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Community => Religion and Philosophy => Topic started by: DharmicDalek on March 24, 2012, 10:29:49 pm

Title: Let's Roast Jack Chick! UPDATE: EVERYBODY USE IMGUR
Post by: DharmicDalek on March 24, 2012, 10:29:49 pm
UPDATE: EVERYBODY JUST UPLOAD THE IMAGES TO IMGUR.

You can't stop the rock, Jackie boy <3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pURJDToKA0k

I fully intend to roast every last one of Jack Chick's bullshit comics, one by one, for your entertainment. I'm starting with one that hits close to home for me, but you guys can give me requests for comics you want me butcher. For the record, I admire Jesus as a person and respect Christians. I don't hate anybody. Life is too short for that. But Jack's theology is as it is, so I will be railing on that.

Today's Episode: YOU BETRAYED SHIVA! or: How I learned to stop worrying and love cultural imperialism!
Today's Strip: The Traitor
Today's Theme Song: Cutty Ranks - Limb By Limb (Dj SS Mix) *Yes, every one of these will have a theme song.*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C9-pLuDSTbc

Ok, I admit this one is a personal topic; as a Hindu, and as a worshiper of Kali, this is the crass level of bullshit  and ignorance I would come to expect from the bastard. Now, Kali is an outwardly scary deity, but I will explain her just enough for you guys to follow. This is Religion and Philosophy, not Preaching and Worship. Hindu's don't proselytize, and even if they did, I am sure as hell not in a position to preach anything to anybody from any kind of moral high ground. Also, it's annoying. If you want to skip, ignore everything in the quote.

Quote
(boring lesson)
This is Kali.
(http://www.indhistory.com/img/hindu-gods-kali.jpg)
Yes, she's looks fucking scary. But no, she is not evil. Everything in that image has symbolic meaning, from the head in her hand *the human ego, defeated * to the arms *the sum of all human effort*. She is regarded to be a motherly goddess and all of that scary shit is to get us to stop fearing death. If I had to sum her up quickly, I'd say she is very much the concept of time, in birth death rebirth. If you want to learn more, you can ask me or refer to this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VnDB31O7-fg
(/boring lesson)


Alright, lets get to the meat.

(http://i.imgur.com/7tc5Q.gif)

Ok, we start out in a whole mound of shit.

CITATION FUCKING NEEDED. Proof or it literally didn't happen. 

Now, yes, Kali is a s SPOOKY GRIMDARK goddess, but she is most like hindu deities, moral. You murder your child for any reason and it's karmic suicide, causing your standing with whatever deity you to bomb harder then New Coke. And nobody speaks of New Coke, do they? Rogue "Black Tantra" practitioners, mostly to get money for the black deed, sometimes commit human sacrifice; but the preferred sentence for that in India is the death penalty. Nobody tolerates their shit

(http://i.imgur.com/NXABS.gif)

DHALSIM NOOOOO!

Murder for any reason is never tolerated in Hinduism, and if you are killing in a deity's name you get what comes to you. Police in India have corruption issues,  but just like us they find the concept morally repugnant, and if this really happened I could tell you, he would have a trial.

Yes, goats are sacrificed to Kali, mostly in Bengal. It is not a universal practice; I have heard stories of Kali worshipers in other parts of India thinking it was a western lie until they saw the videos and pictures. It's supposed to be symbolic of destruction of lust; IMHO we can do that by keeping our pants on and leaving the goats out of it.

(http://i.imgur.com/SbBr2.gif)   

ROCKS FALL EVERYONE DIES!
Seriously you needed TWO panels for that?

(http://i.imgur.com/W8zk0.gif)
Kali, a wrathful jealous deity? Nah. Hindus don't "do" group punishments.

Jehova, however....

Jeremiah 1:16 "And I will utter my judgments against them touching all their wickedness, who have forsaken me, and have burned incense unto other gods, and worshipped the works of their own hands. "
Jeremiah 2:30 2:30 In vain have I smitten your children; they received no correction: your own sword hath devoured your prophets, like a destroying lion.
Jeremiah 16:10-11 And it shall come to pass, when thou shalt shew this people all these words, and they shall say unto thee, Wherefore hath the LORD pronounced all this great evil against us? or what is our iniquity? or what is our sin that we have committed against the LORD our God? Then shalt thou say unto them, Because your fathers have forsaken me, saith the LORD, and have walked after other gods, and have served them, and have worshipped them, and have forsaken me, and have not kept my law

:3 Your god is a monster, Mr. Chick. Mine is just goth. Live with it.

(http://i.imgur.com/x74Il.gif)

That would be a nice picture, but it is DURGA who rides on a tiger/lion. Fail, -20% on your final grade.

(http://i.imgur.com/Ygq0o.gif)

Let it be known you it is thought you can get powers with Yoga in Hinduism, but they only get in the way of spiritual growth. Also, Kali is above all a protector of women. If you abuse your wife, physically, verbally, emotionally, to the point she can't even LOOK YOU IN YOUR EYES as a priest of Kali, expect thunderbolts.

(http://i.imgur.com/6OjGI.gif)

Shiva and Kali are a married couple, with Shiva being the husband, and the goddess, in the form of Parvati/Durga/Kali. If a Shaivite (Shiva worshiper) had an issue with a Shakta (Goddess Worshiper) they'd talk it over with tea, and if the Shakta was trying to kill the Shavite's child, you could bet your ass she'd be pissed.

(http://i.imgur.com/byqrK.gif)

Where is Jehovah? Doesn't he love Children? Oh, I forgot, non-Christian children aren't human in his eyes <3

(http://i.imgur.com/tA079.gif)

I'd agree, but we Hindu's have a secret, which prevents most inter-faith issues. We value our deity as the primary face of god, but any other deity is just as valid as just another form of the primary deity, which in turn is the main "visible" form of God. Hinduism, is in that odd way, monotheistic.

(http://i.imgur.com/UMCCw.gif)

LOL, the people with the turbans are SIKHS. Sikhs are "truly" monotheistic, with no idols or visual forms of god. A crude way of summing them up, is to think of the monotheism of Islam and the reincarnation, karma, ect of Hinduism. (A Sikh would take offense to that. and say Sikhism is Sikhism and not any other faith, which is correct, but you guy's don't need me to lecture on another boring subject.) Another -20%, Mr. Chick. Keep this up and you won't have a summer vacation this year. <3

(http://i.imgur.com/CDXNS.gif)
Lol, stronger force then Kali. It couldn't be Jehovah, who let the heathen children die, could it? No, it's PLOT IMMUNITY! Nothing is more dangerous then a Retard with Plot Immunity.

(http://i.imgur.com/y5iyt.gif)

You know, Kali is most famous for killing demons. In fact, all the body parts on her body where evil demons who threatened existence. I'd say she kicked your ass cause you are, you know, MURDERING CHILDREN! She is as much a protector of children as women.

(http://i.imgur.com/Y2vho.gif)

Oh, look. IT'S MIGHTY WHITEY. FUCK YOUR SIX THOUSAND YEAR OLD CULTURE, WE HAVE EVERYTHING RIGHT. WE WILL SAVE YOU FROM YOUR BACKWARDS PAGAN WAYS.

http://www.scribd.com/doc/1021681/The-Artificial-Famine-Holocaust

3 million in WW2
One third of Bengal in 1780
17 million in Western  India in the 1890s.

Oops. 

"We will know us by our love...."

Jesus does not need weapons. He has Christians. <3

(http://i.imgur.com/KbO2J.gif)

He doesn't demand blood sacrifices. He takes them. Again. and again, and again and again. Jehovah loves us, but he will kill us if we piss him off.  Kali protects the weak and kills demons. No contest.

(http://i.imgur.com/XQIkt.gif)

I'm just going to say, if Kali wanted somebody dead, they'd be dead. No need for a human committing murder. Again, where was Jehovah 's love protecting the children in this?

(http://i.imgur.com/aIVnp.gif)

Jehovah loves his children like a Rapist loves his victims.

(http://i.imgur.com/dVLuj.gif/img]Wait wait wait, when the FUCK did Jesus make ANYTHING? Why is Jesus the creator? I know a fair bit of Christian theology, but I have never heard that.Funny, the creator of the universe begging his father on the cross, asking why he was forsaken.  [img]http://i.imgur.com/iJzeO.gif)
God let Satan fuck humans over. Remember that.
Quiz, which one of these deities we have been talking about PROTECTS the world from demons?

(http://i.imgur.com/BmCaE.gif)
In Hinduism, you have endless lifetimes to get your shit together. If you fuck up royally , you can go to Hell, but only temporally.  If you don't say a magic spell in Christianity and believe it, you will go to hell forever, even if you are saintly. "God is not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance." He sure is fucking willing to throw us into hell. Which god is the monster here?

