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Community => Creative Outlets => Topic started by: AlphaMaid on July 14, 2019, 11:40:22 am

Title: Jacob Harrison’s version of Parallel Hero
Post by: AlphaMaid on July 14, 2019, 11:40:22 am
Hello, I am Jacob Harrison’s fiancée from Kiwi Farms and was asked by Jacob to post this. 

Jacob remembered that Niam said that the story he is writing is based on the video game SMT Apocalypse. He watched YouTube videos of the game and discovered that Niam’s purpose for writing Parallel Hero was to piss on him and Yahweh. SMT Apocalypse is a blasphemous game where Yahweh, the omnipotent creator of the universe gets defeated.

Jacob was pissed about it so he modified the story to make it more in accordance with Catholicism.

This story takes place in the end times where rightful authority in England and Europe is restored. According to Catholic prophecies, the Age of Peace will begin in 2038. http://afterthewarningto2038.com/how-do-we-know-the-dates.php

In 1376, Edward III made an entail restricting the crown to male heirs and Richard II revised the entail to exclude his cousin Henry of Bolingbroke due to him once being part of a rebel group called the Lords Appellant. There was also a statute which barred foreigners from inheriting the throne.

His uncle Edmund was therefore the next in line, but Edmund and his son Edward forfeited their rights when they betrayed Richard and joined Henry’s usurpation of the throne.

Therefore, after Richard was murdered, there was no legitimate male-line Plantagenet heir to the throne so ever since then, England has no monarchy De jure.

However, there are rightful heirs to other titles of nobility who have been deprived of their titles. A good example are the descendants of Thomas le Despenser who was made Earl of Gloucester by Richard II but was attainted by the false king Henry IV because of his role in the righteous execution of Richard’s treasonous uncle Thomas.

Since the throne has been vacant since 1399, once the rightful nobility is restored, the House of Commons and the House of Lords can choose who is to be the new monarch. And in the story this happens. He is the Great Monarch of Catholic prophecy who will rule over the other European monarchs.

Chapter 1 World War III
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Title: Re: Jacob Harrison’s version of Parallel Hero
Post by: AlphaMaid on July 14, 2019, 11:41:07 am
Chapter 2 The Great Visitors
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Title: Re: Jacob Harrison’s version of Parallel Hero
Post by: AlphaMaid on July 14, 2019, 11:41:53 am
Chapter 3 Prophecy Fulfilled
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Title: Re: Jacob Harrison’s version of Parallel Hero
Post by: AlphaMaid on July 14, 2019, 11:42:36 am
Chapter 4 Jeopardy of a Fellow
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Title: Re: Jacob Harrison’s version of Parallel Hero
Post by: AlphaMaid on July 14, 2019, 11:43:24 am
Chapter 5 Fight to Counter
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Title: Re: Jacob Harrison’s version of Parallel Hero
Post by: AlphaMaid on July 14, 2019, 11:44:11 am
Chapter 6 Dream in the Forest
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Title: Re: Jacob Harrison’s version of Parallel Hero
Post by: AlphaMaid on July 14, 2019, 11:45:01 am
Chapter 7 The Old Gods
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Title: Re: Jacob Harrison’s version of Parallel Hero
Post by: AlphaMaid on July 14, 2019, 11:45:35 am
Chapter 8 The Coming Storm
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Title: Re: Jacob Harrison’s version of Parallel Hero
Post by: AlphaMaid on July 14, 2019, 11:46:22 am
Chapter 9 Hercules
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Title: Re: Jacob Harrison’s version of Parallel Hero
Post by: AlphaMaid on July 14, 2019, 11:46:59 am
Chapter 10 Lilith
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Title: Re: Jacob Harrison’s version of Parallel Hero
Post by: AlphaMaid on July 14, 2019, 11:47:34 am
Chapter 11 Panacea
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Title: Re: Jacob Harrison’s version of Parallel Hero
Post by: AlphaMaid on July 14, 2019, 11:48:27 am
Chapter 12 The End of the World
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Title: Re: Jacob Harrison’s version of Parallel Hero
Post by: Tolpuddle Martyr on July 14, 2019, 12:33:00 pm
Hello, I am Jacob Harrison’s fiancée from Kiwi Farms and was asked by Jacob to post this.
Kiwi Farms still exists?
Title: Re: Jacob Harrison’s version of Parallel Hero
Post by: AlphaMaid on July 14, 2019, 12:36:12 pm
Hello, I am Jacob Harrison’s fiancée from Kiwi Farms and was asked by Jacob to post this.
Kiwi Farms still exists?
I see that your Australian. While Kiwi Farms was banned in New Zealand and Australia because of Joshua Moon’s conflict with the New Zealand authorities, it still exists in the United States and United Kingdom which I am from.

Also, since Jacob believes in obeying the law, he got upset by Joshua’s actions and said this.
Quote
@Null is a heretic. Trump supporters are supposed to respect the law, and he is now encouraging New Zealanders to break New Zealand’s laws. If we don’t respect the law, then we don’t have the moral high ground when condemning illegal immigrants for coming to the US illegally or Hillary Clinton for her email scandal.

