What are some religious phrases you hate?

[Caitshidhe]

This is a loved car decal:

Real men love Jesus

* gyeonghwa smash

Every time I see that sticker, I have to fight an extremely childish impulse to add 'IN THE BUTT!!' to it with a sharpie.

Maturity can wait, I haven't finished being a brat yet!

[Cataclysm]

Do it in washable so you'll feel less bad.

[Joey]

"Jesus didn't really mean X"

Usually used by conservative fundies to refer verses like "Blessed are the peacemakers", "Beat your swords into plowshares", "Do not judge others", the entire sermon on the mount, the entire beatitudes, all of his statements concerning the rich and poor, etc.  Come to think of it, just about everything he said.

Funny how they bible is supposedly completely literal, except those parts they disagree with, then all the sudden it's figurative or means something else.

[rosenewock21]

This is a loved car decal:

Real men love Jesus

* gyeonghwa smash

Every time I see that sticker, I have to fight an extremely childish impulse to add 'IN THE BUTT!!' to it with a sharpie.

Maturity can wait, I haven't finished being a brat yet!

Oooh, you should add the Darwin fish legs to their little Jesus fish. You used to be able to buy sticker ones from the Darwin Awards website.

Edit; Unless that's considered defacing private property where you live. In which case I rescind that and instead shall advise you to not write and/or stick things on other people's cars.

[N. De Plume]

Funny how they bible is supposedly completely literal, except those parts they disagree with, then all the sudden it's figurative or means something else.

Funny? It is hilarious!

[rookie]

Funny how they bible is supposedly completely literal, except those parts they disagree with, then all the sudden it's figurative or means something else.

I've even heard justifications for that. Some of my favorites include "Every word in the original language is from the mouth of god. It was the translators who screwed up." So some blame shifting. "You have to let the holy spirit be your guide when studying scriptures." Massage the message till it says what you want it to say, then call it divinely inspired. My favorite is one commonly used when dealing with drinking and the turning water into wine. "It wasn't wine, it was grape juice. But there was no word for grape juice. Anything you drank made from grapes was called wine back then." In other words, duck before that fact hits you in the head!

[rageaholic]

"You have to have faith"

A totally bullshit cop out when confronted with obvious contradictions.  These are usually the same people spouting their beliefs as truth, yet we're supposed to have faith that they are the right ones?  No.  It does not work that way.  The burdon of proof is on you to prove your beliefs, and claiming I need to have faith does nothing to prove it. 

[Eniliad]

Let me see...

"TRUTH" - the moment I read this word, I know further discussion is pointless. (Not that I often go off debating fundies.) The word harbors no argument; you cannot argue with facts, truths, etc. The problem is when you assign that word to subjective things like religious faith, which by definition cannot be facts or truth, because the word faith implies that you are accepting something as true without requiring evidence. Believe it or not, I don't have a problem with that - I'm perfectly willing to respect others' beliefs, but when you tell me that what I believe, based on evidence and the scientific method, are automatically invalidated by your "TRUTH", my opinion of you drops considerably.

"CAPS" - Hell, while I'm at it, any time anybody feels the needs to do the internet equivalent of yelling in my face by abusing the crap out of the Caps Lock button.

"Born Sinner" - Fundies love that phrase because it means the default behavior is immorality, and only through indoctrination can the newborn be "saved". I prefer to think of it as "children will test the boundaries of the world around them, and it's up to you to make sure they have the right outlook on life". If that sounds awful damn close to fundie indoctrination, that's because it is in its concept - I just think fundies screw it up by teaching their children intolerance, hate, etc.

"Christ" - If used in place of "Jesus" talking about Christian doctrine. Look, if you talk about the "teachings of Jesus", we know damn well what you're talking about. Labeling it the "teachings of Christ", while technically the same thing, have a much more confrontational vibe to me.

While I'm on the subject...

"Keep Christ in Christmas" - Nobody wants to take away your Jesus Worship, fucknut. Saying "Happy Holidays" because - *choke, gasp* - there are other holidays than Christmas around the same time and nobody has time to say "Happy Chanukah, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year" is not an attack on your religion. Nor is the abbreviation "Xmas". Nor is calling the time American students get off school around the same time "Winter Break". If you really want to talk about cheapening the message of your pagan-turned-Christian holiday, look at every goddamned department store in the country. Of course, complaining about that would reduce your odds of getting a new console, and so nobody says anything.

"The X agenda" - I'm putting this here because, fuck it, nobody has any legitimate non-religious reason to ban gay marriage/sex changes/etc. You could argue I have a chip on my shoulder for this one, being gay myself... but that doesn't make it any less justified. It's not enough that a bunch of people want to be treated better legally, and by society; no, there has to be some sinister fucking plot behind it. Not just any run-of-the-mill conspiracy either; everything and everyone that does not conform to the heteronormative standard imposed by society today must seek to tear down the entire country, the concept of morality, and the human race.

I think I've covered most of the phrases that piss me off, though that's not even half of fundie behavior that gets under my skin.

[rageaholic]

"CAPS" - Hell, while I'm at it, any time anybody feels the needs to do the internet equivalent of yelling in my face by abusing the crap out of the Caps Lock button.

One of the many things I learned on the internet is that if you want to sound judgmental and confrontational, just capitalize YOU.

"Jesus died for YOUR sins, he died for YOU and YOU spit in his face?"

It's the best way to illustrate righteous scorn.  You can almost feel them pointing down at you. 
 

[Auri-El]

I hate when people a) act like Christianity is not a religion, and b) act like Christianity is fact, not faith. It is faith, and yes, you do have to have faith. Not that my beliefs are better than someone else's, but they are beliefs. They are not facts. I accept them because I want to, but it is only faith, not fact. Christianity is not any more or less valid than any other religion. And it's certainly a religion. Not a "personal relationship with God." Fuck no, I don't want a personal relationship with the most powerful entity in the universe or out of it. I don't know what sort of God I believe in, but whatever it is, it's not something you have a personal relationship with.

[rosenewock21]

Fuck no, I don't want a personal relationship with the most powerful entity in the universe or out of it. I don't know what sort of God I believe in, but whatever it is, it's not something you have a personal relationship with.

I love you for this.

Don't they realize that in any myth/religion across time the ones the gods favor die young?

Or wind up pregnant with demi-gods who live horrible, trying lives.

[The Right Honourable Mlle Antéchrist]

"The X agenda"

This one becomes amusing when you imagine a day planner themed after stereotypes of whichever socioeconomic group they're referring to -- e.g. fabulous rainbows and Priuses on the "gay agenda".

[N. De Plume]

"The X agenda"

This one becomes amusing when you imagine a day planner themed after stereotypes of whichever socioeconomic group they're referring to -- e.g. fabulous rainbows and Priuses on the "gay agenda".

You know, I’ve seen plenty of people make the joke and write out the contents of a gay agenda. But this is the first time I ever though of an actual physical planner. I love it!

Smite!

[rtvc2012]

"I'm pro-life"

Yes abortion is not a pleasant thing, but generally when someone claims to be pro-life, it really means, "I'm pro-war, anti-gun control, pro-death penalty, anti-healthcare, pro-genocide (okay, exaggerating a bit here), etc...but GOD FORBID you kill a fetus (at least before it's born).

"It's not a religion, it's a relationship"

Code for "My religion is better than yours"

[Mechtaur]

"It's not a religion, it's a relationship"

Code for "My religion is better than yours"

My milkshake is better than theirs though.