FSTDT Forums
Community => The Lounge => Topic started by: sandman on April 03, 2012, 12:26:32 pm
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OK, here's the story. I had cancer in my prostate years ago and it came back recently. On the last checkup it seems it has spread to my pancreas and possibly other locations as well. I report for chemo and radiation later this week.
I have never done the straight-up chemo/radiation thing before, but I have been present for it. I have serious doubts that I will be feeling up to checking on FSTDT that much.
My prognosis is "cautiously optimistic." Which seems to be doctor talk for "we have no fucking clue if this is going to work, but we've got our fingers crossed."
Wish me luck.
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Aw, Sandman... *hugs* I really hope everything goes well. You'll be in my thoughts.
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Aw, Sandman... *hugs* I really hope everything goes well. You'll be in my thoughts.
^^^^^^^^^This
And for the OP: :'(
Best of luck with everything. Get well soon so you can come back and grace us with your presence.
And if you ever need a place to vent in these tough times, please don't hesitate to let it out here.
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I wish you the best, Sandman. Stay strong, positive, and laugh. Though on the other side of things, don't be afraid to cry either. Good luck with your treatments.
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If the Kaiser couldn't kill you, cancer won't get you either.
Ironbite-good luck.
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Best of luck, Sandman. Kick this thing's ass.
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Shit!!!
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Ohmygosh, Sandman! I really really hope for the best for you and the family. If there's anything we can do, I hope you'll let us know.
But go kick this thing's ass. We're thinking of you.
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Best of luck, dude.
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You're not allowed to get sick. Nope.
(http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lvak6pfhuR1qez1rko3_250.gif)
But seriously... Get better soon, Sandman.
Nuair a thig air duine thig air uile. So keep an umbrella handy and kick that cancer's ass!
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Grab your claymore and cleave that cancer in two, Sandy! We'll be pulling for you!
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Best of luck, Sandman. Hope you get well soon.
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(http://www.wondercliparts.com/get_well/get_well_soon_graphics_09.gif)
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I really hope you're going to be okay, Sandman.
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Sandman, of all of the adults I have met in my time here, there is not one who has left as much of an impression on me as you.
You are one of those people that the world as a whole needs more of, and one of those people that the younger generations should look up to, and at least in my case, do look up to.
I am with the others here in saying that I honestly hope you feel better soon. You're too awesome to let something like this bring you down.
Miles, you took the words right outta my mouth, brother.
Sandman, I'm joining the chorus wishing you good health and a speedy recovery. Kick that cancer to the curb!
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Sandman, of all of the adults I have met in my time here, there is not one who has left as much of an impression on me as you.
You are one of those people that the world as a whole needs more of, and one of those people that the younger generations should look up to, and at least in my case, do look up to.
I am with the others here in saying that I honestly hope you feel better soon. You're too awesome to let something like this bring you down.
Miles, you took the words right outta my mouth, brother.
What he said.
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You are one of those people that the world as a whole needs more of, and one of those people that the younger generations should look up to, and at least in my case, do look up to.
Damn straight.
My thoughts will be with you and yours during this rough time, Sandman. I wish you the best of luck, and hope that the chemo won't be too difficult & we can see you back here ASAP. We're all pulling for you.
Be well. *hugs*
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Best of luck, Sandman. Kick this thing's ass.
Endless hugs for Sandman.
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I want you to kick cancer's ass...*hugs*
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All the best Sandman.
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Best of luck with your treatments.
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You kick that cancer's ass, Sandman.
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Good luck Sandaman, not that you need it, you awesome bastard.
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Sandman, of all of the adults I have met in my time here, there is not one who has left as much of an impression on me as you.
You are one of those people that the world as a whole needs more of, and one of those people that the younger generations should look up to, and at least in my case, do look up to.
I am with the others here in saying that I honestly hope you feel better soon. You're too awesome to let something like this bring you down.
Miles, you took the words right outta my mouth, brother.
What he said.
Thirding this.
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What everyone said. You're an awesome guy and if cancer wants to come for seconds, kick its ass again.
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*hugs*
ETA: Miles said exactly how I feel as well.