New Zealand’s government is legitimate because they gained independence from the illegitimate British Empire and are internationally recognized by legitimate governments such as the US.
Other Kiwis reacted negatively to this comment and got his reaction score all the way down to -153 but since then, he managed to get his reaction score to 17.
Title: Re: Jacob Harrison’s version of Parallel Hero
Post by: dpareja on July 14, 2019, 01:56:58 pm
Calling Sigma to ban this sockpuppet.
Title: Re: Jacob Harrison’s version of Parallel Hero
Post by: AlphaMaid on July 14, 2019, 02:04:02 pm
Calling Sigma to ban this sockpuppet.
Here is proof that I am not a sockpuppet. I am another Kiwi Farms user. https://kiwifarms.net/profile-posts/166428/
Title: Re: Jacob Harrison’s version of Parallel Hero
Post by: niam2023 on July 14, 2019, 02:13:30 pm
Jacob cannot fucking write, proof number 12,478. His prose is just dreadful. Compare the prose of the original Parallel Hero to this bilge water.

Even if he wasn't a theocratic nutbar, his every sockpuppet introduces itself the very same way.
Title: Re: Jacob Harrison’s version of Parallel Hero
Post by: SomeApe on July 14, 2019, 03:28:47 pm
Here is proof that I am Elvis Presley:

https://de.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elvis_Presley

 8)
Title: Jacob Harrison's Parallel Zero: A Sporking - Chapter 1
Post by: Bastethotep on July 14, 2019, 03:34:03 pm
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Hello, I am Jacob Harrison’s fiancée from Kiwi Farms and was asked by Jacob to post this.
Hello, Not Jacob Harrison.

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Therefore, after Richard was murdered, there was no legitimate male-line Plantagenet heir to the throne so ever since then, England has no monarchy De jure.
Epic Fail.

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Right after Trump woke up, he went to twitter and tweeted about his dream.
Well, I see there is one realistic thing in this fic. Certainly an improvement compared to your previous works.

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To his surprise, many Evangelical Christians called it a false sign since it was a dream about a Catholic president giving a message from God.

This caused Trump to have an epiphany that Catholicism is the true faith. He therefore realized that divorce is a sin. So when he converted, a church tribunal did a ruling of his marriages. They ruled first marriage to Ivana to be null because she previously divorced. They ruled that his second marriage to Marla Maples was the valid marriage so his third marriage to Melania was therefore null. Donald and Melania were therefore given the option to separate or live as brother and sister. They choose the later so that Melania could continue being the First Lady.

This caused Pope Francis to realize that he was wrong about Trump and he repented for being judgemental.
Yeah, that’s totally how human psychology works.

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Kennedy’s ghost’s warning came true on April 6, 2020. As Trump did not want war, he did his best to avoid war with Iran and successfully avoided it in 2019. However the tensions led to Iran breaking the uranium stockpile limit. Eventually the US had intelligence of them producing a nuclear weapon. This time, Trump had no choice but to order a preemptive military strike targeting a nuclear reactor. It was war.

Saudi Arabia and the other Gulf Arab nations immediately joined the US in the war against Iran. Israel which was in conflict with the Iranian supported terrorist organization Hezbollah was pulled into the war.

Iran’s allies Russia and China intervened to defend Iran. Ukraine took advantage of Russia being in war and invaded the Crimean Peninsula. Ukraine’s ally Poland joined the war on Ukraine’s side. This caused other NATO countries to join the war. It was World War III.
Er, have the US left NATO in that bizarre alternative universe of yours or something? Why would we apparently not follow the USA in an intervention to stop Iran from becoming an atom power, but then follow Poland of all countries in joining a non-member's war of aggression against nuclear super power Russia???

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Jacob Harrison and Pomme realizing that the war could go nuclear and destroy internet communication
Oh yes, that’s the true horror of nuclear war. Not the untold destruction wrecked by the bombs, not the fall-out, not the Nuclear Winter and the global famines it brings. No, the problem is that the internet is going down!

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President Recep Tayyip Erdoğan declaring himself to be the Ottoman Caliph.
Okay, that actually does sound scarily plausible...

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Jacob Harrison knew that one day the Turks will be defeated and Christianity would triumph. In the meantime, he had to postpone his college degree in order to get a job as a janitor to provide for his family.
Assuming of course that you would not have been conscripted or nuked.

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His wife was pregnant.
The poor child, in the womb during the fall-out, born into the nuclear winter...
...and that's leaving aside its insane father...

To be continued...
Title: Jacob Harrison's Parallel Zero: A Sporking - Chapter 2
Post by: Bastethotep on July 14, 2019, 04:09:12 pm
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“I am Henry of South Cadbury England. I am descended from Louis XVII of France, the son of the Holy Martyrs Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette. I am the prophesied King Henry of France that God revealed to Marie-Julie Jahenny.”

“But Louis XVII died at the age of 10,” said Jacob.

“According to the official story. But remember that God revealed to Marie-Julie Jahenny that the great monarch will be descended from Louis XVI.
Well, then she clearly was a false prophet. A sloppy one, at that.
Also, the way you integrate your exposition into the dialogue organically is truly astonishing.
Astonishingly bad.

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when I invade England
You and what army?

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the House of Commons and the House of Lords will elect me king.
Even if Aragorn Wannabe were to be succeed in his plans, what makes him so sure they would elect him, rather than putting the Windsors back on the throne, thus maintaining the continuity that had been de facto in place for centuries, or picking a king less likely to interfere in their own interest than the despotic autocrat Henry Sue will doubtlessly turn out to be?

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The other European kingdoms will elect me Holy Roman Emperor
You fail History forever.

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“Here is proof that I am doing a mission from God.”

