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Let's Play Ultima VII [WARNING: Pic-heavy]

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RavynousHunter:

--- Quote from: Even Then on June 18, 2016, 02:50:34 pm ---Why am I reminded of Something Awful...

--- End quote ---

I'm drawing inspiration from Nakar's LP of U4-7.

Even Then:
It's looking like an enjoyable read so far! However, could you maybe separate between game text and your own additions for comedy's sake somehow (say, by italicizing your stuff)? It's not exactly a dealbreaker, but having everything be the same font bugs me. I understand if you don't wanna go through the trouble, though.

RavynousHunter:
I tend to use italics for emphasis...maybe switching fonts to something similar, but not quite the same?  Though, anything not in pseudo-Shakespearean dialogue is always gonna be mine.  Literally every line of dialogue is like that.

RavynousHunter:
4. Dave finds his Robin



: "Welp, I'm bored.  Let's go meander."



We wander a bit to the northwest and come across a small, two-story house with a blonde kid inside.  Wonder who that is?



: "Looking sharp there, kid.  What's up?"
: "Who art thou and what dost thou want?"  You realize the boy has a sling in hand.
: "Let's just simmer down there, kid.  I'm twice your size.  I'm also Dave."
: "So? What makes thee so special?"
: "Boy, this is the Avatar!  Upon my word he is!  He has come to help thee!"
: "Help who?  I'm still not sure who this kid even is."
: The boy narrows his eyes, studying you.  He slowly lowers his weapon, ready to act in case it's a trap.  You admire the boy's obvious experience in dealing with strangers.  "I have always been called Spark."
: "Now, we're getting somewhere.  So, kid, what do you do?"
: "I have no job.  I am only fourteen, so I am just learning how to best help Father in the smithy," he says, proudly.  But then he suddenly realizes something which terrifies him.  "And now that Father is dead, I am an orphan!"
: "Still kinda confused as to who your father is, other than the blacksmith, apparently."
: "Father was the blacksmith.  I cannot believe that he has been murdered!  He had no enemies that I know of. Unless it was The Fellowship."
: "The Fellowship?  Why does that sound ominous?"
: "Well, at first they harassed Father and me when they came around asking us to join.  I suppose they do good things.  Many people like them.  Father eventually joined the group after he went to Britain and took one of their tests."
: "Thinly-veiled Scientology reference, got it.  So, uh...your dad was a smith, then?"
: "Father was the best blacksmith in Britannia.  People were always coming from everywhere to get him to make this and that."
: "So, you're an orphan?  What about your mom, kid?"
: "My mother died a long time ago.  I can just barely remember her."
: "Your mom died and your dad got murdered.  If this were any other game, you'd probably be our plucky hero.  Or, if this were a comic book, you'd be Batman."
: "I cannot believe Father is dead.  And poor Inamo, too.  It is so strange.  I -dreamed- it was happening.  Well, in a way.  Last night I was having a nightmare about Father.  I dreamed that he screamed, and it woke me up.  I looked around the house, but he was not in his bed.  I was wide awake, so I went out to find him."
: "Did you find him?"
: "No, I did not find him.  At least, not right away.  But I did see something."
: "Well, that's a start.  What was this 'something?'"
: "I was in front of the stables.  I saw a man and a wingless gargoyle running from behind the building.  They ran toward the dock.  Then I went inside and found... Father."  Spark's voice falters, and he begins to sob a little.
: "Waitwaitwait...murder in the stables?  That's what you guys wanted me to check out?"
: "Before you ran screaming from the mayor, yes."
: "Why didn't you say so in the first place?  For all I knew, it could've been Dupre in a drunken stupor doing something unspeakable to a pig."
: "Again, I reiterate, you're an idiot."
: "Whatever.  So, Spark, you said you saw a man fleeing the scene?"
: "All I saw of him was that the man had a hook for a right hand."
: "So, either a pirate or a cosplay enthusiast, got it.  What about the non-murdered gargoyle?"
: "I cannot tell one gargoyle from another. I could not identify him, except that he had no wings."
: "Well, that's vaguely racist.  So, you said dude had a hook?"
: "Wilt thou go find the Man with the Hook?  Let me help thee!" the boy pleads.  His tears cease, and his face takes on a determined, forceful look.  "Take me with thee!  Please!  I must avenge Father's death!  If thou dost not take me with thee, I will follow thee anyway!"  The boy is all excited now.  "I am an expert with a slingshot!  I can strike sewer rats with almost every shot!  And I am small -- I do not eat much!  Please take me!  Please ask me to join thee!"
: Iolo whispers to you. "I do not know about taking a child on the road with us, Avatar."
: Suddenly, Spark lets his sling fly.  His target, a small fly hovering above Iolo's head, is smacked out of the air.  You laugh as Iolo yelps, jumps away, curses and runs his fingers through his hair.  "I told thee I am good!  May I join?"
: "Yes, oh hell yes!"
: "What are you planning, now?"
: "Spark, you are going to be the Robin to my Batman, let's do this!"
: "Hooray!"  the boy leaps with delight.
: "We're gonna get along just fine, you and me.  Say, you mentioned some sorta nightmare?  What's the deal with that?"
: "I know it sounds witless, but... I dreamed that a big red-faced man was watching down on everything and... He looked down... And he noticed Father... That is all I remember."
: "A red-faced dude?  I think I know who you're talking about.  That asshole took over my monitor and crashed my computer.  So, what sorta tests do these Scien-er, Fellowship guys require?"
: "I do not know anything about them.  I never took one.  Maybe thou shouldst ask the man at the Fellowship Branch.  Klog."
: "God, that's an unfortunate name.  Tell me about this Klog."
: "He is the head of the Fellowship Branch here in Trinsic.  He and Father got into an argument a week ago when Klog and two of his friends came over to talk with Father."
: "Gee, that's not suspicious in the slightest.  What would they possibly have to argue about?"
: "I don't know what it was about.  Perhaps thou shouldst ask Klog."
: "Maybe, assuming they don't try to purge my body thetans or whatever.  How does a guy with a name like 'Klog' have friends, anyway?"
: "I do not remember what they look like.  I did not recognize them.  They were most likely some other members of The Fellowship."
: "The Fellowship has a branch here?  Meaning they aren't based here?"
: "The Fellowship has branches all over Britannia."
: "And, knowing my luck, I'll have to visit all of them."
: "Why would you have to do that?"
: "Kid, when you've been in this business as long as I have, you realize the first rule of adventuring in this world is to investigate whatever the new thing is.  Never fails."
: "The sad part is, he isn't wrong."
: "Anywho, who was this Inamo dude?"
: "He was a very nice gargoyle.  He helped Father a lot and did tasks in the stables.  I cannot think why anyone would want to kill him!"
: "Only one way to find out!  Let's keep looking!  Oh, and Spark?"
: "Yes?"
: "Welcome to the crew."



