Author Topic: Wishes Will Be Corrupted  (Read 363531 times)

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Art Vandelay

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #585 on: April 17, 2012, 07:34:46 am »
Granted, you gain a pack of week old used tampon flavoured gum that never loses said flavour.

I wish for popcorn.
« Last Edit: April 17, 2012, 07:36:56 am by Art Vandelay »

Offline Jack Bauer

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #586 on: April 17, 2012, 09:01:37 am »
Granted - naturally it is week old used tampon flavoured popcorn...

I wish for a mouthwash effective against week old used tampon oral contamination.
« Last Edit: April 18, 2012, 03:14:22 am by Jack Bauer »
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“Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.”   -  Albert Einstein.

Offline Deus ex Populo

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #587 on: April 17, 2012, 05:47:16 pm »
The mouthwash turns out to be chlorine trifluoride. Your mouth catches fire while you inhale/swallow the acidic fumes it produces, and you die painfully in the space of a few minutes. But at least you no longer have that week-old used tampon flavor in your mouth!

I wish for better writing skills.
"Scientific truth is beyond loyalty and disloyalty." - Hari Seldon, Foundation

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Offline N. De Plume

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #588 on: April 17, 2012, 08:37:04 pm »
Granted. In exchange, you lose all other communication skills. Which is pretty bad, ‘cause even with your super-awesome writing, you can’t make up for that legendary 80% nonverbal part of communication.

I wish I had better speaking skills without giving up any of my other communication skills.
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Offline Jack Bauer

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #589 on: April 18, 2012, 03:18:02 am »
Granted, your speaking skills and other communication related skills are beyond awesome - unfortunately, you now find that you have nothing to say.

I wish I could establish my own religion based on the worship of cheese.
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“Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.”   -  Albert Einstein.

Offline Deus ex Populo

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #590 on: April 18, 2012, 03:05:05 pm »
One of your first followers murders you over a dispute of the relative merits of cheddar vs. American cheese before taking up leadership of your (now his) religion. Over the centuries, it becomes the dominant religion on the planet Earth which controls a vast imperialist and genocidal theocracy, holding an ultra-orthodox view of all secular cheese made after 2012 being a heretical imitation of the true, divinely-inspired recipes (which, naturally, only the priestly elite know). Any layperson caught making cheese, eating cheese (outside of special and legally-mandatory rituals), or even owning a cow is tortured to death. As time goes by, a schism forms within this church, leading to a civil war that quickly spreads to the international community, involving mass WMD use. The end result: six billion people dead, two-thirds of Earth's land area uninhabitable, and the rest of humanity is forced into a meager hunter-gatherer existence for the rest of the species' miserable existence. Good job there.

I wish for a modern-day epic poem
« Last Edit: April 18, 2012, 03:11:03 pm by Deus ex Populo »
"Scientific truth is beyond loyalty and disloyalty." - Hari Seldon, Foundation

"[A] blunderbuss or cannon is hardly likely to be used for a drive-by shooting."
- From Wikipedia

Offline Jack Bauer

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #591 on: April 19, 2012, 02:32:18 pm »
[DeP - obviously a kindred spirit!]

Granted - but all 65,540 stanzas are written in a language which appears to be a cross between ancient Icelandic, Klingon and gibberish. You can guess what happens when three cults arise... The outcome is very similar to that which pertains following the scourge of the cheese based religion above.

I wish that smoked salmon wasn't so damned expensive.

Part wolf, part pirate.



“Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.”   -  Albert Einstein.

Offline Zygarde

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #592 on: April 23, 2012, 12:35:13 am »
Granted but now every other food is jacked up in price


I wish I didn't get arrested for the third time in my life a few days ago.

Art Vandelay

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #593 on: April 23, 2012, 03:05:38 am »
Granted, you got sodomised and waterboarded instead.

I wish Khris wasn't arrested, sodomised and/or waterboarded.

Offline speshuled67

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #594 on: April 23, 2012, 03:45:56 am »
granted, but khris gets electrodes attached to his/her genitals


i wish i would never be disliked
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There is a cult of ignorance in the United States, and there has always been. The strain of anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that “my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.”

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Art Vandelay

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #595 on: April 23, 2012, 04:04:09 am »
Granted, now people love you so much that you're constantly mobbed by paparazzi whenever you go outside.

I wish I could control pigeons.

Offline Jack Bauer

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #596 on: April 23, 2012, 05:46:10 am »
Granted - but you are now controlled by an insane chicken known as Albert Bligh-Fettucini (a distant relative of the Long Island Bligh-Fettucinis). Albert has an obsession with shoelaces and commands you to send out pigeon peck squads in search of the fabled platinum cross bodice style high top laces of legend. You and your feathery cohorts fail miserably, which is hardly surprising. In a snitt, Albert hires some mercenary corvids to peck your eyes out.

I wish for a cute little fluffy yellow chick that will sit in the palm of my hand and go cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep.
Part wolf, part pirate.



“Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.”   -  Albert Einstein.

Art Vandelay

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #597 on: April 23, 2012, 06:51:24 am »
Granted, you now have a fluffy yellow chick that will shit in the palm of your hand, courtesy of me misreading your wish.

I wish for more Monty Carlos.

Offline e13

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #598 on: April 23, 2012, 08:56:33 pm »
Granted. They're the worst one's ever made.

I wish I didn't drink so much soda/pop/soda pop/cola/coke/whatever.

Just Having Some Tea, Hanging With My Friends...

Art Vandelay

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #599 on: April 23, 2012, 08:57:56 pm »
Granted, you drink more bear urine instead.

I wish I wasn't farting so much today.