Wishes Will Be Corrupted

[Art Vandelay]

Granted. Your childhood was awesome, but you lost your virginity at 18, to an amorous donkey (it's not part of your childhood, so it counts).

I wish Nintendo would stop sucking horribly and go back to being awesome.

[Captain Jack Harkness]

Wish granted.  They're super awesome.  It's a shame that they're now bankrupt!

I wish I had some programming language certification.

[Art Vandelay]

Granted, but you currently have a criminal record for online identity theft and credit card fraud. As such, you're banned from owning or in fact going anywhere near a computer.

I wish there was more chocolate in the house.

[R. U. Sirius]

Granted. Your dog eats it all and is violently sick on your face.

I wish for the ability to shapeshift at will, perfectly, with no getting stuck in a single shape against my will, but no shapeshifting without my conscious effort either.

[Sigmaleph]

Granted, but you lose the ability to visualise shapes in your mind. You now only shapeshift into weird blobs.

I wish I had more tea in my mug.

[Saturn500]

Granted. It overflows.

I wish for a ring of +2 strength.

[Art Vandelay]

Granted. It comes with -6 penis size and -15 bowel control.

I wish the dogs were better behaved.

[Random Gal]

Granted, the dogs are now mindless, emotionless robots.

I wish third-party developers would support Nintendo more.

[Art Vandelay]

Granted, but they take a massive financial hit for it because the Wii-U is a near-impossible to program for gimmicky and underpowered piece of shit that's lost the Wii's massive casual user base to mobile gaming. As such, they quickly go back to PC and more sensible consoles.

I wish things and stuff would occur.

[QueenofHearts]

Granted, things and stuff occur but not as you would expect it. It happened a bit too literally and you wish you had worded your wish a bit better.

I wish that the next poster would passionately make love to Rush Limbaugh (the radio host), and Rush Limbaugh alone, no three ways, for several hours to porno saxophone music.

[Art Vandelay]

Granted. But I demand $50 000 in cash for my services. In return, I'll ensure that I'm so wild, so passionate and so generally vigorous in the sack that it ends up giving him a heart attack. If not, I'm afraid I just don't have it in me (pun intended) to go the extra mile for you all.

I wish didn't have to fuck Rush Limbaugh in the first place.

[QueenofHearts]

Granted, you're now having sex with Glenn Beck.

I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend.

[Zygarde]

Granted but some a-hole pushes him right back on it.


I wish I didn't have to go to summer school.

[R. U. Sirius]

Granted, but it's because of the zombie apocalypse.

I wish to survive the zombie apocalypse alive (not undead), unmaimed and sound of mind.

[Art Vandelay]

Granted, but you end up maimed, insane and soon to be dead just after it ends and civilisation is begining to return.

I wish this zombie fad would finally just die already.