Wishes Will Be Corrupted

[Ghoti]

Granted. You freeze to death.

I wish the world was, in fact, a wish-granting factory.

[R. U. Sirius]

Granted. It descends into an experience worse than the tenth level of Hell from everyone getting exactly what they wish for.

I wish for God to write, "I apologize for the inconvenience," in the clouds.

[Indikins]

Granted. However, every fundie everywhere goes rabid trying to prove it was their god who did it.

I wish for one billion Australian dollars in notes.

[Flying Mint Bunny!]

Granted. However, every fundie everywhere goes rabid trying to prove it was their god who did it.

I wish for one billion Australian dollars in notes.

Granted, but they are stolen bank notes, so you end up going to prison for a very long time.

I wish I had minions.

[R. U. Sirius]

Granted. By their incompetence, they slip the poison into your food instead of your enemy's. You die. Then end.

I wish people would stop holding my history against me.

[Art Vandelay]

Granted, they hold their used condoms against you instead.

I wish the oven would behave itself.

[ironbite]

Granted.  It becomes a model citizen, one that is held up as an example of all sorts of behaviors.  The fridge, sadly, becomes a wild child, getting pregnant after a wild night out with the toaster oven and blender.

Ironbite-I wish I could go back in time.

[R. U. Sirius]

Granted, but it takes thirty seconds to do and you can only go back ten seconds.

I wish to be the Avatar.

[Ghoti]

Granted, you're in Avatar in the M. Night Shamwow AtLA movie.

I wish I could painlessly and consciously shift into a cat and back again as many times as I wanted.

[Indikins]

Granted. You can literally go INTO cats, which immediately explode around your body.

I wish to become the immortal ruler of the world.

[R. U. Sirius]

Granted. Eventually, everyone and everything you ever knew and loved is gone, and centuries pass like seconds because there's just so much time crowding around in your brain, leaving you hopelessly farther and farther behind the learning curve of new technologies. Also, when the planet is consumed by the sun, you survive, drifting in space alone, forever.

I wish for the ability to make perfect clones of people, including their memories, just so I can settle once and for all the debate over whether Hitler was religious.

[Ghoti]

Granted. Clone!Hitler takes over the world, and to add insult to injury fundies insist he was/is an atheist despite any evidence to the contrary.

I wish I could heal any injury instantly and painlessly.

[Indikins]

Granted. However, your body instantly ages by the amount of time it would normally take for the injury to heal.

I wish for the ability to use my mind to blow up anyone I want.

[R. U. Sirius]

Granted, if by "blow up" you mean "inflate like a balloon and float off into the sky."

I wish to be a Sith Warrior who is nevertheless on the Light Side of the Force.

[Random Gal]

Granted. Nobody trusts you for obvious reasons and they always put you on temple cleaning duty.

I wish people would stop blaming rape victims for what happened to them.