(http://i.imgur.com/ZuvxM.gif)

So god cannot forgive mankind unless he murdered his own son for....They never explain why Jesus needed to die for our sins, why he could not just forgive us directly. Who is the god loving human sacrifice here?

(http://i.imgur.com/wB0hD.gif)

And Ramu gets away with child murder forever and ever, the end. Awwww <3

(http://i.imgur.com/JDfZu.gif/img]I so promise that I will never accept Jesus Christ and would gladly burn in hell to spite such a wicked god, Jack Chick. I will tell god to thank you, Jack, for that promise.BONUS ROUND:[img]http://media.chick.com/images/Tract_Myths/myth_8.jpg)

I love how this implies that Jews are an imperfect prototype. Why did god even bother with them if Jesus is Savior, Chick? They never have a good answer to that.

That was physically painful to do. But I am glad I did it.


Ok, that was my pet comic. I am sure you all have favorites. List your favorites and I will roast them too! 
 
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
Post by: nickiknack on March 24, 2012, 10:55:33 pm
For some reason reading that tract, it looks as if Chick got his information from Indiana Jones & The Temple of Doom. Oh do any tract where the message is playing D & D leads to Witchcraft/Satanism, those are always funny.
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
Post by: MadCatTLX on March 24, 2012, 11:10:00 pm
I remember one that had a little kid that looked like a Nazi telling a "high priest"(or something),who was wearing what looked like a jester costume, that his parents were Christians. The authorities in this dystopian future come to arrest them but they find nothing because of the rapture. It was fucking funny as hell to read. I don't remember the name, but if you find it please do that one.

A guy I used to watch on YouTube who went by Darknessthecurse did a video on it once, though he has since got banned (for bullshit copyright claims) and had to make a new account, twice. I think whatever his new account is has some of his old stuff on it if you want to look.
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
Post by: Osama bin Bambi on March 24, 2012, 11:12:51 pm
...Wow, that was epic. I'm glad we have a person with more knowledge of Hinduism on the boards, because to be honest I had a few misconceptions too.

Quote
Your god is a monster, Mr. Chick. Mine is just goth. Live with it.

You win the internet. Shiva sounds like a badass.




I'm not religious buuuut I am interested in theology of various religions. I also don't understand why Christian fundamentalists like Jack Chick think Judaism is an "imperfect prototype", as you put it, because in my humble opinion the Jewish cosmology makes a shitload more sense (morally and logically) than the Christian one. I realize that's not saying much, but y'know. For a religion with no exact doctrine on the afterlife, it somehow does a better job at tying up loose ends than the morally questionable religion that pardons child murderers but sends non-believing "Good Samaritans" to eternal "punishment."

Maybe I'll tackle one of Chick's Jewish tracts soon. It's funny because even though I was born Jewish I'm not religious and don't keep major holidays much, if at all. But for a man who says that the Jews were the Chosen People, he basically regards us as a Biblical plot device. And that kinda pisses me off.
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
Post by: Witchyjoshy on March 24, 2012, 11:38:40 pm
Your post was very informative.  Thank you for it :3

Also, an excellent roast.  You dismantled that stupid comic of his so easily that it's pathetic on his part.
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
Post by: Osama bin Bambi on March 25, 2012, 12:09:51 am
This is "The True Path". According to Chick, its message was made especially for Native Americans. How, you may ask? Well, it's told entirely in pictures. As if those savage heathens can't read.

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1710/1710_01.asp (http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1710/1710_01.asp)

It's based off of a tract for children called "One Way!".

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0081/0081_01.asp (http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0081/0081_01.asp)

Need I say more?
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
Post by: Thejebusfire on March 25, 2012, 12:23:11 am
The moral of the story is that brown people are horrible baby killing monsters and need the white savior to stop them.

Edit: Because no one has ever killed their child for god.
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
Post by: SpaceProg on March 25, 2012, 12:38:36 am
Quite a few here know that I consider myself a Christian, but Chick's God/Jesus is NOT the same God/Jesus that I believe in, and do my best (as that's all I can do) to live by.
I know this isn't the worship thread, but I just thought I'd say that.   

Awesome roast, Dharmic.  I lol'd and learned something too. :)  That's always good.

MOAR.  ...Plz?
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
Post by: DharmicDalek on March 25, 2012, 01:22:40 am
Quite a few here know that I consider myself a Christian, but Chick's God/Jesus is NOT the same God/Jesus that I believe in, and do my best (as that's all I can do) to live by.
I know this isn't the worship thread, but I just thought I'd say that.   

Awesome roast, Dharmic.  I lol'd and learned something too. :)  That's always good.

MOAR.  ...Plz?

Oh I respect you for it. I have nothing against Christianity. If the bus would have taken me the church I may have well might have been a Quaker.  I know he is not Representative of Christianity. I am taking issue with HIS god. The god we all worship is the same deity in Hinduism.  He clearly worships himself.

   
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
Post by: SpaceProg on March 25, 2012, 01:27:59 am
That's cool :) 
A coincidence too, as I'm non-denominational, one day I took a very in-depth religion test, and ended up testing very strongly as a Quaker.  Pretty cool.

EDIT: Liberal Quaker, to be exact.
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
Post by: Morgenleoht on March 25, 2012, 01:33:35 am
Nicely done, Dharmic!

I'm surprised he hasn't touched Norse paganism yet...
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
Post by: Witchyjoshy on March 25, 2012, 02:59:00 am
Nicely done, Dharmic!

I'm surprised he hasn't touched Norse paganism yet...

He might offend his racist friends if he tried to do that, since he'd have to attack it from that ground.
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
Post by: Morgenleoht on March 25, 2012, 03:34:28 am
Heh, good point.
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
Post by: clockworkgirl21 on March 25, 2012, 03:49:24 am
Funny post, but aren't you supposed to like the person you're roasting?  :P
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
Post by: DharmicDalek on March 25, 2012, 03:54:14 am
Funny post, but aren't you supposed to like the person you're roasting?  :P

I was going to call it  "Let's butcher Jack Chick" but I don't want the FBI banging on my door. :S

lol
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
Post by: myusername on March 25, 2012, 05:36:25 am
Haha Chick just got owned. Nice one!

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0086/0086_01.asp this makes me laugh.
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
Post by: Morgenleoht on March 25, 2012, 05:52:48 am
Haha Chick just got owned. Nice one!

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0086/0086_01.asp this makes me laugh.

Truckers gay for Jesus?
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
Post by: the_ignored on March 25, 2012, 06:42:56 am
That chick tract with the trucker reminds me of  this parody (http://www.skepticfriends.org/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=8495) about that same tract.


MadCatTLX:
I remember one that had a little kid that looked like a Nazi telling a "high priest"(or something),who was wearing what looked like a jester costume, that his parents were Christians. The authorities in this dystopian future come to arrest them but they find nothing because of the rapture. It was fucking funny as hell to read. I don't remember the name, but if you find it please do that one.
That chick tract you're talking about is the "The Last Generation (http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0094/0094_01.asp)", I believe.



Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
Post by: DharmicDalek on March 25, 2012, 07:31:17 am
It's Settled.

I'm doing a double header of "The Last Generation" And "The Sissy" with a joke run of "The True Path"/"One Way"






You win the internet. Shiva sounds like a badass.



The goddess in the comic, and whom I worship, is Kali. The name of the episode was from "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom", which is a horribly racist movie and Spielberg was ashamed to have made it. As for George "Everybody Loves Jar Jar Binks" Lucas...  nobody cares what he thinks anymore.

Shiva however, is a really cool dude regardless.  This sums it up very well: http://www.sanatansociety.org/hindu_gods_and_goddesses/shiva.htm

Quote
(Boring Lecture Mode)
Basically, he is a deity of Paradoxes, he is the ascetic yogi who is severely self-denying, in the form of the God of Yoga,  he is a responsible family man, to his wife and children, and is in fact a highly sexual lover of his wife, in his role of protecting the world, and he is the mad, fire dancing deity that will destroy the universe when it comes time to do so. Hindus have a different view of life and death then we do, and none of the above is considered contradictory. It is not surprising that, despite the extremely submissive role in his relationship with her, that he would be paired up Kali, who is a deity of even greater paradox, who is both the generating lifegiving mother and destructive life ending  aspect of time. (/Boring Lecture Mode)

So yes, we have quiet a bit of fun to look forward to.
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
Post by: SpaceProg on March 25, 2012, 01:05:36 pm
"Roasting" Chick works.   LIke roasted chicken.  Mmmm... chicken.

