Author Topic: The official Dooms novels, indistinguishable from bad fanfic.  (Read 2703 times)

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Offline The Illusive Man

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The official Dooms novels, indistinguishable from bad fanfic.
« on: January 19, 2013, 10:14:22 pm »
Ladies and gentlemen, I was warned. I was warned that the the Doom novels were hilariously fanfic bad. It took a while to acquire copies but by the Bruiser Brothers it was fucking worth it. It’s like reading a train wreck in slow mo, it sort of start off well enough but then the fucking carnage starts.

WARNING: SPOILERS and bad bad fanfic quality writing.

Knee Deep In the Dead

Meet the original doom guy:
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Corporal Flynn Taggart, Fox Company, 15th Light Drop Infantry Regiment,United States Marine Corps; 888-23-9912. Everyone calls me Fly, except when they're pissed.


This was my first in text warning that things were going to get shippy.
Quote
Of  course, there was a lot more to Arlene; she  had a brain. Those are in short supply in the service, even in Light Drop,


Imps can ssssnake talk. Also zombies are slaves.
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Child zombies too!
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Imp fireballs explained:
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They also change the layout of buildings:
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AKA secret hunting:
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Rockets explained:
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Doomguy finds a soul sphere:
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Wow they actually remembered that swastika!
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Stim-pack!
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Doomguy finds the Bruiser Brothers!
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Doomguy runs around The Shores of Hell ass naked! Hey guys remember that two switch secret in e2m1, the novel has it in e2m2. The following statement are 100% factual as put forth by the novel:
  • Doomguy is a chump, not getting to the military base (e1m9), shameful.
  • The teleporter at e1m8 acts sort of like time travel for the Terminator movies (no clothes).
  • Remember how I mentioned Arlene above?

Oh and Doomguy's secretly had a crush on Arlene : PAGES were devoted to this, he and here no now ass nude on the shores of hell. Ladies and gentlemen where have officially crossed the threshold in to bad fan fiction here, I am not sure if I should laugh or cry.

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« Last Edit: April 08, 2013, 12:15:19 am by The Illusive Man »
Despite knowing about indoctrination I thought it was a good idea to put a human Reaper near my office. Now I am a sentient husk :(.

*RRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRR* *SCREECH* *smokes*


Offline Dakota Bob

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Re: The Cyber Demon of bad fanfic.
« Reply #1 on: April 05, 2013, 11:52:05 am »
Okay, I know this is several months old but it was still at the frontpage. I really need to read this book now.

Offline The Illusive Man

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Re: The Cyber Demon of bad fanfic.
« Reply #2 on: April 08, 2013, 12:14:36 am »
Wow I though this thread was doomed, I originally drunk posted this.
Despite knowing about indoctrination I thought it was a good idea to put a human Reaper near my office. Now I am a sentient husk :(.

*RRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRR* *SCREECH* *smokes*


Offline Vypernight

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Re: The official Dooms novels, indistinguishable from bad fanfic.
« Reply #3 on: April 08, 2013, 09:53:00 am »
Are these the books that originally came out, I thin, in the 90's?  If so, I thought the first wasn't bad, the the rest were horrible.  I don't remember them much, but didn't the story turn really spiritual toward the end?  It was really weird and disappointing.  I figured a story about shooting demons with rocket launchers would be difficult to screw up.  Guess I was wrong.
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Offline Askold

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Re: The official Dooms novels, indistinguishable from bad fanfic.
« Reply #4 on: April 14, 2013, 08:09:41 am »
I think the biggest problem was the one that many official books about games suffer from:

They just didn't care. They knew that some fans will buy the book no matter how horrible rubbish it will be and after all this is just something based on a computer game so it's not that important.

This does not mean that all such books are rubbish but the quality control is definitely worse. If you look at all the books in Star wars EU, Star trek, Forgotten realms, Warhammer etc. You will see that, although there are decent books in there much of it is b-grade. Great books will make more profits but if even the worse ones make more money than they cost then there is no reason not to publish them.

In some genres making something bad might have bad consequences, but if the 312th Star wars book is bad the fans will just shrug and wait to see if the 313th is any good.
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Offline Jack Mann

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Re: The official Dooms novels, indistinguishable from bad fanfic.
« Reply #5 on: April 16, 2013, 04:17:15 pm »
The Doom comic, however, was a thing of beauty and grace.

"RIP AND TEAR!"
اللغة العربية صعبة ، ولكنها جميلة جدا