"Are you not afraid of going to hell?"
Dearest Unsaved,
I have recently been informed that you will be having an extended stay with us.
I have taken the liberty of making a reservation for You on the terrace of the Caldera Cafe. Your table has a wonderful view of the famed Lake of Fire.
You may have read of the negative reviews by Dante and others. Let me assure You that many change have been made in recent years. The work of literally thousands of engineers and scientist has well as artists and musician have totally transformed Hell. Power generated from the Lake of Fire now provides air conditioning, air purification, and our impressive sound system. Speaking of which we have a long-term contract with Queen for Monday nights (no more of that American football).
Speaking of entertainment, we also have a cultural exchange program with Valhalla on Thor’s day. Boy do those folks know how to party.
On to the menu, I hope Your sin was gluttony. Many quest tell us it is such torment reading the menu, Deviled Eggs, Shrimp Diablo, or Pigs-in-a-Blanket? Margaritas with Kosher salt? Yes, it may be torment to choose, but hey there is always tomorrow.
Bread and wine available on request.
Your obedient Master,
Princes of Darkness