Suddenly the apparition of a young woman appeared in the room.
NECROMANCY!!!

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“I am Saint Joan of Arc.”

“Now I know that Henry is the Great Monarch.
How do you know the ghost is telling the truth? Really, we don't even get any description of her beyond being young and female!

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The apparition caused Pomme to immediately convert to Catholicism.
Wait, she is not already Catholic, even almost nine months after marrying Jacob Harrison?

To be continued...
Title: Re: Jacob Harrison's Parallel Zero - A Sporking Chapter 2
Post by: AlphaMaid on July 14, 2019, 04:55:14 pm
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“I am Henry of South Cadbury England. I am descended from Louis XVII of France, the son of the Holy Martyrs Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette. I am the prophesied King Henry of France that God revealed to Marie-Julie Jahenny.”

“But Louis XVII died at the age of 10,” said Jacob.

“According to the official story. But remember that God revealed to Marie-Julie Jahenny that the great monarch will be descended from Louis XVI.
Well, then she clearly was a false prophet. A sloppy one, at that.
Also, the way you integrate your exposition into the dialogue organically is truly astonishing.
Astonishingly bad.

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when I invade England
You and what army?

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the House of Commons and the House of Lords will elect me king.
Even if Aragorn Wannabe were to be succeed in his plans, what makes him so sure they would elect him, rather than putting the Windsors back on the throne, thus maintaining the continuity that had been de facto in place for centuries, or picking a king less likely to interfere in their own interest than the despotic autocrat Henry Sue will doubtlessly turn out to be?

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The other European kingdoms will elect me Holy Roman Emperor
You fail History forever.

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“Here is proof that I am doing a mission from God.”

Suddenly the apparition of a young woman appeared in the room.
NECROMANCY!!!

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“I am Saint Joan of Arc.”

“Now I know that Henry is the Great Monarch.
How do you know the ghost is telling the truth? Really, we don't even get any description of her beyond being young and female!

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The apparition caused Pomme to immediately convert to Catholicism.
Wait, she is not already Catholic, even almost nine months after marrying Jacob Harrison?

To be continued...
A Catholic can get permission from a bishop to marry a non Catholic which he plans to do. As part of the agreement, I must allow him to raise our children to be Catholic. He prays for my conversion in real life so that my soul is saved. Therefore, him having me convert in the story due to a supernatural apparition reflects his hope.
Title: Re: Jacob Harrison’s version of Parallel Hero
Post by: davedan on July 14, 2019, 04:59:42 pm
Calling Sigma to ban this sockpuppet.

Don't be such a spoilsport dpareja
Title: Jacob Harrison's Parallel Zero: A Sporking - Chapter 3
Post by: Bastethotep on July 14, 2019, 05:12:24 pm
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And so, Jacob made a YouTube video
Wait, I thought the Internet was going to collapse because of WWIII?

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The Great Monarch is coming.
T̸͔͓͇h̬̟͕͔̭͔̳͟e̦̠̙͟ ̱̞̦̻͜h͓̟͎̜̹͚i̟v̗̝͈̦̘̬̬e҉̬-̯̘̰̰̟̰͕͘m̭͓͈̩̫͖̥̕i͙̝͉̟̩n͎̗̜̤̰̭͝d̡͍̯̼̖ͅ ̲̩̘r̷̫̪͈̣̭ep͢r̴͔̝̺̮ͅe̟͓̞sẹ͙͓̠̻́n̲͖̱̬̤̩͝t̸̮i͎̞͈̦͖̦̜͘ń̲̥̹̹͉͓̱g̀ ̠̹͕͓̫ͅc̳̖̪̮̲͇h͍̬͉͙̹̟a̹̦ͅo̖̺s.̩̻̺
̰̘͍͘T̟h͜e̶̼̖̗ ͢N͓̮̲͔̻̟̥͡ḙz̴̖͕͔̳͍͖p̗̖̗̣̝̳͜ͅe̲͙̲̘̝r̙̤̭̺̦̙d̲͘i͍̮̠͖ͅa̻̝̬̘̠̫̟n̢̼̯̫̝̥̼̝ ̡̮̻̲h̗͇͕̦͇͓̮i̜̬͙͠ͅv̛e̵̲-̭̙͕̱͍̞̫m͈͚i̮̱̯͕̣͈ṇ̗d̦̮̻ ̙̘͎͔̗ọ̜f͟ ̰͎͓̬c̗̭̣͓̱h͙̞͇ͅa̦̟̜o̟̫̮s̖̜͚̟̟.̳ ̗̺̖Z̶͉̝͓̙a͇̱̠̤l͉͕̥̗͈͡g͎̩͎͇o̩͖̱ͅ.͚̞͢
͕̙̳͕̖H͓e͍͞ ̫͈̱̜ͅw̬͍h͡o͔ ̜̟̬̘͖̤W͡ą̳̻̺̘̗̬it͔̦͚ş̱͚ͅ ̫̠B̗͈̞̙e͏h͔in͏̟̮̭͎͔ͅd T̨͖͓͕̼̘̤h̪e̸͈̫̭̜͖ ̫͇͟ͅW͈̥͕̪̹ͅa͢ll̰̟̀.̢͉͎̦̜̻͎
̡̤̙Z̭A҉̲̦̳̙L͟G͈O̝̩̭̱ͅ!̕

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He told me to make this video to start a chain of events that will fulfill the prophecy.
Actually, Aragoof said nothing about a video.