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First round of chemo. I didn't expect it to be this bad. I would post more but I frankly dont have the strength
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Ey, that's alright, brother. You just focus on getting yourself better and takin things easy.
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I hope you get better sandman just take it easy for a while.
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First round of chemo. I didn't expect it to be this bad. I would post more but I frankly dont have the strength
Sorry to hear that, Sandman. I hope things get a little less crappy as time goes on.
Thanks for keeping us updated on your condition.
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Hang tough, Sandman! You can do it! We're all pulling for you!
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That we are, man. That we are.
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My grandpa and a friend of mine have gone through chemo. (My grandpa was actually setting off Geiger counters for a few days because he didn't wash the radioactive iodine out of his system enough.) It's very rough and certainly isn't any fun, but the best option is to hang in there. We all believe in you, and are sending our positive thoughts/prayers/laser beams in your general direction.
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I'm back home from the first round. My students brought me a big stack of books and my wife bought me almost every cheesy sci-fi movie Target had in stock, so I should at least not be too bored. I will try to log on and chat when I feel up to it with my laptop, but I'm not sure when that will be or how often. I feel like a soft-boiled egg covered in chili sauce and chutney that's been left in the sun far too long.
(He is insisting that I add that he is not typing this; his wife is.)
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Hi Mrs. Sandman! :-) We're all pullin' for the Sandman clan!
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Aw, shit, I'm sniffling. Shit.
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My thoughts are with you, Sandman. And with your wife.
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*makes a note to have an extra beer in gratitude for Mrs. Sandman*
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Apologies for the necro.
I have discussed this in PMs with several regulars, and I thought I would just let everyone else who cares know as well. I'm trying not to be morbid, but there is a chance of a sudden disappearance.
I am going through repeating rounds of chemo. I will not bore you with the details, but things are not going as well as hoped. I am very weak and pretty much constantly ill now. (Which is not surprising, considering that chemo is essentially pumping yourself full of poison and hoping to God that it kills the cancer before it kills you. I am constantly reminded of the last scene from the film version of "Fight Club" when Ed Norton "kills" Brad Pitt by blowing out half his own face.) While I can still read and type well enough, it exhausts me to do so, and I have to go so slow that I become easily frustrated.
I could go into details, but I just don't have the mental fortitude right now. I will give you the nutshell. It seems I may be pulling a Dr. Wilson. If things go very well with the chemo and radiation, I may see 2015. If they don't? If things go badly? Last Christmas may have actually been the last one for old sandman.
I am putting things in order. My ducks are all in a row. After all, this wasn't exactly a surprise to me. Mrs. Sandman is holding up well. She always was the strong one. I have had many visits from former students and I have no regrets. I tried to live life as best I could, and I think I came as close as could be expected. I'm sure the Almighty will cut me some slack on the details.
I will remain as active as I can on the boards, and I hope I will be around for a few years more. If I'm not, know that it has been interesting.
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Well, in the event that things go the way you seem to be expecting, it has been an honor to know you, even if that only extended to an online forum. Your comments and insights have always been thought provoking and much appreciated, and it will be a sad day when we are no longer able to read them.
This may be a bit premature and awkward, but atheism doesn't exactly lend itself to the traditional beliefs about the afterlife. With any luck, this message will be several years premature, and the world will not soon be lessened by the loss of your wisdom.
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...Well, that's kind of a downer.
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I hope to say more when I'm better able to formulate my thoughts into words, but for the time being, I want you to know that I've always had the utmost respect for you. Your level-headedness, eloquence (I've often found myself envious of your ability to express yourself so clearly), and overall balls-to-the-wall awesome personality come through in each of your posts. We're all blessed to have had the opportunity (and hopefully more than a few more years of opportunities) to know you.
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No... No. You can't! You just can't! You stay here. With us. On this earth.
:( *hugs tightly*
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Well...
Part of me wants to say "Fuck the prognosis, fight it like a Scotsman!" but, you know your own body better than any of us. I never really got to know you well around here, but from what I've read and seen I like you a lot. You are a good representative of Christianity around here, and also a good representative of teaching. If things go for the worse, I can be honored to have at least known you a little online. You also would be with your pop again. That'd be a good thing.
Until then, if and when...
