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Rubbish => Preaching and Worship => Topic started by: Eniliad on March 12, 2012, 03:00:53 pm

Title: Definitive Proof of GOD
Post by: Eniliad on March 12, 2012, 03:00:53 pm
Ladies and Gentlemen of FSTDT,

Greetings.

I am here today to try to prove to you that there is, in fact, definitive proof of GOD. For as it is written in the Holy Scripture, "a sign will be revealed to you". Now, the passage was talking about the Wise Men visiting Christ's birth, but I do believe that this passage applies to our everyday lives as well. After all, GOD works in mysterious ways, ways in which we cannot fathom or comprehend, nor can we answer the questions He sets forth, for he is GOD. I can only pray and hope that you too will see the light and convert to the One True Faith in light of the overwhelming evidence I have set forth. It is said that GOD will protect His chosen people, those he has chosen to bless. Clearly, GOD smiles down upon me and has sheltered me and my family from devastation and tragedy.

I want you all to take a look at this actual photo taken from my backyard this morning.


(http://i.imgur.com/hv6Vg.jpg)

As you can see, a terrible storm has blighted our neighborhood, taking down some forestation as it rages even now about our houses. However, in His infinite wisdom, He has chosen to make the tree fall in such a precise way, it didn't damage anything. If it had fallen north, it would have landed in our house. If it landed south, it would have hit the fence. It would have hit the other fence or our garden. If it fell southeast, it would have damaged our shed. This tree fell in the only way possible for it to not damage anything. You might chalk this up to a coincidence - a miraculous coincidence. I do not. It is clear to me that the Truth is that GOD is looking out for me, just as He is looking out for you as well! Embrace the faith, for GOD is willing to protect you too!

Brother in Christ,
Eniliad


(Disclaimer: I don't mean to offend actual Christians with this post; I'm making fun of fundies, not you.)

But seriously, look at that! That thing fell the only way as to not damage anything! That's awesome! The landlord will be over in a bit to inspect the damage, contract for removal, etc. Good times all around. :D

Title: Re: Definitive Proof of GOD
Post by: Old Viking on March 12, 2012, 05:23:13 pm
All praise!  Or whatever.
Title: Re: Definitive Proof of GOD
Post by: ironbite on March 12, 2012, 07:08:30 pm
When the hell did that happen anyways?

Ironbite-cause I know there was a big storm that whipped through here and we're under a high winds advisory right now so...
Title: Re: Definitive Proof of GOD
Post by: Art Vandelay on March 12, 2012, 07:32:59 pm
Dude, that's bullshit.

It's never ever EVER okay to write in comic sans.
Title: Re: Definitive Proof of GOD
Post by: Eniliad on March 12, 2012, 07:40:25 pm
When the hell did that happen anyways?

Ironbite-cause I know there was a big storm that whipped through here and we're under a high winds advisory right now so...

I have no idea exactly when this happened. I was up till 4 AM and I didn't hear it. My mother says as soon as she looked out back in the morning, she saw it down... and I heard her get up before I fell asleep... so at some point, it fell in the backyard and nobody heard it. Did it even make a sound? I dunno!

Dude, that's bullshit.

It's never ever EVER okay to write in comic sans.

Can you think of a better font to mimic people who are annoying, abrasive and generally un-fun to be around? :P
Title: Re: Definitive Proof of GOD
Post by: N. De Plume on March 12, 2012, 08:53:45 pm
Family lost a 30 year old ash tree in a storm last summer. It fell away from our property and landed on the neighbors’ house. Scraped some siding off. What do you suppose I should make of that?
Title: Re: Definitive Proof of GOD
Post by: Osama bin Bambi on March 12, 2012, 09:34:07 pm
Down the street there was once this giant-ass tree that fell and barely missed three houses. It blocked the road, though.
Title: Re: Definitive Proof of GOD
Post by: The Right Honourable Mlle Antéchrist on March 12, 2012, 10:22:52 pm
Hah. You people and your "wind". We get regular, tree-knocking-down windstorms up here. I watched a tree nearly topple over at work just the other week, and was all, "This is par for the course."