Looking forward to your stuff, Dharmic. :D
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
Post by: Osama bin Bambi on March 25, 2012, 05:43:09 pm
I'll try my hand at "Where's Rabbi Waxman?" http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0014/0014_01.asp (http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0014/0014_01.asp)

This needs a theme song, so...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ESNCWrks6vQ

(http://i.imgur.com/hxnSj.gif)

Jack Chick draws like shit. The tracts with decent art are not drawn by him, but by other artists. After suffering a stroke, he started drawing people's faces a little more wonky, so he probably doesn't draw most of his own tracts anymore. (He probably does all the batshit crazy writing, though.)

The man on the cover is a Hasidic Jew. Hasidic Jews are... quite fundie. They like to obey a shitload of ancient laws in the most literal way possible. A fundie trying to characterize another fundie? This should be interesting. Of course, this also means I'll have to explain things from an Orthodox Jewish theological perspective.

(http://i.imgur.com/6hnuv.gif)

First of all, what the hell is with all the strange font changes? Are they supposed to represent emphasis on the word, like in a MAD Magazine comic? Then why are they so inconsistent? Reading this aloud sounds like the disembodied voice of a certain computer who is fond of science. Which is just plain weird. Who talks like this? Chick, if you can't get the tones of their voices right, you should probably just omit it altogether.

Judaism does have in its  belief system the eventual coming of a Messiah. There are a number of reasons why Jesus does not fulfill the Jewish requirement of "Messiah", but naturally Jack Chick will not list any of them here. This is not meant as an attack on Christianity, simply an explanation on why Jews do not accept him as the Messiah.

1) The Messiah must be a direct descendant of King David on his father's side. Because Jesus was born of a Virgin birth, he cannot be the Messiah as he literally has no human father, let alone a father descended from King David.

2) The Messiah will cause all war to cease to exist, and usher in an age of peace instead. Jesus, on the other hand, outright admits that he has come to bring "not peace, but a sword" (Matthew 10:45). Furthermore, even though Jesus as already come, there is still war. (There are some Jewish groups that are more fundie than the Hasidic Jews who believe that because the re-establishment of Israel has brought war to the region, it is not a legitimate state.)

3) If the prospective Messiah dies without completing their mission, they are not the Messiah. 'Nuff said.

Furthermore, Jews do not believe in a concept of "salvation" because in Judaism there is no concept of "original sin" that tainted people with sinful natures. Skip the quotes if you want to avoid the infodump.

Quote from: infodump
In Judaism, a person's soul is a mixture of holy and animal desires. A person's animal soul is not a bad thing, it is simply a fact of life, and when it is properly channeled it can bring about good things. For example, sexual desire is not inherently good or evil. In its good form, it motivates people to start families and have children. In its evil form, it motivates people to commit rape. It is a person's evil inclination that tries to tempt a person into letting their animal inclinations do forbidden things. G-d tempts people on purpose to test them - in fact, Satan is an angel of his that was created especially for this purpose.


(http://i.imgur.com/xcRDQ.gif)

The concept of Jews being the "Chosen People" is one of the most frequently misunderstood. Some antisemites take it to mean that the Jews secretly think they're better than those dumb heathen goyim everyone else. The Jews were chosen by G-d so that he could reveal the truth of monotheism to them, but in exchange they and all their descendants have to follow more religious laws and are held to a higher standard in general.

Of course, to fundie Christians, being Chosen means that you're G-d's personal plot device.

Furthermore, in Judaism, all righteous people have a place in Heaven. G-d rewards people for their actions, not their beliefs.

http://www.jewfaq.org/gentiles.htm (http://www.jewfaq.org/gentiles.htm)

Quote
Judaism maintains that the righteous of all nations have a place in the world to come. This has been the majority rule since the days of the Talmud. Judaism generally recognizes that Christians and Moslems worship the same G-d that we do and those who follow the tenets of their religions can be considered righteous in the eyes of G-d.

(http://i.imgur.com/MwHj0.gif)
(http://i.imgur.com/fkFTc.gif)
(http://i.imgur.com/uzEzZ.gif)

You see, in the world of Jack Chick, if you're not a Christian, then you're either 1) an asshole, 2) somehow completely ignorant of Christianity (often despite all common sense), or 3) a hypocrite who knows that Christianity is true, but refuses to follow it, usually for reasons related to category #1.

A Jew is a Jew is a Jew. A Jew who converts to Christianity does not cease to be a Jew. However, Orthodox communities are extremely insular and do not tolerate dissent very well, so that could be what he is referring to. But it's not like the Jews deny Jesus' Messiah-status out of spite. They do have sound theological reasons for not believing. There are many reasons why Jesus is not the Jewish Messiah, only a few of which I have listed above.

Also, how do you gasp - oh, I'm sorry, GASP - in your thoughts?

(http://i.imgur.com/ilE1N.gif)
(http://i.imgur.com/vAIKI.gif)

Oh, of course. Chicken soup. The Jewish Penicillin. (That's what my mom calls it.)

Why didn't she call the hospital before? It's not like Jews are forbidden from seeking medical treatment.

Also, this panel illustrates why Jack Chick should be banned from drawing human faces forever. Not as bad as Chris-chan, but very close.

(http://i.imgur.com/Ui9EY.gif)

She really could've called 911 from the start if he's been so sick. Seeing as fluid on the lungs is a sign of congestive heart failure and all.

(http://i.imgur.com/bfCgj.gif)

Apparently, Code Blue is hospitalese for "cardiac arrest."

Also I like the fact that everyone in this tract has the face of a half-melted Barbie doll.

(http://i.imgur.com/5CIv3.gif)

I'm not a medical professional, but isn't this the kind of situation that calls for a defibrillator?

(http://i.imgur.com/L7djC.gif)

The Kaddish is not a "prayer for the dead." It doesn't even mention death, but instead praises G-d. It is also said in services, though the melody can change. (The Mourners' Kaddish, however, is never sung.)

(http://i.imgur.com/0DqBe.gif)
(http://i.imgur.com/lTcfd.gif)

Don't get me wrong, the G-d of the Torah is an enormous prick. But even he never sends people to eternal hell for not believing in the right faith. And that "Bible quote" he cites as justification... it doesn't really support his ideas at all.

Also, I kind of wonder how this "Book of Life" thing works. If it's anything like "Death Note", then do they just have their full name written in there before the book takes effect? If that's the case, what happens if two people share the same name? At least in the case of the Death Note you have to know their face. There's probably lots of Samuel Waxmans in the world. Why does God need to ask his angel if his name appears there anyway if he's all-knowing?

(http://i.imgur.com/CjJQ1.gif)

Wait. Jesus Christ is God and God's son now? I thought God impregnated Mary so that he could incarnate into a suitable demi-god body or something like that.

I... just...

...

(http://dennisjudd.com/albums/cute_cats/MY_BRAIN_IS_FULL_OF_BILLIONS_AND_BILLIONS_AND_BILLIONS_OF_FUCK.jpg)

(http://i.imgur.com/QPacq.gif)
(http://i.imgur.com/VCeOK.gif)

... sigh.

http://www.simpletoremember.com/articles/a/jewsandjesus/ (http://www.simpletoremember.com/articles/a/jewsandjesus/)

This stuff has already been debunked.

(http://i.imgur.com/iP8wY.gif)

Moar of Jack Chick's god's dickiness. You have to be a really fucked-up individual to take a deity that was already an asshole, like the one in the OT, and somehow turn him eviller.

(http://i.imgur.com/VJeXk.gif)

About the "over 9000 five hundred witnesses" thing - there's no independent proof that his death was witnessed, let alone his resurrection. That comes directly from Christian sources, which basically say, "Dude, I totally saw that Jesus guy nailed to a cross and then he rose from the dead! You gotta believe me, 500 other people were there!" That's like if I said, "Of course I have laser vision. Last week I set a national monument on fire, because I'm a jerk like that. Over 800 people saw me do it, so you know I'm right." It's called hearsay, and there's a reason it's not allowed in a court of law.

(http://i.imgur.com/27Lty.gif)
(http://i.imgur.com/v2Xmj.gif)
(http://i.imgur.com/alavl.gif)

(http://www.threadbombing.com/data/media/24/lol_no.jpg)

So basically, even though this tract was directed to convert Jews, it does a better job at mangling basic Jewish theology, ideas, and scripture. As is the case with all Chick Tracts, it's more likely to turn people away from G-d than it is to make them want to convert. If Jack Chick had done a little more research, I might actually be able to take him a little more seriously. However, you cannot argue the point that Jesus fulfills the requirements of the Jewish Messiah, because that flies in the face of years of scholarship and scriptural evidence. By all means feel free to argue that Jesus is the Messiah - but don't try to rely on Jewish scripture to do it. You'll fail horribly. Christianity and Judaism are very different religions. Judaism is not "Christianity lite", mmkay?

THAT IS ALL.