FIGHT IT LIKE A SCOTSMAN!
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:'( Sad news, but we're 100% behind you no matter what and no matter how long.
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No matter what happens, no matter what my last words may end up being, I want everyone to claim that they were: "If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine."
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I really hate for this to sound so final, but I want you to know that it has been a pleasure to know you, as little as I do. You have always been one of my favorite board members. Whether you were giving someone comfort, advice, or spinning a yarn of some alcohol-fueld brawl you got into as a young man, I always enjoyed what you had to say. You are also one hell of a Minecraft builder ;]
I want to see you kick this thing's ass. 2015 and beyond.
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Minecraft is one of the few video games I can still play because it does not require me to have the twitch responses on line at all times. I can go at my own pace.
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No matter what happens, no matter what my last words may end up being, I want everyone to claim that they were: "If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine."
(http://i.imgur.com/Djnih.gif)
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I seem to be in the same boat as Madam Antijesus in that I've no clue how to translate my thoughts to text in a halfway coherent manner. I'm sure I don't need to say that you're the most respected poster on these forums by a wide margin and very rightly so, so I'll just say for now that I wish you all the best, friend. Wahtever happens, don't stop kicking ass as long as a single breath remains in your body.
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I've been trying to find words to express my feelings. Looks like M. Antichrist said it better than me, so I'll just repeat what she said...
I've always had the utmost respect for you. Your level-headedness, eloquence (I've often found myself envious of your ability to express yourself so clearly), and overall balls-to-the-wall awesome personality come through in each of your posts. We're all blessed to have had the opportunity (and hopefully more than a few more years of opportunities) to know you.
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I'm not that good with speeches and others have already praised you with much more poetic and eloguent words than what I could come up with so I'll just say that you really have earned deserve the respect that you have on FSTDT.
No matter what happens, no matter what my last words may end up being, I want everyone to claim that they were: "If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine."
...
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...Deal.
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I dont know what to say at the moment *Hugs*
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Sandman, you are an amazing person and it's been an honor knowing you. I really hope things turn around. 2015 needs a Sandman.
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I've always viewed you as a wonderful person, Sandman, for your personality, your eloquence, your insight, and your overall contributions to FSTDT. It's difficult to adequately express my thoughts on this matter, but just know that I (and many others) have the utmost respect for you, and you deserve every bit of it. You've always been someone whose posts I enjoyed, regardless of the occasion. I'm glad that your wife's a strong lady who's able to help you through this time. I hope you kick this thing's ass.
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No matter what happens, no matter what my last words may end up being, I want everyone to claim that they were: "If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine."
Noted, though hopefully those won't be your final words for a long while. No matter what, best wishes and thoughts, Sandman.
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sandman... ... ... ... ... I... ... ...
/me hugs the everloving shit out of you
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Much like quite a few posters on here, I seem to be stuck on what to say to this.
And nearly everything I could say has been said already, so I'll simply say...good luck. And it's been an honour to meet you.
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I've long considered you the heart of the boards, Sandman. I have a ton of respect for you.
I don't even know what else to say. Good luck, and don't leave us yet, if you can help it.
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/salute, you magnificent bastard, if it does come to that.
That being said? I'm still hoping that you'll beat it. You're stronger than you think, I percieve.
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Wow. It's rough knowing that someone you consider a friend, even an online friend, may be about to die...
If things go well, I hope to see you here again, buddy.
If things don't go well, and there is an afterlife, may yours be AWESOME and full of beer and manly kilts.
If reincarnation is real...well, it ups my chances of hearing your words of wisdom again if you don't make it through the summer.
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The only acceptable purpose for your death is for you to come back and tell us what it's like.
I'm sorry, I'm terrible with feelings and shit. Just... what Mme Antichrist said. I haven't know you for as long as the others have, but I just want you to know that you're the best of us, and I hope there is some kind of afterlife just so that you can go to the best one.
(http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_luyybqfQiK1qcmud9.gif)
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I really don't know what to say and a side of me didn't want to say anything because it may make it seem more permanent or likely, but I don't think I could erase it from my conscience if I didn't say something :'(
I just want to say that like a lot of posters I look up to you and will echo Mlle's statement. We're pulling for you, but should anything happen, we will honor your wishes. Best of luck and please make it to and far past 2015.