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The Great Monarch will liberate America, Europe and the Holy Land
Or at least what little is left of it...

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rebuild the Church of Hagia Sophia
You know that the Hagia Sophia is still standing, right? I mean, it could have been destroyed during the war, but the powerful position of Turkey in your timeline strongly implies it has been left largely intact.

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The video became viral.
Yeah, because one video of the ramblings of a self-important loon is totally what will captivate the minds of the survivors in the post-apocalyptic world...

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This will be important later in the story.
Aren't you a master of foreshadowing?
(No, you are not.)

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since World War III caused a major loss in doctors and medical technology
Well, someone finally remembers that it's WWIII...

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In 2034, General Zekai Aksakallı, a secret convert to Catholicism who was ordained into the clergy had his forces launch attacks destroying all of Turkey’s nuclear weapons which finally allowed the conquered Americans and Europeans to rebel.
And you assume it was your silly video that converted him?
Also, that's quite a sudden time skip there.

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Henry began the rebellion in America. He restored the United States and then his army crossed over into Europe. It was World War IV.
So Henry Sue started a World War. Our heroes, ladies and gentlemen!

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Jacob Harrison was also canonized as a Saint.
You know that Superbia is one of Catholicism's Deadly Sins, right?

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Then from Good Friday to Easter 2038, there was the prophesied 3 Days of Darkness where the world became dark and God punished mankind. Around 1/4 of mankind heeded the supernatural warning that came on February 7, 2038. They lit blessed candles and took shelter inside their homes which they sprinkled with Holy Water as protection from demons.

The rest of mankind perished due to the pestilence in the air and the demons that roamed the Earth with an exception of a few who were soon converted.
Feel God's Love™ and Omnibenevolence™!

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Jacob Harrison Jr. married in 2039 and had a daughter called Anne born on October 1 2039 and then a son called Jacob Harrison III born on July 13 2040.
Such creative names. I don't get why some people think it is a good idea to give their children their own name. Hell, I would not even give the name of any friend or family member to my children.
...well, back to the story.

To be continued...
Title: Jacob Harrison's Parallel Zero: A Sporking - Chapter 4
Post by: Bastethotep on July 14, 2019, 06:19:25 pm
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There he saw a small humanoid with wings flying about the garden.

Jacob III had never seen a fairy before, but he knew well enough to know this was one of them. "Little fairy, what are you doing out here?"

The fairy flew over to him. "It's terrible Mr. Knight! The Fairies have been attacked in our forest by the old god Pales, who wants to harvest our energy to return him to prominence!"

“Old God? There is no god but Yahweh,” replied Jacob III.

“I will clarify,” said the fairy. “The old gods are not real gods. They are  powerful shape-shifting aliens who got ancient peoples in your world to worship them which gives them psychic energy. They lost their prominence in your world when monotheism spread.”
So now the story is about a neo-Arthurian knight protecting fairies from Lovecraftian false gods?
Sounds kind of awesome, actually. Sadly, I am rather pessimistic that this fic will live up to that expectation.

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Two others closed in, only to be cut through with almost casual ease by the sword Arondight, one after the other.
:Mary Sue Alert:
By the way, that constant "Jacob III" is getting annoying. Yes, we know that this Jacob Harrison is the third one. And you would not even have that problem at all if you had not given them your own name!

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He called them Lesser Titans
Those things were ridiculously wimpy for Titans, "lesser" or not. Jaclone III is indeed a Mary Sue, isn't he?

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I've...I've never seen anyone handle them as well as you did.
Mary Sue confirmed.

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a young boy fending off easily five of the Lesser Titans, these ones wielding blades instead of mere torches.

The boy was covered with shallow wounds, including one on his cheek, having dark hair and blue eyes, clothed in a large jacket with a hood and slacks. What caught Jacob III’s attention about him was the presence of a floating spear / sword hybrid. The sword spear had a large blade with a long handle.

The floating blade whirred through the air and countered each strike extremely quickly, the young boy coordinating the blade with his hands.
Oh great, one more Mary Sue. Yay.

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I'm Tamerin, the current Fairy King."

Jacob III looked the younger man up and down - he barely looked fourteen, and a small bemused look came to his face, "...Pretty short for a King..."

Tamerin glowered at him, "I could still hit my growth spurt! Don't laugh!...haah...dammit."
...Jacob is so foolish to mock the King of the Fair Folk...
...and the Fairy King actually lets him get away with it...
...
!!!

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Speaking of names, my name's Jacob Harrison III the grandson of Saint Jacob Harrison."
Yes, just give the bloody King of the bloody Fair Folk your True Name, without him even needing to ask! I'm starting to suspect that Jacob Harrison III is somehow even more of a fool than his grandfather!

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Tam had a few more problems with them - he needed to keep them off of him, owing to the fact he did not have such armor or abilities.
Tamerin is the Fairy King. Why would he even need armour? Why would he be in greater peril than a mere mortal, magic sword or not?
And why would Jacob Harrison III even be wearing armour and his magic sword in the first place, when he was tending the garden when the fairy took him to the Otherworld?

To be continued...
Title: Re: Jacob Harrison’s version of Parallel Hero
Post by: Sigmaleph on July 14, 2019, 06:39:57 pm
Sigh.

I don't actually need to check your IP to know it's you, Jacob, but just as a heads up, you're not using your proxy correctly. Or at least not consistently.