And, just like that, we've got our third man!  Er, teenager.  One of the unfortunate sides of the paperdolls is that there's only two bodies: muscly adult man, and toned adult woman, both of varying skin tones.  The heads are just kinda tacked on to the top, so we get Spark's tiny kid head atop the body of a brick shithouse.  Stat-wise, he's got some problems hitting, and his strength is just a point below average, but otherwise, he's a solid character.  Since he starts at level 1, he gets a lot of training points that you can use to bring his strength and combat ratings to ridiculous levels for a teenager.  Also, notice that, for whatever reason, Spark is not wearing pants.

: "Spark?"
: "Yes?"
: "Why the hell aren't you wearing any pants?"
: "I just woke up from a nap."
: "I think I'll stop right there before Chris Hansen shows up."

Yeah, I don't get it, either.  Unfortunately, he's not the only one.  A lot of the companions we can get start out not wearing any bloody pants.  Don't ask, I don't know, and I'm not sure I wanna know.  Maybe going pantsless is the new trend in Britannia?  I have no idea and, again, I'm not sure I wanna know the answer.  But, that will have to wait for next update...or maybe not.  Either way, next time, we're going to continue avoiding the mayor and most of the investigation.  Why?  Because its crime time!

Rime:
If you do continue, I'd certainly like one of those updates to be about the terrible hunger meter.  It didn't matter whether they were starving to death or just peckish, every ten minutes or less there's floaty text flashing above your party "I'm hungry" "I'm hungry" "When do we eat?"

Not that I'm against a hunger meter, it's just that it was the single biggest annoyance in the entire game because you were getting nagged so often about it.

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