Then I morphed into a T. Rex and had sex with all the lady T. Rexes, while bench-pressing a Stegosaurus and shooting fire from my penis. Which was enormous.
Title: Re: Definitive Proof of GOD
Post by: davedan on March 12, 2012, 10:30:50 pm
Stegosaurus! Wow, Gay!
Title: Re: Definitive Proof of GOD
Post by: The Right Honourable Mlle Antéchrist on March 13, 2012, 01:29:47 am
Bitch, you couldn't bench press a compsognathus.
Title: Re: Definitive Proof of GOD
Post by: Art Vandelay on March 13, 2012, 01:56:27 am
Can you think of a better font to mimic people who are annoying, abrasive and generally un-fun to be around? :P
Wingdings?
Title: Re: Definitive Proof of GOD
Post by: The Right Honourable Mlle Antéchrist on March 13, 2012, 01:59:33 am
Honestly, I don't get why Times New Roman doesn't get as much hate as Comic Sans. They're both hideous.
Title: Re: Definitive Proof of GOD
Post by: Art Vandelay on March 13, 2012, 02:10:30 am
What's so bad about Times New Roman?
Title: Re: Definitive Proof of GOD
Post by: The Right Honourable Mlle Antéchrist on March 13, 2012, 02:20:15 am
It looks awful.
Title: Re: Definitive Proof of GOD
Post by: Art Vandelay on March 13, 2012, 02:22:51 am
It's just a slightly smaller version of the default font (Arial, I think).
Title: Re: Definitive Proof of GOD
Post by: davedan on March 13, 2012, 02:37:12 am
Bitch, you couldn't bench press a compsognathus.

ankylosaurus baby  one handed

Times New Roman is the shit. Whereas Sans Serrif sucks hairy balls
Title: Re: Definitive Proof of GOD
Post by: ironbite on March 13, 2012, 03:39:47 am
Ok can someone tell me where the hell people come up with names for fonts?

Ironbite-makes no sense to me.
Title: Re: Definitive Proof of GOD
Post by: The Right Honourable Mlle Antéchrist on March 13, 2012, 04:29:37 am
The person who designs the specific font, I would imagine.
Title: Re: Definitive Proof of GOD
Post by: Yla on March 13, 2012, 05:00:41 am
Family lost a 30 year old ash tree in a storm last summer. It fell away from our property and landed on the neighbors’ house. Scraped some siding off. What do you suppose I should make of that?
They were wearing clothes mad of mixed fibers?
Title: Re: Definitive Proof of GOD
Post by: Auri-El on March 13, 2012, 09:01:09 am
(http://media-cdn.pinterest.com/upload/181410691209588473_3VQzKmas_c.jpg)

Anyway, that obviously wasn't God. It was an elaborate prank set up by Satan. See, you were obviously grateful that the tree didn't cause any real damage, so that means you were turning away from God by being grateful to Satan. It was a test by God, like Job, to see if you would be grateful to the right person. Or something. /fundie
Title: Re: Definitive Proof of GOD
Post by: Vypernight on March 14, 2012, 05:32:00 am
Bummer my cell back then didn't have a camera, but years ago a storm blew through here.  The next day, on the way to work, I passed 2 or 3 churches that were damaged by the storm, and a porn store (on the same street) that wasn't even nicked.  I'd love to pots that pic every time someone tried one of their so-called proofs.

I do remember pointing this out when our dear friend Carico brought up the, "Wrath of God."  Come to think of it, she didn't have an answer for the church nearly losing its roof and walls but Inserrection not suffering a scratch.
Title: Re: Definitive Proof of GOD
Post by: Saturn500 on April 06, 2012, 10:48:45 pm
There's a certain branch on a certain tree in my backyard. It snapped off and has been hanging on another branch since last year.
Title: Re: Definitive Proof of GOD
Post by: N. De Plume on April 07, 2012, 02:40:41 pm
Family lost a 30 year old ash tree in a storm last summer. It fell away from our property and landed on the neighbors’ house. Scraped some siding off. What do you suppose I should make of that?
They were wearing clothes mad of mixed fibers?

I bet they were. The heathens.
Title: Re: Definitive Proof of GOD
Post by: Vormir on June 22, 2012, 07:52:28 am
About 2 years ago the massive tree in our backyard had a large branch that looked like it was going to fall and damage our neighbors shed, so my dad cut the tree down. Where is your god now?
Title: Re: Definitive Proof of GOD
Post by: Saturn500 on June 22, 2012, 09:18:12 am
NECRO
Title: Re: Definitive Proof of GOD
Post by: The Right Honourable Mlle Antéchrist on June 23, 2012, 02:11:56 am
Welcome back, thread.