(Might tackle a Halloween tract next, but no promises.)
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
Post by: Random Gal on March 25, 2012, 05:53:17 pm
Most of the images in the last post aren't displaying for me. That said, I'd like to see one of the evolution tracts (either "Big Daddy?" or the one that starts with a dinosaur getting hunted by immediately-post-Flood humans) roasted or maybe do one myself when I finally have the time.
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
Post by: Osama bin Bambi on March 25, 2012, 06:06:55 pm
I'm wondering why that's happening myself.
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
Post by: ironbite on March 25, 2012, 07:10:24 pm
I blame the Jews personally.
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
Post by: myusername on March 25, 2012, 07:12:05 pm
I did this a while back, rehashed. Where Chick uses 9/11 as a plot device to convert Muslims. Srsly.

TRACT TITLE: Who Cares? (about the worst title you could have picked for a tract about 9/11, Jack.)

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages54141/5020/5020_01.gif)

They're in the middle of nowhere? Two tower-looking things...are floating in mid-air? What's up with that? And where the hell is the rest of the damned skyline? From the looks of it the plane has a laser beam, but for some reason it fired it behind the two levitating tower-looking things. With laser destructive power, why fly the plane into the building?

Yeah, who cares? Who cares that people flew some damn planes into some buildings? The buildings just totally wrecked the fabulous view anyway! It’s not like it was one of the largest terrorist attacks to take place and 3000 odd people died or anything...

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages54141/5020/5020_02.gif)

I don’t know, the smoke in this panel just doesn't look that convincing. Why the hell do the towers look 2D?
LIVE on Completely Nondescript News Network, smoke comes down to engulf some middle-of-nowhere blocks drawn by what looks like a five year old.

(I’m not trying to joke about 9/11, it’s just the drawing is so bad.)

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages54141/5020/5020_03.gif)

"What happens if they're Muslims? The kind of people that give out these tracts will all hate us as they think all Muslims are the same!"

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages54141/5020/5020_04.gif)

What the hell sort of an angle is that meant to be?
"I'm afraid of what will happen, because those Christian fundamentalist types think Muslim equals terrorist!"

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages54141/5020/5020_05.gif)

She goes from creepily wide eyed to creepily slitty-eyed in the space of just one panel. Good work, Chick.
Hang on...I've just realised he's a grown man with a job still living with his mother. Why is that?

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages54141/5020/5020_06.gifp)

"He's one of them thar Muzzies, maw!" "Shame on you, you terror-lovin' towelhead!" [/redneckdeepsouthfundie]

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages54141/5020/5020_07.gif)

His mother is obviously psychic who saw the potential evils in a vision from Allah or something. Either that or the plot's a bit too convenient. And beating him up in a shop just seems like a bad idea. Shops...have CCTV cameras. Morons.
"Batteries"? Why batteries?...odd. Maybe it's a joke: the guy needs batteries and there's been a crime that could be described as assault and battery...haw haw. You're just too clever, Jack. And his speech is so contrived here. "I've got to get some batteries...look, JUST AS I SAY THAT a place where I can buy them comes into view!" Maybe he has the psychic power of Allah as well...

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages54141/5020/5020_08.gif)

Remember kids, it's bad to beat up Muslims, but it's alright to beat up homos a la Wounded Children.

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages54141/5020/5020_09.gif)

As a left-winger, I find it incredibly depressing that people in this day and age don’t go to hospital because they don’t have the money. Then again, this may be an accurate point of Chick’s for once.
Why the hell did he pick him up and try to help him there? Surely, anyone with any kind of sense would, y'know, call an ambulance or something.
Ah, this guy definitely has the psychic power of Allah! He can tell which people are infidels just by looking at them! ALLAH AHKBAR!!

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages54141/5020/5020_10.gif)

"Real Christians wouldn't let the Jews get away with corrupting society and the Aryan race!" said Adolf Hitler.

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages54141/5020/5020_11.gif)

Cos obviously no Muslims ever have compassion or anything.
"A true prophet cannot LIE." I see where this is going. "And Jesus said he was God and he cannot lie. Haw haw. I win."

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages54141/5020/5020_12.gif)

The guy nearly died, and now he's being driven somewhere happy as larry? Wouldn't he stay in hospital for a while first? Gah.
Cos Muslims address people by their full names. EVERYONE knows that.

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages54141/5020/5020_13.gif)
(http://media.chick.com/tractimages54141/5020/5020_14.gif)

You know what the Modern Version of The Good Samaritan parable would look like, Jack? It would look like this:

One day, a poor young man was beaten by some thugs and left for dead somewhere. Pat Robertson walks by, thinking, "I could help him, but nah, I got to get to the studio to do the 700 Club." A while later, Jim Dobson walks by, deciding, " I'm not going to help this young man. I got America's family values to reclaim!" Next, a hated gay activist and atheist walks past and decides to call an ambulance to get this poor man to hospital, and remains by his bedside until he regains consciousness.

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages54141/5020/5020_15.gif)

And yet Chick appears to believe that if you commit a murder but repent, you get to heaven, but if you dedicate your lives to helping poor people in Africa but don't accept Christ you get an eternity in hell, a la Flight 144.

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages54141/5020/5020_16.gif)

Dude, this guy is setting up a false dichotomy. Either Jesus lied about being God, in which case Islam is false as it says prophets don't lie, or Jesus was telling the truth and Islam is thus false. Cos people attributing words to him that he never said is impossible.

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages54141/5020/5020_17.gif)

The blond guy looks like he's thinking, "I couldn't see before but now I can see you, YOU'RE HOT!"

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages54141/5020/5020_18.gif)

And then he gets down on his knees...not going there.
Allah means God Jack you ignorant nitwit.

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages54141/5020/5020_19.gif)

"He doesn't, Omar. But I do." *Censored panel with kissing scene*

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages54141/5020/5020_20.gif)

How does rising from the dead prove you are God? Are people who are resuscitated using CPR also God?

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages54141/5020/5020_21.gif)

What's with the silhouettes? They are just totally random and contribute nothing to the plotline at all.
My paradise is better than your paradise!

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages54141/5020/5020_22.gif)

The “Allah doesn't care about any Muslim” bit implies that Allah is real, just that he couldn't give a crap. That’s heresy!
He went home and told him mother he'd become a Christian. Then she went wide-eyed like in the first panel.

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages54141/Page23/enIslam.gif)

Bible God didn't show you what he thought of Islam. Last time I checked the Bible was written BEFORE the Qur’an. Not unless Chick has some serious delusions of grandeur, and thinks he's God or something.
Read your Bible (KJV) --Because ALL other versions are translated by sodomites!!! Wait a minute...
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
Post by: MadCatTLX on March 25, 2012, 07:59:40 pm
At first I was shocked he knew Muslims believe in Jesus. Then he turns around and doesn't realize Allah is Arabic for God, and that they are technically the same person. In the last one it says Jesus was buried. He wasn't, he was put in a cave sealed with a large ass rock.
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
Post by: TheL on March 25, 2012, 08:01:14 pm
Here's one from myself.  "Allah Had No Son."

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages54141/0042/0042_01.gif)
Ah, the title.  The only factually-correct thing about the entire damn tract.

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages54141/0042/0042_02.gif)
Wow.  Most anti-Muslim morons don't reach depths of idiocy and offensiveness this great.

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages54141/0042/0042_04.gif)
Characterizing people as hateful and warlike isn't exactly going to help convert those people to your cause.

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages54141/0042/0042_07.gif)
That's right, folks!  Allah isn't the same person as God, despite literally meaning "god!"  Just like Mexicans worship some guy named "Dios."

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages54141/0042/0042_09.gif)
Sir, you are full of SHIT.  Here's where the crescent moon symbol really comes from:

Quote
In ancient times, Diana was the patron goddess of Byzantium (later Constantinople).  The crescent moon became the banner of the city, and remained so even after the Roman Empire converted.  The Byzantine Empire retained the crescent as the symbol of the city even after it was taken by the Ottoman Empire in the 12th century.  The star was added at about this time.  The crescent-moon-and-star, as symbols of the Ottoman Empire, were also incorporated into the flags of many formerly Ottoman territories, which are (surprise!) in the Middle East.  However, this is not a Muslim symbol.  Islam has nothing to do with the moon, or with any moon-related deities, whatsoever.

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages54141/0042/0042_10.gif)
That's right, folks, finding old idols that pre-date Islam proves stuff about Islam!  Just like finding the Venus of Willendorf in an area that is now strongly Christian proves that Christians actually worship a fertility goddess! It all makes sense!

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages54141/0042/0042_13.gif)
Dude, not only did you draw Mohammed, but you depicted him as roasting in hell.  If the Muslim readers were angry before, they're going to be PISSED now.