Bye.
Title: Re: Jacob Harrison’s version of Parallel Hero
Post by: davedan on July 14, 2019, 10:02:38 pm
Why do you hate fun Sigma?
Title: Re: Jacob Harrison’s version of Parallel Hero
Post by: Kanzenkankaku on July 15, 2019, 01:14:41 am
Aww shucks i missed the fun.
Can someone tl;dr the babbling that this new story's plot consists of?
Title: Jacob Harrison's Parallel Zero: A Sporking - Chapter 5
Post by: Bastethotep on July 15, 2019, 01:53:45 am
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It took the form of a large donkey, with black fur and glowing red eyes. It was decorated with various gems and totems.
What an epic description.

The rest of the chapter seems to be straight-up copy-pasted from Niam with the name changed. The sudden rise in quality is rather noticable. Which makes me wonder why you did not copy Niam's far better description as well, but rather replaced it with that beige prose.

To be continued...

PS:
Okay, it does diverge again at the end.

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But the other old gods will avenge me when they return to Earth."
You know, this lengthy sentence does not really fit as Last Words. Also, how cliché.

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The old god then dropped dead and its form was revealed to be a grey alien.
If by "grey alien", you mean the stereotypical alien design, "grey" should be capitalised. "Old Gods" should be capitalised as well, by the way, as it is a proper name, whereas the way you write it, they are just gods who are old - and I may note that this way, the narrative actually considers them gods, rather than the imposters you claim them to be.

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Its soul went to Limbo as it was not human and therefore neither holy nor a sinner.
So non-human sapients exist, they have souls, they are clearly capable of good and evil... but they are outside of divine justice? So black magic, setting up a cult worshipping you as a god, draining souls and massacring innocents in the pursuit of power are not sinful?
Your theology sucks.
Title: Re: Jacob Harrison’s version of Parallel Hero
Post by: davedan on July 15, 2019, 02:43:36 am
Love your summaries Bastethotep and admire your fortitude in wading through this dribble.
Title: Jacob Harrison's Parallel Zero: A Sporking - Chapter 6
Post by: Bastethotep on July 15, 2019, 03:16:54 am
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The dream turned into a nightmare. He saw his grandfather in the interrogation room being tortured.

He then saw his grandfather being strapped to an electric chair and then shocked.
The horror is truly palpable. This is the most intense torture scene since legolas by laura.
(That was sarcastic, in case you couldn't tell.)

You really enjoy that persecution fantasy of yours, don't you?

Back to plagiarism...

This one seems to make no changes beyond the names at all.
Title: Jacob Harrison's Parallel Zero: A Sporking - Chapter 7
Post by: Bastethotep on July 15, 2019, 03:41:30 am
Well, it seems the plagiarism is over, at least for now.

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He believed that as humans and fairies had language, they were superior to other animals and therefore should not get slaughtered for food. That is why the ancient Greeks and Romans abandoned human sacrifice
The bastard.

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Hera/Juno was drinking tea and reading news of their home planet on her tablet.
Got to admit, this actually is kind of funny and cute.

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Seeking revenge on you for cheating on me and producing demigods
Well, at least someone is not out of character.

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I formed an alliance with the Demon Lord Lucifer
Wait, you mean the pagan gods were not already servants of the Devil all along? I'm sure that's heresy.

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Tartarus was a prison deep underground within a region of caverns called the Underworld, run by Jupiter’s brother Hades/Pluto which also contained Elysium and the Asphodel Meadows.
So the Greek underworld is real? So how, exactly, are the Old Gods false, then?

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the average souls going to the Asphodel Meadows, those they considered heroic going to Elysium, and the wicked going to Tartarus.
Sounds familiar... almost as if Christianity/Dante ripped off their Heaven/Hell/Purgatory from them...
(Well, actually, both of them stole the concept from Zoroastrism.)
Title: Re: Jacob Harrison’s version of Parallel Hero
Post by: niam2023 on July 15, 2019, 04:26:40 am
Leave it to Jacob to plagiarize when he can't fucking write.
Title: Jacob Harrison's Parallel Zero: A Sporking - Chapter 8
Post by: Bastethotep on July 15, 2019, 04:36:20 am
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Inside the throne room was the Great Monarch Henry, his Prime Minister Michael Romano, Jacob III’s father Jacob Harrison Jr. and Jacob III’s sister Anne. 
Yes, I can see it so clearly before my inner eye. Move over, JRRT, this is what a TRUE master of establishing a scene's setting looks like!
(Sarcasm again, in case you couldn't tell.)

Also, you already introduced Jacob Jr and Anne in chapter 3.

By the way, does Great Monarch™ Pseudogorn not have a wife (well, considering how the royal marriages in your other fics work out, maybe it is a smart move to stay unmarried...) or other advisors and courtiers? And, on that note, what about Jacob Jr.'s wife/Anne and Jacob III's mother? She does not even get a name! Which particularly stands out in contrast to your precise dating of each of your descendant's birth, a comparatively minor detail.

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the Great Monarch Henry was his adoptive father.
In that case, shouldn't their last name be "of South Cadbury England" rather than "Harrison"?
Also, I notice that you made your descendants heirs to the throne. Why am I not at all surprised?

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people saw corpses wandering the town.
Always those pesky necromancers...

