FSTDT Forums
Community => Science and Technology => Topic started by: gyeonghwa on January 04, 2012, 04:50:20 pm
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http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2012/01/03/144495483/why-a-teen-who-talks-back-may-have-a-bright-future
Researchers from the University of Virginia recently published their findings in the journal Child Development. Psychologist Joseph P. Allen headed the study.
Allen says almost all parents and teenagers argue. But it's the quality of the arguments that makes all the difference.
"We tell parents to think of those arguments not as nuisance but as a critical training ground," he says. Such arguments, he says, are actually mini life lessons in how to disagree  a necessary skill later on in life with partners, friends and colleagues on the job.
Teens should be rewarded when arguing calmly and persuasively and not when they indulge in yelling, whining, threats or insults, he says.
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I can see that...I've calmly debated with my parents before. Mostly on the issues of grandkids and theology. Actually...kinda interesting.
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My dad might be an asshole, but he did teach me how to argue and debate well and think on my feet.
He was a perfect case study of what not to do.
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I like this concept, but to be honest it was kinda obvious. Teaching our kids to argue in a calm manner and to provide good points to support their view is the cornerstone of basic discussion
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Yeah, too many parents don't want to bother. Just tell the kids to shut up. Kids can't possibly have an opinion. I remember I once got grounded for a week just for questioning something I didn't understand. No explanation, just "shut up, you're grounded."
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It makes plenty of sense why it works that way. However, I don't think most parents understand the difference between proper argumentation and screaming matches to even begin shifting how they do it.
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Too many parents are over concerned with having 'authority' over their offspring to admit to themselves that the job of a parent is to raise the next generation in such a way as to give them all the tools necessary so that they are able (a) to have a happy and successful life, according to what they themselves want (i.e. not necessarily what their parents or other people want for them) and (b) to resist those that would coerce them into something they wouldn't choose for themselves, given all the facts.
Being able to go from crying to get what they need (newborn baby) through childhood quarrels to negotiations (e.g. over salary and terms of employment) in a polite and firm manner, necessarily requires people to practice being on the opposite sides in arguments. Who safer to argue with than one's parents (provided, of course, that the parents aren't douches :P )?
It means that a parent gradually hands over responsibility to their children in increments as they grow. By the time they are teenagers, they should be getting greater and greater freedom to be and express themselves. Certainly by the time they are 16 I see my job as no longer being their caretaker so much as being there as a back-up, a safety-net for when things go wrong (which they inevitably do).
If I cannot win an argument with a teenager, then I either don't know enough of the subject that I'm talking about (in which case I should ask for a time out and jolly well get myself educated on the subject) or I'm flat-out wrong, in which case I should concede to them in good grace. Neither position, in my experience, has ever led to the teenager in question losing respect for me. Respect is earned, not imposed.
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Too many parents are over concerned with having 'authority' over their offspring to admit to themselves that the job of a parent is to raise the next generation in such a way as to give them all the tools necessary so that they are able (a) to have a happy and successful life, according to what they themselves want (i.e. not necessarily what their parents or other people want for them) and (b) to resist those that would coerce them into something they wouldn't choose for themselves, given all the facts.
This, so hard.
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A teenager certainly builds their independent reasoning skills by arguing back, and not just herping and derping along with whatever.