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There are very few problems that cannot be solved with a good taint punching.
Guys, this is getting creepy. Can we talk about cannibalism instead?
Wide hips.
Sexy.High heels.
Ok seriously, is nobody even going to try and avenge my man-burrito?
Her3tik, you have groupies.
There are a number of ways, though my favourite is simply to take them by surprise. They're just walking down the street, minding their own business when suddenly, WHACK! Penis to the face.