Other things about Islam that are deliberately ignored by Chick:
Quote
- Islam has no concept of original sin, and thus no need for the messianic sacrifice on which Christianity depends;
- Muslims believe that both Jesus and Mohammed were great prophets, but not that either of them was divine;
- The Quran is very deliberately based on the Jewish and Christian mythos.  Jesus is believed to have been born of the virgin Mary, and to have performed miracles, by Muslims AND Christians.

When someone who is not Muslim and knows very few Muslims can so easily poke holes in your argument, you're doing it wrong.
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
Post by: Witchyjoshy on March 25, 2012, 08:02:16 pm
At the "Who Cares" comic

Well, I give Jack Chick 2 points for trying to avoid being islamophobic and actually pointing it out as being bad.

And then -20 points for perpetuating stereotypes about Muslims that are spewed by islamophobia.

And then another -20 points for "ALLAH HAD NO SON"
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
Post by: MadCatTLX on March 25, 2012, 08:25:19 pm

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages54141/0042/0042_13.gif)


We should email this to a bunch of people in Saudi Arabia and watch what happens. No, really, I want to see someone do that.

At the "Who Cares" comic

Well, I give Jack Chick 2 points for trying to avoid being islamophobic and actually pointing it out as being bad.

And then -20 points for perpetuating stereotypes about Muslims that are spewed by islamophobia.

And then another -20 points for "ALLAH HAD NO SON"

Stereotypes like "all Muslims own convenience stores"?
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
Post by: Witchyjoshy on March 25, 2012, 08:40:03 pm
Like all Muslims call any non-Muslim "infidel" like it's a tic.
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
Post by: Eniliad on March 25, 2012, 08:48:16 pm
Since I'm a huge Pathfinder nut, I think it falls upon me to do a thorough riffing on a Dungeons and Dragons tract. Strap in folks, let's throw them dice and play some Mazes and Monsters! Er, I mean D&D.

(http://i.imgur.com/ZCYj9.gif)

Ok, first of all, let's look at the setting. The DM clearly makes a pretty decent living to live in a place this nice. Now, as for the board... that's actually pretty accurate, though I don't usually bother with grids unless I have to (they take too much effort to make, set up and use). Now, I don't know about you, but I never ask people to refer to me as "Dungeon Master", especially if I'm not DMing. That just gets confusing. Anyway, the spell of light? A cantrip? Come on, you're clearly already in combat, you have no business throwing 0th-level spells! Blinding the monster is nice but if it's one-on-party, you really should be throwing things like Scorching Ray, unless you took Evocation as a barred school... I'm over-thinking this.

(http://i.imgur.com/m51eh.gif)

OWNED. FUCKING OWNED. No saving throw, no hit points, you're fucking dead. Must be playing Tomb of Horrors. Our thief character rightly goes into a spasm (seriously, look at that fucking DM screen! I want that shit!), and I love the O_O expression on her face. I have to admit I've had that kind of reaction to a PC dropping like that... actually, I've never had a character die without a saving throw, but I just love the way the DM does it. "I declare her dead." Awesome. Gotta love the GTFO out of Pigtail Girl. She kinda reminds me of Penny from Inspector Gadget; let's call her that.

(http://i.imgur.com/SlRla.gif)

Wait - she got a cleric to 8th level and didn't teach spells? How the fuck do you do that? You start the fucking game with a shitload of 0th level, and a few 1st level spells. It's divine power for fuck's sake! What, did she make a Cleric with 8 Wisdom so s/he couldn't cast spells? At least it explains how our unlucky thief died before. Our cleric can't even Raise Dead. That's some epic-level failure, and it's just the kind of bullshit my friend S would pull in character creation to fuck with me.

(http://i.imgur.com/FO1i9.gif)

Wait... you mean in real life? Oh man, this is rich. The number of things wrong with this is hilarious. First of all, in Wiccan fashion the point on the star is upward, not downward to represent Satanism. You could argue that's a matter of perspective... but what are these assholes DOING? They're just standing around milling to themselves. Actually, they more resemble Jedi than witches/warlocks. Not to mention, I notice a disturbing lack of runes in this pentagram. Also... where the fuck are they? There exist places in America where giant perfectly-drawn pentagrams on floors give way to gatherings of robed people... and nobody questions this? Ever? I'm pretty sure joining a cult of any kind gets you attention from the local authorities. They file it in their "what the fuck?" folder. I'm not even done mocking this, however. The girl's name is actually Elfstar? That sounds like the kind of bullshit someone would name their character but it's her given name? Or are they referring to her char name as her given, now? Finally, that's one hell of an initiation. I'm not familiar with the occult, or anything like this, but they have NO hiring standards, man. No wonder nobody has cracked down on these idiots yet. They're the most inept cult in the world!

(http://i.imgur.com/ePB8c.gif)

Penny (I refuse to call her fucking Elfstar) is apparently learning Clerical magic. Hmm... her first spell? That's gotta be 0th level. I don't think we have anything to worry about from Penny in terms of dangerous magic. "Real power" my ass. Wake me up when you learn Cure Moderate Wounds.

(http://i.imgur.com/tVF3v.gif)

Wait wait wait. I call foul! That's a 5th level Wizard spell! Seriously, look!

Quote
Feeblemind
School enchantment (compulsion) [mind-affecting]; Level sorcerer/wizard 5
Casting Time 1 standard action
Components V, S, M (a handful of clay, crystal, or glass spheres)
Range medium (100 ft. + 10 ft./level)
Target one creature
Duration instantaneous
Saving Throw Will negates; see text; Spell Resistance yes
Target creature's Intelligence and Charisma scores each drop to 1. The affected creature is unable to use Intelligence- or Charisma-based skills, cast spells, understand language, or communicate coherently. Still, it knows who its friends are and can follow them and even protect them. The subject remains in this state until a heal, limited wish, miracle, or wish spell is used to cancel the effect of the feeblemind. A creature that can cast arcane spells, such as a sorcerer or a wizard, takes a –4 penalty on its saving throw.

This chick went from a Cleric to a high level mage overnight? Bullshit! Not only is that the wrong class, it's too high a Spell Level. In order to cast 5th level magic, you have to be a 9th level character. Remember earlier? The cleric was EIGHTH-level. So unless she's actually a multi-class Cleric-Wizard and she was Wizard 9/Cleric 8, I call bullshit! Besides, if you're going to do that, why not become a Mystic Theurge and own everyone with your insane number of spell slots?

(http://i.imgur.com/pJ5LI.gif)

Oh, wait, you used Dominate Person? ... That's STILL a 5th level Sorcerer/Wizard spell, or a Bard 4! What the fucking fuck! This chick either gets 1 level per XP or she's lying her ass off. Not to mention, I question her alignment if she, a good person (I assume) is now casting Dominate Person on her own father for personal gain. But whatever.

(http://i.imgur.com/bereW.gif)

W-what?

Hang on... I'm confused. This is the DM on the phone, telling ... Debbie - who the fuck is Debbie? She looks like Penny - or Elfstar - from earlier... so they WERE referring to her by her character name? I guess that coven was a LARP. Also, she's playing D&D without the rest of the group? How does that even work? Unless she's doing a solo campaign on the side... but still, if you're a 8th level Cleric (or a 17th level Cleric/Wizard) it shouldn't take you more than the snap of your fingers to kill a zombie. It's got a Challenge Rating of 1/2. It averages 12 HP. You could probably kill it with a Magic Missile! Just blow the fucker away and move on! If you really take that long to kill a Zombie at your level, you fail as a player.

(http://i.imgur.com/M97JC.gif)

Who the fuck is that? Oh right, that was the thief from the beginning. I actually had to go look it up because the character was so poorly done. She's there, she's gone. Also, I love how Debbie's dressed like a pseudo-soldier (I dunno, something about the shoulder bars and her posture). Oh well, if she's been up in her room for weeks, I guess it's time for some good old Full House esque talk-

(http://i.imgur.com/BBsIx.gif)

Oh.

Or not.

Actually, even this makes me laugh my ass off. Something about the "YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT" just cracks me up. It sounds like what I told S when I figured out he was manually adding STR and Base Atk bonuses to monsters when the Bestiary just provides it. "You didn't have to do all that!" Also, bitching dragon statue. Just saying. ...so what, did this just happen? Or did her mom not check on her for two weeks?

(http://i.imgur.com/cT0EO.gif)

...

You know, I've had characters die for bullshit reasons, and I'm still typing this. But yeah; her thief died, so she had to off herself too. ... melodramatic much? I'm not a doctor, but I think this chick was already pretty unstable if she killed herself after her character died. What in the love of fuck.

(http://i.imgur.com/iXCAU.gif)

Uh... she died regardless of your participation in the game. Let's remember how Black Leaf (really? Fucking stupid character name, and I've seen Fi-Tor) died: "The thief Black Leaf failed to find the poison trap, and I declare her dead." Whether you were sitting at the table or not, that would have happened. And you weren't exactly in the room when she topped herself, honey. At any rate, I love the Evil Overlord look in our friendly DM. Her seething "EEEEE" angry face is priceless.

