Wishes Will Be Corrupted

[Sigmaleph]

Granted. Her disappearance becomes a high-profile case and you are the only suspect. Although don't end up in prison, you are convicted in the court of public opinion and for the rest of your life everyone you know thinks of you as the guy who killed his ex.

I wish I could think of a new custom title.

[R. U. Sirius]

Granted. It's terrible.

I wish for the ability to violate the laws of physics at will without destroying the universe in the process.

[Valerius]

Granted. You destroy yourself in the process instead.

I wish I could control the flow of time.

[Sigmaleph]

Granted, you can make time flow faster or slower at will. Since this speeds up/slows down your perception proportionally, it has no effect whatsoever.

I wish everything was 12% better.

[PosthumanHeresy]

Granted, you can make time flow faster or slower at will. Since this speeds up/slows down your perception proportionally, it has no effect whatsoever.

I wish everything was 12% better.

Granted. It also makes things and people that kill 12% better at killing, because it makes it better from the perspective of the improved, or based on it's use.

I wish the oxygen and gravity on Earth would disappear for five seconds before returning.

[Leafy]

Granted, but it now most of the population are dead.

I wish I could clean my room from my bed.

[PosthumanHeresy]

Granted. All your possessions besides the bed have been stolen, and they vacuumed, too, and then stole the vacuum.

I wish my room cleaned itself.

[Leafy]

Granted, but it only stays clean for a second.

I wish my clothes would put themselves away.

[Valerius]

Granted. They put themselves away in the dumbest places, like in the kitchen pantry, and on shelves in the garage.

I wish I had more time before my classes start again.

[Leafy]

Granted, but you can never go back.

I wish my classes would start already.

[R. U. Sirius]

Granted, but they never end.

I wish I had the nerve to ask out at least one of the cute girls at my job.

[Leafy]

Granted, but she says no.

I wish I could stop having nightmares.

[PosthumanHeresy]

Granted. They become reality, so they're not nightmares anymore.

I wish I was asleep.

[Flying Mint Bunny!]

Granted. They become reality, so they're not nightmares anymore.

I wish I was asleep.

Granted. Freddy Krueger kills you.

I wish I didn't have to cook dinner right now.

[R. U. Sirius]

Granted. You're being cooked for someone else's dinner.

I wish someone passed a law against snubbing a waiter or delivery driver on a tip for any reason other than the most horrendous service. If you can't afford at LEAST 10%, you can't afford to eat out/order out.