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Author Topic: Pat Robertson knows why the tornados happened  (Read 6676 times)

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Offline Eniliad

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Re: Pat Robertson knows why the tornados happened
« Reply #15 on: March 06, 2012, 05:17:33 am »
EVERYONE CLAP YOUR HANDS IF YOU BELIEVE!

Seriously, Pat?

Go fuck yourself.
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Offline The Right Honourable Mlle Antéchrist

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Re: Pat Robertson knows why the tornados happened
« Reply #16 on: March 06, 2012, 07:47:06 am »
I kind of find it amusing that fundies believe god's default setting is disaster mode. It's like he's a petulant child constantly throwing tantrums up in the sky. I can just picture god stomping around angrily, while St. Peter tries to defuse the situation.

"God, please finish your peas."

"NO!"

"Come on, it's just a few spoonfuls. If you don't finish them, you won't get any dessert."

 "I hate you! I hate you! I'm gonna make a tornado! Then you'll be sorry!"

 "God, please, calm down!"

"NO! I DON'T WANNA! YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME! I WANT PRAYER! GET ME SOME PRAYER!"

"God! Look, millions of them are praying!"

"IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH! I WANT MORE! ALLAH GETS PRAYED TO FIVE TIMES A DAY! AND I BET HE DOESN'T HAVE TO EAT VEGETABLES! WHY DOES HE GET ALL THE GOOD STUFF? I'M GONNA DO IT!" *sends twister*
« Last Edit: March 06, 2012, 07:53:22 am by Mlle Antéchrist »
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Offline Star Cluster

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Re: Pat Robertson knows why the tornados happened
« Reply #17 on: March 06, 2012, 08:18:57 am »
Ya know?  It's not bad enough their God has that Hell thing hanging over their heads to punish them for all eternity.  As if that wasn't enough punishment for not kissing his as 24/7.  He's got to send natural disasters to punish not only the "wicked", but anybody else that gets in it's way, too. 

So that's what they mean when they say he's a god of love.  He just loves to fuck with and make everybody miserable.
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Offline rookie

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Re: Pat Robertson knows why the tornados happened
« Reply #18 on: March 06, 2012, 10:25:03 am »
I'm going to have to go with Robertson on this one. Anyone remember back in the 80s when he prayed for whatever hurricane it was to leave his house alone, and it changed paths? Well, we have to ignore the part when it hit land further up the coast and whomped the Mid Atlantic states. But impressive nonetheless. So if he could have done that, maybe prayer would have worked.

Ow. That gave me a headache just typing. Seriously, when will his god tell him to stop wasting oxygen? Enough is enough.
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Offline Qlockworkcanary

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Re: Pat Robertson knows why the tornados happened
« Reply #19 on: March 06, 2012, 03:00:03 pm »
No Pat-hole, the tornadoes are a message from God -he's pretty pissed about the genocide of the indigenous people of that region (his aim and timing is always a bit off: see Iceland volcanoes). Your god doesn't like mass-murder...except when he does.
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Offline Bezron

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Re: Pat Robertson knows why the tornados happened
« Reply #20 on: March 07, 2012, 02:08:54 pm »
Quote from: Mlle Antéchrist on March 06, 2012, 07:47:06 am
I kind of find it amusing that fundies believe god's default setting is disaster mode. It's like he's a petulant child constantly throwing tantrums up in the sky. I can just picture god stomping around angrily, while St. Peter tries to defuse the situation.

"God, please finish your peas."

"NO!"

"Come on, it's just a few spoonfuls. If you don't finish them, you won't get any dessert."

 "I hate you! I hate you! I'm gonna make a tornado! Then you'll be sorry!"

 "God, please, calm down!"

"NO! I DON'T WANNA! YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME! I WANT PRAYER! GET ME SOME PRAYER!"

"God! Look, millions of them are praying!"

"IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH! I WANT MORE! ALLAH GETS PRAYED TO FIVE TIMES A DAY! AND I BET HE DOESN'T HAVE TO EAT VEGETABLES! WHY DOES HE GET ALL THE GOOD STUFF? I'M GONNA DO IT!" *sends twister*

Marry me
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Offline KZN02

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Re: Pat Robertson knows why the tornados happened
« Reply #21 on: March 07, 2012, 02:10:18 pm »
Quote from: Star Cluster on March 06, 2012, 08:18:57 am
Ya know?  It's not bad enough their God has that Hell thing hanging over their heads to punish them for all eternity.  As if that wasn't enough punishment for not kissing his as 24/7.  He's got to send natural disasters to punish not only the "wicked", but anybody else that gets in it's way, too. 

