Forgive me, Sig, if my post came across as...wonked. I think we may disagree a bit on gender (but that's possibly due to my own biases and bad experiences, and I do try to account for that in any given situation), but I think we both agree that the idea of just slapping all of the complicated issues that autism can bring to someone's gender identity onto a single label is just a smidge insulting.
Might be that it is. But mostly my problem (and this is really a problem with this thread as a whole, your post was just a prompt) is that it puts on the same level some harmless if slightly weird comment on someone making up a new word for their gender with the actually harmful, sometimes abusive tactics people use in the name of social justice. These are not problems on the same level! SJ encourages a finely-grained and individualised exploration of gender and sexuality, which is a good thing in my book. It has failure modes, like a jargon explosion that it's impossible to keep up with and some dubious classifications that are taken in uncritically. Opinions on this vary, of course.
But the worst of these failure modes has nothing on bullshit like women being attacked for not being feminist in the right away or doxxing people for making fun of you or mounting giant harassment campaigns against the designated target of the week. And bundling criticism of these things together is costly.
Because the non-abusive, non-bullying SJ types are not going to stand around and listen when you make fun of them for having weird identity issues they resolve the best they know how, with the tools their community gives them. And alienating the people with weird pronouns who don't hurt anybody is a loss. Because, well, they don't hurt anybody, and other people in their movement do, and we want them to help minimise that harm. If their idea of "SJ-critic" is "those assholes who made fun of me and my friends because of our gender" then why would they want to side with them? Why would they want to listen when we talk about toxic norms in their community? We are the enemy, after all.
Sorry, this came out more ranty than it should.