(http://i.imgur.com/WvTka.gif)

Oops, looks like you're shifting alignment. To the point that you're not in favor with your god. Looks like you're losing some class abilities. Ouch. Hey, it's not so bad, you can get it back later; in the meantime, take a level or two in Fighter or Monk. Also, "too weak"? Lady, you killed her character without so much as a saving throw! ...No! I'm not letting the lack of saving throw go! Shit, if this were Pathfinder you'd get several; resisting the poison, stabilizing at <0 HP (assuming the poison was cured), and each loss of HP has a fucking saving throw.

Oh wait. Your cleric sucks and can't cast Remove Disease or Cure X Wounds. I forgot. Maybe declaring her dead was a mercy. Do the whole party next.

(http://i.imgur.com/7j9XK.gif)

Whoa! DM lady's gone of the nutter end! "BECOME YOUR CHARACTER MORE. LET DEBBIE DIE. CTHULU FTAGN!" Love the face.

(http://i.imgur.com/HzTsC.gif)

A friendly Mormon comes over to help.

(http://i.imgur.com/xu2i7.gif)

Yes, I agree, because this isn't D&D anymore. Some crazy lady is using a game to indoctrinate people into a death cult.

(http://i.imgur.com/6QBR8.gif)

GET IT? A DUNGEON OF BONDAGE? BECAUSE DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS??

Oh, Chick, you card. Loving the pedo-stache on the pastor by the way.

(http://i.imgur.com/fXz8p.gif)

Oh god, this is one of those stupid televangelists. Even when I was a Christian I knew these people were full of shit. The demonstrations and shit? I think there's a bible passage or two about that.

Quote
“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’

Matthew 7:21-23

(http://i.imgur.com/dMnnM.gif)

Yep, this guy's going to hell via Matthew. Wait- what's that? Warning see... *shrugs* okay...

Quote
13 Then some of the itinerant Jewish exorcists took it upon themselves to call the name of the Lord Jesus over those who had evil spirits, saying, “We[a] exorcise you by the Jesus whom Paul preaches.” 14 Also there were seven sons of Sceva, a Jewish chief priest, who did so.

15 And the evil spirit answered and said, “Jesus I know, and Paul I know; but who are you?”

16 Then the man in whom the evil spirit was leaped on them, overpowered them, and prevailed against them,[c] so that they fled out of that house naked and wounded. 17 This became known both to all Jews and Greeks dwelling in Ephesus; and fear fell on them all, and the name of the Lord Jesus was magnified.

...wait. Is Jack Chick refuting his own point? He's pointing out that either a) this guy has no power, b) she's not really demon-possessed, or c) There's an off-panel beating of this man delivered by the girl. At this point, I'm hoping for c, just because it'd be entertaining and this is honestly boring the shit out of me at this point.

(http://i.imgur.com/ERxEU.gif)

Damn, no such luck.

Well, there you have it folks. Don't play D&D with evil witches who kill off characters without saving throws. They could turn out to be under Satanic influence, or are crazy, or at the very least are shitty DMs.
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
Post by: Stormwarden on March 25, 2012, 10:15:22 pm
I'd like to see Jack Chick's reaction to any game from White Wolf. He'd probably lose his mind if he saw how White Wolf handles their games.
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
Post by: Yla on March 26, 2012, 03:16:47 am
I can't see any tract pics in this thread. Not sure whether that's a good or a bad thing, I can infer some of what happens from the commentary.
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
Post by: Eniliad on March 26, 2012, 03:50:18 am
No? Huh... I'll see about hosting them on imageshack then, I guess.

EDIT: Odd, all attempts to directly upload it to imageshack or imgur aren't working. I could save them all, save as PNG and retry (the issue is the .gif extension) but that's way too much work for Jack Chick's benefit. I guess, just check this out and you'll see what I'm riffing: http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0046/0046_01.ASP  :-\
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
Post by: SpaceProg on March 26, 2012, 04:03:12 am
I could see them fine.  It was the Rabbi Waxman one I couldn't see most of.  Weird.
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
Post by: Yla on March 26, 2012, 05:29:10 am
I guess, just check this out and you'll see what I'm riffing: http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0046/0046_01.ASP  :-\
That works, thx
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
Post by: Morgenleoht on March 26, 2012, 05:43:01 am
I'd like to see Jack Chick's reaction to any game from White Wolf. He'd probably lose his mind if he saw how White Wolf handles their games.

...OMFG. Could you imagine his reaction to the Giovanni/Sangiovanni?
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
Post by: myusername on March 26, 2012, 12:59:26 pm
Tract Title: “The Poor Revolutionist”
Alternate Tract Title: Jack Chick Fails Marxism Forever!

Jack Chick. Communism. A recipe for fail. As Marxism is one interest of mine, (I’m no expert, but I have studied political theory, which is more than can be said for Chick), I’m going to point out the stupidity. May contain some quotes from Marx, Engels etc. Bear in mind that this fail was written in 2010.

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages77054/0065/0065_02.gif)

Cos all communists look like people who haven’t left the 1960’s. What, no posters of actual communists on the wall? Fidel Castro or Che Guevara or something? Karl Marx? Vladimir Lenin? No? That said, I don’t think I want to see Chick’s attempts at drawing these people. He didn’t even put a hammer and sickle i.e. generic sign for communism 101 on there. Communists are not necessarily the same as hippies, Jack.
Why a peace sign if they are planning a violent revolution…I’m confused.
These guys’ security isn’t exactly very good if they have random fundies bursting in on cell meetings.

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages77054/0065/0065_03.gif)

And apparently commies also have anger management issues.
And, play acoustic guitar and sing about revolution a lot. Again, I get Hippie vibe rather than Communist Revolutionary vibe. While I can see hippies setting up communes and the like, that’s slightly different from the idea of forcibly overthrowing the government.
Woman with a guitar doesn't exactly scream "hard nosed terrorist" to me, Jack, that's all I'm saying.

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages77054/0065/0065_04.gif)

People change their beliefs sometimes?

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages77054/0065/0065_05.gif)

How does this work then? Being “Born Again” isn’t enough to save you if some random fundie decides you aren’t holy enough?

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages77054/0065/0065_06.gif)

“Christianity has failed”. If by that you mean “fundamentalist Christianity has dragged society back through the ages” than I 100% agree.
Why doesn’t the brother in this scenario just go to the authorities and have these lot arrested? There are plenty of grounds to do so. He could have just spied on the meeting, recorded it and took it to the police and he wouldn’t have this problem. As I said, these guys’ security isn’t exactly up to scratch.

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages77054/0065/0065_07.gif)

Yay, obligatory Karl Marx quote!  I was wondering when we’d get to that! Chick, if you are going to quote Marx, you should cite your sources; you have enough room for that humongous Bible quote after all. It’s from the introduction to A Contribution to the Critique of Hegel’s Philosophy of Right, by the way. 5 points says Chick doesn’t know the context and hasn’t actually read it. Hell, even looking the quote up on Wikipedia would be an improvement; it has a page you know.

Anyway, point is that ideas (for Marx) arise out of historical conditions of production; this theory is known as “Historical Materialism”. Henceforth, religions are just another idea that arose out of the historical conditions. “Man makes religion, religion does not make man.” Henceforth, religion needs to be critiqued as an illusion, a shadow of reality. (http://marxists.org/archive/marx/works/1843/critique-hpr/intro.htm)  Religion is transcended by communism. When you have Communism there is simply no need for religion. Here’s Engels on the topic:

Quote from: Friedrich Engels
All religions which have existed hitherto were expressions of historical stages of development of individual peoples or groups of peoples. But communism is that stage of historical development which makes all existing religions superfluous and supersedes them.

(My Emphasis – Taken from A Communist Confession of Faith, 1847. If Jack had have looked this up, he could have had so much fun with that title as well.)

Chick, do you know about anything else that Marx wrote…? No? *slaps Chick round the head with copy of Das Kapital, Vol I.*

In a related issue I have with this tract, here’s Friedrich Engels on revolution.

Quote from: Friedrich Engels
We are convinced not only of the uselessness but even of the harmfulness of all conspiracies. We are also aware that revolutions are not made deliberately and arbitrarily but that everywhere and at all times they are the necessary consequence of circumstances which are not in any way whatever dependent either on the will or on the leadership of individual parties or of whole classes. But we also see that the development of the proletariat in almost all countries of the world is forcibly repressed by the possessing classes and that thus a revolution is being forcibly worked for by the opponents of communism. If, in the end, the oppressed proletariat is thus driven into a revolution, then we will defend the cause of the proletariat just as well by our deeds as now by our words.