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Damn...I hope things work out well for ya, brother. You're definitely in my Top 5 Favoritest Posters, and you are just generally awesome. If things don't go well...well, I want you to know that you're one of the best people I know and that I hope your afterlife is one that you can genuinely enjoy.
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Hang in there Sandman. You're tough and we're all rooting for you.
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To be honest, i am hopiung for the best, preparing for the worst. and I just didnt want a sudden disapearence to happen without some kind of explanatipn.
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Do what I'm going to do. Write your last post in your will.
Ironbite-morbid but at least you'll be able to say goodbye/
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Best of luck, Sandman. As someone whose best friend is currently awaiting biopsy results, I can kind of understand what you are dealing with (though not first-hand).
If it makes you feel any better, my doctor told me that if I don't stop smoking and drinking, I may join you in the cancer ward.
Based on what I've read, prostate cancer isn't the death sentence it once was, so you probably have better odds than the previous generation of patients.
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Well, it started as prostate cancer, but biopsies last year found it in my lymphatic system.
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I'm quite sorry to hear that, sandman. You're an excellent person (and poster as well!). I wish you the best.
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:(
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To be honest, i am hopiung for the best, preparing for the worst. and I just didnt want a sudden disapearence to happen without some kind of explanatipn.
You're tough, so I think we all have good reason to retain hope. Kick this thing's ass. :)
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Well, I’m gonna be optimistic about this in any case. But I don’t have to be pessimistic to say that I’ve always found you to be a cool guy anyway. Anyway, how well you have been handling this only reinforces that impression. Looking forward to many more great discussions with the sandman.
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Sandman,
No matter how this turns out, I just want you to know that you are a loved and cherished member of the community. You've done a lot to help this forum and your reputation as a balanced, funny, and intelligent person is more than well-warranted. I would rather remain optimistic, of course, but no matter what happens to you, you are still strong. You have always seemed to handle things with a lot of grace and dignity and you continue to do that even now. Really, I have nothing but respect for you and sympathy for you and what you are going through, as well as your family and friends.
To be honest, i am hopiung for the best, preparing for the worst. and I just didnt want a sudden disapearence to happen without some kind of explanatipn.
You're tough, so I think we all have good reason to retain hope. Kick this thing's ass. :)
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Sandman,
No matter how this turns out, I just want you to know that you are a loved and cherished member of the community. You've done a lot to help this forum and your reputation as a balanced, funny, and intelligent person is more than well-warranted. I would rather remain optimistic, of course, but no matter what happens to you, you are still strong. You have always seemed to handle things with a lot of grace and dignity and you continue to do that even now. Really, I have nothing but respect for you and sympathy for you and what you are going through, as well as your family and friends.
To be honest, i am hopiung for the best, preparing for the worst. and I just didnt want a sudden disapearence to happen without some kind of explanatipn.
You're tough, so I think we all have good reason to retain hope. Kick this thing's ass. :)
Whatever I could say couldn't match this. Get better, Sandman.
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This is Agie's wife. He asked me to post a note on the boards he is active on. He had a very bad reaction to his chemo today and they admitted him to hospital this afternoon. He is heavily sedated because for some reason he could not stop coughing and it was beginning to tear his esophagus. We hope he will be back home soon.
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Thank you for the update. I think I speak for all of us when I say we hope he recovers quickly as well as fast.
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Oh... oh gods...
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Dang. Hope he makes a speedy recovery.
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Give him my best wishes, and I hope he gets well soon.
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Holy shit. Tell him I'm sending my best wishes for his speedy recovery.
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Send him our love. I hope he has a speedy recovery.
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Sorry to hear that. Hopefully he'll get past this quickly and be home soon.
Please let him know that all of our thoughts are with him.
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Oh god
hope he gets beter
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(http://i.imgur.com/Djnih.gif)
I... don't even know what to say that he'd be more worried about us than we are of him. :( I just... hope he pulls through. He just has to.
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I...just...what do you even fucking say to that, really. :'(
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:c. Tell him we're rooting for him. If anyone can pull through this it's him.