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where King Arthur was buried
Wait, I thought Arthur was raptured to Avalon in the moment of death?
Okay, looked it up, the monks of Glastonbury Abbey actually did claim to have found the grave of Arthur and Guinevere (why would convicted adultress Guinevere be buried with Arthur?) and a grave in that position does indeed exist, but of course, there is no evidence that it is Arty and Jenny who are buried there (or, of course, that they existed at all).

To be continued...
Title: Jacob Harrison's Parallel Zero: A Sporking - Chapter 9
Post by: Bastethotep on July 15, 2019, 05:16:57 am
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our operations to take over Earth
Of course!

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the pagan Roman Empire
Would they really call the religion that worshipped them "pagan"?

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“The old gods plan to defeat both Yahweh, Lucifer and the Antichrist because they are interfering with our right to rule over humans. He then repeated the gnostic lie about the demiurge.
Oh dear, the forgotten closing quotation mark. Now everything that follows is narrated by Hercules as well.

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His laws are burdensome and forbid harmless activities such as sex outside of marriage, and homosexual sex.

Furthermore, he is extraordinarily cruel. He punishes humans who commit those harmless transgressions with eternal torment.  When the old gods defeat Yahweh, we will redesign the human afterlife so that only the actual wicked will be punished, the average will go to the Asphodel Meadows and the heroic will go to Elysium.”
Spot-on!

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“Yahweh is not a demiurge! He is the Supreme Being!” said Jacob III’s father.
Note that this is the only point he refutes. But of course, this is all that matters to you, doesn't it, Jacob? All that matters to you is hierarchy. And if those on top are those who the hierarchy designates for this position, then everything they do is by definition good and just, whereas anything that violates or even questions the hierarchy is by definition evil.
Authoritarian scum.

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His father’s soul went to purgatory.
Do you really need to tell us where the dead character's soul goes every time? Actually, if that's the case, you forgot it for Francis, that other pope, the people who died in WWs III and IV, the Lesser Titans and probably a few more that I forgot.

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He raised his sword and sliced down with it in a hammering strike, sending a huge stake of lightning rushing Hercules, "Thunder Hammer!"
SNEAK ATTACK!
Why does he call a strike with his sword "Thunder Hammer"?

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He raised his sword and sliced down with it in a hammering strike, sending a huge stake of lightning rushing Hercules, "Thunder Hammer!"

At the same time Tamerin got his spear Yggdrasoil to divide into 80 and launch at Hercules. The 2 attacks caused Hercules to fall to the ground. As he bled out he said his last words.
This is Hercules. The badass of badasses. Veteran of the Gigantomachy. The wearer of the pelt of the Nemaean Lion, invulnerable to all but the Lion's own claws. The one who battled the bloody Hydra of Lerna. You know, daughter of Typhon himself, collossal serpent, incredibly toxic, nine heads, when one head is cut off two new heads grow back, on top of that had a crab as a distration buddy? That Hydra of Lerna. And all this was before his apotheosis.
Hercules does not go down that easily.

To be continued...
Title: Jacob Harrison's Parallel Zero: A Sporking - Chapter 10
Post by: Bastethotep on July 15, 2019, 06:45:16 am
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Adam and I were the first evolved anatomically modern humans who were given sentience by God.
...and yet, she has pale skin... Hello, Unfortunate Implications!
Also, the word you are looking for is SAPIENCE.

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We were supposed to be husband and wife. I thought that as the one who is to bear children and breastfeed them, I should have authority over Adam. He refused, so I left the Garden of Eden. God therefore created Eve to be Adam’s wife.
Does that not go against your belief that divorce is not permissible even in the case of extreme abuse?

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I then became a servant of Lord Lucifer who is much more gender inclusive than God. Lucifer was behind the feminist movement and the birth control pill.
How are they the bad guys again?

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Ireland was once inhabited by fairies who coexisted with humans and had sex with humans. Saint Patrick considered the interspecies  sex an abomination so when he converted Ireland, he and the Christians, with the help of the Angel Victor, drove fairies out of their native homes. Humans who sided with the fairies were also driven out.
Our heroes, ladies and gentlemen!

Also, an angel called "Victor"? Don't angels generally have Hebrew names, not Latin ones, usually describing them their relation to God, thus ending in -el (e.g. Michael = "Who is as God?", Gabriel = "Strength of God")? I mean, yeah, there is Sandalphon who does not end in -el and has unclear etymology, and Metatron and Lucifer which are Latin (corrupted in Metatron's case), but these two are later additions from fanfics. Anyways, "winner" seems like a pretty generic name for an angel.

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There, they had another dream of their grandfather in the torture chamber. They then saw him put to death in the electric chair. This time they saw the person who supervised the torture and execution.
Another super-intense torture scene. Yawn.

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They realized that he was Zekai Aksakallı, the double agent who destroyed Turkey’s nuclear weapons
So he was both a member of some evil American government (?) organisation (FEMA, I presume) that disappears True Christians™ as well as a member of the Turkish military? And he then became a Catholic priest on top of that?
Well, it nothing else, he must be a hell of a multitasker.

To be continued...
Title: Jacob Harrison's Parallel Zero: A Sporking - Chapter 11
Post by: Bastethotep on July 15, 2019, 07:59:14 am
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Michael Ferrari
Wasn't the Prime Minister's name Michael Romano in chapter 8?
Also, I see what you did there.

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“They will not think that the antichrist is the antichrist, because they will think that someone else is. The Prime Minister Michael Ferrari is a secret agent of the old gods, will soon seize power in the west. He will restore Roman paganism. He is the Nero that Saint Martin of Tours prophesied about and who Hercules mentioned.