(My emphasis; ibid.)

In classical Marxist theory, revolution comes from class not party. You have written a tract about communist revolution without even mentioning the proletariat Jack. Do you know how badly that fails? Do you know how important the proletariat as the universal class (i.e. the representative of humanity) is in Marxist theory? Oh, of course you don’t, because you’re an idiot. Even if these guys just want control and power, they would at least pay lip service to the idea of the proletariat if they are acting in the name of Marx.

You’re the one who brought Marx into the discussion, so I am fully justified in fucking owning you with Marxist quotes.

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages77054/0065/0065_08.gif)

I love the Comrade thing. This is written in 2010, so Jack doesn’t even have the excuse of the Cold War any more. Hint: Not all Marxists/Communists supported the USSR. Which brings me to a related point: where are these guys getting their funding from? I mean, to carry out a revolution you need cold, hard, bourgeois cash. I doubt that big business is going to be funding their little Commie escapade. Marxism as an ideology does not have enough support in, presumably America, for the funding to come from the masses. And as there’s no USSR, they can’t even take their begging bowl to the Soviets any more. Wait, what am I doing trying to apply logic to a Chick Tract?

Yay the scare words “New World Order”. Wasn’t that what H.W. Bush said the world would be like after the Cold War with ideas such as human rights and humanitarian intervention coming to the fore and replacing US v USSR realpolitik?

Socialism does not work that way. It’s about, economically, putting the means of production back in the hands of the workers; no-one has power over the workers as the capitalists do not exist.* It’s true however that Marxists would generally consider the free market oppressive and unfair. BUT, as a related point though, Marx never actually condemned the free market as unjust, in fact he says the opposite in Das Kapital, despite the whole thing being a critique of capitalism. It’s more interesting to speculate why that is rather than read this crap. (http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/marx/#5)
*depends on how broadly we want to define “socialism”; I’m taking a hard-left definition here, as it makes sense in context.

Besides Jack, what you got against fairness and tolerance? Oh no wait this is Jack Chick I’m talking about…

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages77054/0065/0065_09.gif)

11:25 p.m. is a bit of an arbitrary time.

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages77054/0065/0065_10.gif)

Police officers aren’t even bourgeois.

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages77054/0065/0065_11.gif)

Again: Marxists =/= Hippies.

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages77054/0065/0065_12.gif)

Where are the revolutionists hiding these camps? If they are doing terrorism/guerrilla warfare style-tactics, I highly doubt that they could create and hold detention camps unless they have conquered some area of the country. How did what looks like a tiny band of revolutionaries achieve this aim? Terrorism does not work this way Jack.
“I knew those 250 guns would come in useful for something!” – Second Amendment obsessed paranoid fundie.
Do people actually say “I’m Hit” when they get shot?

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages77054/0065/0065_13.gif)

Is this Chick saying Christianity is a delusion? I’m confused.

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages77054/0065/0065_14.gif)

Love how we get a bit of paranoid “they’re going to take our guns!” thing in here as well.

Hang on, if “The people” are fighting against the revolutionists…who are the revolutionists? I mean, I find it unbelievable that this really powerful group relating to a broadly believed-to-be-discredited ideology can come out of nowhere and exist without at least some support from some of the people somewhere.

Again, no mention of the proletariat, Jack. You fail.

Terrorism does not work this way. Terrorism is a tactic of the weak that attempts to get government to give into its demands by violence, true. But terrorists alone don’t really have enough power to overthrow a government; they create fear, which is supposed to lead to the government giving into its demands. I doubt a government would give in to a terrorist demand to utterly dissolve itself.

Jack, please tell us which nation this is meant to be, thanks.

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages77054/0065/0065_15.gif)

Foreign mercenaries, okay. But where did they get the cash to pay the mercenaries? Yes I know crime funds terrorist groups. I just have a really hard time believing that a fringe ideology could have enough support to have a terrorist group based around it in modern day America, which I’m presuming that’s where this is set, let alone one that could overthrow the American government with its ridiculous military spending. I’d say this isn’t 1960’s Italy, but I really don’t know as Chick doesn’t tell us.

We’ve had a communist revolution and this is the first fucking mention of class. Finally. Socialism does not work this way Jack. Private property is private ownership of the means of production i.e. Factories, etc. It’s not that hard.

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages77054/0065/0065_16.gif)

He’s a bit more than “by” the gallows.

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages77054/0065/0065_17.gif)
(http://media.chick.com/tractimages77054/0065/0065_18.gif)
(http://media.chick.com/tractimages77054/0065/0065_19.gif)

Who exactly are these guys going to rule if they’ve killed everyone?

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages77054/0065/0065_20.gif)

Why don’t these guys at least try to fight back if they’re going to die anyway?
If Chick was going to have the socialist group stab each other in the back, he could have at least had them get in a bitch fight over differences of interpretation of socialism. Marx and Bakunin, Mensheviks and Bolsheviks, Stalin and Trotsky…oh no wait that might require a bit of knowledge of history, but if he’d had done it that way I’d have given him half a point as socialists are well-known for internal bickering.

They die. Hell punt. The End.

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages77054/Page23/enGeneral.gif)

What, no message telling me that communism is a religion; Das Kapital is its Bible, etc?
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
Post by: Barbarella on March 26, 2012, 01:39:43 pm
Tract Title: “The Poor Revolutionist”
Alternate Tract Title: Jack Chick Fails Marxism Forever!

Jack Chick. Communism. A recipe for fail. As Marxism is one interest of mine, (I’m no expert, but I have studied political theory, which is more than can be said for Chick), I’m going to point out the stupidity. May contain some quotes from Marx, Engels etc. Bear in mind that this fail was written in 2010.

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages77054/0065/0065_02.gif)

Cos all communists look like people who haven’t left the 1960’s. What, no posters of actual communists on the wall? Fidel Castro or Che Guevara or something? Karl Marx? Vladimir Lenin? No? That said, I don’t think I want to see Chick’s attempts at drawing these people. He didn’t even put a hammer and sickle i.e. generic sign for communism 101 on there. Communists are not necessarily the same as hippies, Jack.
Why a peace sign if they are planning a violent revolution…I’m confused.
These guys’ security isn’t exactly very good if they have random fundies bursting in on cell meetings.

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages77054/0065/0065_03.gif)

And apparently commies also have anger management issues.
And, play acoustic guitar and sing about revolution a lot. Again, I get Hippie vibe rather than Communist Revolutionary vibe. While I can see hippies setting up communes and the like, that’s slightly different from the idea of forcibly overthrowing the government.
Woman with a guitar doesn't exactly scream "hard nosed terrorist" to me, Jack, that's all I'm saying.

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages77054/0065/0065_04.gif)

People change their beliefs sometimes?

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages77054/0065/0065_05.gif)

How does this work then? Being “Born Again” isn’t enough to save you if some random fundie decides you aren’t holy enough?

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages77054/0065/0065_06.gif)

“Christianity has failed”. If by that you mean “fundamentalist Christianity has dragged society back through the ages” than I 100% agree.
Why doesn’t the brother in this scenario just go to the authorities and have these lot arrested? There are plenty of grounds to do so. He could have just spied on the meeting, recorded it and took it to the police and he wouldn’t have this problem. As I said, these guys’ security isn’t exactly up to scratch.

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages77054/0065/0065_07.gif)

Yay, obligatory Karl Marx quote!  I was wondering when we’d get to that! Chick, if you are going to quote Marx, you should cite your sources; you have enough room for that humongous Bible quote after all. It’s from the introduction to A Contribution to the Critique of Hegel’s Philosophy of Right, by the way. 5 points says Chick doesn’t know the context and hasn’t actually read it. Hell, even looking the quote up on Wikipedia would be an improvement; it has a page you know.

Anyway, point is that ideas (for Marx) arise out of historical conditions of production; this theory is known as “Historical Materialism”. Henceforth, religions are just another idea that arose out of the historical conditions. “Man makes religion, religion does not make man.” Henceforth, religion needs to be critiqued as an illusion, a shadow of reality. (http://marxists.org/archive/marx/works/1843/critique-hpr/intro.htm)  Religion is transcended by communism. When you have Communism there is simply no need for religion. Here’s Engels on the topic:

Quote from: Friedrich Engels
All religions which have existed hitherto were expressions of historical stages of development of individual peoples or groups of peoples. But communism is that stage of historical development which makes all existing religions superfluous and supersedes them.

(My Emphasis – Taken from A Communist Confession of Faith, 1847. If Jack had have looked this up, he could have had so much fun with that title as well.)

Chick, do you know about anything else that Marx wrote…? No? *slaps Chick round the head with copy of Das Kapital, Vol I.*

In a related issue I have with this tract, here’s Friedrich Engels on revolution.

