Wishes Will Be Corrupted

[Leafy]

Granted, but everyone thinks you're Robin Hood and you get arrested.

I wish I had physic powers.

[R. U. Sirius]

Granted. You have the power to create friction by rubbing your hands together. Physics!

I wish for psychic powers.

[Leafy]

Granted, but you can only lift a pencil in the air for a fraction of a second.

I wish I could spell. :/

[PosthumanHeresy]

Granted, but you can only lift a pencil in the air for a fraction of a second.

I wish I could spell. :/

Granted. You're a spelling and grammar Nazi.

I wish everyone who abuses calling Godwin's Law had to experience a Nazi attack.

[Ghoti]

Granted, but you can only lift a pencil in the air for a fraction of a second.

I wish I could spell. :/

Granted. You're a spelling and grammar Nazi.

I wish everyone who abuses calling Godwin's Law had to experience a Nazi attack.

Granted. The collateral damage is so massive that every system of government (except the Third Reich) collapses.
I wish I had a fully-functional TARDIS.

[PosthumanHeresy]

Granted, but you can only lift a pencil in the air for a fraction of a second.

I wish I could spell. :/

Granted. You're a spelling and grammar Nazi.

I wish everyone who abuses calling Godwin's Law had to experience a Nazi attack.

Granted. The collateral damage is so massive that every system of government (except the Third Reich) collapses.
I wish I had a fully-functional TARDIS.

Granted. You can't find it due to the Chameleon Circuit.

I wish I had containers of Joker Gas.

[Ghoti]

Granted. You accidentally gas yourself and die a stupid death.

I wish my mother would stop parroting republican talking heads while I'm trying to make pickles.

[The Right Honourable Mlle Antéchrist]

Granted. She now constantly talks about them, except when you're making pickles, forcing you to live a hellish existence where you must spend all day and night in a pickle factory.

I wish I had more popsicles.

[Art Vandelay]

Granted. But one of them has been inside someone's rectum. So whenever you decide to have one, ask yourself; do you feel lucky?

I wish I had more chips.

[R. U. Sirius]

Granted. They're EMP-fried computer chips, completely useless.

I wish to invent a new device that revolutionizes how people live and makes me a billionaire before my next birthday.

[PosthumanHeresy]

Granted. It lets the rich make everyone slaves.

I wish I could magically control my weight.

[Sigmaleph]

Granted, you can now increase your weight by transforming parts of your body into lead, or reduce it by disintegrating parts of your brain.

I wish my hair was less greasy.

[PosthumanHeresy]

Granted, you can now increase your weight by transforming parts of your body into lead, or reduce it by disintegrating parts of your brain.

I wish my hair was less greasy.

Granted. Your hair eliminates moisture, but is so powerful that all water on Earth is destroyed.

I wish my hair grew faster.

[Silhouette]

Granted. You now have to shave every hour.

I wish unhealthy foods were healthy.

[PosthumanHeresy]

Granted. You now have to shave every hour.

I wish unhealthy foods were healthy.

Granted. They taste like healthy foods, too.

I wish nothing was healthy.