and got to break into ancient tombs and dodge crazy traps.

Granted. You get killed.

I wish I was in a better mood.

Granted, then you get run over by a bus.

I wish I could find my 3ds.

Granted. You find it in the toilet.

I wish I was calm right now.

Granted. You become so calm that you forget to breathe, then you very calmly asphysxiate.
I wish I didn't have to go to St. Paul today.

Granted. You are a call girl in Vegas.

I wish I had more cats.

Granted. They take over the household and kill you in your sleep.

I wish Distind wasn't ragekilling the forums.

Granted. Distind starts ragekillling people in real life meatspace.

I wish I could hit the low notes for the song I'm trying to learn without sounding like a krogan.

Granted. You can no longer hit high notes.

I wish I could perfectly mimic any singer.

Granted, but it requires you to become a castrato.

I wish to be Exalted by the Unconquered Sun.

Granted. You die of happiness.

I wish I could hijack one person of my choosing, with no accidental hijacking or misunderstanding.

Granted. You are then arrested for hijacking and receive the maximum sentence.

I wish to become fit without needing to diet or exercise.

Granted. You are declared fit to be ground into cat food.

I wish for a pet tiger.

Granted, it now barfs exclusively in your bed.

I wish people would stop being proud of their ignorance.

Granted, but since everyone is ignorant about something, the ensuing wave of depression wipes out the human race by mass suicide.

I wish to be paid $500 an hour to sit around in my underwear and surf the Internet.

Granted. However, you can only do that, and die of a lack of sleep, food and liquids.

I wish more extremely rare merchandise was sold by idiots that don't know what they have.

Granted. They think they have something even more expensive and start charging huge amounts of money, driving the cost of extremely rare merchandise to previously unheard of levels.

I wish I had the electrical sense that sharks have, in addition to my other senses.

Granted. You're a shark with your senses.

I wish I could hit places with Sharknadoes.

Granted, but you can only make Sharknadoes with small non-dangerous sharks.

I wish I could make Salt&VinegarCrispnadoes.

Granted, but they're gigantic and uncontrollable.

I wish I could make Batmanadoes.

Granted, but they contain unsuccessful bat/man hybrids.

I wish I could make McFlurrycanes.

Granted. They destroy all coastals states.

I wish for longer hair.

Granted. You are now Rapunzel and have to live isolated in a tower until your prince rescues you.

I wish to be excellent.

Granted. You are excellent at dying

I wish to be immortal without aging.

[Flying Mint Bunny!]

Granted. You are an immortal baby.

I wish I had a Salt & Vinegar crisp version of the Midas touch.

[Leafy]

Granted, but you become allergic to Salt & Vinger crisps and die.

I was I had eaten dinner.

[Valerius]

Granted. Some of the food you ate was contaminated and you now have food poisoning.

I wish it was easier for me to put on muscle.

[R. U. Sirius]

Granted. The police would like to talk to you about the murdered and mutilated bodybuilders found buried in your backyard, though.

I wish for Wolverine's healing factor.

[Leafy]

Granted, but it only works on the most minor injuries.

I wish it would rain.

[Jodie]

Granted. But it never stops raining, your town floods, all your possessions are destroyed and you have to move.

I wish I could get out of debt.

[R. U. Sirius]

Granted. You get out of it by dying.

I wish I could afford to keep a pet and lived in a building that allowed them.

[Jodie]

Granted. But your neighbour also owns a pet - a pet anaconda. It escapes one day, finds its way into your apartment and eats your pet.

I wish I had my own personal jet fighter.

[Valerius]

Granted. On your first flight, your government mistakes you for an enemy and shoots your plane down.

I wish my provincial government would get overthrown.

[R. U. Sirius]

Granted. The one that replaces it is even worse.

I wish the police weren't becoming ever more aggressive against the rest of us.