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Thanks for letting us know. I hope he gets well.
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D: I hope he heals soon.
Sandman, you're in our thoughts and prayers.
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I...just...what do you even fucking say to that, really. :'(
This. :'(
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Sandman, I hope for your speedy recovery, brother. As for Mrs. Sandman...thank you for telling us. Might seem a bit crazy, but us here...we're like a big family, and we always pull for our own.
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I'm home. Not doing well, but Im home now. Im having something called peripheral neuropathy, and Im getting those puppy-dog eyed looks of pity from the nurses that makes me want to punch someone in the taint. Im old and sick but I'm not stupid.
Might try to play some Minecraft or something later. Just an FYI, I have given my Steam account to my nephew, David, and I will probably give him access to my other accounts as well. The wife has other things to worry about. Treat him nice, he's a good kid. (if you consider 43 to be a kid that is.)
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Well, it's great to see you back again, regardless. Our thoughts and prayers are still very much with you.
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"Im getting those puppy-dog eyed looks of pity from the nurses that makes me want to punch someone in the taint. Im old and sick but I'm not stupid. "
yep, you're fine :3
Seriously though, we're glad you're okay, Sandy. You've been missed. Give your wife a hug of gratitude from us for telling us what was happening.
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No words here either, just infinite respect.
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I'm glad you're home.
Im getting those puppy-dog eyed looks of pity from the nurses that makes me want to punch someone in the taint.
That's why I love you.
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So, looking it up (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peripheral_neuropathy), it looks like “peripheral neuropathy” is mostly a fancy way of saying, “your chemo is making you feel pain.” (Yeah, a bit of an oversimplification.) Sounds like a real bitch, but not much to worry over compared to your primary health issues, since it sounds like it will probably dissipate when you recover from the chemo (http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/peripheral-neuropathy/DS00131). Am I right? (I want to stress when I say “not much to worry about” I am talking on an extremely relative scale. That tearing of the esophagus thing is certainly no joke. Kinda like the difference between being crucified and being stabbed. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=ZXVN7QJ8m88#t=68s))
Anyway, it is good to know that that particular complication seems under control. Like many of the other folks here, I appreciate the updates.
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No words here either, just infinite respect.
^-- This, x1,000. Also, seconding the hugs for your missus, brother. She's a fine lady, and you're one hell of a good guy.
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Glad to hear your back home man.
Im getting those puppy-dog eyed looks of pity from the nurses that makes me want to punch someone in the taint. Im old and sick but I'm not stupid.
LOL, you've still got that fire. :)
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There are very few problems that can no be solved with a good taint punching.
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There are very few problems that can no be solved with a good taint punching.
I might just sig this. :D
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You beat me to it :<
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Im feeling a bit maudlin tonight. Can't sleep. Sitting here in bed with my laptop on the tray/cart/table my nephew set up for me so I can still work. Im writing a play for his wife's summer drama camp.
Today I felt very sad, but for the first time I think Im OK with being sad. Its not a tragic sad, but a quiet sad. Watching my wife sleep, watching her chest rise and fall softly, listening to her occasional soft snore, I can see her as I always do in my mind and memory, without the little creases of worry that seem to have set up residence in her eyes when she is awake. She pretends I can't see them, and I pretend that she isnt pretending I cant see them, but I do. I will miss her more than she can ever imagine. I will wait for her wherever I wind up. Valhalla, Heaven, Nirvana, Elysium, I don't care. If will one day look up and see her coming towards me like she did when I first saw her so many years ago then it wont matter what the place is called. It will be Heaven.
There's an awful movie starring Robin Williams based on a pretty good story by Matheson called "What Dreams May Come." In it, the main characters decide to be reborn and "find each other all over again" in the world of the living. I've been thinking about that a lot lately. I wouldnt do that. I would never let her go. It took me three decades to find her this time. Not risking it taking that long again. I am not me without her. Why would I deliberately cut myself in half?
Oh, Lord, I am maudlin tonight. My apologies, and I thank those who take the time to read the ramblings of an old man who is really just writing to himself, I think. To be honest I am having some trouble with my thoughts. I was going to mention specific people I have come to know here at FSTDT, but I just cant seem to be able to put my impressions to names. I guess theres nothing I can say people dont already know anyway.