Quote from: Friedrich Engels
We are convinced not only of the uselessness but even of the harmfulness of all conspiracies. We are also aware that revolutions are not made deliberately and arbitrarily but that everywhere and at all times they are the necessary consequence of circumstances which are not in any way whatever dependent either on the will or on the leadership of individual parties or of whole classes. But we also see that the development of the proletariat in almost all countries of the world is forcibly repressed by the possessing classes and that thus a revolution is being forcibly worked for by the opponents of communism. If, in the end, the oppressed proletariat is thus driven into a revolution, then we will defend the cause of the proletariat just as well by our deeds as now by our words.

(My emphasis; ibid.)

In classical Marxist theory, revolution comes from class not party. You have written a tract about communist revolution without even mentioning the proletariat Jack. Do you know how badly that fails? Do you know how important the proletariat as the universal class (i.e. the representative of humanity) is in Marxist theory? Oh, of course you don’t, because you’re an idiot. Even if these guys just want control and power, they would at least pay lip service to the idea of the proletariat if they are acting in the name of Marx.

You’re the one who brought Marx into the discussion, so I am fully justified in fucking owning you with Marxist quotes.

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages77054/0065/0065_08.gif)

I love the Comrade thing. This is written in 2010, so Jack doesn’t even have the excuse of the Cold War any more. Hint: Not all Marxists/Communists supported the USSR. Which brings me to a related point: where are these guys getting their funding from? I mean, to carry out a revolution you need cold, hard, bourgeois cash. I doubt that big business is going to be funding their little Commie escapade. Marxism as an ideology does not have enough support in, presumably America, for the funding to come from the masses. And as there’s no USSR, they can’t even take their begging bowl to the Soviets any more. Wait, what am I doing trying to apply logic to a Chick Tract?

Yay the scare words “New World Order”. Wasn’t that what H.W. Bush said the world would be like after the Cold War with ideas such as human rights and humanitarian intervention coming to the fore and replacing US v USSR realpolitik?

Socialism does not work that way. It’s about, economically, putting the means of production back in the hands of the workers; no-one has power over the workers as the capitalists do not exist.* It’s true however that Marxists would generally consider the free market oppressive and unfair. BUT, as a related point though, Marx never actually condemned the free market as unjust, in fact he says the opposite in Das Kapital, despite the whole thing being a critique of capitalism. It’s more interesting to speculate why that is rather than read this crap. (http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/marx/#5)
*depends on how broadly we want to define “socialism”; I’m taking a hard-left definition here, as it makes sense in context.

Besides Jack, what you got against fairness and tolerance? Oh no wait this is Jack Chick I’m talking about…

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages77054/0065/0065_09.gif)

11:25 p.m. is a bit of an arbitrary time.

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages77054/0065/0065_10.gif)

Police officers aren’t even bourgeois.

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages77054/0065/0065_11.gif)

Again: Marxists =/= Hippies.

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages77054/0065/0065_12.gif)

Where are the revolutionists hiding these camps? If they are doing terrorism/guerrilla warfare style-tactics, I highly doubt that they could create and hold detention camps unless they have conquered some area of the country. How did what looks like a tiny band of revolutionaries achieve this aim? Terrorism does not work this way Jack.
“I knew those 250 guns would come in useful for something!” – Second Amendment obsessed paranoid fundie.
Do people actually say “I’m Hit” when they get shot?

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages77054/0065/0065_13.gif)

Is this Chick saying Christianity is a delusion? I’m confused.

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages77054/0065/0065_14.gif)

Love how we get a bit of paranoid “they’re going to take our guns!” thing in here as well.

Hang on, if “The people” are fighting against the revolutionists…who are the revolutionists? I mean, I find it unbelievable that this really powerful group relating to a broadly believed-to-be-discredited ideology can come out of nowhere and exist without at least some support from some of the people somewhere.

Again, no mention of the proletariat, Jack. You fail.

Terrorism does not work this way. Terrorism is a tactic of the weak that attempts to get government to give into its demands by violence, true. But terrorists alone don’t really have enough power to overthrow a government; they create fear, which is supposed to lead to the government giving into its demands. I doubt a government would give in to a terrorist demand to utterly dissolve itself.

Jack, please tell us which nation this is meant to be, thanks.

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages77054/0065/0065_15.gif)

Foreign mercenaries, okay. But where did they get the cash to pay the mercenaries? Yes I know crime funds terrorist groups. I just have a really hard time believing that a fringe ideology could have enough support to have a terrorist group based around it in modern day America, which I’m presuming that’s where this is set, let alone one that could overthrow the American government with its ridiculous military spending. I’d say this isn’t 1960’s Italy, but I really don’t know as Chick doesn’t tell us.

We’ve had a communist revolution and this is the first fucking mention of class. Finally. Socialism does not work this way Jack. Private property is private ownership of the means of production i.e. Factories, etc. It’s not that hard.

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages77054/0065/0065_16.gif)

He’s a bit more than “by” the gallows.

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages77054/0065/0065_17.gif)
(http://media.chick.com/tractimages77054/0065/0065_18.gif)
(http://media.chick.com/tractimages77054/0065/0065_19.gif)

Who exactly are these guys going to rule if they’ve killed everyone?

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages77054/0065/0065_20.gif)

Why don’t these guys at least try to fight back if they’re going to die anyway?
If Chick was going to have the socialist group stab each other in the back, he could have at least had them get in a bitch fight over differences of interpretation of socialism. Marx and Bakunin, Mensheviks and Bolsheviks, Stalin and Trotsky…oh no wait that might require a bit of knowledge of history, but if he’d had done it that way I’d have given him half a point as socialists are well-known for internal bickering.

They die. Hell punt. The End.

(http://media.chick.com/tractimages77054/Page23/enGeneral.gif)

What, no message telling me that communism is a religion; Das Kapital is its Bible, etc?

Did you notice that Comrade Gregory has a clerical collar in the last panel he's in? So Chick's not only making this anti-Communism but anti-Catholic (considering his track record, Gregory's a Catholic priest).  The Vatican may be a bunch of goobers but THERE'S NO WORLD DOMINATION CONSPIRACY!

All in all, Chick's a jerk.
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
Post by: Witchyjoshy on March 26, 2012, 02:29:17 pm
Please don't quote the reviews D: You can just use an @Username or something similar to that to say who you're talking to.
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
Post by: myusername on March 26, 2012, 03:33:48 pm
@ Spuki Kitty: True. Which makes the guy going on about how religion is the opium of the masses sound even more stupid if he's following a Catholic priest XD
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
Post by: Quasirodent on March 26, 2012, 04:21:51 pm
I'm interested in reading these but the strip graphics aren't coming up.  Other inserted graphics are fine, just the tract pages seem to be missing.  Any ideas?
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
Post by: myusername on March 26, 2012, 04:32:50 pm
Some of them show up for me and some don't. I kind of had 2 tabs open one with the tracts and one with the sporking, and did it that way. A bit awkward, but...
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
Post by: Osama bin Bambi on March 26, 2012, 04:35:49 pm
Yeah, I'm having the same problem too. I checked all the pictures I put into the "Where's Rabbi Waxman?" roast, but all the image tags appear to be formed correctly. I've had problems with posting some pictures from my computer in the past.

None of "The Poor Revolutionist", and only part of "Where's Rabbi Waxman?" is showing up for me. Everything else I can view in its entirety. What gives?
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
Post by: ironbite on March 26, 2012, 04:51:30 pm
I think they might be getting axed from Jack's website if they're linked from there directly.

Ironbite-maybe.
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
Post by: DharmicDalek on March 26, 2012, 09:23:49 pm
Just rehost the images on imagur.
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick! UPDATE: EVERYBODY USE IMGUR
Post by: Barbarella on March 27, 2012, 11:04:54 am
Yeah, Imagur, Photobucket, that sort of thing. I'd "save" each pic, download them into the photo site, then use that in my posts.
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick! UPDATE: EVERYBODY USE IMGUR
Post by: myusername on March 27, 2012, 06:08:49 pm
Here's mine as word attachments if it helps as I had em saved anyway
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick! UPDATE: EVERYBODY USE IMGUR
Post by: Eniliad on March 27, 2012, 06:11:56 pm
Ok ok, I went through the trouble of saving and reuploading the Dark Dungeons pics. Yet another reason to hate Jack Chick: He made me pollute my hdd with his shit.
Title: Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick! UPDATE: EVERYBODY USE IMGUR
Post by: Osama bin Bambi on March 27, 2012, 08:46:16 pm
Ok ok, I went through the trouble of saving and reuploading the Dark Dungeons pics. Yet another reason to hate Jack Chick: He made me pollute my hdd with his shit.

I've also updated my pictures.