Wishes Will Be Corrupted

[Ghoti]

Granted. It's so obnoxiously bright it gives you a headache.

I wish I had my own spaceship.

[Sigmaleph]

Granted. NASA steals it and claims it was theirs all along, and nobody believes your claims to the contrary.

I wish NASA used the stolen spaceship to start a permanent Mars colony.

[Ghoti]

Granted. The Martians kill everyone and impersonate them to advance their goal of a full-scale Martain invasion.

I wish I was someone's pet cat.

[Random Gal]

Granted. Your owner is an animal abuser.

I wish it were possible for QueenofHearts and SmokingDodongo to switch reproductive systems.

[Indikins]

Granted. They switch reproductive systems, but they both suffer organ rejection and are forced to go to the hospital as a result.

(I...I felt sad writing that.)

I wish for all humans to suddenly turn into a single, new ethnicity without any relation to previous ethnicities.

[Ghoti]

(I felt sad reading that.) Granted. However, other pointless divisions between people such as gender, sexual orientation, and Marvel vs DC intensify to pick up the slack.

I wish I could have unlimited energy drinks forever. 

[Random Gal]

Granted. All those extra stimulants cause you to have a heart attack and die.

I wish people would actually remember my birthday.

[Ghoti]

Granted. They ignore it anyway.

I wish I could be the co-host of the next generation of Mythbusters, with my lifelong best friend by my side.

[Flying Mint Bunny!]

Granted. They ignore it anyway.

I wish I could be the co-host of the next generation of Mythbusters, with my lifelong best friend by my side.

Granted, but the makers of the show become creationists, so you spend all your time busting evil atheist science myths.

I wish I could change colour like a cuttlefish.

[Ghoti]

Granted. You become a hanar, and Commander Shepard calls you a big stupid jellyfish.

I wish I could find intelligent, benevolent life on another planet.

[Indikins]

Granted. However, the existence of these aliens is leaked to the public, and conservatives quickly show up to eradicate the aliens to protect the theory of creationism.

I wish that I had no need to sleep, eat, etc. in order to live.

[Ghoti]

Granted. You're burned at the stake for being a witch.

I wish I could hack any computer system in the world.

[Random Gal]

Granted. Every intelligence agency in the world is now after you.

I wish for delicious cake.

[Ghoti]

Granted. The cake is a lie.

I wish for Firefly seasons 2-10.

[Meshakhad]

Granted. One by one, Joss kills the entire cast. The last season is Mal being alone before he finally gives up.

I wish the gender of German nouns made sense.

Congratulations. Every time you capture a landfill, you get $1000 dollars.

I wish I could run Civ 5 on my laptop.

By the way, this wish has been granted.