Wishes Will Be Corrupted

[ThunderWulf]

Granted, but it's the size of a house and squishes you.

I wish that I could communicate with animals.

[Sleepy]

Granted. You discover that they're all secretly plotting to conquer humans and attempt to immediately inform authorities. Unfortunately, you're seen as a nutcase and thrown into a nice, padded white room for a few decades.

I wish for cheese.

[Random Gal]

You get plenty of cheese. Unfortunately, it's long past the expiration date and is infected with deadly mold spores that kill you after a few bites.

I wish I was a kitty so people would love me and take care of me for the rest of my life without having to do anything in return.

[jumpingjackflash]

Granted, but on the first day of being a kitty you are mauled to death by crazy doberman dogs.

I wish I can survive wounds that would normally kill other people (being stabbed, shot, hit by a car, blunt trauma etc.)

[Jack Bauer]

Granted, but the next day you get salmonella poisoning which proves terminal.

I wish I could teach the world to sing in perfect harmony...

[ThunderWulf]

Granted, but they continuously argue over what song to sing.

I wish that I could snap my fingers and get rid of all the fundies.

[Art Vandelay]

Granted, but racists spring up in their place.

I wish I was better at Terraria.

[Jack Bauer]

Granted but you now suck at everything else.

 I wish I had a pet corvid, preferably a raven.

[N. De Plume]

Granted. But you only get it for one day, after which it dies of West Nile, which is shortly transferred to you by an evil mosquito.

I wish mosquitoes were not evil.

[Sigmaleph]

Granted, they are Lawful Stupid and believe the law demands they give malaria and dengue to as many humans as possible.

I wish I could control temperature.

[Jack Bauer]

Granted, but you are bitten by a mosquito which gives you malaria and dengue. You lapse into a feverish coma and your temperature control ability runs amok giving rise to global warming on an unprecedented scale. Several whales die.

I wish for free icecream and chocolate for everyone!

[Jodie]

Granted. But 90% of population develops diabetes and many die young from complications.

I wish I had a mansion made entirely out of gold bricks.

[jumpingjackflash]

Granted. But the next day, a wrecking ball hung from a crane near your mansion accidentally wrecks your mansion because of a faulty control.

I wish 9/11 never happened.

[Shane for Wax]

Granted. It happens on 9/12 instead.

I wish I had a massage from a nice masseuse.

[Scotsgit]

Granted:  He may ba nice masseuse, unfortunately he gives you a skin disease that makes you so hideous you can't go out in public ever again.

I wish I lived somewhere where it's warm all year round.