So, it turns out my old, totally-not-gaming laptop can run Dragonball Xenoverse without too much trouble, as long as I lower the fuck out of the screen res and turn off the graphical bells and whistles.
I'm a Saiyan woman. Her name is Daika and she kicks all kinds of ass.
The only problem is that I'm not used to everybody moving so fast. I've gotten the graphics to stop being choppy, but I still miss more hits and ki blasts than actually connect. I just want to steal the Dragonballs from Frieza, guys, quit fucking dying so we can beat the level and I can stop being Ginyu in story mode.