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Current TV host John Fugelsang joined Frank “TV’s Frank” Conniff in the CLOSET on Tuesday — or at least, a fake activist group they said was taking a stand against “gay cereal.”“Our new non-profit non-political 501 c(4) is Cereal Lovers Opposing Sodomite Equality Today,” Fugelsang explained, on the heels of cereal makers General Mills’ decision to honor LGBT Pride month by adding rainbow-shaped bits to Lucky Charms cereal.“We here in the CLOSET community share your outrage that a capitalist business would be so inclusive toward minorities just to increase profits,” Fugelsang faux-raged. “These gay capitalists are Marxists!” Conniff agreed.For the past 50 years, Fugelsang argued, Lucky Charms was a wholesome way to provide children with processed fat and sugar. But now being inclusive toward the LGBT community ran the risk of turning those same children gay by association.
From international relations to religious rivalries, from marriage to athlete's foot, whatever the problem a fundy's first solution is usually violence.
No matter what happens, no matter what my last words may end up being, I want everyone to claim that they were: "If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine."
Aww, you guys rock. I feel the love... and the pitchforks and torches. Tingly!
