Wishes Will Be Corrupted

[Captain Jack Harkness]

Wish granted.  They force you to marry and are ridiculously overbearing in EVERY aspect of your guys' lives.

I wish I could afford to see the Equestria Girls movie in the theater.

[Art Vandelay]

Granted, but you can't control your bowels while in the cinema.

I wish for some chocolate cake.

[R. U. Sirius]

Granted. It's delivered via a dog vomiting it onto you.

I wish for mad katana skills.

[Captain Jack Harkness]

Wish granted.  You become insane with a katana.  No really.  You go mad and start a murder spree, with a small part of you knowing what you're doing is wrong.  When the police corner you, you commit hari-kari.

I wish I could imagine a wish that won't have repercussions that I don't want.

[Zygarde]

Granted then you explode... .


I wish I wish I were a fish. (I've always wanted to use that line from Ed,Edd,n Eddy in the right kind of context.)

[Sigmaleph]

Granted, you are a fish. Or, more accurately, your body transforms into that of a fish, with a brain that cannot possibly work as a substrate for a human mind, so 'you' are effectively dead.

I wish for vodka.

[Zygarde]

Granted it's shitty vodka not the good kind.


I wish for a new laptop that didn't run on Windows 8.

[Moltar]

It runs windows '95

I wish for a turkey sandwich…on rye bread…with lettuce and mustard, and…I don’t want any zombie turkeys, I don’t want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don’t want any other weird surprises.

[Zygarde]

Granted but Zorak eats it... .


I wish I could fix the amp I use for my piano since it keeps giving weird feedback.

[ThunderWulf]

Granted, but now you forgot how to play.

I wish that the poster I ordered would get here already.

[R. U. Sirius]

Granted. It falls from the sky and lands on your head, cartoon-style.

I wish to get the job I'm interviewing for Wednesday at the doggy daycare.

[Flying Mint Bunny!]

Granted. It falls from the sky and lands on your head, cartoon-style.

I wish to get the job I'm interviewing for Wednesday at the doggy daycare.

Granted. I hate dogs, so I can't make your wish more warped than it already is.

I wish I had more self control.

[Cataclysm]

Granted. You have to focus on every part of your body, making things really slow for you.

I wish I had a parrot

[Random Gal]

Granted. It repeats nothing but curses and embarrassing secrets about you, and bites you whenever you try to get it to shut up.

I wish my upcoming geology field camp would be drama-free and enjoyable.

[R. U. Sirius]

Granted. Unfortunately, that means you've killed any chance of hooking up with any cute girls you meet there, even if you wait until after the camp is over.

I wish I had better memories of growing up. I ESPECIALLY wish I had lost my virginity earlier than age 20.