The Antichrist who will first seize power in the east will offer the panacea to Emperor Michael’s followers to get them to defect to his side. Michael will therefore perish at the hands of the Antichrist, and so the Christians who were deceived that Michael was the Antichrist will think that the actual Antichrist is a man of God.

The last obstacle to Christians being deceived is the papacy. After you kill Pope Peter III, the cardinals will elect a new pope. Then as prophesied by Saint Hildegard, a cardinal allied with the Antichrist will kill the pope. When the other cardinals elect the next pope, he will proclaim himself to be antipope and 2/3 of Christians will be deceived that he is the true pope.
That's rather convoluted.

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The Antichrist will claim that Jesus is not the son of God but he is. The antipope will also declare that.
Do you mean that the antipope will declare that the Antichrist is the son of God, or that the antipope will declare himself son of God?
Also, no one (or at least no significant amount of people) would believe him. Would it not make more sense to pretend that the Antichrist is, in fact, Jesus?

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Saints Jacob Harrison I and Pomme
Wait, when did Pomme become a saint? How did she earn sainthood? The only things she has done in this story is being Jacob Harrison's wife for nine months, giving birth to Jacob Harrison Jr and dying immediately afterwards!

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“After King Arthur was wounded in his battle with Mordred and was taken here, the ladies gave him a medicine which prolonged his life. It is in his body. The medicine’s healing power will increase significantly and grant immortality if you sacrifice him with the spear Yggdrasoil, and mix his blood with a sample of the corpse.”

So Jacob III, Anne, and Tamerin helped dig up King Arthur’s grave. They then lied that there is an important divine message to the Pope in Glastonbury. As Jacob III and Anne were previously devout Christians, the 100 year old Pope believed that lie and so went to Glastonbury.

There Tamerin allowed Jacob III to use Yggdrasoil to kill the Pope. And so, they created the panacea.
The wording here is rather confusing.

To be continued...
Title: Jacob Harrison's Parallel Zero: A Sporking - Chapter 12
Post by: Bastethotep on July 15, 2019, 08:28:20 am
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After Pope Peter III was slain, Pope Peter IV was elected and he was killed by Cardinal Ahmet Osman, a former Turkish soldier who formed an alliance with the Antichrist. When Pope Peter V was elected by the Cardinals, Ahmet lied that he was previously elected and that Peter V was the antipope. Antipope Ahmed went under the name Pope Moses. 2/3 of Christians accepted him as the Pope.
1. Jacob Harrison I-III, Popes Peter II-V... are you allergic to having some variety between names?
2. Is it Ahmet or Ahmad? Turkish uses the Latin alphabet, so you cannot even use "different transcriptions" as an excuse. (The Turkish version would be Ahmet, by the way)
3. What, yet another Turkish villain?

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The new Nero, Michael Ferrari perished at the hands of the antichrist and Jupiter and his relatives allied with him were killed by the old gods allied with Lucifer.

The Antichrist claimed to be the Messiah and Son of God. As foretold in prophecy, he tortured Christians with such an extremity of barbarity, with all the old and newly invented instruments of pain, as to exceed all past persecutors of the Church combined as an attempt to force them to renounce Christ. But the Christians refused to give up their faith.

During the 3 1/2 years of his reign, God sent Henoch and Elias down from heaven to help the Christians and to expose the Antichrist’s deception.

Meanwhile, Jacob Harrison III and Lilith fell in love. Saints Jacob Harrison I and Pomme continued to pray for the repentance of Jacob III and Anne.

The Antichrist eventually had Henoch and Elias put to death. However 3 1/2 days later, they risen from the dead and there was an earthquake that partially destroyed Jerusalem. They ascended into heaven. This converted many.
The Apocalype is mighty dull.

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Tamerin looked into the eyes of the Pope and realized the Pope looked more honest. Jacob III and Anne suddenly thought that this is their chance of repentance that their father and grandparents hoped for.
Deus ex machina redemption. Yay.

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They turned against Lilith. A large inky mass of darkness exploded out from underneath her and she coldly pronounced,

“You traitors will face my power!”

Like in the battle with Pales, Jacob III used Arondight to cause the black mist to rush right back at her. She dropped dead.

The black mass absorbed by Jacob  III, Anne, and Tamerin caused them to collapse. Before they died, Pope Peter V forgave them of their sins. They went to purgatory to do penance. This event caused many to convert.
That was anticlimatic.

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The Antichrist said that he will ascend to heaven to bring down Henoch and Elias. And so he did. And as told in prophecy, he got struck down by the Archangel Michael. Lucifer was defeated soon after.

This caused many to come to their senses. There was a period where humans were given a last chance to do penance. In this period came the 7 bowls of God’s wrath. Finally Christ returned again and judged every human. The righteous entered paradise and the wicked were damned to an eternity in the Lake of Fire and Brimstone.
This is even more dull than the rest of the chapter. Which really is a disservice to the Revelation of John and its epic and evocative imagery.
Title: Jacob Harrison's Parallel Zero: A Sporking - Final Thoughts
Post by: Bastethotep on July 15, 2019, 12:02:58 pm
To be nice, I will admit that your writing has improved from your first stories.

However, that is a pretty low bar to clear.

Story Telling:

Your storytelling abilities are profoundly lacking. You seem to have no grasp on tension or narrative flow - it is nothing but a lifeless series of events without depth. World-changing events, such as two World Wars and the events of the End Time are rushed over in one threadbare paragraph or two. The exposition is hamfistedly shoehorned into the dialogue.