So that's what they mean when they say he's a god of love.  He just loves to fuck with and make everybody miserable.
I've always thought that if God was real, then we humans exists solely for his entertainment.
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Offline Witchyjoshy

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Re: Pat Robertson knows why the tornados happened
« Reply #22 on: March 07, 2012, 03:05:40 pm »
It's funny because, depending on how you look at Genesis, God created humans because he was bored of angels serving him mindlessly without free will, so he wanted a creature that had free will.

And what does he expect us to do? ::)
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Offline Atheissimo

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Re: Pat Robertson knows why the tornados happened
« Reply #23 on: March 07, 2012, 03:32:20 pm »
Quote from: KZN02 on March 07, 2012, 02:10:18 pm
Quote from: Star Cluster on March 06, 2012, 08:18:57 am
Ya know?  It's not bad enough their God has that Hell thing hanging over their heads to punish them for all eternity.  As if that wasn't enough punishment for not kissing his as 24/7.  He's got to send natural disasters to punish not only the "wicked", but anybody else that gets in it's way, too. 

So that's what they mean when they say he's a god of love.  He just loves to fuck with and make everybody miserable.
I've always thought that if God was real, then we humans exists solely for his entertainment.

That's why I much prefer the Daedra in The Elder Scrolls games to our concept of Gods. You're an omnipotent being, you've lived for billions of years. Why on Earth would you care about the minutiae of human politics? People's lives begin and end like a strobe light for you, whole centuries pass in an instant. Humans are like an interesting mould you find on an orange, diverting and morbidly interesting but hardly the  be all and end all. Much more interesting is the conflict between 'God' and 'Devil', in which humans can be used like meat puppets to your cosmic ends, like in Job.
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Offline Damen

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Re: Pat Robertson knows why the tornados happened
« Reply #24 on: March 07, 2012, 03:47:07 pm »
You know, the only thing that surprises me is that he didn't blame it on the widespread acceptance of gays and gay marriage.
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Offline Old Viking

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Re: Pat Robertson knows why the tornados happened
« Reply #25 on: March 07, 2012, 05:54:45 pm »
Since the tornadoes hit the mid-west it means that God was pissed at something that happened in Peru.  His aim is notoriously bad.
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Offline Eniliad

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Re: Pat Robertson knows why the tornados happened
« Reply #26 on: March 07, 2012, 10:49:30 pm »
Quote from: Damen on March 07, 2012, 03:47:07 pm
You know, the only thing that surprises me is that he didn't blame it on the widespread acceptance of gays and gay marriage.

You're confused. We cause hurricanes, not tornadoes. Get your facts straight.
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<Miles> "If dildoes are outlawed then only outlaws will have dildoes."
Quote from: Mlle Antéchrist
Yeah, gays cause hurricanes, tits cause earthquakes, and lack of prayer causes tornadoes. Learn to science, people.
Quote from: Mlle Antéchrist
Porn peddlers peddling pedal porn? My life is complete.

Offline The Right Honourable Mlle Antéchrist

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Re: Pat Robertson knows why the tornados happened
« Reply #27 on: March 07, 2012, 11:01:35 pm »
Yeah, gays cause hurricanes, tits cause earthquakes, and lack of prayer causes tornadoes. Learn to science, people.
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Offline Eniliad

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Re: Pat Robertson knows why the tornados happened
« Reply #28 on: March 07, 2012, 11:26:51 pm »
Quote from: Mlle Antéchrist on March 07, 2012, 11:01:35 pm
Yeah, gays cause hurricanes, tits cause earthquakes, and lack of prayer causes tornadoes. Learn to science, people.

Sig'd.
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<Miles> "If dildoes are outlawed then only outlaws will have dildoes."
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Yeah, gays cause hurricanes, tits cause earthquakes, and lack of prayer causes tornadoes. Learn to science, people.
Quote from: Mlle Antéchrist
Porn peddlers peddling pedal porn? My life is complete.

Offline RavynousHunter

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Re: Pat Robertson knows why the tornados happened
« Reply #29 on: March 07, 2012, 11:30:56 pm »
Duuuuuuuuuuuude...I completely misread the title of this thread.  I thought it said "Robert Pattinson," not "Pat Robertson."  I was like, "Wait, what's Eddie Sparklecock have to do with this?"
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