Wishes Will Be Corrupted

[Random Gal]

Granted. You are now completely unaffected by caffeine and fall asleep all the time.

I wish the Founding Fathers had actually clarified what they felt about religion rather than leave so many contradictory sets of quotes depending on whether they were speaking publicly or privately.

[R. U. Sirius]

Granted. Fundies still refuse to believe they said anything that they disagree with, though, and still have no compunctions about making quotes up out of thin air.

I wish to actually be a member of a megarich, world-controlling cabal.

[Ghoti]

Granted. Fundies still refuse to believe they said anything that they disagree with, though, and still have no compunctions about making quotes up out of thin air.

I wish to actually be a member of a megarich, world-controlling cabal.

Granted. You get killed by the cabal because the other members are afraid you'll expose them.

I wish the birth announcement I have to make was already done and not awful looking.

[PosthumanHeresy]

Granted. Fundies still refuse to believe they said anything that they disagree with, though, and still have no compunctions about making quotes up out of thin air.

I wish to actually be a member of a megarich, world-controlling cabal.

Granted. You get killed by the cabal because the other members are afraid you'll expose them.

I wish the birth announcement I have to make was already done and not awful looking.

Granted. However, you chicken out on sending it.

I wish wishes were fishes.

[Ghoti]

Granted. Fundies still refuse to believe they said anything that they disagree with, though, and still have no compunctions about making quotes up out of thin air.

I wish to actually be a member of a megarich, world-controlling cabal.

Granted. You get killed by the cabal because the other members are afraid you'll expose them.

I wish the birth announcement I have to make was already done and not awful looking.

Granted. However, you chicken out on sending it.

I wish wishes were fishes.

Granted. Every time someone wishes for something, an invasive specie of fish pops up wherever it can do the most harm.

I wish I could quit you.

[R. U. Sirius]

Granted. The withdrawal symptoms kill you, though.

I wish for the false criminal charges against me to just go away.

[Random Gal]

Granted. They are dismissed in favor of true criminal charges.

I wish I could do this with the elevator at my workplace.

[Ghoti]

Granted. They are dismissed in favor of true criminal charges.

I wish I could do this with the elevator at my workplace.

Granted. You fall and die.
I wish I could make the Mass Effect 3 endings not suck.

[Leafy]

Granted, but now the entire game sucks.

I wish I had some energy.

[Ghoti]

Granted. You're so hyper that you bounce off the walls and can't accomplish anything.
I wish I could get perfect grades without effort.

[Sour Grapes]

Granted.  But you still can't get a job in this economy.

I wish people would just enjoy television and movies without having to view them through the lense of their political bias.

[Sigmaleph]

Granted. All media is now completely devoid of socially- and politically-relevant content, and it devolves into sex jokes and laugh tracks. All the time.

I wish my printer worked correctly.

[Art Vandelay]

Granted, but your computer doesn't.

I wish fanboy/girl//whatever-ism would cease to be a thing. Why can't people just like Mass Effect/My Little Pony/Dr Who/Star Wars/Avengers and whatever else without basing their entire fucking identity around it?

[Ghoti]

Granted, but your computer doesn't.

I wish fanboy/girl//whatever-ism would cease to be a thing. Why can't people just like Mass Effect/My Little Pony/Dr Who/Star Wars/Avengers and whatever else without basing their entire fucking identity around it?

Granted. All your favorite media cease to exist due to lack of fan support.

I wish I didn't have a hicky.

[Random Gal]

Granted. You have a highly malignant tumor instead.

I wish I didn't have a horrible calculus test tomorrow.