FSTDT Forums
Community => Entertainment and Television => Topic started by: The Right Honourable Mlle Antéchrist on August 13, 2012, 09:40:13 pm
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I have no idea where to put this now that NSFW is gone, so I figured, since it's technically entertainment-related... Mods, please let me know if it should go elsewhere.
Anyway, Cracked published another list about disturbing sex toys, this time with fun entries like:
The Nut Crusher:
I'm no amateur at this, I know that some people are into having their goodies ground into paste, I'm hip. But this thing literally looks exactly like the nutcracker my parents had when I was a kid, except in surgical steel and with less heart.
If you're not sure how this thing works just by looking at it, you could go to the site and see a demonstration, but will that really make you feel better? How could it be used in any way that isn't awful?
Fun Website Quote: Unscrew the bottom ring on the flask using the included Allen wrenches, and insert testicles.
The Humiliator Gag System:
Gags are pretty standard fare as far as sex toys go, but this one gets a nod for thorough insanity. The Humiliator gag system features a number of attachments, including a serving tray, a feather duster, an ash tray, a toilet paper dispenser, a coat hook and, of course, a toilet brush. All mounted on your mouth. Because you need to wash toilets with your mouth for someone else's pleasure. Fun!
Fun Website Quote: The entire "Humiliator" system began with a "Scott Paul" idea for a toilet brush gag.
The Birdcage:
If I'm reading this correctly, this is a human-sized cage that you lock someone in and then, once inside, you poke them with metal sticks like a weird version of Kerplunk. Also, this is sexy fun. I guess.
Even the weirdest of sex toys tends to lend itself in some way to sex, like even if you're horrified by it, you can see the thread of causality, how it came to be and how it lends itself to some kind of deviant sexuality. But this thing is seriously just a cage you poke people in. This is what they used to do with zoo monkeys. Were people getting boners back when stuff like that went on?
Fun Website Quote: PLEASE BE SAFE, SANE AND CONSENSUAL!
And who can forget... The Permanent Plug/Showerhead
Tired of the way your cavernous, merciless ass always destroys butt plugs? Aren't we all. Thankfully, this aluminum plug is meant to withstand your asstruction, but it doesn't even end there. Read the description and you'll learn two horrible facts:
1. You can remove the center and, through a series of curious muscle contractions, crap through this thing.
2. You can then attach a shower hose to clean yourself out and possibly explode your insides.
All of this and more at: http://www.cracked.com/blog/15-real-sex-toys-that-will-give-you-nightmares/
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The Holy Water Plug. In your dick. In your DICK. My legs are crossed from sympathy pain.
The Latex Vac Bed makes me feel like I'm suffocating just looking at it. Also reminds me of that encasement fetish story that someone on here linked me to years ago, which I saved for some godawful reason.
And I have seen anal ring toss before. Surprisingly, it doesn't look fun.
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The Bunny Hood is going to give me nightmares...