Characterisation:
Characterisation is extremely weak, especially in the human characters. Any form of character "development" takes the form of a sudden and radical change, at times due to stimuli that seem altogether insufficient for such a response. Furthermore, the characters are very lacking in depth, and indeed do not seem to have barely any personality or motivation of their own, being exchangeable and obviously just doing what the plot demands. Even the motive rants of Hercules and Lillith feel tacked-on to serve as strawmen, whereas their actual motivation seems to be "being Evil". There is very little nuance, and what little nuance there is appears to be entirely unintentional, caused by your own rather skewed perception of right and wrong.

I also note that there are... issues in your treatment of women in your story.
Pomme neither says nor does anything outside of her function as your wife or Jacob Jr's mother. Indeed, the only thing of any significance she does is giving birth to Jacob Harrison Jr., who is in himself a fairly minor and indirectly significant character, although even he still manages to have more impact despite less screen time. In the last few mentions, she does not even appear to be an individual anymore, but a dual entity consisting of her and her husband.
Anne is an even more superfluous character. She takes no action of her own, and her very few lines could just as well be given to Jacob. She is presented as a nun and faith healer, but these are informed attributes - at no point does she demonstrate any special connection to God or heal anyone.
Worst of all is Jacob Jr.'s wife/Anne and Jacob III's mother, who does not even get a name, let alone an actual appearence.

Your author avatar is a blatant Mary Sue. If your intention with killing yourself off early was an attempt to hide this self-aggrandisement, it backfired, as you had yourself declared a Saint and greatly influenced event even in and indeed beyond dead. The fact that both the heir to the throne and the protagonist are your off-spring bearing your name does not help against this perception, either.

Style:
Your style is extremely bland and boring. Beige prose is rampant, and everyone speaks in the same unrealistic voice.

Plagiarism:
Every good thing that could be considered positive is not your own, but the chapters you have copied nearly in their entirity with nary a change safe for replacing the protagonist's name and decapitalising "Old Gods" (on that, see my commentary in chapter 5) from Niam. And the few times you actually changed a few things, your beige prose and corny dialogue becomes all the more apparent in contrast to Niam's writing.

Conclusion:
I think the revelation that the Pope was Jacob's executioner could be interesting if handled by a more capable writer. In particular, this could be a good opportunity to flesh out Anne. Maybe, have her, as a nun, stay more loyal and defensive, if not necessarily towards Aksakallı - although she might argue that he is a changed man now -, then towards God and the Church, in conflict to a Jacob III instantly consumed with rage and desire for vengeance. But by all means, this does not mean she could not ultimately be turned around as well; indeed, for her who had sworn her life to the Church, this crisis of faith would be even more profound than for Jacob.

But, to be brutally honest: You are entirely untalented in every aspect of writing and probably should just give up for good.
Title: Re: Jacob Harrison’s version of Parallel Hero
Post by: Bastethotep on July 15, 2019, 12:28:03 pm
Oh, look what I've found! (https://kiwifarms.net/members/pomme.31076/)


Quote from: Jacob Harrison Today at 8:38 AM
Since you broke your promise, I had to sockpuppet and post the story. I am really angry that you didn’t keep your promise! How can I trust you?

I told you that if you post my story, you will get to choose our honeymoon. Well since you broke your promise, I will now be the one who will choose!

(archived (http://web.archive.org/web/20190715162404/https://kiwifarms.net/members/pomme.31076/))
Title: Re: Jacob Harrison’s version of Parallel Hero
Post by: Sigmaleph on July 15, 2019, 06:42:32 pm
Why do you hate fun Sigma?

Oh, the usual reasons, soul shrivelled to a husk because it's held apart from the divine light and now I despise joy.
Title: Re: Jacob Harrison’s version of Parallel Hero
Post by: niam2023 on July 15, 2019, 11:05:57 pm
Oh go oink yourself, Jacob. We all knew immediately it was you based on how your latest sockpuppet introduced itself. The "Hi I'm X, Y of Jacob Harrison".
Title: Re: Jacob Harrison’s version of Parallel Hero
Post by: davedan on July 16, 2019, 02:39:35 am
Why do you hate fun Sigma?

Oh, the usual reasons, soul shrivelled to a husk because it's held apart from the divine light and now I despise joy.

Fuck! That's so metal.
Title: Re: Jacob Harrison’s version of Parallel Hero
Post by: SomeApe on March 31, 2020, 08:45:26 am
Jacob Harrison asked me to post this here.

https://fandom-fanon.fandom.com/wiki/The_Last_World_War#Chapter_11_Panacea

https://fandom-fanon.fandom.com/wiki/Emperor_Michael
Title: Re: Jacob Harrison’s version of Parallel Hero
Post by: davedan on March 31, 2020, 11:11:32 pm
Why?
Title: Re: Jacob Harrison’s version of Parallel Hero
Post by: SomeApe on April 01, 2020, 01:32:38 pm
Why?

Why what?

If you‘re asking why he asked me to post it, I quote you the man himself:
„I finished the story and have a favor to ask. Can you copy and paste the chapters of my story and the article of Emperor Michael onto the forums? It was there where I began writing the story so the users there should see it finished. Tell them that I inserted myself into the story as the character Gabriel Dulac. I am banned from the forums so I can’t post it there myself.“