One thing I remember from my time as a Christian fundie is that forgiveness was always for the forgiver, not the forgiven.
That's a load of bullshit, even within the context of Christian fundamentalism. Especially since they always expected people to forgive others without waiting for their apology (which
always comes across as condescending as fuck to the 'forgiven') to show how 'loving' they are. And yet God waits for your special apology before granting you his divine forgiveness.
HURK.Anyways, my view on forgiveness is that it's always up to the person forgiving whether or not they should do it or not. Never forgive someone who hasn't asked for forgiveness. And there are times forgiveness should be earned.
(That being said, I place more emphasis on apology than forgiveness than most other people. Not that an apology itself can make everything right, but that apology is the first step to making things right, and skipping the apology makes people think that you don't regret your actions at all.)
I do have one hang up about forgiveness. Namely actually using the word "forgive". Because of my history, it has always come across as condescending to me to use that word in a sentence. "I forgive you" just feels so...
Which is why I tend to prefer other phrases like "It's all water under the bridge now", which indicates that the wrong has been washed away and is no longer of important.
There is one thing that is far more important than forgiveness, though, and something that doesn't require you forgiving someone, either.
Letting go of a grudge. Sometimes, someone has wronged you and is unrepentant. You can get yourself worked up into a tizzy about it, and I doubt anyone would blame you for it.
However, once you let go of that, and move past it, that person no longer has any power over you (unless you're in a situation where the person DOES have power over you, and that's not the time to worry about forgiving and letting go). It's good for
you to let go of things that bother you.
On the other hand, though, forgiving and letting go does not mean the same as "forgetting", and the phrase "forgive and forget" is annoying to me for that reason. Letting go is allowing yourself to move on. Forgiving someone is letting them know
they can move on. Forgetting is irresponsible and leads to both mistakes and being vulnerable to those mistakes again.
Never forget when someone has wronged you and how. You can let go of the hatred, but always guard yourself.
...I think that turned into a sermon. Sorry XD