I am tired. Very tired. In a few minutes I will take one of the ambien they gave me. Wondeful stuff, really, but a little alarming at how effective it is. I will be quite put out if I find out they are just sugar pills and Im putting myself to sleep. One last thing before I go tonight, though. I have been listening to a lot of music lately. Its easier than reading.
Someday, maybe someday soon I will suddenly stop posting. When that happens, listen to this song and spare a thought for me. Luckily I found a copy on Youtube. Isnt the web wonderful?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_dH7ZrHWaUE
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*Hugs tightly* You're one of the strongest, bravest men I've had the pleasure to come across. Say whatever you want here. You'll never really be alone.
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We're here for you, Sandman. In this life, the next, or whatever happens to come after the end. We love you.
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Oh, Lord, I am maudlin tonight. My apologies, and I thank those who take the time to read the ramblings of an old man who is really just writing to himself, I think.
Say whatever you need to say. There's no need to apologize for wanting to express how you're feeling.
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hugs sandy :(
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Not much to say that SpaceProg hasn't already said for me... You're a good man, Sandman, don't ever lose hold of that...there's tragically few of em as it is.
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You're not just writing to yourself. Not by a long shot. You and your wife are amazing people and you are not alone.
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We're all here for you, friend. Don't ever forget that. For all the time and energy you've put into this forum over the years, it's the very least we can do.
You just do whatever you need to do to get better.
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Oh, Sandman. You are one of the most amazing people I've ever known.
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*hugs Sandman and doesn't let go*
You're stayin' here, old man. Yes you are.
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*hugs*
Focus on getting better. You and your wife are amazing and strong people.
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I can't put into better words what others have already said about you Sandman.
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You're an awesome guy, Sandman. Enjoy the time you have left, and when you're gone, know we will all miss you and think of you. *big hugs*
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I hope you'll be okay, Sandman. We'd miss you if you left. :'(
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Sandman,
I'd known you were having issues for a while, ever since you posted this. But it took me this long to find a way to say something that meant a lot... and to be honest, I have to admit, I am surprised that to know that you may soon pass into Summerland, brings me to tears.
This... is something I'm not really used to. So, with that said, I want to say that you're one of the very few individuals that I can personally say has affected me, with your eloquent thoughts and feelings on various matters. And to me, that means a lot, despite having not really spoken to you one-on-one.
"Today I felt very sad, but for the first time I think Im OK with being sad. Its not a tragic sad, but a quiet sad. Watching my wife sleep, watching her chest rise and fall softly, listening to her occasional soft snore, I can see her as I always do in my mind and memory, without the little creases of worry that seem to have set up residence in her eyes when she is awake. She pretends I can't see them, and I pretend that she isnt pretending I cant see them, but I do. I will miss her more than she can ever imagine. I will wait for her wherever I wind up. Valhalla, Heaven, Nirvana, Elysium, I don't care. If will one day look up and see her coming towards me like she did when I first saw her so many years ago then it wont matter what the place is called. It will be Heaven."
This makes me smile. I daresay that what you have with her will last for many lifetimes. I hope, as I write this, that this will be so for you, and as I write, Maximus from Gladiator's line comes to me, If you find yourself alone, riding in the green fields with the sun on your face, do not be troubled. For you are in Elysium, and you're already dead!
... Also, if it's any comfort, and for what it's worth... I can assure you that you will be with her, from this life to the next, each time as the Wheel turns, for as long as you two live. That much, I can see...
And another line, this time from my poetry that you'll see in a moment, Remember me and smile, for it’s better to forget than to remember me and cry…
If you want to check out the poetry, image and song I associated, it's here (http://shatteredtears.com/hello-and-goodbye/).
May the Gods and Goddesses help you and keep you safe on your journey, good sir, for I see in you a marked life, a life full of memories much like this one. You live a life marked with greatness.
I would like to hope this goodbye will not be needed now... but if you do leave, I'd like to say simply this, Remember me and smile, for it’s better to forget than to remember me and cry… For every goodbye makes the next hello closer…
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I'm hoping for the best for you Sandman. Get better man.